I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things to think about, the same responsibilities blah blah blah.
It happened to me just the other day because I recently got a new job and the first two shifts have been great but then one morning when I was getting changed I saw the uniform and was like shit, I really gotta do this for a while now. It’s weird though because it isn’t like I hate the job, I mean, I literally only started it, but I just realised that I need to continue working. It felt like that had been an episode of my life and that I would move on from it and it would just not be mentioned anymore. But no, I have the future to “look forward” to.
That sounds mad depressing but like it’s just kinda weird for real. It’s almost as though I have become too “in the moment” that I forget there is anything outside of that moment. Now I’m not great for words so tell me if this makes any sense whatsoever, but I feel a bit unreal if you get me. Not as if I am a ghost looking down at myself, or as somebody watching a TV show of me, but like a VR headset. I know I’m in my body but then I realise that this is fucking life and that my actions have consequences.
Listen, I’m not doing anything bad if that’s what you are thinking. I’m not some sort of murderer who is now online like “whoops so I made a mistake”. It’s just like, for example, I signed up for a job, I got the job, and now I still gotta do it. Like it isn’t an achievement or level that I’ve unlocked or passed. This is quite literally real life.
When I say my life is like a TV show, it isn’t that I have a bunch of interesting stuff going on or any big plot twists. I’m quite literally the most basic bitch you’ll find. I’m mentally fucked, I’m blonde, blue eyes, not really pretty but not really ugly, chatty but also can’t start a conversation, that kind of situation your know.
Oh shit… I’m that one “main character”, not like the other girls, pick me bitch. Wow, I hate that but I swear I’m not trying to make myself sound like that. Wow… I instantly despise everything I say.
Anyways, I think what I tried to get across was that I don’t think my life is a series because it’s exciting or thrilling. I mean I’m no Kardashian (great show btw highly recommend and I’m not ashamed to say it). It’s just that I forget that this is real life.
That was a hectic wee post I guess. A little bit of a brain dump to be honest. I have been quite busy lately with all this bloody A level exams and shit. I’m really not even sure if this post made any sense but I’m hoping somebody understands me or can direct me to the closest psych ward? Lol, anyway, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
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