How Is The Queen Still Alive?

Summary of The Queen

The queen’s health has become a great topic during the last few months, especially after her jubilee when she could not attend various events due to medical reasons. But I mean, who can blame her? She is literally 96 years old! I’m 1/5th of her age and I’m sick of this shit already.

And I’m not even a celebrity! I can go out of my house without millions of people shocked that I can, in fact, open my own car door. However, the queen has got to literally plan a whole mission just to go to the toilet (Honestly I don’t actually know for sure because, shockingly, I am not part of the royal family).

People also freak the fuck out whenever she breathes around her grandchildren. Like on the balcony she was talking with her youngest grandchild and people praised her for being so “down to earth” and “the world’s best granny”. That is not slagging her off at all, I’m just trying to highlight how hectic her life is.

Back to the point, there are a lot of conspiracy theories about the queen and her death and I have to say some are pretty hilarious:

Conspiracy theories about the Queen

1. E-lizard-beth

I saw this on a meme the other day and it is literally so funny. People think she is a lizard (or a shape-shifting, extraterrestrial reptile). Honestly, I don’t know what their thinking behind that is, I think people say that is why she wears gloves, but I’ll give it to them, they were creative with the name

2. Already dead

I don’t want to sound like some sort of crazy gal that believes all the conspiracy theories because some of them are just so stupid, but I don’t know I just feel like out of them all this is more believable. I don’t really think she died in 2016 and was replaced, but I don’t know, I think she just been quiet lately. Then again she might just be living her life, as she should.

I mean why would they be waiting until after Brexit? As if people are gonna be like, “oh shit, the queen is dead, let’s not go to Tesco’s anymore.” I mean I guess things may close for a while, but then again not everyone is that into the queen’s life

3. Cannibal

How absolutely raging would you be if you reached 96 years old and instead of people being amazed by her they just look at her and go “You must be a cannibal. You must be eating kids”. Like what the fuck? It’s funny don’t get me wrong but also where is the sense in that. I mean she can afford entire countries, so I think she may have a pretty good skincare routine. She hasn’t done a “get ready with me” TikTok in a while so I can’t say for sure, but it ain’t hard to connect the dots.

The Latest Conspiracy Theory

She Is Petty

OK now hear me out for a second! Just listen to what I gotta say. This isn’t even the most crazy conspiracy theory to believe.

Now, I don’t know the queen personally so I can’t say for sure, but I think that she is hanging on just to spite us. I mean, she must always hear us talking about getting 2 weeks off when she dies and I don’t know about your family but mine always make jokes like “oh I can’t wait to get 2 weeks off. I hope it happens this week because I have a geography test”. And it really is fucked up to talk about, but I think that she doesn’t want to give us the satisfaction of her death.

I feel like she is up in one of her several bedrooms and just reads the memes about getting “mourning time” and she’s just like “*fancy queen accent* these cheeky fucks think they are going to benefit from my death. I’ll show those mother fuckers!” and now just does everything possible to live forever. I wouldn’t be surprised if she came close to become a cannibal just to live longer.

And I respect that honestly. She has achieved the title of queen of England and queen of pettiness. My prediction is that she is either going to hold on until during summer time, so we won’t actually miss any school, or just outlive us all. I bet that in 110 years or so, once everyone currently alive dies, she will happily “sleep for eternity” or go into her gold-coated cryochamber where she will awaken once again when her other extraterrestrial reptile friends come to earth. Just a thought.

Anyways, I dare you to prove me wrong. I even bet that in the next few days someone will be running around the palace to find the queen and then they burst through her door dramatically and be like “look what we found! Your secret is out!” and she’ll whip around in her chair (or get someone to swivle her around for her) and be like “*fancy queen voice* my lord, who?” and they’ll be showing this very post on their laptop.

If so, hey queen!

Conclusion

You have to admit, I made a pretty convincing argument right there. I mean who wouldn’t do the same if people all secretly waited for your death? You would be raging. I know she gonna haunt the fuck out of us all. She never rests. She gets the job done one way or another. But yeah, it really is amazing how she has lived that long. Surely despite all her money and people doing everything for her she would have a stressful life and not live so long, but she must love her job.

Or maybe we all secretly manifest it when we say “long live the queen” and everytime she hears that she just chuckles as her battery charges up a little more. Oh well, thank you for reading this. What do you think is the queen’s secret? I mean, I’m sure she has great healthcare. On another note, please do like, follow, comment and share because that will help to keep this blog alive as old as the queen! Well, maybe not that long but as long as possible. Thank you so much and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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