Have You Amber Heard About This?

It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need to know is that she is quite literally an extreme narcissist and complete nuts. Oh, and her lawyers have just graduated from clown school or the equivalent. Now, I’m just gonna run into this now because I got a lot to say and I’m just gonna ramble on so try to keep up, OK?

Let’s start with the basics. What is the case about? It’s a defamation case which basically means that Johnny Depp is suing Amber for ruining his image which in turn ruins his career because he is obviously a public figure. How did he ruin his image? Well, she posted (or didn’t… she can’t quite remember what her script said) an op-ed basically outing Johnny Depp as abusive. She has evidence to prove this… kind of, but she also forgot to mention that she too is physically abusive. And it doesn’t really take a fucking genius to realize that. So now it’s turned into a whole thing about who was the most abusive, who should be punished, who didn’t clean the carpet blah blah blah.

It’s quite hilarious though and I recommend you try to watch it. Skip to the part where she is on the stand though because then you’ll understand me when I say there is no way she could possibly have been a paid actor. Even I could do a better job and I was one step above being a rock in my primary school play. But you’ll never guess the drama! This actually nearly brought a tear to my eye… sorry, I meant it nearly made me tear my eyes out. Basically what happened was her dog stepped on a bee. Obviously, this is vital to her case… somehow, and was very emotional for her. At least that’s what I think her facial expression was supposed to show. I couldn’t really tell because I was trying to remember her point (there was none)

amber heard dog stepped on a bee face comedy meme

For real this is what her face looked like when she talked about her dog stepping on a bee. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a mess when it comes to dogs getting hurt, but like can we get to the fucking point, or remind me what the point is?! Please.

Hats off for the confidence I guess. She is very committed to the role. I mean they literally had a recording of her confessing to it and she sat there and denied it. Dead ass starred them in the eye and spoke literal shit. But we love Camille and she sees right through that shit. She just stand there looking all fed up with this shit and be like “Miss He- Miss- MISS HEARD… that wasn’t my question” and then goes back into game mode.

A reoccurring theme with Amber’s stories is that they don’t really… make any sense. One of the ones that made me crack up was the one where she said something along the lines of “he put his hand into a fist, raised it up, pulled it back *dramatic sigh* and HEAD-BUTTED me”. I’m sorry but that really did not make any sense.

Something that has really started to bug literally the entire population is the fact that whenever she answers a question she whips her head over to the jury like they are her moral support and answers to them. It kinda gives me the vibes of when you go to the doctor with your mum and the doctor asks you a question but you look at your mum to answer instead. That is quite literally it. And I don’t know if she got neck problems or what but she gotta get that checked out soon. I’m surprised Camille hasn’t called her out and been like “Can you look at me when you are answering me bitch”. That would have been me for real.

Also, she is such a poser. This is indisputable as well, even Amber Heard’s lawyers could win my case. She got a tissue to wipe her nose and she went to put it down but then saw a camera man pointed in her direction so she put it back up to her nose froze for a second until it flashed and then went on. It’s like ma’am this is on live broadcast and we can see past your bullshit

I’m gonna have to admit something and don’t be angry about it because you know it’s true, but I don’t think either of them were perfect partners. I don’t think he did what Amber said he did, I don’t think he was physically abusive, but they definitely just weren’t good for each other. Don’t twist my words OK because I’m as Team JD as I am a human, but he isn’t an angel.

I don’t want to drag this on for too long tbh because I’m gonna leave you a link to the actual trial video yourself but I’ll leave you with one last thing that made me actually die. Funny enough it was when they were leaving the court for the day and Amber was getting off the stand and as she got off, Johnny started to walk out too. Let me tell you, this how jumped back like it was extreme hopscotch. For real she acted as though JD was about to pounce. But he just needed to get to the door. What was also funny was that the police woman who was there reacted like that pick me girl in school who would go in between the two fighting and spread her arms out like “Guys stawp it this isn’t you! Don’t do this pleeasssee”. I guess it’s her job but I thought it was quite hilarious

Anyways, I love to talk about this shit because it’s so messed up but like also I feel bad for the guy. Do leave a wee comment though on what you think because I need to make sure all my subscribers are on my side. I’m trying to post more often now as well so scroll down to the suscribe section below so you can get notified every time I post because trust me you don’t want to miss it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


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My Life Is an Unsuccessful Netflix Show

I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things… Continue Reading →

I’m OK With Following The Crowd Right Now

I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m… Continue Reading →

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Let’s Discuss It| Stating The Obvious

Let’s Discuss It| Stating The Obvious
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I’m not really an angry person if I’m gonna be honest and although this doesn’t really make me that angry, it gets me in that manic laughing phase which is kinda fucking scary. Like you know that point where you just look at someone who just said something to you and you don’t have any words to say because they just said something really idiotic so all you can do is laugh. That is what happens to me when people state the obvious. I can’t do anything but laugh. I’ll give some examples though so that you can help judge whether or not I’m a dramatic bitch or if we are both dramatic bitches 😮

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Tomorrow Is a New Day

No shit sherlock. I mean is that supposed comforting? Yeah, I guess it is a new day because of fucking common sense and science, but so what I’m still gonna have the same problems or have to face the embarrassment of the day before. Say I failed an exam and was just sad for the rest of the day or something (that was a shocking example but get over it) then somebody would come over and say “it’s ok, tomorrow is a new day”. And then they’ll just sit there acting like Shakespeare or some shit because they have such a way with words. It’s just as well I have corona so I can’t smell the amount of shit coming out of you is unbelievable.

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The World Hasn’t Ended

I have had a lot of people say this and it’s usually in such a passive-aggressive tone and I’m just there like obviously because I happen to not be blown into smithereens. Just because I am worried or stressed to do something doesn’t mean I think the world is gonna end. To be honest that would be better. I would welcome it. Tell me the world hasn’t ended and I’ll be sad. But then you’ll come out with the whole “tomorrow’s a new day” and that’ll make me worse again. It’s a cycle of stupidity I suppose. Maybe some people get comforted by the predictability of life and how no matter what happens the world goes on, but to be honest these phrases are comforting because I realise I am no longer the biggest idiot.

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Are You…?

This one can come in many different varieties but that doesn’t make it any more quirky than the other examples of stating the obvious. In fact, it is the most annoying of them all so far. I’m talking about when you are about to open the door and you’ve got your dog on the leash and some person peaks around the door and goes “oh, are you going on a walk?”. First of all, who are you and how the fuck did you get into my house. And secondly, obviously. I’m not just standing in the hallway for the fun of it. It’s just so aggravating because the person who says this comes from nowhere and it just makes you wonder why they asked. Most of the time they don’t have a reason. Like they’ll make it so dramatic like “OH…” and you’re like for fuck sake what’s the problem. And then when you say “yeah” they’ll disappear with no explanation and you stand there in disbelief. Did you need something or…?

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Are You Asleep?

So I know this fits into the other category but to be honest it needs its own sub-heading. It’s the funniest and most disappointing in my opinion. Like are you really expecting an answer and if so what answer? At least ask if they are awake because then they can answer logically but I find it’s so awkward for both people in this situation. Like you can poke your head around and see they are obviously out for the count and you will genuinely ask “are you asleep?” as if you are expecting them to answer with “yeah, what do you need?”. And also if some asks you “are you asleep?” I don’t know why but I find it so awkward to be like “no…” like what the fuck.

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I also have a twin so obviously there are times when I’m sick of her shit so I’ll just try to act asleep, so obviously I don’t say anything and then she’ll go like “you literally aren’t asleep” and continue to laugh out loud and make me wake up so even if I was asleep I would then be awake. Like if you were going to accuse me of being awake either way then why the fuck would you bother asking in the first place. Luckily we no longer share the same room.

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Overall

I could do a whole range of other examples but you obviously don’t need to read all of them because, unless you are some literal foetus genius who can read this, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t have anything useful or beneficial to say, just keep your mouth shut and save us both from an awkward situation. It just isn’t ok and while you may think it is helpful, it really isn’t.

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Resolution

Honestly, instead of stating the obvious people should just state a really random, unknown fact. That would be so fucking hilarious and would definitely distract you from whatever it was you were thinking about. Imagine you were just bummed out one day and someone came, sat beside you and said “If you point your car keys to your head, it increases the remote’s signal range.” Don’t you feel better already?

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So now that I sound like a debbie downer and a pessimistic piece of shit, I’m gonna leave it there are ask you all to kindly like and subscribe so I can keep making this type of content for you. I would also really appreciate if anyone could donate a little change which will really help to keep this blog going. I obviously can’t ask that of everyone, so I also ask if you would be able to leave some feedback which is sometimes even better. I really value everything you say and give, and that’s stating the obvious so sorry about that one lol. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Have You Amber Heard About This?

It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need… Continue Reading →

Kitchen or war the womens crossword animated modern sleek blog cover photo

Kitchen or War | The Women’s Crossroad

Please let me tell you that I am in fact a girl! I am not some man that is about to start slabbering about how women are supposed to make everyone a fucking sandwich and look after their kids while the man is at war. I also want to say that this is light-hearted and… Continue Reading →

a roaring 20's themed war 2020 memorial image with memories and news of recent

The Raging 20’s, Is It an Inevitable Disaster?

I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a… Continue Reading →

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Which Sense of Humour Do You Have?

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I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the way, we can start to get into it. I will also mention some of the ones that I would fit myself into which I suppose is multiple but we can all relate at some points. Don’t forget to tell us in the comment section what sense of humour you have.

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Dark Humour

We are all familiar with what dark humour is, but for all the idio- people out there I will explain. It’s basically when you find things that are supposed to be serious, and are quite morbid, to be funny. It can also be quite smart and well thought through despite the fact it was off the cuff and that makes it a bit worrying because you may find it funny but you also like “oh shit is this person ok” or “oh shit is this person going to kill me”. But at that point, it is a judgement call and in my experience, it’s just a coping mechanism.

I will now give you all a few examples which I actually am scared might offend someone in some way. Not as in they are gonna be offensive but like I don’t want people to be like “that was really disrespectful” or some shit. But THAT IS DARK HUMOUR and you better get over yourself bitch!

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  • Where did sally go when the bomb went off?
    everywhere.
  • This is just a general statement, but like if someone were to hurt themselves then someone with a dark sense of humour would laugh. Like it do be funny though. Kids be falling and tripping for no god damn reason
  • This example isn’t a phrase either but it’s from a video and literally makes me piss myself because it’s so funny but there is this video of this blind girl who is talking with this news presenter and they are talking about everything the girl has achieved in her life and the presenter goes “is there anything you can’t do” just because she is so amazing and the girl dead ass says “see”
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Sarcastic Humour

This humour is my cuppa tea but it’s also a wee bit risky if I say so myself. Like you gotta be careful who you say this too. It can sometimes come with a little bit of truth and may actually expose yourself a wee bit too but the added risk is fun I suppose. But what is it? It’s basically just saying something but not really meaning it. I guess you know what sarcasm is and it’s basically that but making it. It’s an art form, to be honest (that was kind of an example of sarcasm but like it’s also hard to get across in text so it takes a bit of expression and tone as well. Don’t ask me why I am developing this shit so much). This is my go-to when it comes to joking with friends and to be honest it makes up my whole personality trait to the point that it isn’t humour anymore, it’s just down-right sad.

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Yeah but enough of that I suppose. Let’s get into a few wee examples. To be honest, they make up the majority of my posts because I just find everything a joke, for example, my life, and this can also slot into another sense of humour that I mention later. These are also kinda one-liners and a bit situational so like you kinda had to be there so like if you don’t find them funny please don’t attack me because I will in fact cry 🙂

two spidermen pointing meme
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  • Friend “can you help me with something”
    Me “no…”
    *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys*
  • Me “do you know what I literally so much?”
    Friend “what?”
    Me “you”
    *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys* again

I’m so fucking lucky my friends get my humour or else I’d literally have nobody in my life right now lol. Like I sound like such a bitch but I swear it is all in good taste

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Actual Humour

To be fair, what is actual humour? Like I guess it’s the classics like knock-knock jokes (despite the fact they’re shite) but like people might not find that humour. Well, I actually don’t really give a fuck and don’t want to talk about that so let’s get into it. This is the basic bitch, default setup, awkward laugh combo platter and if this is your main sense of humour you are either lying or a granny who has been desensitised by the crap jokes they put on the kids shows you are basically forced to watch all day.

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So I guess I’ll give a few but you already know what they are gonna be basically. You don’t have to be a genius to know these and it takes literally one brain cell to understand
– knock knock
who’s there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting cow wh-
MOOOOOOOO
– Knock knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Well, there is no need to cry about it!

It’s literally so obnoxious ad stupid. It’s literally so unfunny and painful to listen to that you have nothing else to do by laughing. It is just pain

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Self-Depricating Humour

Watch out for these people because behind every self-deprecating joke is some truth. Like you can laugh but also keep an eye out for them lol. I do admit this is another go-to for me and is always easy to do when you hate yourself 😮 (Pulled a wee sneaky one on you). Sadly enough though a lot of people find it funny and use it often. Like we all laugh at something and make the same joke but then all just look around awkwardly like “we really are fucked up aren’t we”. It’s a bonding experience though, also a coping mechanism, but bonding nonetheless. It’s so simple too like it’s sad that we can literally make anything into a self-deprecating joke.

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So now for examples, but I feel like I should also address those bitches who use it for attention. Like they will just out of the blue be like “uh I’m so ugly today lol” and then act sad until someone says “awk no you’re beautiful”. NO! I literally hate that and there is a pretty fucking obvious difference so don’t even try to get yourself out of it if you do that sometimes.

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  • *in some random video an ogre walks down the street (not Shrek though, obviously he’s a babe)*
    Me “ok but who took that video of me?”
  • This next example is literally me the other day and I’m kinda mad about the actual situation but it was a pretty good self-deprecating joke:
    *me literally gets hit in the head by a bottle the idiots in our school are throwing*
    Me – what the actual fuck! Concussed question mark? (yes I say question mark)
    * me also goes on to tell people about how I’ve literally had so many head injuries in my lifetime*
    Me – maybe that’s why I’ve got a big ass forehead?!
  • Me – *does one thing wrong*
    also me – I literally hate myself so much

Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, ya know? Sacrifice your life for Pakistan GRAPE!

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Teacher Humour

This is an exclusive package that you actually get when you become a teacher. Like that bitch is limited edition and we all gotta respect that as soon as we go into their classroom. Surely they are aware that they can’t make a joke like I can’t make sense of their class. Surely they know that we aren’t over here pissing ourselves and barely being able to breathe because their joke was funny. We just tryna get outta doing work/don’t want to get shouted at. Like I barely heard what you said but if I see the slightest smirk on your face I’m gonna laugh like you just turned into fucking Kevin Hart. You better know I’ll be rolling on the floor.

teacher jokes smh : dankmemes

But seriously though, teachers laugh at everything and joke about everything so we out here getting abs with all the fake laughing we gotta do. Just look at some of these examples:

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  • In my chemistry class my teacher was telling us how to remember the difference between Cations and anions and to be fair they were pretty helpful tips but she thought she was absolutely hilarious. She was like “cations has cat in it and cats are paw-sitive lol, and then anions are like onions and they make you cry, so they are negative” and we just looking at her like ha yeah.
  • Just any time they mention anything about how they would leave their job if not for something else. Like you are literally kind of a bit hurt because they be like “I wish I could just run away and live on a beach where I would never have to work here again haha” or “I would love to do *some other job* but I guess i’m just here lol”. Like damn what the fuck. So we just gotta laugh here to bring the mood back up. Like god damn just teach us some maths so we can get the fuck out of here.

They always gotta do the demonic laugh as well where they like chuckle but like you can see in their eyes that they are crying out for help and literally hate everything. They have good intentions though and for me, it’s usually just a pity laugh.

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Anti-Joke Humour

This is quite similar to sarcastic humour but, if you are an expert like me, you will know the difference. Basically, the difference is that sarcastic humour is kinda more chillaxed and off the cuff, but with anti-joke humour, it’s probably more planned out and thought about. It might have a bit of a delayed laugh as well because obviously, you are expecting a joke but then it’s pretty much just a fact. Oh and yeah that reminds me, an anti-joke is basically setting something up as you would a joke and then the punchline is just matter-of-fact. I’ll give examples obviously but that’s what it is. And if I’m gonna be honest with you, the people who have this as the humour they come up with a lot are probably going through some shit. Like I find it funny and a lot of others do but can never really come up with one and say it in the right way unless I’m in one of my “low patches”. No attack on anyone by the way. I suppose another form of anti-joke is just one that wasn’t intended to be funny but then the way you said it or the way you timed it was just perfect and I respect that tbh.

I’m gonna go into examples now obviously, I mean why do I find the need to say that every fucking time I’m pretty sure that you have got that already. But yeah the first one that I am gonna say is something kinda shocking and I only found out about it a few days ago and it kinda fucked my mind a wee bit.

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  • Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
  • What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat
  • What’s white and can’t climb a tree? A fridge

Like they are so fucking stupid and like so fucking random but I don’t know why that literally cracks me up. I think it’s just so funny because it literally isn’t funny whatsoever and you kinda just end up looking at the other person in the eyes as you both question how your life led up to this one moment.

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“Too Far” Humour

This humour actually bugs me and I feel as though it can also be called “that one popular kid who sits in the back of the class and try to make everyone laugh but really he is a dick and people are just scared of him/want to impress him” humour but that’s a wee bit too long. What I find hilarious about it though is whenever you grow up and so does everyone else but they are the same idiot they were 4 years ago so now when they make a joke literally nobody gives a shit and just looks at them in disgust and you feel embarrassed for them. There is a group of people in my school like that and I just don’t think they’ve got rid of that god-complex yet and they haven’t accepted the fact that literally, nobody likes them lol. But back to talking about the “too far” humour. This is basically where they make jokes about things that aren’t meant to be joked about. Not like dark humour where it is still innocent and doesn’t hurt anyone, but when they joke about stuff that is literally offensive and disrespectful.

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  • Me – *plays football/breathes*
    idiot man – ShOuLdN’t YoU bE iN tHe KiTcHeN?! ahahahah Go MaKe Me A sAnDwIcH
    (this applies to literally any ‘joke’ like that)
  • Just joking around with your friends and then they go too far and talk about something actually personal to you and is a sensitive topic. Like I have heard guys in the back of our class talking and then they would be like “well at least I know my dad” or sometimes they would be straight up racist. Like maybe that’s a ‘guy thing’ but still that sounds fucked up.

These are the kinda jokes that make other generations think we are snowflakes but literally we are just respectful and more of an understanding person. Like they say it isn’t that deep but it kinda is. Just because it might not have offended anyone in this room, doesn’t mean it isn’t offensive.

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Gas-Lighting Humour

I actually had one of my friends tell me a story the other day about how she was literally gas-lighted by her parents, but like in a funny innocent way, and it really just cracked me up tbh. Obviously, in some cases, it isn’t funny but just whenever someone is so gullible that they fall for shit so easily makes me actually die. I’m quite a gullible bitch myself and I have another friend who is as well and the fact it is so easy to trick them is just priceless. They never learn and you kinda make fun of them after which is the gas-lighting part but ah well lol. Do I feel like a shitty person afterwards? Yup. Do I do it to everyone? Fuck no. Do I use too many rhetorical questions? Hell yeah.

Before I give these examples I just want to say that they may sound like the dumbest shite ever but it was just an “at the moment” type thing so don’t even be judging me.

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  • So the story with my friend and her parents was that she was asking to go to a party and they were like “fine but you will have to take a breathalizer when you get home”. They had like police friends and all that shit so he had easy access. So she was like “fine” and then went to the party. She was proper raging and to be fair she did still drink and was willing to face the consequences when they came. So she got back home and her parents were like “right then, how much did you drink” and she was like “I only had 2 cups” and they were like “ok, bye”. She was proper fuming like what the hell was happening. They just let her go yet she was freaking out about it for ages and trying to figure out how to trick the system or some shit and tgen they just started laughing at her because they couldn’t believe she actually believed it. Like her whole family were pissing themselves because she thought she was actually about to be breathalized. Kinda funny I must admit
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  • This next story is one where I was the person being laughed at and my sister literally brings it up every fucking second of the day even 6 years after it happened. So we had juts got a puppy (a miniature schnauzer to be exact) and we loved that hoe. We were already wanting to get another and my mum who had not even liked dogs that much (what a fucking weirdo) actually loved our dog. So then one day when I was going home from some sort of club type thing, my older sister was really excited and she was like “we got another puppy!” and I was like “actually fuck off do you really expect me to believe that” and she kept going on about the fact it was the truth. That bitch deserved an oscar because I started to believe her. I knew in the back of my head that it was obviously a lie but I wanted it to be true so bad that I believed it. Then we got home and was like I’m catch this hoe red handed. There is definitely no fucking dog in this house. Then she ran outside to our dog’s bit of the garden and then came back with this minature schnauzer in her hands and it was really small so I went up to see it. Tell me why this bitch was holding a fucking statue? I really started to pet a fucking piece of clay. She really did me dirty there.
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Intricate Humour

I can never really get this type of humour down but I find it really funny whenever it fails and works. Intricate humour is when someone makes a joke and it is kind of factual, or it just has so many layers to it. Like your friend might be building it up like a fucking house and then they drop the wrecking ball and, if timed right, it is hilarious. Sometimes you kinda zone out and wake up once they are laughing at their own joke, but if you manage to listen, it is usually actually good. Another type of intricate joke is one that takes you a second to think about, but like not to the point where it is just dumb and you do a pity laugh. I never really have the brains or the effort to do that shit but sometimes it comes easy to you and you can’t miss that opportunity. There might have been something you and your friend heard or witnessed one week and then one or two weeks later you bring that into the joke it just makes it fucking hilarious.

It always makes me do that silent laugh aka my favourite type of laugh. I swear there have been times where I have been silent laughing for so long that I actually got really scared because I physically could not breathe.

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  • There was this one that I remember so vividly from my first year in high school and I was in my geography class. I sat at the back next to this guy and his friend sat in front of me so they would always be talking about the most random shit. I would usually zone out but there was a faze where they just insulsted each other in the weirdest ways. I am pretty sure they actually didn’t like each other lol. Anyways, one of the insults I heard was one of the most stupid and most unfunny thing ever but literally cracks me up. He says “I hope you turn into a fish and swim backwards” and as if that wasn’t bad enough, he goes on to explain why that’s a bad thing. Btw it’s because the water will go into their gills and like kil them or some shit like that. I just remember how I was so disappointed in that joke and everything about it that I found it hilarious.

Tbh I don’t really have any other examples because they are usually more inside jokes and like you had to be in a certain situation to get them and actually find them funny, but if you guys have any examples please do comment them down below.

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Insomniac Humour

We can’t deny that we all have this type of humour. I suppose it kinda fits under all of these other types of humour, but to be more specific it is the jokes you make that flop really bad or you instantly regret and for the rest of your life you will be reminded of it every single time you try to sleep. I suppose it also includes stuff that you just find embarrassing but people still make fun of you for. Some may call that bullying but just don’t be like that lol. That shit stings though and literally catches you so off guard that it really isn’t necessary. It is literally painful and to be fair my whole life is one big insomniac joke. Like I just replay that shit in my head from the day I was birthed to that very moment. Like it really just is not necessary and I know that nobody remembers that it happened but I know that it did and it was not ok.

And just as soon as you either forget about it or convince yourself that nobody even remembers it somebody gotta ruin the mood and bring it up again so you are never able to get over that trauma. But now to bring it up again myself… I’m gonna have to talk to my therapist about this aren’t I?

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  • I hopped that this information would get locked up somewhere for the rest of my life, but since none of you really know who I am I guess I’ll just relate it to, oh I don’t know, THE WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET. So anyways, I used to go to ballet. Yup, I was a little ballet bitch. But that didn’t work out for me andy you will find out why. I was quite young when this happened. Maybe 5 or 6? But me and the rest of the class had just been misbehaving or like wasting too much time so our teacher was getting pissed off. The thing was I desperatily needed the toilet, but seeing her anger and being the anxious little girl I was, I just stayed quiet. I was like nope, not today bitch. So I just held it. That was, of course, until I couldn’t. Yep, you guessed it, I pissed myself in front of my whole entire class and I actually hate myself. And then my teacher was like “why didn’t you just ask to go”. Girl, you know why! Now clean up my piss. My twin still bullies me to this day.
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  • My first year of high school I was ready to be a whole new person. I was ready to be everyones friend and just the best person ever. So any opportunity I found to get out there I would take. Well there was only one time and I never tried again, but you’ll understand why. So I tried to run for the class president (1st downfall) or whatever the fuck it’s called and that meant I had to go up to the front of the class and tell everyone why they should vote for me. I had a whole plan in my head, no script or prep at all, but I had a goal. So I went up to the front of the class thinking I was gonna be the class clown and everyone would want to be my friend. Mind blank. Complete fucking mind blank. But I remembered one thing after blabbering about the dumbest shit ever and it was something that I thought was really good. Then I say it. Deadass it was the dumbest shit that has ever come out of my mouth. I hate myself so much for it and I swear that was the source of my social anxiety. From that moment onwards I would no longer communicate with anyone outside of my small bubble (aka my family). It is obvious to say I didn’t not get class president.
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Inuendo Humour

For those that doesn’t know, inuendo is basically when one thing sounds or means the same thing as another thing, but like somebody intends the play on words for comedic use. I always find this hilarious especially whenever it wasn’t intended and when the person who said it doesn’t even realise that makes it even more hilarious. I have one friend who is either too mature or we are just immature so she tends to say a lot of things that sound like something else. Usually quite inappropriate stuff but it is so funny because it’s just unexpected and you can tell they didn’t mean it to sound like it did. It’s also the look on the persons face whenever they have possessed it in their head and the look of disappointment is just so funny. To be fair I have never really heard of a person whose go to jokes were inuendos unless it’s some sort of creepy old guy wth a beer belly. Sorry if that is your sense of humour but that’s just been my experience. I also feel like if it was intended then it isn’t funny because they just try too hard but that’s honestly true with all jokes kind of

I’m gonna try and give a few examples but at the moment I can only think of inappropriate ones and Im not sure what type of demographic I’m working with here but to be fair if they are still reading y this point it is a wee bit late. I think I’ll just try to find ones that are more of just a pun

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36 Punny Memes Full Of Innuendo in 2021 | Bad jokes, Funny ...
36 Punny Memes Full Of Innuendo | Really funny memes ...
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Dad Jokes

I had to break the rhythm of the titles because I just couldn’t bring myself to call it dad humour. I guess I could have called it desperate humour but I’ll not be rude. Honestly though is there much I can say about this? It’s just a classic bad joke with like the worst timing. To be honest there is never a good time for a dad joke. They just make me laugh so much because it’s clever but also so unnecessary. It’s seeing your dads face afterwards as well because they are so proud of themselves and you feel bad for not laughing so you just laugh disappointedly. I have to admit though that whenever I come up with one myself I am really proud of myself. Like I don’t know why it’s just so rewarding cause it isn’t always easy. It’s really just an at the moment type situation.

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  • Some people have trouble sleeping… but I can do it with my eyes closed
  • Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. He said “dad can’t you just use a sponge?”
  • Did you know Bruce lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee
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Is Texting A Ticking Time Bomb?

From the perspective of a 16-year-old girl, I would have to say yes, texts are a ticking time bomb. Call me old fashioned, but honestly, I don’t trust that shit. They are so unpredictable. Now I could lie to you and say that is the reason I don’t text people much, but the plain truth… Continue Reading →

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The power of apps

This could possibly be my most dumb fucking post because I know I’m about to sound like I’m some sort of old bitch who just discovered the internet, but honestly, I just think of a lot of random crap and I like to share it, whether you like it or not. I mean, if you… Continue Reading →

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Do You Know What’s Weird? | Plants are alive

Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which… Continue Reading →

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10 Top Tips To Stay Warm In Winter That Actually Work

If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your family just as a wee tip because they will really appreciate it. But let’s just get right into it. Oh and that reminds me, make sure to read the text underneath each tip for more explanation and how to do it for optimum warmth.

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1. Turn On The Heating

Now I know that sounds like a bit of a stretch, but the easiest way for you to stay warm inside in every room of your house is to turn on the heating. Surprisingly enough it isn’t that hard to do so and can work quickly. I know some people may complain about the money but the truth is you would rather be warm and spend a bit more money or be literally dead with more cash that you can’t even use. So definitely this is a great one to think about

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2. Put On a Jumper

Make sure to read this explanation because it is important. What you want to do is look in your wardrobe and pick out a nice thick jumper. This will really help to keep you warm when you go downstairs to turn on the heating. So while that is 2 steps, it is very effective and one of my favourites

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3. Put On Slippers

I highly recommend this for those who have wooden or tiled floors because it is scientifically proven that cold feet will make the rest of you cold. Surprising isn’t it! So it’s important you have something on your feet for going downstairs to turn on the heating to your house

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4. Go Into A Smaller Room

The science behind this is that smaller rooms stay warmer because the heat is less dispersed. That is why I go to my utility room which is the smallest in my house and conveniently also where my heating controls are. So I go into the small room until the heating is on for long enough and then go back to my nice toasty bedroom.

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5. Stay Close To People

So I suppose this isn’t the best during ‘rona and also isn’t great for people who don’t really like… people. But this is great because of body heat and shit. Like penguins do it. So how to start with that is just whenever you have to go do something no, do it with someone else. This could be going to the toilet, going to watch tv, or in this circumstance, going to switch on the heating. So yeah that is a great way to stay warm

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6. Stay Active

I know that a lot of you will see this and be like “umm the fuck? I’m not doing that” and then swipe but it doesn’t actually last that long and you can do it in your house, so depending on how big your house is, this could take somewhere from 1 minute to 3 minutes. So here it is and listens closely because it is quite tricky, go down the stairs (making sure to take deep breathes) which is great for cardio. Then go and click the button to turn on the heating (don’t pull a muscle pls) which is great for muscle strength and then go back up the stairs but slowly so that you can cool down a bit and then by the time you have cooled down from the exercise the heating will keep you at a comfortable temperature

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7. Speak To Others

Communication is key and we need to recognize how it can also help us achieve some stuff that we need. You might be wondering how speaking can help you to warm up, and it is really simple actually. All you have to do is take a deep breath, and at the top of your lungs you shout “can some turn on the heating?!” The only fault is that sometimes parents won’t want to do that so it could mean that you have to resort to some of the options that are above, but if you get the right tone and volume, then this is definitely a good option to go for.

