Trust me guys, these ones are gonna get you only the floor because these are so hilarious. Get your gran’s oxygen tank because you won’t be able to breath after this.
Why the hell do I blink my eyes and the weekend is gone. I waited 5 bloody days just to get to Saturday but then you just leave so quickly. You left faster than Donald Trump did on inauguration day. The truth is, Sunday isn’t even a real weekend because all I do is get mentally prepared for the week ahead. If the weekend was a human they would be a man because they have the bloody audacity…
If a teacher talks to the class and goes ‘I am gonna be nice and not give you any homework for over the weekend’, they act as though they just saved us all from bloody global warming. I mean I am just here like ‘Ok miss bare minimum’. That is literally what is expected of you. You want to be the fun teacher or just the down-to-earth teacher because they aren’t gonna tell us the story of how ‘I was once a teen too’ while they smile obnoxiously because I see what you are tryna do there hun and it is appreciated but like, a lot has changed since your time. Do you want me to show you the graph of mental illnesses for you?
The funniest thing you could EVER say to a teen is ‘do you want me to fix those for you’ when they come down wearing ripped jeans. Trust me they will appreciate that so much. Did you see what I did there? It’s a scam. LOL literally never say that because I trust you we have heard that 1000 times before and it got old the first time you said it. It is called fashion Mr has worn the same shirt for 15 years. So yeah, just sit your ass down and mind ya business. Thank you.
We Are Here
Who else’s patterns thought they were literally Michael McIntyre whenever you were on a road trip and you would ask ‘are we here’ and they would do that massive smile as they look behind them and say ‘YES, we are here. But we aren’t there’. Bitch, I be looking out the windows to find the need. Why do you literally piss yourself after that. You know what I mean but you just gotta rub it in. I don’t really want a grammar lesson after 4 hours of driving and 5 applegreen stops.
Please someone explain why the News has turned into a comedy program. I literally get that wee message on my phone and I am like this bitch is crazy. Everything that happens sounds so ridiculous. A pandemic? Yeah right. Global warming about to literally kill us? Sure. KFC ran out of chicken? OH SHIT.
To be more specific, women’s pockets. This is one of the things you know a man made. These pockets are so non-existent that they may as well be called the ‘flat earth’. Grandpa in my pocket would even be suctioned into the pockets (if you are a cultured child you would know what that is referencing). If I can be a bit stereotypical for a second, women are the ones who bring EVERYTHING with them, apart from a coat but that’s beside the point, so why the hell give us pockets that can barely hold an atom. And then guys are over here like a snail because they can fit their whole house in those pockets. Whenever I put on absolutely anything and it has pockets, you will know about it because that is the best thing ever. Normalise giving girls actual pockets and not just those ones that are made by the devil himself because they look like pockets but you literally cannot put anything in them.
Thank you so much for reading. Please like, follow and comment if you liked this post because this is one of the most relatable things lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT