So, it is my birthday tomorrow no biggy. I’m not going to say my age because, despite the fact I may have said before or if you have already made a guess, I don’t really want any 70 year old creepy men popping up in the comments, but anyways. I am at the age where talking about getting old makes me sound like ‘that bitch’ because I am not that old, but I would say that the difference between me now and me when I was pretty much a foetus is quite different and I am wondering if you guys think the same way.

I ain’t gonna lie ok, I like going to people’s birthdays, but when I have to think of gifts or when I have to plan my own birthday, I run out of fucks to give you know. Like so what I was born onto this earth on exactly this day so many years ago, but as far as I am concerned, that isn’t something to celebrate. And I also have a twin which makes it a nightmare because we are literally polar opposites and, luckily we have mostly the same friends, but there are things that I want do and she doesn’t. And eventually it gets to the point that we just disagree with any of the other person’s ideas just out of spite. Like why am I organizing something for my day? But do you know what is fucking hilarious about having to share a birthday with a twin is that, because I am 1 freaking minute younger, my sister would always make the joke that I should do everything one minute after her, and then when we were younger cakes were very confusing too. Not because we shared one but because when we went to visit other family members for our birthday, we would bring other cakes like the classic Tescos ones or the OG Collin the caterpillar. And being the dumb fucking child I was, I wouldn’t catch on that this cake was for us and there were other people who have birthdays around the same time as us. So one day, when I was turning 7 (and so was my twin! What a coincidence !) I saw my dad taking out a cake and some candles and then later on that day they brought it out and I started signing happy birthday because of course. Tell me why my dumb ass thought it was my Granda’s 77th birthday! And then my dad put the cake in front of me and my sister and it took me a minute to click that it had literally been my birthday yesterday and they just got a candle for us each to blow out. How dumb must I have looked to be singing Happy Birthday to myself while looking around looking for the birthday girl or boy. Maybe that’s where my life started going down hill?

What I have also realised is that the excitement for my birthday has really plummeted because back then I would be counting down the bloody minutes until my birthday, but now I really do not give a shit. I never even know what to ask for my birthday and everyone is popping up like “what do ya want” and here I am like “I don’t know! A fucking life?”. I mean there are many things I want that you can’t buy. Maybe a hobby, happiness, excitement! But then you end up with a pair of socks (which I actually do like to be fair but lets just say it for the point of this bit) that I have to be like “ah yes exactly what I wanted”. I also hate opening presents because they are just staring at you and you need to act as though this is the best thing you have ever witnessed in your life while trying to make it not obvious that, although you like it, you aren’t absolutely jumping with joy, you just want to make sure they know that you like it. And then after you open it all you just sit there quietly for a second like 😐 What the fuck do we do now. It’s a whole awkward situation and there is a lot of trying to make it seem like a special day, but in reality I am just glad that there is one year less to go.

What I find funny though is thinking of your age as your level as if you were in a game. Like imagine being like “yes I’m level 26!” That sounds a lot cooler and maybe then older people will be less embarrassed by their age and we won’t have to hear “oooh I’m 25” whenever you ask them what age they are turning. We know your fucking ancient Karen! No need to lie! And it also makes sense because at each level you unlock something new. At 18 you can go into 18 films in the cinema. And when you get to 21 or something, you get student debt! Then when you are around 25-30 you get married and unlock a kid if you want. And you get a mortgage! How fun. And depending on how you live, you may get damage points like “-100 back health” or “+100 obesity”. That kind of thing. Watch the FBI agent in my computer get freaked out like “FUCK THIS BITCH HAS CRACKED THE CODE” LMAO imagine. I wouldn’t care to be honest with you.

But yeah, don’t really know what else to say about birthdays at the moment, I guess you kind of just grow out of them as you get older. You don’t get all excited over the Lego set that you asked for, or the face painters that are coming over tomorrow. Wow, not me literally depressing you all, but anyways I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

---