Simple Things I Can’t Comprehend


Damn, my English teacher would be proud of me for that title. That is definitely the biggest word I know. Anyways, as a teen, I always here my parents talking about stuff and I am like ‘is that a lot or is that small’ and I just have to go off the tone of their voice. I don’t know if others feel this way as well or if I’m just dumb. Lets find out.


When I was in primary school, one of the tasks we always did was to plan a holiday with a given amount of money to spend. Obviously fake money, I mean I didn’t go to private school. But one time I was like ‘mum I booked a plane ticket and it was only £99’ and I thought that was great but then my mum was like ‘that is awful, I would never pay that much’. Let me just say I was crushed. I thought I got a proper bargain. And when my mum comes home from Tescos or something, she could say something like ‘the bananas cost £1 all together today’ and to me £1 sounds so cheap but my mum would be raging and then my parents would go into a talk about the economy or something while I am here buzzing because I could buy 6 bananas for only £1. I mean I know a bargain when I see one but then again that is when I see the difference between poundland or home bargains. You gotta love a bargain but like I couldn’t really say what is a good price for food. And then with people’s salary. I mean when I am looking up jobs they always come up with the salary, obviously, and to me any money is a lot but I don’t know. And this is gonna make me sound posh, which I am not, but I thought that £1000 wasn’t that much for adults but then on game shows they are like ‘well done you got a grand’ and they think they’re the bees knees. Don’t get me wrong I’d be happy to win the money but like I don’t know, I just get mixed up. The worst thing is when people are like ‘guess how much this was’ and I have no bloody clue, I’m just like ‘I am gonna guess somewhere between £1 and £300’. I have to say I am always right.


Why is it that when someone asks my mum or dad ‘How far away is this?’, they just be like ‘to 2 or 3 decimal places?’ and I’m like, I barely know where that is. But seriously I just can’t comprehend because one metre is 100 centimetres, right? And that seems like a lot but then a metre doesn’t actually look that big when you see it. And a centimetre is actually really small. Then when people say what height they are I just get messed up because I always thought that 6 feet was a normal height for people because my dad is like 6.2 feet or something. But then later on in life when people were like oh my he is 6 foot, I would be like ‘OOOooKKKkkkk?’ What about it? I also don’t understand when someone is small. Obviously when I see them I can tell but like I either dramatize their smallness, making them too tall, or just not know at all. I don’t understand how people can just understand lengths and distances.


Look, I can read the time, I can read a clock, I know that an hour long drive is long. But what I mean is, well, I’ll just give you an example. Yesterday my mum was like ‘so I heard that *person’s name* works 30 hours now’ and I just looked at her blankly like ;1 what do you expect me to do with that. I didn’t know if that was long or short. And also when people are like, he ran a half-marathon in 4 hours and I would be like, I know a professional has run it in 2 hours, but like, is that good for someone else. Like I don’t really understand. And sometimes when I am watching something or doing something else, even when it isn’t boring, I feel like 15 minutes has gone by but then only 5 mins have gone buy and I’m like, excuse me? Time isn’t the worst thing for me I suppose although it is just confusing and I feel like I am always wrong at guessing an estimate of time. I guess it probably just has to do with boredom. I feel as though adults have a built in clock as well because if I was to ask how long it would take to get somewhere they would be like ‘well, approximately 2 hours 37 minutes and 24 seconds, depending on traffic’ and I am here like, do you just learn this from experience or is this some sort of rain man crap?

Road Names

This one is kind of different to the others but like this is just something I can’t get into my head. As someone who can’t drive yet, I could only tell you what street I live on which, for the purpose of my safety, I will not tell you. But I know it, I swear. I always hear my sister and my mum talking about what route they take as if they are a bloody atlas. One time this woman was like ‘does this lane take you down to *blahbalh* road?’. I looked behind me and was like ‘where the fuck is *blahblah* road?’, turned back around and was like ‘I don’t know’. She looked at me as though I was dumb, well, I don’t blame her. In my defense though, we called the road she was talking about something is, we called it *hhkjki* road, you know. I swear that when I learn how to drive, I will be relying on google maps, I mean if I were to ever ask directs, for one, I wouldn’t know what the hell they are talking about, and two, I would forget every word they just said. The thing is though, when people go the wrong way or the road is blocked, they always happen to know which way to go. Like it is crazy. It could be somewhere I have never been before yet my dad would find a way. And it is always the weirdest way too. At one point I swear I saw my will to live, but I never saw it again.

Thank you so much for reading. If you liked this, make sure to like, follow and maybe donate a bit of cash, whatever is a reasonable amount in your eyes I suppose. Oh and also I have awesome codes so you can get more money of things, because sometimes prices are just too high, but really too high. Go check them out. See ya later, and remember, just because you don’t know some things, it doesn’t mean you are dumb. It just means you make space for the important things in life PERIODT.


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