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8. Shower/Bath

This one is actually no joke a good one but the thing is you will be warm during it and then when you get out it will be even worse than before so I guess you just gotta weigh up the pros and cons at that point. And for me, baths are boring as fuck but I like the sound of them so when I have one I basically have to just bring my whole bedroom in with me so I have something to do. It’s also hard to get the right balance between boiling hot and sweating your ass off and being absolutely freezing. So I usually go for the classic shower, not that you give a fuck.

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9. Use Single-Use Plastic

This may be confusing for some but if we keep using plastic the way we have done for a while, our whole entire earth will warm up. I’m pretty sure it’s called global warming or some shit but yeah although it may take a year or so, we could soon have natural heating. It could kill us all but then again at least we would die warm. Every cloud has a silver lining. *pls understand this is a joke because I don’t want David Attenborough and Greta Thunberg running after me*

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10. Listen To Anti-Vaxxers

This may seem hard to be able to achieve but it actually isn’t. There are surprisingly a lot of idio- I mean people who don’t want the vaccine. You can find them in the streets, but other hotspots include the Managers office of your closest restaurant or supermarket. There is also many reported to be near your local town hall and can be recognized by their chants “we want freedom” or something along the lines of that. If they by chance don’t have a sign then just look out for the usual Karen haircut. The reason this will keep you warm is because it will make your blood boil. You will try not to punch them so bad and try to speak with them reasonably but that takes a lot of energy to do. So it will both distract from the pain of the cold, and redirect it to the pain that is society. I would even say that you can speak your mind to them because it can help to create heat by movement. So I guess just take your pic!

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Hilarious anti-vaxxer meme
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Anyways, that is me all done for today and I hope this did really help you guys. Also please don’t destroy the planet that would be greatly appreciated actually. But yeah no stay warm and I hope you have an amazing winter and that Santa treats you well. It’s already bloody stormy where I live so really getting in that winter mood :/ I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


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Why Does Nobody Appreciate A Bargain?

POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop… Continue Reading →

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The Most Common US Misconceptions About The UK

This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn… Continue Reading →

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How To Describe My Blog

Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also… Continue Reading →

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These Brands Are Getting Way Out Of Hand

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Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about so be blessed you get to read this post. So prepare yourself guys because I’m about to reveal what is going on. The problem is… the pringles logo😱

New and old pringles logo
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I’m sorry but they really did him dirty. Like what the actual hell were they thinking. He looks literally depressed or as though he just saw something he shouldn’t have. The guy has been absolutely ROBBED of his hair. Did he have kids? Is he papa Pringle now? There better be a good fucking reason because this is not my Pringle man. Literally, where did these eyebrows come from? Maybe he looked in the mirror because he got the same reaction as us. It really hurts my soul that this innocent man has been literally been taken advantage of like this. Don’t fix something that isn’t broken.

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But the thing is their excuse for this monstrosity. I kid you not they were saying it’s because they want to appeal to Gen Zs by being more minimalistic. Don’t put the blame on me bitch. I don’t claim any of this. Like why fix something that isn’t broken? It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe we like a minimalist house or designer shit but we love a good classic. Our generation is so anxiety-ridden that we love to see the same old shit as normal. That’s why we rewatch friends and the office. We like to be comforted by the things we already know and have known all our life.

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Oh but don’t think that this is only pringles. Nah, I’m gonna expose all these hoes. Let’s start with our old friend Doritos who have sadly been through an identity crisis and now think they are the YouTube play button

New and old Doritos logo
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I’m sorry you had to see that but you must be aware of the truth. You can’t excuse that. That’s basically a crime against humanity and when I see my therapist I am going to show him this photo and I won’t have to say anything else. It’s like he grew up and lost all personality. Get Doritos on some counselling now because that’s not healthy. I don’t recognize this brand. It was so full of life and Gad hopes for the future. It gave me hope but now it gives me “what is the point of anything if we all die eventually”.

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Guys, I just searched up new and old logos and I genuinely feel like I need to hide out in a bunker until this madness passes. Look at what Burger King is doing

New and old Burger King logo
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Who can I call to sue Burger King for this? Like… it was a joke up until now. What were they on when they were coming up with this? The only reason this would make sense is if they had an intern who was freaking out when they asked him to come up with a new logo or if they were high off their heads and going through some sort of mid-life crisis. I would love to see what their sales are like now because I’m ready to boycott them no joke. It’s actually becoming a global crisis and it needs to be stopped. They can’t take our childhood away from us because that was a good time in my life. I want my kids to live with the original Mr Pringle because they may not see a fucking polar bear or some shot so at least give them the OG packaging. Get your priorities straight bitch.

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This actually does sadden me and it doesn’t stop so I’m going to go and cry now. So yeah I’ll leave you with that and if you can get in touch with any of the people guilty of this crime then do send them this. Comment down below what you guys think and if you actually like them. If you do I would get that checked out, to be honest. But yeah don’t forget to like and subscribe also. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT

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Are We Born Hypocrites?

This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do it myself but that is why I come to you with this question. Are we born hypocrites?

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Think about it. Everybody seems to be one and if you say you aren’t then you are either lying or a robot. Our parents did, and still do, it all the time with things like “I don’t care if you don’t like the food, just eat it” but then they will never go near or even look at the food they don’t like. Another example is adults in general who say you must “stand up for yourself and not let anyone get you down” but as soon as you speak your mind and go against what someone says they go absolutely mental saying it’s disrespectful even though they are also arguing with you and now we must go to our room. This leads to the next point where they want us to get out of our room. So it goes from “go to your room!” to “get out of your room and have a life” and then to “stop spending so much time with your friends” and then you tell them how they aren’t being reasonable and the cycle starts again.

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But to be fair, I don’t think we can blame them. Our views change and so do our actions. For example, at the moment there are things that I would say I am never going to do to my kids like hit or scream at them. I also don’t want them to have no imagination by going on their tablet all the time. But will that be the case in the future? So here is me acting like the worlds best parent coach and being like “you shouldn’t do that” or “you need to be nicer and then they’ll listen” but I assume kids can get bloody frustrating and exhausting so the only thing you can do is give them their iPad or something. To be fair I will never hit my kid but like you get what I’m saying.

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You could have a strong argument that we are born hypocrites because it helps to keep us safe. It is an instinct that we have gotten built into us in the past thousands of years. We see it as a way to protect others and while we may not recognise it as hypocrisy, it is. And it bloody sucks when people don’t recognise this because then it happens more often and can lead to a manipulative person It can grow to many things so while hypocrisy may not be a bad thing, it is bloody dangerous and we need to recognise it.

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I wouldn’t say we are born hypocrites, but we are taught it from a very young age. Even from the little stuff like “don’t touch that” and then we immediately touch it or “don’t interrupt me” and then we lately completely interrupt them because we think we are allowed to. It’s just part of human life and isn’t really something you can avoid. You can try but it won’t work out because someday you might not look both ways when crossing the road or “just relax” whenever something bugs us.

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Overall, hypocrites annoy the living daylight out of me. Obviously, I don’t mean everyone in the whole world, but the people who are so clearly doing it but don’t understand it themselves. It’s people like the politics who are raving every day about staying inside and staying in a bubble but then flying off to a holiday home on the other side of the world. And it’s when you have a disagreement with a parent and they get annoyed at you only because they aren’t used to having their own child, who they raised to be confident and opinionated, come and challenge their opinions. It’s also when you walk near your sister’s room or tell her something important and she literally screams your ear off and actually makes you fear for your life, but then they kick your door open and rummage around your stuff as though they own the place and when you ask them to leave they just laugh and continue messing around.

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Sure it can just be messing around and harmless, but sometimes I get scared that someone I love will get so accustomed to it that they don’t even understand that what people are doing to them is wrong. Like in a relationship they may have a manipulative partner and they don’t find out it’s toxic before it’s too late. They don’t understand that you are allowed to give your opinion and argue about what you think is right or wrong. And we should be able to do that without being told off afterwards. If we keep getting mixed signals we won’t know what’s right or wrong so we just choose to do nothing. Just stay quiet and hope for the best because at least then any bad reactions won’t be your fault. And that my friends are how low self-esteem and lack of confidence can grow.

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I know that sounded deep as fuck, but I think what I really wanted to get across is that it is human nature to be hypocritical, which doesn’t excuse some people’s behaviours, but shows that you can’t please everyone. You sometimes have to go with your gut and what you know is right because people’s opinions and actions can change fucking quickly and you should speak up if you feel someone is disrespectful or incorrect. You should shout, swear and put the middle finger up to the creepy old man that catcalls you when he drives past, and you fucking better be whoever and wear whatever, you want because you are unique and worth it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Jennifer Lawerence Is What?

Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck… Continue Reading →

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Merry Chrysler!

Merry Christmas guys! I want to keep this post short and sweet because honestly who the fuck wants to read this on Christmas but if you are then I respect you and you a real one. But anyway lol I know this year has been kinda very shite but it’s nearly over and we made… Continue Reading →

Thank Goodness For Growing Up

I’m no Peter Pan, but I never want to grow up. Well, except for these reasons. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

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I Quit…Was It A Big Mistake?

So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for the lols I am going to tell you my personal opinion.

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I had been working at a restaurant for ages and like it was good and stuff but like also fucking horrible because I was paid fuck all, I was treated like shit but customers and other staff and I was literally working very illegal hours. Like I worked 11 and half an hour shifts one time. And at the end of that shift I was scared that this drunk couple were about to jump me or something. I did love the drama to be honest, but like that was only every once in a while. Tips were alright like but I also don’t think that is the main reason I quit because I mean I feel bad for expecting tips. But I mean even fucking 10p to show your appreciation would be great. But no, I hated the job after a few months of working there and my manager was doing my fucking head in so I just quit. Let me explain some things more for you though to show you why I quit and then I’ll sum up my feelings and regrets.

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The Staff

Where the fuck do I even start. Well, I guess I’ll say that the other waiters and waitresses where all lovely and it was my bad for not speaking to them much because I am quite as fuck, but like I do kinda miss that side of it. But there was this one chef who thought he was Gordon fucking Ramsey and would shout at everything you did. He would switch it up sometimes though and would actually be nice but then I would know that in the moment because I was scared that if I laughed or smiled he would dice me up and put me in a stew. So he definitely did my head in and made work a living hell. The thing is that he wasn’t even head chef and would shout at you for nothing. My manager would be like that too. Like they were bipolar as fuck I swear to god. At the start I thought that my manager was really nice and that I just wasn’t good at my job/she was trying to hold in her judgements. But then a few days before I quit, me and the other people working were talking about how fucking annoying she is. Like the best way to explain it is if a Karen did a sneaky twist and actually became the manager. No joke. She had that “school receptionist/nurse” walk and just would stare at me with her eyes wide opening if I even breathed in her direction.

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There was one time when it was really busy and I was like what the fuck is even going on and I thought I had just got everything under control and she came over and was like “why didn’t you ring these on?” and then I realised I forgot to ring on some drinks so I was like oh sorry but she was obviously pissed which I guess is understandable but also simmer down. And then later on I forgot again because I was just busy and it went out of my head, and then in front of the fucking customers (who were actually very nice) she went right up in my face and was like “why did you do that again? You can’t do that. That’s really bad. Why are you doing that? This is so bad for the business!” And here I am nearly in tears while she acts like I just bombed the place and the customers are right there and I am just smiling and apologising awkwardly. But I wish I could have said something and walked out because that would have been a bomb moment.

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And the thing is, and I realise it now, is that I don’t get paid to give a fuck. I really don’t care if a fucking drink isn’t put on the bill. Maybe tell me again in another £5 pay raise and then we can talk, but like I am the one doing you a favour. I could quite easily get some police down and they would have a field day finding evidence that it is a sketchy fucking employment system, but no, I am going to try my best and if it doesn’t work out then fuck off.

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The Hours

So I am in 6th year, which basically means my last 2 year before I go to uni, so it’s stressful and a lot of work, but then I would have to end up doing a work shift after all that as well. Obviously that isn’t there fault because it was my choice, but that was a me problem. The weekend hours and the lack of breaks was what did it for me. So I said before that I did a 11 and a half hour shift, and that wasn’t my first one. I had done 2 other 11 hour shifts before and there was a time where I worked 6 days in a row. I mean I got the money and stuff but here is the catch. Firstly, that is illegal to even offer my age group those types of hours, and secondly, if your shift was over 5 hours, you were only given a 20 minute break. And it doesn’t mean that you get another 20 minutes after 10 hours. No. No matter how long your shift is, as long as it is over 5 hours you only get 20 minutes. It was paid to be fair but like here I am on an 11 hour shift and only 20 minutes break. I would gladly take an unpaid break because I was exhausted at the end. That basically from open to close and having to cope with all the lunch and dinner waves of people. Have to admit I was near in tears all of those times. And this was all on a minimum wage job which is like £4.62 per hour, so I wouldn’t even come home with enough to make it worth it. I would come home with some change and fucking back problem.

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Customers…

Do I even need to elaborate on this one? NO. But I will anyways. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many really nice customers that literally make your day and it doesn’t even take much to be in that category. Just a thank you and smiling and not ignoring them. Also, if they’ve made a mistake they have probably had a rough day so just be kind and act like it isn’t a problem. Now that we have cleared that up, lets talk about the Karen’s that you meet.

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To be fair, I don’t think I have met them all because I only worked for a few months, but like I have seen more than enough. I have had people be like “this coke is flat” 10 minutes after I gave it to them. Like obviously it’s gonna go flat if you leave it for ages. I have had people swear at me, make me feel uncomfortable *cough*men*cough* and people that are just done right fucking rude. And I can’t do shit about it. There was this one time where this guy was like “can I call you honey” and here is me, 16 years old, just wanting to get his order and finish my fucking shift and just like “ha…” like what the fuck do I say. He literally could have been my granda but like… the audacity of this hoe.

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There are also some guys that just wink at you, but I think that a majority of the time it is just what they do because they are literally with their girlfriend. So here I am literally “is that everything” and the guy is just here 😉 winking away and I’m like, charming tbh, but also what the fuck. It is funny though to be honest, especially when they pronounce things weird (although tbh I don’t know how to pronounce some of them) and there are times where people are like “what should I get” but as a literal question and I’m here like “I really don’t fucking know or care. Like I literally have 5 other tables and I don’t give a fuck” and here I am “umm people really like the crispy chilli chicken” and they go for something completely different like “oh right, I’ll go for the fish pie then please” and I’m just there like what the fuck. So 10/10 don’t recommend you do that to anyone.

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So I think I am going to wrap it up there but also I have to tell you whether or not I regret quitting and whether or not it was a mistake. I have 2 words for you, FUCK NO. Best decision of my life. I mean I was depressed before my job but during it, that was shit. Like I now have a bit of time to myself, I don’t have to stress our about everything or whether or not table 6 got their bloody bbq sauce. Maybe it just wasn’t for me, but waitressing is not my thing and I respect those who do that as a full time job because I could not be coping. But yeah, that’s me all done and I hope you found this amusing or eye-opening in some sort of way. So if you take anything from this post, let it be this. You are the one doing your boss the favour, not the other way around, so leave that hoe. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Humans Haven’t Evolved For Shit

Humans haven’t evolved for shit, well not in the way I would like. I would warn all the Ross Gellers, or people who actually understand this topic, to beware because this may cost you a few brain cells, but I do want to add I am not a Karen and I do believe in evolution, this is a joke.

Let’s Discuss It | New Borns

Whenever you grow up and someone says they have a “face only a mother could love”, that person is, one, a bitch, but two, speaking facts because, after the first time she sees her new-born baby, there is no way it can get any worse, so no matter what they look like when they grow… Continue Reading →

the christmas spirit is a curse, christmas, snow, winter, comforting

The Christmas Spirit Is a Curse

Whoever said Christmas is about giving, not receiving is fucking right because bitch do I GIVE! Now I ain’t tryna brag and be like oh my days I’m so unlucky that I have to/can spend money to get stuff for my family, but like I’m just saying that I am acting as though I’ve got… Continue Reading →

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I’m not above a fight

See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate to fight.

No this isn’t coming out of the blue guys, but something I did yesterday kinda got my blood boiling if you get me. Anyways, here I was at my friend’s house for moral support because I was about to call my work and be like “hey girl so for medical and educational reasons I’m not gonna be able to work more than 8 hours a week but obviously I can work more on holidays thanks”, and here my manager does the longest sigh ever, literally I could almost smell her stinking breathe it was that loud, and I was like shit what is about to happen. Then this bitch really stops the sigh and goes “that’s not really helpful for us”

😮 Did I ask?! No I think the fuck I didn’t so why the hell did you have to say that. Would you prefer I didn’t work any hours? Do you want me to quit because I’ll be more than happy to get out of this bitch. Like I actually don’t even like work. When I tell you I was shocked, I mean I was back-from-war-tazer-in-the-back shocked. I still am at the moment tbh.

But anyways, after that, I paused because I was in denial at that stage or something and then I was just like “Ummm well… It’s for medical reasons as well” because my doctor told me to say that so she legally couldn’t fire me for it (I also wouldn’t care if she did because then id use and never have to work again, I’m not too proud to miss that opportunity bitch) and here she was acting all nice again, miss cheeky bitch tryna get on my good side again. Like I actually have to go to work with her today and if she comes up to me and starts talking shit, I will happily throw hands. I mean I’m terrified of her too, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but she barely knows me and doesn’t know how hard I can hit. BTW this is a joke don’t be calling the police

Anyways yeah that happened and it really made me realise how much I HATE, despise, loath, work. Do I get paid minimum wages to only get a 20 min break during illegal hours?! I think the fuck not. Like I have enough money saved to get my ass out of that hoe and I only stay cause I want my parents to be proud of me lol. But you have to admit what she said was petty uncalled for. Like it was not necessary. I actually despise the working world and it sucks the little bit of life and dignity inside of me.

So what do you guys reckon I should do? Quit or just realise that this is life. Also if anyone is like a law person, is there any way I could use for doing illegal hours with only a 20 minute break. I mean that would be ideal lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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2 COVID Tests and a Christmas in Quarantine

12 days ’til Christmas and my true love gave to me, a big fucking mess. I mean what the actual hell. Here I am with a bit of a sore head and a stuffy nose and then I take a wee lateral flow test before I go out to Ju-Jitsu but then the 2nd line… Continue Reading →

I Needed More Time In The Oven

Before you start calling child protection services, let me just clear something up. No, I am not the gingerbread man and no I am not in some weird family where instead of a naughty step I get the literal oven. What I’m referring to is the lack of basic features that I kinda feel were… Continue Reading →

After 7 Years I’m Not Sure My Pet Is A Dog

I know what you are thinking, “what the fuck does your dog look like”. But it isn’t because of that. She is literally the cutest thing you will ever see, well… apart from at the moment because she just got a haircut that made her hella ugly, but it’s fine it’ll grow back. The thing… Continue Reading →

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Something I Realized About Being a Waitress

I’m going to try and keep this post quite small, kind of like the size of the tips people give. Yup, that is what I am talking about today and I would like to preface that this is in the most respectful way possible. I don’t feel this way towards young teen or people struggling financially, but there are a few people who may have caused absolute hell to my day or are obviously well off financially that give fuck all and I need to get it out there to someone.

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Now, I haven’t been a waitress for very long and I also don’t work in a fancy restaurant, but I work my ass off and give them the best experience possible. Maybe at the end of my shift I am less chatty but I am polite and efficient. I think it is my first or second week in this job and 2 days ago I had my busiest shift. I mean there were people out the fucking door and they just kept coming. I was stressed with learning so many things and having to communicate and put those lessons into practice almost immediately. Now that may not seem all that difficult but when you are already always stressed and there is so much noise and movement, it is pretty fucking hard. But then at the end of the shift, after serving so many bloody tables and a lot of big tables with 6-8 people, I got less than £4. I may sound like an ungrateful bitch but even I tip when I go out. Like it may not be a lot but it shows that I tried.

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And you see, my problem isn’t with teens not tipping because obviously they don’t know any better, and I don’t care if you just buy a small snack for yourself and/or your friend because that isn’t a lot of work for me and it is only a small bill anyways. But I swear to god, if I have to get you one million drinks, go back and forth having to get different salts and sauces or you buy lots of meals and desserts, you should at least have the courtesy of giving the waiters a bit of recognition because new flash, this isn’t what we want to be doing on a Friday night. That isn’t your fault and it is our job, I get that, but I’m paid minimum wage and could easily do the bare minimum but because I value you and want you to have the best experience, I work hard. Also, if you think we are being slow, that is probably because we are handling a handful of tables at a time and trying to prioritize and remember all the shit we have to do next. We haven’t forgotten about you, we want to get you sorted as quickly as possible and for me, someone who is new to the job, may take longer and make a few mistakes.

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I have had a few embarrassing times, one just the other day, where I was so exhausted and mentally fucked that I just forgot the table numbers and I had to walk around holding plates of food and having no clue where it was. I would sometimes forget what table it was even for and then have to go back and ask the scary chefs and then I would forget what dishes it even was and have to act like an idiot. It is fucking scary to breathe and look you in the eye especially when you are fucking rude or ignorant. Even if you don’t mean it and you don’t necessarily do anything mean like throw water in their face, make sure you give them a smile and a thank you or just any indication that you appreciate their presence because if we didn’t have waiters, you wouldn’t get any food or it would be 10 times later and with worse service. Maybe you think of us as unskilled or something but we are important for you getting your meals and drinks and everything.

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So here is something I feel like I need to say. I don’t feel entitled to a tip. I don’t expect every single person to tip because they may not know that is what you usually do yet. But what I don’t appreciate is when you are rude and dismissive and don’t give a tip, despite the fact we were of great service. If you don’t have anything to give, we don’t judge that, but make sure you look us in the eyes and genuinely show you are grateful. That may just be me and I may sound ignorant as it is my first week but every single waiter out there needs a bit of respect. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Shocking Event That United The UK More Than Ever

Now I’m not someone who gets political, not even when it comes to Brexit taking our magic stars, but this phenomenon has to be mentioned. It is absolutely mental how this one thing has united the countries within the UK more than anything else. I feel we have actually joined as a team to create… Continue Reading →

which sense of humour do you have

Which Sense of Humour Do You Have?

I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the… Continue Reading →

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I Hate Genes

To any foetus child out there who is like what the fuck are genes, basically they are the characteristics that we get from our parents and they make up who we are and what we look like. For example, I inherited my dad’s white ass Irish skin which burns like a bitch whenever a bloody tea light goes within 1 mile of it. So it’s not ideal. I also inherited his lack of eyebrows which shocked me, but you couldn’t tell because you couldn’t see my eyebrows expressions. I slightly blame my twin for that because, although it is probably scientifically impossible, I believe she robbed them from me in the womb. Unfortunately that doesn’t stand well in court so I never got back what is rightfully mine smh

I do have blonde hair which really is the only thing going for me but it is going darker and I resent that but it is what it is. Oh and I forgot to mention, I swear my twin stole my teeth because I have two missing and she’s a bit sus if you ask me. She isn’t little miss perfect after all. When she dies I swear I’ll find a long note releasing the truth. I don’t know why she would do it but like it meant that for 13 years of my life I looked like your crazy young cousin whose only personality trate is losing their teeth. And now I have fake teeth that I sometimes think will fall out. IM FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD YET I’LL LITERALLY HAVE FAKE TEETH DRILLED IN MY MOUTH AT 18. I remember one time when I had to put my fake teeth in my retainers and one day I forgot them for some dumb fucking reason and I was like dad we need to turn back and he was like no. The trauma this man caused right then was astronomical but he didn’t give a shit. I kid you not, I had to spend that whole day trying not to smile with my teeth or talk to anyone but then in one of my classes I forgot and smiled at someone and they looked at me like what the fuck and then was like “where have your teeth gone”. Keep in mind I was 13-14 so all my teeth should have fallen out and grown back so it was weird. I also regret this moment because I could have pranked them so easily by acting scared and going “oh my god where the hell did they go” but no I had to really say “I forgot them at home”. I FORGOT THEM AT HOME! What the actual fuck. No teen should have to say that they left their teeth at home. I am still recovering from that chat.

But back to what I wanted to talk about today. My pale ass skin. I kid you not, I only have two different options. White as fuck or red as fuck. Yesterday I thought I would switch it up a bit so I got burnt to a crisp. I regret it. Why do I never learn. I literally thought I could wish my way into going tan but instead I look like a fucking stop sign. It was dumb how it happened though because I must have forgotten to put suncream on like half of my legs and I didn’t realize. Like I knew my attention span was shit but I thought I could at least pay attention to this. So I had work after and I was basically cooking the meals on my legs cause they were burning so much and then when I took them off later I thought I was turning into Elmo because those bitches were RED. I basically bathed them in aloe Vera and cried because I am now currently on the way to a beach where the general public are and they can see my bright ass legs. Everyone also seems to have to point them out. Like just when I stop thinking about it someone needs to pop out from the sky and go “OH MY GOD” literally like Janice from friends “YOU ARE GLOWING” and I look at them like no shit Sherlock. I didn’t realize that my legs could double as a flare to attract planes and a heater to toast our sandwiches. Leave me and my burns alone. And of course my twin fans. That cheeky bitch. How did I get the pale skin, invisible eyebrows, missing teeth AND the mental illness 😮

Anyways that is the post and I’m glad to get that off my chest. Please feel free to comment some things you inherited from your parents or whether you relate to some of the things I have. Have fun in the sun and don’t forget suncream bitches. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT

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christmas controversy

The Century-Long Christmas Controversy

Merry Christmas to everyone!… except those who say happy Christmas. You can go to hell. I don’t really know what it is that possesses people to say “happy” Christmas but I don’t want it. Like it makes me shrivel up and die inside. I can actually hear the elves and Santa cry from the north… Continue Reading →

These Brands Are Getting Way Out Of Hand

Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about… Continue Reading →

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Do I Have Anger Issues Or Was She Just a Bitch?

You guys need to settle something for me today because just this morning I was confronted by a crazy, telly-tubby lookin’ ass bitch on my walk and she really angered me, I will tell the story in a sec, but when I told my mum she seemed unfazed. So today, with your opinion, I will discover if I have anger issues or my mum is also a Karen 😮 This is a big one guys. Maybe you just had to be there but I really did feel like kung-fu panda-ing the shit out of her. Also, disclaimer, no Karen’s were hurt in the following story (unfortunately)

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So here I was, minding my own business as one does on their usual morning walk with their tiny cute dog following behind. I kept walking and checking up on el perro and saw there was a woman walking up behind me with one dog that was on a leash and another German Shepard that wasn’t on a leash. I didn’t think anything of it because my dog is good and doesn’t like attack or any of that shit, but she is dramatic as fuck. Anyways, I let the woman go ahead because my dog was being slow and sniffing the dog that was OFF THE LEASH and may I add, the dog was 10 times the size of mine. Anyways, she went one way and I went to go another way and my dog was following the dog that was off the leash. The lady just laughed and did the generic “hahaha guess she is coming with me” (no this is not a kidnapping story) and so of course I did the whole “lol you are such a comedian” bullshit.

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But then my dog unleashed the dramatic bitch inside her and started doing a whole high pitched yelp at the dog that was OFF THE LEASH and maybe put her paws on the German Shepard’s face but like not with force. And then the owner got like crazy eyes and I was like “sorry about that, she is really dramatic” because she does that sometimes even though nobody got hurt or anything and it is all laughs, but then when I went to grab my dog she was like “get your dog right now!” But like in a really strict, scary way and I didn’t realise at first because she seemed nice but then I realised when was walking away and I’m just like what an actual cheeky fuck. Like no dogs were hurt, I made a joke saying she is just dramatic, the dog on the leash that I am assuming is angry, was nowhere near them and her dog was bigger than mine so was not going to get attacked by mine. And she just turned so rude and was giving me a dirty look. I was near ready to fight but I only processed it after we walked away from each other.

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So now I want you guys to comment and tell me if I misinterpreted it, but she sounded pretty fucking rude to me and nothing even happened. My dog just yelped and that was it and she is literally a miniature Schnauzer. I swear though… “get your dog right now!” Get your shit together right now you crazy lady. I wish I had realised and gave her a dirty look or just been like “right calm down it was just a yelp” or something like “sorry can you say that again, I forgot to act like I cared”. Can you tell I’ve been thinking about this a lot? Usually I don’t overreact. Like I seem like a very calm person but I also can take things the wrong way. She didn’t sound worried though so wasn’t scared her dog would do something but she sounded cheeky which meant I thought she was rude, obviously, and maybe she was having a bad day but it was literally bloody 10 am so like what could have happened in that time… like seriously. It’s just things like that though that really annoy me because I know that if I was to like say something or like defend myself, she would be fuming because I’m a teen and then I would be backing up the idea that teens are entitled fuckers who are always angry. Like people think that all the time even though we are just sticking up for ourselves. Don’t me wrong, some of us are like that but a majority of us are respectful but also know what we deserve.

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Anyways, that was quite the random post I have to admit but please do comment on your thoughts because I want to know if I am overthinking this. But I will see you again tomorrow for more and hopefully I won’t see that woman again because I might have a few words to say to her. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Selfishness is Comforting

I know, I know, this sounds so bloody stupid but I swear that by the end of this post you will completely agree. Selfishness is comforting when you look at it in a particular way. And I’m almost certain that if you are someone who has hit rock bottom and ended up looking at motivational… Continue Reading →

A Hole I’ve Dug Way Too Deep

You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like… Continue Reading →

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“You look just like your dad”

Let’s play a quick game of never have I ever. Never. Have I ever needed to hear that. Never have I ever wanted to hear that. Never have I ever felt good after hearing that. Never have I ever gone to someone’s house and they didn’t say this. Never have I ever been more offended. But literally why do people think that it would be a good thing to say to a teenage girl that they look just like an old, balding, wrinkly, angry, sore backed man. Like seriously what the fuck made you say that. There was actually one time I went to my sisters boyfriends house for some reason and I had never seen his parents before but I kid you not, the first thing they said to me was “you look just like your dad”… what dumb fuckery is that because I didn’t even know he had seen them. Like what the hell. Needless to say, I never saw them again. Highly unappreciated to be honest with you.

The saddest thing is though is that I can see it. Like they aren’t wrong. Did they need to point that out though? No. But they aren’t wrong. One time at New Years there was this thing where you had to guess who was who from their childhood photos. Don’t ask why. But we just did. And I was looking around when my sister called me over and was like “look at this” and so I did. She covered the hair of my dads picture and was like “look”. This bitch really called me out because it literally looked exactly like me. Great start to the new year am I right. Like why the actual fuck did I have to inherit his non-existent eyebrows and his literal 5 head. Not appreciated father.

But yeah, I never get compared to as my Mum but like I guess looking like my dad, while embarrassing, let’s me know I am not adopted because as a child I would be like “Oh mY GoD iM aDoPteD” just because I the only one in my whole family that has blonde hair. What do you guys get compared to. Is there anything other than your parents you get compared to or maybe even a celebrity! The only celebrity I’ve been compared to is the bloody monster from the goonies. He is such a babe though I guess.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post and make sure to like and comment below if you have anything else to add. I’ll see you tomorrow for more hopefully and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


And You Did This For What?

I think we all related to this title a bit too much when you first read it. I know that whoever clicked on this was like “this shit about to be good” and it is because I am going to tell you about a few times that I have asked that question in my head and I am pretty sure you will be able to relate to at least a few of these, and if for some reason you don’t, you either don’t have any siblings or you are a foetus and haven’t experienced the world yet. So lets get started shall we.

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Are you in a bad mood?

Donttouchmynewtonballs When You're in a Really Bad Mood ...

This one needs a bit of context but you can probably understand what I mean already. I hate whenever you are just having an overall bad day and you just feel a bit low and can’t be arsed to do anything or act nice all the time and then your parents go ahead and say “why are you in a bad mood”. I don’t know if they don’t understand but it sound so freaking condescending and I wasn’t in a “bad mood”, I was having a bad day and they are not the same thing. Just because we may not be smiling 100% off the time, it doesn’t mean we are a full on annoying teen. To be honest, I get annoyed whenever they mention mood at all. Like if they were like “hows the mood today” and you just look at them like, was it that hard to just say how are you. I don’t know if that is just me but it ruins the already depressing day. Just because I am a teen it doesn’t mean that I am grumpy every time I am quiet. I rest my case bitch.

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Looking at your phone

24 Hilarious Cell Phone Memes

You know when you are sitting next to someone and you are just on your phone cause your bored as fuck and then they have audacity to just watch everything you are doing and they try to fucking hide the fact they are spying on you but like you aren’t dumb so you can tell they are side-eyeing you. Like I don’t know why but it stresses me out so much and I don’t want to do anything because if I look up at them or move my phone so they can’t see it, they get offended. Like bitch you were the one that was spying on me so don’t get offended. I don’t really mind if it is my friends or something because if I am on my phone it is for a particular reason you know, but it just aggravates me. Especially on road trips because I sit in the middle (so my sisters don’t literally kill each other) and they both are able to just stare at my phone. Even though they usually don’t, I am too scared to do anything in case they look over for even a second and then shout something like “DAMN YOUR SNAPCHATS SO DRY!!” or “Why are you playing that. That’s so boring”. That is the point where you just put down your phone and stare at them for a while until you reach the perfect moment to say “shut the fuck up” and then you go back to normal.

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Jumping out

60 Of The Best Sibling Memes Ever | Bored Panda

This one goes out to all the people with siblings who have high blood pressure from the fear that comes with walking past or through a door. It really do be scary because there will also be a 99% chance that someone is going to scare you or throw something at you. It is fun to be fair, if you are the one scaring or throwing something. But I have become very observant in my lifetime because I just scan every sound, movement and light to make sure the coast is clear. Going into my kitchen is the most dangerous place because people can hide at both sides of the door, but if you hide behind the door, I will see you because I look through the crack as I walk by. It is a skill I guess, no biggy lol. And our dog is a big give away too because he just stares at you like an idiot. Another thing is when you are sitting down and you just get the urge to annoy them. It is really weird and can lead to a lot of things. At my stage, we have moved on from attacking the other for what they do and now we kinda just stare at each other like what the fuck just happened. Sometimes, what I like to do is throw a pillow, randomly punch them on the shoulder, leave their door open and then just freestyle it you know. It is quite the fun one, unless they pick to fight back and you get scared that they actually will kill you 🙂

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“Are you…”

When Someone Asks You a Dumb Question at Work What Would ...

The last thing I want to mention today is whenever people state the fucking obvious. Like they state every fucking thing as though they have just become the dumbest people on earth. It literally angers me to just talk about it. And these people pop out of nowhere. I could be walking outside with my dog on the leash and someone would pop out from the fucking sky and be like “are you taking the dog on a walk” and you just stare at them like “no, I’m leaving the dog outside to die” Like what the fuck does it look like I’m doing. Or when you sit in a room watching the TV and they come in and are like “oh, are you watching something” and you look at them like “no actually, I am fucking blind. Can you tell me where I am?”. They literally ask the most ridiculous things too. I am sure that one of these type of people has just risen up from the depths of hell and asked “are you breathing” and then went back down laughing evilly, leaving the other person on the floor crying with anger. I can picture it now. Can people seriously not just connect the dots, it isn’t that hard bitch.

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Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed that and you related to a few of them. You have to admit though, you have been through at least 2 of these. Comment down below if you have and also feel free to tell me what you get annoyed by and I might mention you in my next post. Don’t forget to like, follow and comment if you liked this content and I will be sure to make more like this. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Are We Born Hypocrites?

This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do… Continue Reading →

Let’s Discuss It | Parenting

It’s a bit ironic to have a literal kid (who has no kids) talking about parenting, but like I was just on a walk and it was kind of an existential kind of day and I was just thinking about how fucked up that shit is and how scary that must bloody be. Like it… Continue Reading →

I Have No Concept of Time At All

This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet… Continue Reading →

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Little Things That Annoy Me On Online School For No Reason (Have You Noticed Them?)

There are a lot of common things people get annoyed at, whether that is just having to sit around all day or the WiFi not working, just stuff like that. I am not talking about these things today, I am talking about the little tiny things that others may not notice, just like one of those tiny flies that fly around your face while you are talking and you just can’t stop getting distracted by it.

Silent But Deadly

I know what this title makes you think of, but that isn’t it. What I mean by it is that I hate it when there are certain teachers who ask a question and go quiet for way too long. Nobody is answering and nobody know who is about to start talking first. Maybe nobody will, but that is even worse. There are three ways this can end. 1, you speak first. Nobody else talks and you get it right. Well done you, you stopped the bomb. 2, you start to talk, but so does somebody else. You both stop starting and stopping to talk at the same time, just that little sidestep you do when trying to get past someone. You never speak on zoom again in fear of this happening. 3, nobody talks, the teacher waits longer, still nobody talks. Suddenly, you find yourself in deep shit. The teacher is shouting, complaining about everything going on in their life. Their marriage, quarantine, drinking problem. They stop. Everyone leaves. So yeah, a majority of the time, it is not ideal. I hate the silence with a passion.

Sweet Or Sour

Right, this is literally the most annoying ever. This is when the teacher’s are trying to act nice but everyone can tell they couldn’t give a shit. To be fair I don’t blame them, but passive aggressiveness annoys me in general. Like they just be staring at the camera and you can see it in their eyes that they are ready to slap us all, but they have ask a question like ‘hope you guys are all ok’. Oh my god, or they like ‘just text if you want me to help you with anything’ but you can tell they will give you fuck all if you ask them. The last example of this is also when we have had quite a quiet class, so everyone is a bit on edge, and then at the end of the class they say ‘has anyone got anything to ask’ and then time just stops. We all have our mouse on the end call button, even the teacher, but she just stares as if we have literally failed her as a class. She is as close to giving up as she is to the camera. Just their face staring. It do be giving me nightmares. Yeah, that kind of passive aggressiveness just gets to me :O

*crickets* THANK YOUUUUUU

Ok, so I guess this is nice for the teachers, but this is when the class is so quiet the whole time and then the teachers say ‘bye’ and then there is a long silence when everyone stays on the call waiting for one person to say ‘thank you’. Then everyone erupts and says THANK YOU at the exact same time. I do feel kind of bad if we don’t do that I guess, but the thing is, nobody wants to be the first person so you are just waiting there awkwardly and then all of a sudden your ears are blown off. I just can’t deal.

The most important thing is _/\/\/\_ is that all OK guys?

Just ignore my attempt of trying to portray a glitch through a keyboard. And to be fair, this kind of a big thing that happens to probably everyone, but… get over it, this is my blog. LOL anyways. You could have been sitting through a whole bloody lesson just for this one piece of info that you need and then that is the moment that they glitch. You just waiting for it and all of a sudden, BOOM, WiFi is non-existent. Yes, I probably could just ask for her to repeat that. Will I know? No. Why? Because then the exact same thing I explained in the first example will happen, and I am still recovering from last time. I mean maybe the thing she said wasn’t that important, right?

Time is Ticking Bitches

In our school, our classes are only supposed to be 45 minutes each to give us time for any technical difficulties and stuff like that. Now lets play a bit of ‘never have I ever’. Never have I ever finished class in 45 minutes. Never have I ever not been rushing to go onto my next class. Never have I ever had my class run into break and lunch time. Oh wait! I have actually. The only thing getting them away from it is the fact they are my favourite teacher. And every single time they keep saying ‘I am conscious of the time guys, don’t worry’. Umm, I don’t think you fucking are because the time is ticking. And then they keep going on with other questions and it is so dragged out because nobody answers and then they do a massive conclusion and then there is the whole bloody awkward THANK YOU thing at the end even though we have nothing to be thankful for!!!!

What Is Time Anyways

On the topic of time, I don’t think that the teachers really realise that the timetable is still a thing. They be starting and finishing these lessons as though they themselves are literally time. They also forget that, just because we at home, doesn’t mean we have more time for work. They be like ‘here is a big pile of homework’, we all panic but she says ‘don’t worry, I know it is a lot’, relaxing, then ‘I am setting it for tomorrow instead of the end of the day’, PANIC. They really woke up and chose evil.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed and this actually makes sense for some. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


The Biggest Jokes In The World

Trust me guys, these ones are gonna get you only the floor because these are so hilarious. Get your gran’s oxygen tank because you won’t be able to breath after this.

The weekend

Why the hell do I blink my eyes and the weekend is gone. I waited 5 bloody days just to get to Saturday but then you just leave so quickly. You left faster than Donald Trump did on inauguration day. The truth is, Sunday isn’t even a real weekend because all I do is get mentally prepared for the week ahead. If the weekend was a human they would be a man because they have the bloody audacity…

‘Nice’ Teachers

If a teacher talks to the class and goes ‘I am gonna be nice and not give you any homework for over the weekend’, they act as though they just saved us all from bloody global warming. I mean I am just here like ‘Ok miss bare minimum’. That is literally what is expected of you. You want to be the fun teacher or just the down-to-earth teacher because they aren’t gonna tell us the story of how ‘I was once a teen too’ while they smile obnoxiously because I see what you are tryna do there hun and it is appreciated but like, a lot has changed since your time. Do you want me to show you the graph of mental illnesses for you?

Ripped Jeans

The funniest thing you could EVER say to a teen is ‘do you want me to fix those for you’ when they come down wearing ripped jeans. Trust me they will appreciate that so much. Did you see what I did there? It’s a scam. LOL literally never say that because I trust you we have heard that 1000 times before and it got old the first time you said it. It is called fashion Mr has worn the same shirt for 15 years. So yeah, just sit your ass down and mind ya business. Thank you.

We Are Here

Who else’s patterns thought they were literally Michael McIntyre whenever you were on a road trip and you would ask ‘are we here’ and they would do that massive smile as they look behind them and say ‘YES, we are here. But we aren’t there’. Bitch, I be looking out the windows to find the need. Why do you literally piss yourself after that. You know what I mean but you just gotta rub it in. I don’t really want a grammar lesson after 4 hours of driving and 5 applegreen stops.

This World

Please someone explain why the News has turned into a comedy program. I literally get that wee message on my phone and I am like this bitch is crazy. Everything that happens sounds so ridiculous. A pandemic? Yeah right. Global warming about to literally kill us? Sure. KFC ran out of chicken? OH SHIT.

Pockets

To be more specific, women’s pockets. This is one of the things you know a man made. These pockets are so non-existent that they may as well be called the ‘flat earth’. Grandpa in my pocket would even be suctioned into the pockets (if you are a cultured child you would know what that is referencing). If I can be a bit stereotypical for a second, women are the ones who bring EVERYTHING with them, apart from a coat but that’s beside the point, so why the hell give us pockets that can barely hold an atom. And then guys are over here like a snail because they can fit their whole house in those pockets. Whenever I put on absolutely anything and it has pockets, you will know about it because that is the best thing ever. Normalise giving girls actual pockets and not just those ones that are made by the devil himself because they look like pockets but you literally cannot put anything in them.

Thank you so much for reading. Please like, follow and comment if you liked this post because this is one of the most relatable things lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


‘Be Positive’ And You Will Get Slapped By Me

I know that some people might get a bit… enraged by this but it is true. I just hate it when people tell me to just ‘be positive’. I mean they act as though I am just gonna stand up tall and be like ‘ya know what, you are so right’. Do you seriously think that it would be that simple. Let me just have a wee bit of a slump OK.

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Of course there are some exceptions, like when someone is reading out your blood type… wow I really do hate myself for that. Now all of my followers are just gonna be middle aged dads. Well… OK let me just be serious now. The times you can say it are when a small event happens. Like you get one bad grade, or you only have one more coin left for the claw machine…

but that is just because they are literally the most meaningless things in life. I mean you don’t go up to someone who is like clinically depressed and be like ‘it’s OK, be positive’. It doesn’t work like that grandpa, life has changed since the bloody wheel was invented. It just annoys me that people blurt out the most ridiculous things like that, and the thing is, you know that a majority of the time they are actually trying to be nice, but I mean, just don’t say that.
To be honest, I am not 100% sure why this angers me like it does, but it just makes it sound as if you think that what they are going through is literally meaningless. I mean you wouldn’t go up to someone in the army who literally is in the middle of no-mans land and just be like ‘just relax’. Like what the hell do you think is going to happen when you say that? World piece will just suddenly be restored? No, you try to bloody help them. Although, in terms of mental health, the best thing to do is just be there for them and not try to fix everything.
Sometimes teachers say it as well. They will literally stand at the front of the class with a massive pile of homework and be like ‘I know I am only giving you one day to complete this all, but just be positive and you will get through it’. You know what Karen, you just changed the world. I mean I don’t think I can fear sadness ever again. As a matter of fact, let me just do everyone’s homework. Literally words can have no magical affect to make us all better. Even if you have good intentions by saying it, just still don’t do it.
There are some times in life where you can be having the worst day. One of those days where you just suddenly realise that this is how your life is gonna be forever. You look out the school bus window, at the exact same time everyday, at the exact same street where all the workers are walking home. You see that man you see every day, wearing the exact same clothing, walking around at the exact same time, exact same place, doing the exact same thing. And you see that in everyone. You can see they have all just, accepted it. And you really don’t want to become like that but everywhere you look there are lifeless people whose bodies run on a schedule, powered by the money they get to buy the bare necessities. That is what I was feeling one day when I got off the bus to walk home. Nothing had changed. I got their at the exact same time. There was the exact same person walking their dog, the sun was just setting, and this man was mowing his lawn. He looked up and spoke to me. He said ‘hey, these are the best years of your life so just be positive’. I looked back at him and I could tell he felt as though he had just made someones day. I don’t blame him or anything, I mean how could he read a teenagers mind. But I just smiled and walked on. The sadness that made me feel was so overwhelming that my heart was nearly on the floor. I just couldn’t bare that this life would only get worse. I mean it feels so impossible but I guess it’s true. I guess it is time that I just accept this life and work that office job where I work for someone else everyday. Not thinking for myself until I need to figure out what I should take out of my grocery list so that I can afford the shopping this month. My family is so great and we have been so lucky financially, but for me I just feel like I won’t get that. And it was the fact that he just said to ‘be positive’. It sounds so simple, like I should just pick myself up and enjoy every second. But how can I do that when I know it is all gonna be worthless and nothing is gonna come from it.
I suppose that is why I don’t like the phrase. I think it should be banned. Replaced with just your presence. Obviously not from a stranger, but someone you know and trust. They should just look at you with all the compassion they have because that communicates better than any word in the dictionary.

Sometimes downplaying someones emotions can be really damaging to them. Obviously, we know you don’t mean any harm, but when your head is filled with awful things, it morphs any good intentions into bad ones. I know from experience that it is like that for a lot of people. They don’t hate you for what they say, they just feel misunderstood or as though they are literally insane. You don’t need to use your words all the time. Sometimes just being there means the most.

Thank you so much for reading. I really hope this either opened your eyes on how to communicate with others, or reminded you that you aren’t crazy if your mind switches the good into bad. That isn’t your fault. Please like and follow if you enjoyed this and even leave a donation if you like. Anything is appreciated. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


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What Is A Regular Teen?

OK, so this one is gonna confuse all the Karen’s out there so let me break it down for you. Not all teenagers are disrespectful and/or criminals. Now I hope you understood that but I’ll give you more information now.

Teenagers are not only split into 2 groups like they are in the movies. There are more than just brats and nerds. Don’t get me wrong there are some annoying mofos in this world but sometimes if you get to know them they aren’t so bad. So if a kid walks close to you and doesn’t fall to their knees and bow down to you, that doesn’t mean they are disrespectful. They just have a bit of self respect.

A lot of the time people have to act like they are tough to be able to stay with their friend group and not get beaten up so before you start shouting at them, just know that they probably aren’t a bad person. Like I don’t know what they taught you in school but we are taught that people have to put on a ‘mask’ to hide who they are so we need to appreciate that. So take your Donald trump-loving-ass back to school bitch.

I don’t know if anybody else feels this way sometimes but when I go on a walk or do anything with my friends, I get scared that people are going to think that I am a disrespectful teen. I try to not look intimidating and me and my friends are nice people but when it gets a bit dark or if we are quite loud I worry that we are gonna be thought of as ‘regular teens’. WTF is a regular teenager anyways because there isn’t one group and everyone is different. I mean I understand they think regular teens are rude and create a lot of mess but they literally judge that from the split second they see us from their car. Just because it is dark outside doesn’t mean we are literally smoking weed or about to rob a bank. For me it just means that I lost track of time with my friends because I was having fun. I mean I don’t know about you but I am TERRIFIED of being out at night. Mainly cause I am a teenage girl and there are sketchy people around.

I think that movies affect adults too much. I would say a majority of the people my age are nice people and completely different to what is shown in movies. Like shockingly different. I mean movies just want the drama so obviously they are fake. Yes, there are some annoying people my age that I am quite scared of but they are probably like that for a reason. Like a bad home life or just in the wrong crowd.

I just hate the fact adults immediately assume that I am going out to get drunk or rob a bank or something. I

mean maybe I’ll have a wee drink but really I just want to enjoy the years of semi-freedom before I have to work a 9 to 5 job. Why can’t we do anything without being watched by security guards or Karen’s. Just let us have fun. And then they hit us with ‘I was a kid once, don’t try to fool me’. First of all, where the hell were you going with that because you basically just admitted that you were as ‘rebellious’ as us, so who are you to tell us off. And secondly, when you were a kid, smoking wasn’t seen as giving you cancer and probably you were hit with a ruler in school, so bitch times have changed in the past 50 years. Don’t compare us to you.

So yeah, to end, let us have freedom and not be scared of being judged. Maybe we wear short skirts because we feel good, maybe we don’t smile at you because aren’t having a good day, or maybe you need to reevaluate your perception of teens. But what do I know, I am only a teen myself.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

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