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My life

Jokes, jokes, life is great but lets actually start these stories off.

Left

Let me set the scene for you. You are in California for your holidays. You are around 10 years old when you and your family go into your family go into a shop. It isn’t crowded, just a few people here and there. You are just so happy to be on holiday and there are so many fun things in the shops so you look around for a while, but keep an eye on the multiple exits just to make sure that your family don’t leave. The next minute I look up, standing on my tippy toes to see over the shelves. Where the fuck is my family. Let me say, I am the worrier of the family (yes, yes, you can get autographs later) and so when I tell you my heart dropped, I mean it slam dunked itself into the concrete floor. I was like hmm maybe they just went outside right now so I check all the exits and looked around. Damn why is my heart beating fast just by typing this. The thing is, I could not see them. My mum always told me that if I get lost I should stay where I am, so I did, but then I was like I must look so weird. A smallest tourist just standing in the middle of an isle with no family, a bright red face, hyperventilating, with a souvenir in my hand. They still didn’t come to find me. I checked out the doors again just to see if they realised they had lost one of their children and when I couldn’t see them I finally went up to the counter in tears and was like ‘I can’t find my mum’. My legs where QUAKING. I was near to throwing up and then this security guard came over and was like ‘what’s the problem’ and I was like ‘MY PARENTS LEFT ME’. There were a few other shops in this wee section so we walked around those. This man probably thought I was high on drugs or caffeine because I was shaking all over the place with probably a badly matched hello kitty vest and bright yellow shorts. And finally I found them. They weren’t too far from the other shop but I hadn’t seen them as I was inside. But that isn’t even the worst part. I came running over to them with a security guard behind me and they were like ‘what happened’. THEM BITCHES DIDN’T KNOW I WAS LOST. I was in near tears. I was convinced I was an orphan. And after all that stress they didn’t even realise I was gone. Damn, thanks Mum and Dad.

Moana

OK so the only link with this story and the tile is water, but bare with me. Right, so this was only last year. Corona was in town so we couldn’t go out anywhere so we just went on a cheeky road trip to Dunegal. To be honest I could leave it there, I mean that is just traumatizing in itself. But anyways, we had got new wet suits because we were going to go in the sea. I know that sounds crazy but we just wanted a bit of a holiday experience. Anyways, I think it was the one of the last days and we went to this pretty nice beach. The waves were great and we were boogy boarding on the waves, good times all around, well, as good as Dunegal could be. First of all, my twin was literally drowning in the water and was like traumatised from that and then I was trying to catch a narly wave bro and I went quite far out. Mind you, I am terrified of the sea. I mean sea weed will give me a panic attack, no joke. And I was like, hmm, I seem to be floating out. It was kind of funny though because my sister and dad were like ‘umm are you OK?’ and here I was, in the middle of the ocean like ‘yeah it is completely cool, this is what I meant to do’ because I didn’t want to be panicking my sister. I don’t know if I am a great actor or what but I was out here literally nearly in tears paddling away on the water just like ‘hahah I am totally fine’. I was not. So every time I tried to catch a wave to go back to shore, I was just sucked back in. Like, I had never had somebody want me that much LOL. But anyways, the reason I didn’t want to panic was because my sister already nearly died and I was like ‘I gots to be strong’. Spoiler, I eventually got back by myself and my legs were shaking like jelly and then they were like ‘what the fuck just happened’ and I was like ‘nah, it’s cool man, just wanted a wee trip to the sea ya know’. Bitch I ain’t never going in the sea again. PERIODT.

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