Social Media If They Were People pt.1

Bare with me on this one guys because I know the title makes it sound dumb as fuck, but we need to address this shit. I will literally make everything make sense to you because I know you know this but you don’t know that you know it yet, if that makes sense. Basically, you are gonna agree with me and realise that I am describing each social media platform perfectly. I came up with this content idea because I just saw that youtube came out with a new section called “shorts” and I suddenly got a flashback to 2015-2016 when the whole bloody “snapchat copying Instagram” uproar came around. That really was a simpler time. But anyways, let’s get into it because we do need to say a number of things.

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Facebook

This is like a mum. More specifically, an older mum, but like not ancient, but her kids are nearly finished highschool or something. I think this because obviously this is what all the older generations worship and it really hasn’t changed that much. It doesn’t really copy everything that all the other social platforms are doing and if they do, they are absolutely crap at it. Facebook would also be a mum because they always keep track of everywhere you are, everyone you are with and every breathe you take. It also is always listening and you never realise until they start talking about it so much and outing you on what you were discussing in private. Facebook would defo be a mum because it tells everyone absolutely everything. It shows a post that your 3rd cousin was tagged in and you discover when anyone has any type of situation. It just contains all the information in the world whether you like it or not and now everyone you know and don’t know, are aware of the fact you got your period or some shit. If you disagree with my decision of who Facebook would be, you are wrong. But you also got to give Facebook credit because they are still going strong. They are keeping up, kind of, with everything that is happening and is known all around the world. They are a comfort for most and don’t give up, even when they are exposed by everyone and the generation that use Facebook are now dying out, so like fair play I guess.

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Instagram

Regina George. Just this one person. I guess it could be any person that is a blonde bitch, thinks she is loved by everyone, but in reality everyone hates her and is bullied by her and if anyone were to say anything bad about her, they would be banished from society despite the fact they all feel the same way. Like I really don’t see any way that Instagram wouldn’t be that bitch because she has the aesthetics, she has the followers, she has everything and although she steals other people’s trends, nobody says anything about it. Like Instagram literally has reels which is so crap because it is literally tiktok videos downloaded onto Instagram because the name is so big that they need to be on it but literally who the fuck is watching reels. If anybody watches them it is because they are trying to stay off tiktok for a while so they don’t feel too guilty. But yeah, I don’t get good vibes from Instagram and if I were to see her in the hallway, I would be scared. I don’t like her very much but again, if I said that in public I would be beaten to a pulp.

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Twitter

Twitter is quite difficult to describe because there are just so many layers. But what I think, and bare with me on this one, is that twitter is that really nice person who seems to be friends with everyone but is still kind of quiet and doesn’t cause any trouble, but she knows everyone’s secrets because they all trust her. So she is kind of the one you go to for the tea and everything going on everywhere and nobody really has hate against her, she is just there and doesn’t cause drama. Like we do need to give twitter a round of applause because she hasn’t changed for no bitch. Like maybe she has cleaned up her image and matured, as we all do, but she hasn’t done any type of tiktok rip off and she is comforting. Like there is no pressure of looks or expectations and you find everything you need. I just know that twitter would be smart, funny, just perfect and always acts herself which is why everyone loves her. They are an OG if you will.

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Snapchat

I do have to say that I do like snapchat you know, but the way I am describing it is exactly what I think snapchat would be, so don’t fight me about it. Snapchat is 100% the really loud, blonde girl who can never be quiet. But like they aren’t rude or annoying, they just have a wee bit of ADHD that makes her really crazy. She is always doing new things and copies other people’s trends but still doesn’t make it a big deal. Like I only found out yesterday that it has a fake tiktok thing but we kind of move past it because it’s fine. Snapchat as a person would be hectic and up to date with everything and is the person you always find yourself running into for no reason and also has some sort of borderline personality disorder because she is always changing her personality. I also feel like, despite the fact she always seems happy and hyper, she also has a dark side where she can like hack into anything and get you anything you need. Where is Michael? Oh, well he is right here. OH MY and he is with your best friend Samantha and she didn’t tell you anything about it! Like that is defo who snapchat is. She loves to cause drama and just watch the world burn and somehow she never gets dragged into the mess.

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Anyways, that is all for today guys because I just got another shift at work, but I mean I’m getting bank so it’s fine kind of but like it’s still minimum wage and the hours I work may or may not be illegal but like it’s fine… But yeah I’ll see you again tomorrow maybe and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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