Back To School. Could I be bothered?

The answer is no, but it is also a bit more complicated than that. Do I like the first day of school where everything is new, you get the new time tables, new classes, new teachers? Yes, you could say that. But in general, I really could not be arsed to go back. Lately when I talk to my friends, they are all like “yeah I think I am ready to go back to school though and I’m ready to go back to normal school life and work”. And I’m just here like “yeah totally” but in reality I just don’t want to go back. Especially as we’ll have to do those shitty tests they make you do that really make no fucking sense. Like how do they test your smartness based of whether or not you know how many holes there will be in a folded piece of paper. Like it really is a load of shite. If I was a teacher and saw that someone couldn’t mentally fold a page into a swan or some shit, I wouldn’t be thinking he was dumb, I would think he has more important things to understand, and surprisingly origami isn’t one of them.

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I don’t know if my friends are a bunch of NERDS (jokes I love them) but they are prepared and talking about how they want to go back because we have been off so long and I just join in because I don’t want to be that one bitch that goes “I actually couldn’t give a shit if I were to never go back to school. Like I’m done with this hoe and I don’t want to start” because they would disown me. I think I’ll just go because I have nothing else to do and I don’t want to end up living at my parents house for the rest of my life and become the creepy auntie who is always way too drunk and getting way too close for comfort. And I always try to come up with these money making plans and they never turn out the way I want. I do keep going with them too be honest. I mean this blog was one of the attempts, but it is what it is and maybe some day I can drop out of school and do my own thing.

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I’m going into lower 6th, which is the second last year of high school, so it is the first voluntary year of school. So technically I don’t have to be there. I don’t really know what that is gonna do for my motivation because it could kinda be one of those situations where you are excited to do something but then when someone tells you to do it, you turn into a stubborn bitch and don’t want to do it anymore. Or maybe I just won’t try because there is no pressure of me having to go there. The one perk though is that we get a separate we area in the school that only the 6th years can go into because we are obviously the elite. And now we can be the intimidating ones that tower over all the first years and are best mates with all the teachers. Well, maybe not that last point because I am still socially awkward.

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We also only have to do 3 or 4 classes now which is good but I feel like it will still be just as much work and that makes me want to die. I picked 4 classes (chem, geo, business studies and Spanish) but I’m planning to drop one in the first month or so. It’s a good plan like so that if I find I don’t like one, most likely chemistry, I can drop it and not have to worry about it. But at the moment I can’t be arsed doing any and I’m scared I’m gonna hate them all or maybe drop the wrong one. It’s a possibility. And the first timetable I have won’t have as many study breaks and that might freak me out, but it will be fine right. It’s also gonna be so scary to tell a teacher that I want to leave their class. Like I don’t need to say it to them, but leaving implies I don’t like what they have devoted their life to. Likes like the biggest insult of all time. I am also shitting myself for the smaller classes. My Spanish class will defo be small and that is so scary because I will have to answer more and I can’t just hide in the back. What if everyone there is fucking annoying and I just have to vibe there for the next 2 years. What if we are the boring class that they hate to teach? What if I turn out to be shite at the subject?

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Maybe living in my parents house forever isn’t all that bad. Maybe I can be the fun drunk aunt who always buys the alcohol, takes you shopping, gives the best advice and shouts at your parents for doing anything other than worship us. Sounds fun like. Maybe if this blog blows up I could also just leave school but I won’t put that pressure on you guys lol. Anyways, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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I’m not above a fight

See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate … Continue reading I’m not above a fight

Train wreck of thought

I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me … Continue reading Train wreck of thought

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The Biggest Difference Between Primary and Secondary School

Now, if your looking for some sort of “12% of children going into their first year of secondary school with anxiety brought on my the change of school” then you are out of luck bitch bitch there is one thing and one thing only that I will talk about in this post. And what is it you may ask? What is the biggest difference between primary and secondary school? The time.

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What I mean by this is the fact that primary school felt like a shit ton of time. I mean it literally made up the first 10 years of our life. I remember it felt like P3 lasted for a million years and the rest went a wee bit faster but still seemed to be never ending. Not in the way that it was boring as hell, which it was, but I mean it felt like it was my whole life and the difference between P1 and P7 was such a jump and thousands of years apart. Yet, in secondary school, I am going into lower 6th and I feel like I was in 1st year last year. It is so weird and although I do feel like I am this old, I think that time has gone by so quickly. But then I say that and in the moment it actually feels like a fucking long time. Getting through each year didn’t feel fast but when you look back and actually process the information, it really has just flashed past you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s all over. I would definitely never do that shit again but like it’s weird.

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And I can’t even say “time flies when your having fun” because there was not one ounce of it. And that isn’t an exaggeration. Like, if anything, I should be saying “time flies when you wake up disappointed that you actually woke up”. Like that is true. And in primary school we had the best of time eating glue, scrapping our knees, learning how to not pick our nose in front of people, but yet it felt like an eternity. Literally make it make sense.

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Maybe it is because so much changes between P1 and P7. I mean you literally do go from a literal foetus child who only is just potty trained, to a preteen whose only personality trait is being the oldest in the school. I mean I am right aren’t I. And then from 1st year to upper 6th, you are actually fully aware that you are alive and have responsibilities and the only thing that really changes is you mature, you have a wee bit more knowledge, you get increasingly more terrified of the future, and, last but not least, your mental health is close to the point of no return. All fun right?! :/

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Honestly though, I don’t mean to scare anyone that is going into high school or secondary school or whatever the hell you call it because we all go through different experiences and that’s fine. So your experience may be great, others may find it shit and that is fine because it’s normal. This is just a stage of your life that you need to get through and on the other end you can completely forget it and move on or use it as a show of your strength. And I’m not gonna tell you some bullshit motivational speech where I say “these years are the best years of your life” because that shit hurts, but also because you are the one who decides what the best years of your life are. I mean if these years are utter shite and you think “that’s the best years of my life wasted”, just think that it can only go up from here and that those years don’t define you. You had to hit rock bottom so you could push off stronger than ever and reach the heights you deserve. They don’t define you unless you want them to, so just hang in there ok. It goes by quickly, yes, but in the moments where it feels so slow, you gotta remember that it’s only a small part of the big plot of your life. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Makeup and Me

First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue? … Continue reading Makeup and Me

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Message For Everyone Going Back To School

Good morning guys. Today is the day I go back to school after 3 months of online lessons and to be honest, nothing could get worse than this moment. As soon as I got up, I got changed into my school uniform and I almost broke down. Why? Because my uniform is tight on me. It is so frustrating and I felt trapped and nearly just decided to go back to be and just sleep for the rest of the day. But then I thought, maybe if I write it down here, I will get it off my chest and maybe someone will feel the same way and we won’t feel as isolated.

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I hate my body and I have for a long time. Sadly a lot of people can understand that and they feel the same way. I always feel like someone is always looking at me, judging me, and can tell every time I gain a bit of weight. It is always my stomache, my legs and my arms that I get most stressed about. And my face too but that would mean I could have just said my whole body but I didn’t so here we are now. Anyways, back on topic. My skirt feels really tight around my waist and I just can’t stop thinking about every little thing and feeling ashamed of myself. The thing about me, and maybe you guys too, is that I can give advice to everyone else, but none of that is being listened to by me because I just think it doesn’t apply to me. It sounds ridiculous, this applies to everyone in the world but me. So I thought that I would type out what I say to others and maybe I will believe some of it… maybe.

So what I would remind someone is that firstly, their body is absolutely perfect, and then I remind them how much their body has gone through. Everyone’s body has changed in some way, no matter what, because we have been in a flipping global pandemic. The fact that you may feel different in someway is completely normal because we have been through so many changes and so many stressful moments. The motivation to do some things is absolutely demolished so how would we expect anything else. And the truth is, nobody will actually notice that you have changed, and if they do they won’t judge you because they understand at least a part of what you have gone through because they went through it too and have probably become uncomfortable in their own body too.

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What I also want to make sure everyone know is that if anybody ever mentions anything about your weight, they are not worth the worry. They are people who are jealous of you because they also feel uncomfortable with who they are. And that isn’t an excuse what so ever, but I mean that they do not deserve your presence in their lives. Don’t think of it as ‘I am so much less than them and I am worthless’, try to think of it as ‘they don’t deserve my time and I don’t want to be with someone who only sees people for their looks and not for their actual personality’. And I know that is way easier said than done, but try to at least remember this and maybe some day in the future, it will stick with you.

