So yesterday I just finished my last ever English exam and saying I am buzzing is pretty much an understatement. I mean I am pretty sure I failed it but it is over now so I don’t give a shit. But the thing is, GCSEs weren’t even such a big deal. Maybe that is because of corona or something, but literally I didn’t revise until the night before for all of them. Now of course it is a bit different this year. There aren’t as many and we knew more about what was going to be on the exam, but like still. And I am kinda raging about it because for the past 5 years I have literally been working my ass off just to get good grades in my trackers which don’t even matter, but when it comes to my GCSEs I have literally given up. Maybe that is saying something about my mental health?
What was I getting at again? Oh yes, so for the past few years I have literally been looking at GCSEs like they were the devil. They aren’t no perfect peter like, but they aren’t as bad as they seem. The truth is, I get more stressed out that I am not stressed out, because these kind of determine my future so if I don’t do well in them, let’s just say I will have to get used to the smell of McDonalds. The fear kind of only hits me right before when I literally just sit down to do it and then realise “oh shit, I don’t know anything”. But at that point it is too late and I have to rely on others being in the same position. My excuse though is just that I am not great at memorizing words and putting them down on a test, which is pretty much exactly what GCSEs are, a memory test. I think that is why I like languages because it is testing what you know, not what you can memorise and forget about later. Like, I hate the writing part of Spanish because that is just memorizing things, but for reading and listening, you can’t learn things word for word and it just tests your general knowledge of it.
I have to admit, the GCSE years were the best so far. Well, despite the fact there was a pandemic and I was actually out of school more than I was in it, but the vibes and the classes were better. Especially the last couple of months, because you have the motivation of “I will never have to do this topic ever again”. Like when I finished my essay and finally put my pen down I was just thinking that I will never have to analyse the significance of the colour brown or the full stop at the end of a sentence. I will never have to learn a 10 page essay by heart just so I can at least pass. I will never have to hear and see the teacher’s passive aggressive face and voice as the go “hmmmmmmmm WELlllllLLLLllll you are on the right track, you aren’t wrong, but let’s develop that a bit, Ok?”. The subjects I have been forced to do that brought me internal suffering are done forever and it is literally like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And quite literally because my English file weighs a fuck ton.
That being said though, in your GCSE years, you get to know your teacher’s better and they begin to actually respect you and get to know you. You get to see the teacher’s who genuinely love their job and you start to tear up at the idea that you don’t have much time left with them. I only have one day left of school this year, and despite the fact I have 2 years ahead of me, I was gonna miss the teachers. There are gonna be some that I will never have again because I don’t do their subject, yet they are literally my favourite people. Yesterday, one of our french teachers made crepes for everyone for form period and apparently she had spent the past 5 nights staying up to make them for us. And the look on her face because she was so proud of herself and happy at being a teacher, near made me cry. And then there are other teacher’s running around talking to you, getting photos and helping out. They are literally like your other mums and dads. This is the moment where you see the teacher’s that genuinely love being a teacher and it is so great because in first year or third year, you just saw them as teachers who give you lots of homework, but then later on you realise they are actual people and have personalities. You are able to see how much effort they put in everyday to take care of us and give us the best education and support that they need. Maybe that is just my school, but I know that when I leave in 2 years, I am going to miss some of those teachers more than I do some of the students. Although too be fair a lot of the students are bloody annoying lol
So if you are a teacher, or even my teacher! I just want you to know that we are so greatful for what you do. I know as first years we don’t fully understand what you do for us, but when we get older and get to know you more, we appreciate what you do for us everyday and how you make us feel so comforted and included. So keep doing what you are doing. And if you are a student, just know that, although my years have been different, GCSE years are life changing so try to enjoy them despite the stress. The teachers genuinely do care and you will most likely remember them for the rest of your life. Take each day at a time and just enjoy it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT