Guilt is a complicated thing. It can show itself in my different ways, at many different times and many different places. However, what always stays the same is that sinking feeling in your stomache.
There are things you feel guilty about just because you are a normal human being and make mistakes. For example, if accidentally hurt someones feelings, or if you accidentally hurt someone by, for example, tripping them up. These things are so simple and usually insignificant, yet for some people it can largely affect your day. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that, for me, I wouldn’t forgive myself for ages if I did something on accident. I always felt as though they secretly despised me for it, even if it was a small thing like I lost their pencil or spoke over them for a split second. And I feel this can be a positive thing in some ways until it occurs to much. I would make sure that I would never do that again and would make sure I was very careful, or I would try anything for that person to say that they forgive me. It helped my manners but I know that at some points it went too far, and for others, even worse. The feeling of guilt just sticks with you and it is an awful thing because you just need to get it away. People can end up being so overwhelmed that they live in a state of fear because they are so scared they will make a mistake. This type of guilt can be uncontrollably blown out of proportion yet seems so normal for others. I mean if you do something ‘wrong’ you should fix it. But at what cost?
And this feeling of guilt has been wound into us in so many areas of life. I mean in school they use guilt to make you work harder or act a certain way. Yes, it can seem harmless but depending on the child, it can change their whole way of thinking. I mean if you tell a child that their parents would be disappointed in them just because they acted in a certain way, will not only make them embarrassed but also guilty because, in some way, they have just done something their parents would be angry about. And in school they can drown you in accusations, like how you ruin the class for everyone and disrupt everyone’s future, just because they can’t live in that same environment as everyone. It destroys our confidence and eats away at us. I mean nobody like to hear that they have embarrassed their parents or to be responsible for somebody else’s future.
Guilt is a complicated thing yet is so simple to use. There are so many people that manipulate you into feeling this guilt for something that isn’t worth the worry or for something that you didn’t even do. And people in abusive relationships, whether that be friendship or in a couple, they can control you with this because we the feeling of guilt is so horrible and debilitating because we will do almost anything to get it away. It almost acts as a shield from the truth as well because we start to over think all the little things until we believe what the other person says.They could say that you ruined their life or make them feel so sad, as a way to make you do certain things for them. And it would be hard not to believe those things because you want the best for them and would change yourself in order for them to be happy. Manipulation can target anything but guilt is a really strong feeling which almost always gets the job done and it is so sad because these people are being fed lies and their emotions are too strong for them to understand the truth.Guilt just blocks everything out from the moment you are in and leaves you vulnerable to so many things.
There is something that I feel guilty about at certain times of the year and I am not really sure why. It always happens whenever it is someones birthday, mother’s day, father’s day, or big holidays like Christmas. At the end of that day I always feel guilty as if they didn’t have the best day or didn’t enjoy it. I mean even if my mum does the dishes on her birthday I get really upset that she didn’t have the day she deserved. I mean if happened this Christmas as well because everything was different, obviously, and there are some things we didn’t do that we usually would like board games and then I felt as though that was all my fault and that I kind of ruined it for everyone, even though I didn’t really do anything. And on someones birthday I just wonder if it could have been better and if I could have done something to change it.
Guilt comes in so many ways and in so many situations and for me it truly is one of the worst things to fail. And I mean it isn’t always a bad thing because it just helps us to learn but I feel like, as well as everything in this world, too much is not good. I mean it can change the way you live, the way you act and the way to think. And it is hard to remember in that moment that it isn’t the end of the world. I mean you haven’t done the worst thing in the world and at the end of the day you just need to remember that so many other people have probably done the same thing and it most likely won’t affect you in the future.
One of the things that made me feel the most guilty was by accident and literally was such a coincidence. So I was playing with the Nerf rebel guns because, well I was just that damn cool, and I was like ‘do you know what would be so cool? If I did a diving shot’. So I did, I hid behind the jungle-gym, loaded the gun, and just dove and pointed the Nerf gun in his general direction. My luck was not having it that day and I shot him in the eye. Literally I don’t know what the chances of that happening was and to this day I cringe and feel so guilty about it. He didn’t go blind or anything and nothing bad happened but I felt so guilty because obviously I didn’t want that to happen. Let’s just say I never played with a Nerf gun again. Jeez, even typing this makes me want to literally die. Also, if that kid is reading this, I am so sorry, but I mean at least you can read.
But see, we all make mistakes and sometimes it is the accidents that feel the worse. We just need to slow done for a second and forgive ourselves if we know we didn’t mean it. It is also important to learn how to tell if people are making you feel guilty for no reason. If they are just trying to control you because it can be really dangerous and you don’t deserve to feel the guilt they made you feel.
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