So to conclude this, I know that you are really struggling right now and that is ok but just know that this is totally normal and you are so strong for getting this far. I am really proud of you and it will get better. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


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The Truth About Going Back To School – What Do Teens Actually Think?

I am gonna just make this clear that I am not talking about every single teenager. I know people who feel the way I do and people who don’t, but yeah, not everyone feels this way.

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So I am starting school next week. Yep, back to the dark side. So this means that this is my last week of online school. My granny asked me the other, ‘you excited to be going to school?’. I looked at her and was like ‘no’. LOL obviously I wasn’t rude but I was basically saying that I can not be arsed to put my foot in my school uniform, never mind in the school. Every adult is always shocked or ashamed when I say that but it is the truth, so, just so I don’t have to explain this to every single person, imma write it here.

Number 1 : Socialising

This is gonna make me sound like the cheekiest bitch but it is true. I can’t wait to see my friends, don’t get me wrong, but I will have to have those bloody awkward classes where you kind of talk to the people beside you, but it is just the things like ‘I am so tired’ or ‘you excited for the test LOL’. They literally give me chills and I am not wanting that. Please save me. And then when you have to act nice to the teachers despite the fact they just screamed at you for being close to them in the hall even though they were the ones going the wrong way anyways. Literally brings tears to my eyes

Number 2 : Focus

I’m gonna have to search up that word soon because it is no longer in my vocabulary. I can’t even sit through a 60 second TikTok video, so how the hell am I meant to focus for a 60 MINUTE lesson about something I could not care less about. Their voice is no longer background noise, it will be the whole thing :,(

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Number 3 : Glasses

To my fellow four eyes, I am sorry. You may be lucky like me and can actually find the sweet point where it doesn’t actually fog up you glasses, but this is a pro-move to be honest. But whoever sits beside me on the day they do fog up, get to safety because I will be punching the next thing that breathes. For me it is basically like when your hair annoys you. Yeah, it is that bad.

Number 4 : Technical difficulties

Imma be in this bitch telling the teacher that my mic doesn’t work and they will be there like ‘what the fuck, you are literally in school’. And it scares me. I don’t know crap. We are all going to have to laugh at there jokes that don’t make any bloody sense.

Number 5 : Waking up in the morning, thinking about so many things

Do you realise that I am gonna have to get up at 7am. I am not allowed to lie in bed for a while or nap during class, yet I have to use my brain more, walk around all day, and actually focus and talk to people. This really can not be happening to me. I like my bed and I don’t want my eyes to feel so heavy. I will not be in a good mood.

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Number 6 : My Back

To be fair, my back has literally been destroyed since we started online school, but the thing is, my school bag weighs as much as me. No joke. And you expect me to carry that around all day? Just be glad I am in the UK and have free healthcare because I’m gonna need it.

Number 7 : Cold

I’m not sure what it is like in your school, but for us we have to keep all our windows open to let the rooms ventilate or whatever. So that means the cold NI winds will be blowing through all day. And we haven’t been in school since winter, so it is going to be absolutely freezing. These little cheap skates also don’t like to use heating anyways despite the fact it is literally illegal for us to be in school at this temperature. The thing is, my dad is kind of like that too, he never puts the heating on :C but at least I have a blanket I can use.

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Number 8 : Sitting

During online school I have acquired, what I like to call, the foetus form. This means that when I sit down, my body instantly goes into a ball. I mean literally right now my knees are up. Yes my knees ache, my back aches and I look like a literal foetus, but hey, it is comfy. I even saw my teacher do it once in a call and it kind of changed me to be honest. I don’t even know how to sit normally now so I gotta learn before I go back to school.

Oh I just wanted to add one thing, I made a new revision playlist on Spotify so click here to listen to it

Anyways, yeah that is kind of my main points, to be honest. I really do want to stay at home, where I can be warm and comfy. Another point is that life is gonna be so boring because at least at home we are like ‘pandemic, how original’. But then afterwards, this will never happen in our lifetimes again and we have to go back to normal. LOL, way to leave on a depressed not but… Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


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