I Think I Know Why I’m So Stupid

Ok so look, I haven’t been posting in a bit because I’m busy and all that shit. Wow, I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it. Anyways, I reckoned I would post something today while I have the chance and I wanted to do a wee story time or something. And this will be about the multiple head injuries I had when growing up that I think may explain my oddness and mental… imperfections. So yeah, there are 3 short stories so buckle up and lets get started

Advertisements

Stairway To Hell

I’ve called this story the stairway to hell not because I did one of the wee rides or adventure things where you climb high or anything and then I called it Hell for a play on words. No. Here it is. So when I was a child, I was staying at my granny’s and at this point my parents were outnumbered, or just fed up with all our shit, and couldn’t keep an eye on everyone. So me being the adventurous child I am, I was wondering around, or at least I guess I was, I mean I don’t remember anything from when I was a literal foetus. But yeah, I got to the top of the stairs and thought I was an absolute smarty pants and that I could somehow get down the steps. So that’s what I did, or at least tried to do because I ended up falling down all of the and breaking my leg. Now a leg injury isn’t a head injury but I’m guessing I hit my head a few times on the way down or maybe I hit my head before the fall and that’s when I made that dumb ass decision. I think I kind of deserved it though. I am also being quite hard on a literal foetus child because they barely recognise that their nose looks nothing like the ‘nose’ they supposedly stole from me.

Advertisements

Do you know what is gross though but also kind of cute and I see myself doing in the future if it came to that. My parents kept my little cast. It was like a full leg cast but is the size of my foot now. That’s kind of a weird comparison but deal with it. Anyways, yeah they literally just showed that to me one day and I was like “that’s cool but also what the fuck surely that’s absolutely minging”. It’s also kind of weird to think that we were that small and we have grown so much since then. Like we were all once little munchkins running around, slobbering and shitting everywhere. How beautiful :/

Advertisements

Head and Spoon Race

Do you like my wee play on words there! Analyse this Miss English teacher bitch! Anyways that was intense, just like when I was a toddler at a restaurant and I was running around like we usually do. Don’t worry there was a wee play area there for kids that we could run around in. But anyways, I was running to go back to the table and fell, as one does, but somehow my head landed on a fucking spoon and indented my head. Apparently it was bleeding so much that my mum had to get a waiter to drive us to the hospital while she stayed at the back to control the bleeding lol. Thinking about it now, I hope he got a good tip or a raise or something because why could my dad not drive us? Maybe he was drinking? Or like why not ring an ambulance? Poor guy just wanted to get paid but no, I just had to get a spoon stuck in my head. How pathetic is that! Literally it sounds ridiculous. Imagine I died from that!!! DEATH BY SPOON! Stop that is too funny lol. I would turn into the girl in the story your mum tells you to stop you running around anywhere.

Advertisements

I actually still have a scar from it and although it is faint and you wouldn’t really recognise it unless you stared at it for long, and who the fuck would be staring at me, but like it is pretty full on. It doesn’t sound very intimidating though. Like imagine I joined a gang and they were like “you see this *points at scar*. Bullet hole, 1986, had to take the bullet out myself and stitch it up with only the homeless guys hair and a rats tooth. Nearly lost all my blood but I survived for 4 days all alone in the gutters with nothing but mice to eat and then finally somebody found me” and then I’m just here like
ME – “damn, that sounds tough. But do you see this *points at scar*”
THEM – “mmmm no?”
ME – “RIGHT well it’s there ok! stupid bitch. Spoon hole, 2007, fell on the ground and a waiter drove me to the hospital. I had to get stitches from a doctor and was home the same day. And he gave me a sticker”

Advertisements

Do you know what adds to it though. I literally had to get a cast on my fucking head because I wouldn’t stop scratching the stitches off. How dumb was that! The doctor was probably sick of me and was like “I’m going to embarrass the fuck out of this kid in the future” because now I have bloody photos of me with a massive fucking cast on my head. Maybe that is why my forehead is so big now! All the bumps just ended up staying there or the cast stretched it or some shit lol.

Advertisements

Head and Seek

I can actually remember this one because it was in p6 ( which is around 9-10 years old for all the Americans out there). I remember it all and it really is hilarious. So I was playing hide and seek with a few of my friends, as you do, and it was a pretty intense match I have to admit. So I was going to run into the bathroom as a sneaky wee trick and somebody else was opening it and I went to sprint in. Full pelt in, but only my head got through because the door slipped from their hand and slammed my head. I remember being like “hmm, ok that’s embarrassing as fuck” and then my friends were like “OMG are you ok” and I was like “yeah, I’m fine” because I was so cool at that time obviously. But then they were like going to get a teacher and I was like “no, it’s fine, I just feel a wee bit tired”. I now know that is a sign of a concussion. I was also very out of it and confused, another sign of concussion.

Advertisements

But then they were like “your fucking head is bleeding you dumb bitch”, or something along those lines, so I was like fine and we went to the teacher. Obviously she was like what the actual fuck, this child is literally bleeding and looks like she’s drunk or some shit. So they brought me to the nurse and got me one of their handy dandy wet paper towels (that defo saved my life) and I went on for lunch and got all the attention which I obviously loved. They had called my mum but in the mean time I was milking it to all my friends and was like “it hurt really bad but it’s totally fine, I can handle it”. And I distinctly remember someone was like “can I see it” so I took of the paper towel and they were like “oh my god I can literally see right through” obviously you really couldn’t but I thought I was the bees knees.

Advertisements

Eventually my mum came to pick me up and brought me to the doctors who stitched it up and told my mum to check on me during the night to check I don’t become deceased and that was that. I came back to school the next day like the baddie I was. I don’t really think I got a scar from that but it defo jolted my brain a little and I will blame that for all my failures in life for no particular reason. It was a good laugh too I suppose. I also have a quick question for all the American’s out there. If any of this happened to you would you literally just risk it for a biscuit and not go to the doctors because of no free health care and all that shit. Would you just take all the nurses paper towels and sleep under them or something because damn.

Advertisements

Anyways, those are the three biggest injuries I have gotten that have probably impacted my brain or the eventual outcome of a massive forehead which I very much despise. It’s all fun and games though and I’m still alive today which can be seen as a positive and negative lol. Hopefully that is all the head injuries I got for a wee while and just remember, don’t be a cocky bitch baby, watch out for spoons, and never hide in the bathrooms for hide and seek. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

Advertisements

Advertisements

Advertisements
Advertisements
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
Advertisements

I Hate Genes

To any foetus child out there who is like what the fuck are genes, basically they are the characteristics that we get from our parents and they make up who we are and what we look like. For example, I inherited my dad’s white ass Irish skin which burns like a bitch whenever a bloody tea light goes within 1 mile of it. So it’s not ideal. I also inherited his lack of eyebrows which shocked me, but you couldn’t tell because you couldn’t see my eyebrows expressions. I slightly blame my twin for that because, although it is probably scientifically impossible, I believe she robbed them from me in the womb. Unfortunately that doesn’t stand well in court so I never got back what is rightfully mine smh

I do have blonde hair which really is the only thing going for me but it is going darker and I resent that but it is what it is. Oh and I forgot to mention, I swear my twin stole my teeth because I have two missing and she’s a bit sus if you ask me. She isn’t little miss perfect after all. When she dies I swear I’ll find a long note releasing the truth. I don’t know why she would do it but like it meant that for 13 years of my life I looked like your crazy young cousin whose only personality trate is losing their teeth. And now I have fake teeth that I sometimes think will fall out. IM FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD YET I’LL LITERALLY HAVE FAKE TEETH DRILLED IN MY MOUTH AT 18. I remember one time when I had to put my fake teeth in my retainers and one day I forgot them for some dumb fucking reason and I was like dad we need to turn back and he was like no. The trauma this man caused right then was astronomical but he didn’t give a shit. I kid you not, I had to spend that whole day trying not to smile with my teeth or talk to anyone but then in one of my classes I forgot and smiled at someone and they looked at me like what the fuck and then was like “where have your teeth gone”. Keep in mind I was 13-14 so all my teeth should have fallen out and grown back so it was weird. I also regret this moment because I could have pranked them so easily by acting scared and going “oh my god where the hell did they go” but no I had to really say “I forgot them at home”. I FORGOT THEM AT HOME! What the actual fuck. No teen should have to say that they left their teeth at home. I am still recovering from that chat.

But back to what I wanted to talk about today. My pale ass skin. I kid you not, I only have two different options. White as fuck or red as fuck. Yesterday I thought I would switch it up a bit so I got burnt to a crisp. I regret it. Why do I never learn. I literally thought I could wish my way into going tan but instead I look like a fucking stop sign. It was dumb how it happened though because I must have forgotten to put suncream on like half of my legs and I didn’t realize. Like I knew my attention span was shit but I thought I could at least pay attention to this. So I had work after and I was basically cooking the meals on my legs cause they were burning so much and then when I took them off later I thought I was turning into Elmo because those bitches were RED. I basically bathed them in aloe Vera and cried because I am now currently on the way to a beach where the general public are and they can see my bright ass legs. Everyone also seems to have to point them out. Like just when I stop thinking about it someone needs to pop out from the sky and go “OH MY GOD” literally like Janice from friends “YOU ARE GLOWING” and I look at them like no shit Sherlock. I didn’t realize that my legs could double as a flare to attract planes and a heater to toast our sandwiches. Leave me and my burns alone. And of course my twin fans. That cheeky bitch. How did I get the pale skin, invisible eyebrows, missing teeth AND the mental illness 😮

Anyways that is the post and I’m glad to get that off my chest. Please feel free to comment some things you inherited from your parents or whether you relate to some of the things I have. Have fun in the sun and don’t forget suncream bitches. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT

Advertisements

Advertisements

I’m not above a fight

See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate … Continue reading I’m not above a fight

Advertisements
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
Advertisements

“You look just like your dad”

Let’s play a quick game of never have I ever. Never. Have I ever needed to hear that. Never have I ever wanted to hear that. Never have I ever felt good after hearing that. Never have I ever gone to someone’s house and they didn’t say this. Never have I ever been more offended. But literally why do people think that it would be a good thing to say to a teenage girl that they look just like an old, balding, wrinkly, angry, sore backed man. Like seriously what the fuck made you say that. There was actually one time I went to my sisters boyfriends house for some reason and I had never seen his parents before but I kid you not, the first thing they said to me was “you look just like your dad”… what dumb fuckery is that because I didn’t even know he had seen them. Like what the hell. Needless to say, I never saw them again. Highly unappreciated to be honest with you.

The saddest thing is though is that I can see it. Like they aren’t wrong. Did they need to point that out though? No. But they aren’t wrong. One time at New Years there was this thing where you had to guess who was who from their childhood photos. Don’t ask why. But we just did. And I was looking around when my sister called me over and was like “look at this” and so I did. She covered the hair of my dads picture and was like “look”. This bitch really called me out because it literally looked exactly like me. Great start to the new year am I right. Like why the actual fuck did I have to inherit his non-existent eyebrows and his literal 5 head. Not appreciated father.

But yeah, I never get compared to as my Mum but like I guess looking like my dad, while embarrassing, let’s me know I am not adopted because as a child I would be like “Oh mY GoD iM aDoPteD” just because I the only one in my whole family that has blonde hair. What do you guys get compared to. Is there anything other than your parents you get compared to or maybe even a celebrity! The only celebrity I’ve been compared to is the bloody monster from the goonies. He is such a babe though I guess.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post and make sure to like and comment below if you have anything else to add. I’ll see you tomorrow for more hopefully and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


Weekly Reminder

I’ve heard a lot of people mention something that their therapist once told them to do. They said “the other day my therapist told me to look over at an empty chair and imagine child you sitting on it. They then asked me what I looked like and I said I looked happy and excited. They then told me to imagine that child me was going through the same thing that I am going through now. Again he asked what I looked like, and to that I said sad, lonely. And then my therapist said, what does he look like he needs, and all I could say was a hug”. I pretty much took that directly from a tiktok I saw, but I had heard other stories identical to that one.

Advertisements

But it’s weird right. We never really look at ourselves that way. It also sometimes seems like we can give advice and support to our friends, but never actually do it ourselves. And it can be really difficult to see it in the way of younger you being in the same situation because it is just a child, but it is still you. And the therapists aim there was to harness what you actually need. What it is you need guidance on so they can help you. I suppose it is also so you can help yourself because you look at your situation as if you were observing your own life. I always find myself joking a lot about me ‘warning’ my younger self. Like if I were to look at a photo of baby me I would joke “she don’t know what the fucks gonna hit her” and I would say stuff like that at all times when talking about younger me or just kids in general. Like there was this one time when I was telling my friends about how my cousin said school sucked because his friend stole his pencil and I was like ‘ah to be 9 and your biggest problem being a pen. Just wait till he gets to high school’. So although I don’t directly say it, I am just dissing how crap my life is at the moment and how shit hits the fan by the time you start into high school. I am sure some of you guys do that at sometimes too because I feel it is a universal joke, especially for gen z’s because we usually use humour to hide how we feel.

Advertisements

I guess why I wanted to mention this was because I want you to try it. If it isn’t too hard, I want you to look at an empty chair, or an empty space and imagine little you with the pain that you feel right now in their eyes and the same thoughts in their head. Would you treat them like you treat yourself now? Would you tell them they are attention seeking or dramatic? Would you tell them to just ‘disappear’ because they only cause harm? Or would you give them a hug. Hold them tight and tell them that it is going to be ok and you are going to be there for them through it out. Would you get them the help they need? Tuck them up in bed with a nice movie and a bowl of brownies and ice cream. Treat them the way they deserve and show them they are loved. Well, what would you do? You do all the first things to yourself I’m going to guess, but why? You wouldn’t do that to your younger self, but you are still that person. Make sure you look after yourself because although you may think this is ‘the real world’ and you need to just wise up, you are the most important thing in life and you need to look after yourself the way that you deserve. It may be difficult to do but please remember that you are human and life is tough and that’s ok as long as you take care of yourself. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT

Advertisements

Advertisements

Advertisements

Train wreck of thought

I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me … Continue reading Train wreck of thought

Makeup and Me

First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue? … Continue reading Makeup and Me

Advertisements
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
Advertisements

Spot The Difference | It’s Summer Bitches!

Bro if you came here looking for fucking pictures where one blade of grass is missing from one photo, you clicked on the wrong post. This is just a cheeky wee story time about how times have changed between summer when I was pretty much a foetus and summer now. Because there is a lot that changes surprisingly enough and I just want to bring that to your attention because… why not? You know so like sorry to disappoint the 5 year old that was looking for a fun time spotting the difference between 2 pictures of a tiger, but like, that’s life bro. Things aren’t as they seem 😮 *X-files theme tune*

Advertisements

That was a bit weird. But anyways, let’s get into the differences of childhood summer and present summer. I remember that when I was in primary school, on the last day of school you would be saying goodbye to your friends and saying things like “see you 2 months” and “I am going to miss you so much”. Like bitch this isn’t the end of the world. I mean it isn’t like they are about to vanish into thin air. It was such an emotional time. But now, we just look at each other with emotionless faces because we are literally all depressed and then be like “ok bye. See you tomorrow?” and they will be like “yeah” and then you walk away and keep talking on snapchat. There is no crying or waving or any of that crap. That is a good thing I guess but like kind of takes away the fun of it. Leaving in primary school was such a depressing thing and school was such an amazing time. But now our whole life is depressing, and summer is just a little less depressing. How the turns table. Pretty much, the best way to describe it is as though primary school was high-school musical. Everyone would be jumping around and singing as though we just had a line of crack, we’d all be screeching “what time is it! Summer time!” and acting like our lives were about to change forever. But like, in high-school, it is still fun and the atmosphere is different, but now it is kind of like an “every man for themselves” situation because all the rugby lads are throwing things and ramming into things, and then sometimes there may not be enough sweets to go around everyone so it is a literal war. And if anyone dares to sing or dance, they get slammed in the head with a dictionary. That’s always fun lol.

Advertisements

Something I really miss from primary school though is when, usually on the last day of school it would be a “none school uniform day” and the night before that was absolutely banging because you would pick out your best Minnie the mouse top and your best heelies and then you would lay them out like you would wear them. You’d have the top spread out, the shoes, the pants, the trousers or whatever and it was so exciting. I always would love waking up and getting into my perfectly laid out clothes. Why did we literally find every little thing so amazing? I kinda miss it though. Now, for me, we don’t really have non-school uniform day and even if we did, I would just picture what I will wear in my head and then probably change that 10 times in the morning along with a few mental breakdowns here and there. It’s a process I would say but it doesn’t happen that often. The thing is, back then we wouldn’t give a flying fuck what people thought about our clothes. We thought that the literal unicorn barf aesthetic was the best thing in the world. Now it is really tense and awkward wearing our own clothes and you just kinda wish you weren’t even there. Or at least, that is how I feel. Some people are more confident than others I suppose. I miss having that excitement every night and not being able to wait to go to bed because it meant you would get to that day faster. LOL that’s depressing

Advertisements

Yooo, I literally just remembered something else from summer during childhood. This was whenever you were going on a trip or something, and my mum would bring us to Tescos or something to get us a magazine for the plane and it was so bloody exciting. We never got them except for plan trips and we could get whatever we wanted. I would spend my time looking at each and every one of them, when in reality I was looking for the best toy. I didn’t care if the magazine was absolute crap, as long as the toy was the coolest. And then we wouldn’t be able to open them until we got on the plane which was a few days after so you would get more excited to get the magazine than to actually go on holiday. Or at least that was what I felt. It was such a gift, to get a £2 magazine with a plastic toy that did fuck all. And now, nobody even reads magazines anymore. At most I bring a book, but there is no excitement attached with that. I usually just go on my phone and listen to music or something and just wait to land in whatever country it was we were going. And sometimes you would see another kid getting handed their magazine and they look so chuffed. But that isn’t actually as common anymore. Usually they just get handed their iPad and I kinda feel bad for them. Although it is exciting to them, they missed out on a huge chunk of what was so thrilling as a child. I know that I probably sound like an ancient old woman, but I am literally the last generation to not have all the technology growing up. And I am glad because most of my favourite memories are from times where I didn’t have an iPad or anything like that. Like when I was big into reading and would be brought into so many magical worlds, or whenever I would play outside with my friends making potions and playing mums and dads. I miss it I suppose but I am too old for that now and I have little to no imagination.

Advertisements

That actually turned out to be quite the depressing post. I wanted it to be more comedy like, but how can you make such an emotional realization and change into something funny? I am glad that I did have a good childhood and I am so lucky to say that. At least I have that to remember now, during my shitty life as a teen. Comment down below what you guys did in your childhood. What made you the most excited? What do you miss the most? What do you think about kids lives now a day? I’m interested to hear what you think. Please like and subscribe if you liked this kind of content and I will see you tomorrow for more. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


Advertisements

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

My Baby Photo’s Got Me Saying…

Dear little me. It’s too late to go back now so I guess I will just have to support you along the way. I saw photos of when we were 4 and you were literally in the most random clothes and you were having by so much fun. No matter how much I looked in your eyes, there was no sense of pain or fear, except from the scrape on your knee when you fell playing tips with your friends.

Advertisements

Life is gonna get fucking tough though and I know you can’t actually read this but you are going to care way too much about the things that don’t matter and to little about the things that matter the most. But it will get better, it will be one bad year after another, but at some point it will start to get easier, or so I hope. Just enjoy your life now. Enjoy the fact that the only big problem you have is making sure Santa doesn’t see you sneak a sweet in before dinner, or getting your times tables done in time (btw you never really get better at them). I won’t scare you with the details of what is to come but they are inevitable so just enjoy every moment you have.

You are gonna learn who really matters to you and it will be tough to understand. It will get harder and harder to explain your feelings to others, not just because you don’t want to hurt them, but because you literally don’t have the words for them. Every time I see us in a photo I am smiling from ear to ear. We have great parents, great sisters who will be the most important people in your life. I’m just glad we have so many great memories and I thank you for having the confidence to do them. I’m just sorry I can’t give you that in your future. I just feel bad when I see the videos and the photos of us because I know what is to come ahead and trust me, it isn’t pretty. I know that your life will be ripped to pieces, the smile will fade, your thoughts will become scary and in that moment I hadn’t a care in the world. I imagined my future every day. The friends I would have, the stories I would be a part of, the things I could achieve. I never imagined that I would end up the way I am today. But I guess we grow from them. We truly experience the “real world” and learn many things that we may not accept but need to do anyways. The stories you hear online, the ones you would never expect to happen to you, actually do. You learn that the stories you learned in history, aren’t really history at all. You learn that people have a mask, but this time it is what is underneath that is scary.

Advertisements

I would say I would like to go back in time to the moments in those videos and pictures, but then I realise that I couldn’t live through those moments again. It is a scary fucking journey and there will be so many things that you won’t understand. All I want to do is give you a hug and hold your hand through it all, but I can’t and all I can do is warn you that the world is a cruel place filled with cruel people, but you can’t let them change you.

Lol, anyways, that was just a wee rant about what I would say to my younger self. Pretty much just a “don’t follow my example” piece I guess. Anyways, What would you say to your younger self? Put it in the comments below. Please like and follow if you enjoy this type of content and I will see you tomorrow with another post. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


Check Out The Clothing Store

Advertisements

Weird Things I Did As A Kid That Make Me Cringe

The point of this blog is to make people not feel so alone in this world and I really didn’t know if I wanted to share some of these stories because I feel embarrassed but I need to do it I think. I need to fulfill the aim of the blog so here it goes

Halloween

When I was younger I was obviously a tomboy. And during Halloween I was like I don’t want no cat costume, I’m gonna go out. It was my friends birthday around this time as well so I was excited for her party. I got this costume and I was like damn I am so cool. When I turned up to her house there were other people there literally just in normal costumes and here I was dressed like this

This isn’t even a joke bitch. I really thought I was doing something and in reality I just looked like a literal freak. So yeah that was something. I am forever scared and embarrassed but yeah I mean I- I don’t know what to say.

Advertisements

IT’S NOT A PHASE MUM

Yeah, so I am not gonna show you guys a picture of this because I have tried to burn all of this period out of my brain, although I do have one memory saved because it was a part of identity ya know. This was like 4 or 5 years back when I was still pretty much a tomboy. Everywhere I went, I saw famous people, like Jade from little mix, wearing flat caps. And I was like ‘that is THE coolest person ever, I can defo pull that off’. No. NOOOOO I could not pull that off. But for so long I was like YES I am an ICON. I am not saying that flat caps aren’t nice, I am just saying that I do not suit hats at all lol. And it is so funny because I had a really old one that was from like ‘no fear’ or whatever that brand was called. And I remember I was like ‘this hat is life changing’. I mean I wasn’t wrong but it changed it for the worst. When I wore it I thought I was so grown and I was like this hat really means I have no fear and I thought I was so cool now because I had ‘no fear’. My parents were probably like, this bitch really thinks shes so cool now. I did… unfortunately

Where the hell is my family

I am pretty sure I said about my family loosing me before but this is a whole other time, you would start to think they are doing it on purpose *laughs awkwardly* 😐 Anyways. I strangely remember this as though it was yesterday. I was waiting in line at Disney Land in France and we were going to go on the tea cups. I must have zoned out for a while but I swear I looked away from my parents for a second and the next they were just gone and here I was, a literal FOETUS, and I was just staring up at these 2 absolute strangers. I started panicking and my mum had said if I ever got lost, all I had to do is stay where I was and they would come get me. But then I saw them literally 50 people ahead of me and I was like thank fuck. So anyways, I just walked past all these people so awkwardly because I was quite socially awkward among new people, and i finally got to them. Then my parents had the AUDACITY to be like “what’s wrong”. They didn’t know I was gone! Tee hee. But then they continued to tell me I should have stayed were I was and I was like “maybe you should keep track of your bloody children woman!”, in my head obviously. The thing that makes me laugh though is the fact that all those adults just walked past as if I wasn’t a literal five year old with no parents, staring into the obis. Love to see I am seen.

Advertisements

I’ve McFallen

This happened when I was like 9 or 10 maybe, I don’t know. But here I was just cycling around the street by myself for some bloody reason and then I fucking fell off it in front of one of my neighbors house. I had like 0.1 muscles at the time and somehow the bike ended on top of my legs or something and being the dramatic bitch I was I was like crying because I hurt my knee and I couldn’t get up. The neighbor ends up going out to help me and I was terrified, one, because it was embarrassing, and two, this guy was kind of creepy but yeah he had to get the bike off me and bring me home. That was scundering and I hate myself for it.

Never Again

This wasn’t that long ago actually. I actually want to curl up in a ball when I think of this but I really hope that somebody has done the same. So I was in a running club, the worst year of my fucking life, and that is saying something. But this was one of the first time I had gone without my mum and everyone else there was an adult so I didn’t really talk to them which was fine but I didn’t want them to think I was a literal freak. Then, after the run, they found a lost jacket and they were like does anybody own this jacket, and nobody answered. Then they were like ‘does somebody just wanna have it’ as a joke, not expecting a response. I thought this was the perfect time to make a joke or something and I knew that that was the type of thing my mum would make a joke about or something because it was a crap joke but she knew everyone there. So there I was and I shouted out ‘I will’. Thinking someone would laugh. Absolute silence. Not a peep. A few people just looked back at me and I was like why the fuck did I just say that out loud. My heart literally dropped and I just wanted to sprint outta there. I don’t think I can ever recover from that to be honest.

Well, that is enough torture for today I think. That was so utterly painful to type but I hope that somebody else relates to any of these. If you do please comment below because I feel like such a freak right now to be honest. The thing is, this isn’t even the worst of them. I will save that for some other day after I recover. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


Advertisements

Music To My Ears – My Memories Are Shattered

So you know when you grow up and you look back on the nursery rhymes, or any song you would jam out too on the crusty mat you had to sit on in primary school, and then you discover that these songs are literally wildly inappropriate but we just vibed with them. Yeah, lets talk about that.

Advertisements

For me, my night time song would be the absolute classic ‘rockabye baby’. I have two questions. 1 – what the fuck? 2 – how the fuck did I fall asleep to that. Like honestly. Mum just comes into my room, sings me a song about a baby literally falling to its death, and then me just here like, off to sleep. WHAT? Was I literally deranged. Imma have to sing something like kidz bop songs just to get something suitable for the ears of my tiny developing child. But it is so funny though how just one day I was going to bed like 🙂 –> :0. That was literally live footage of me discovering I was listening to a murder song my whole life. The whole literal song is just demented. I want to know who made that song and find out what type of traumatizing childhood they had.

I am pretty sure the only normal bed time story in my family was ‘you are my sunshine’ which was my older sisters one. I can’t really remember about my twins one but I mean I know it was equally as traumatizing as my one. But literally though why are the songs so catchy. Is it to distract us from the actual lyrics. And it isn’t just nursery rhymes that are kind of disturbing, it is also the literal classics. How scundered would our parents be when we are sing songs like ‘Bang Bang’ by Jessie J and all them ones, or that song that has the lines ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me’ like the what the hell is this. Imagine the horror on our parents face when we just jumping around with our friends singing these type of songs as though our lives depended on it. Imagine if, in the future, our kids will literally be singing WAP or pretty much any song created within the past couple or years ahahaha

Oh I found out what my sisters bedtime song was, ‘twinkle twinkle little star’. Why the hell was I the only one with the messed up song? Is that why I am the most mentally messed up one because that would make the whole lot more sense. Comment down below what your messed up song as because it is literally funny. I mean who would just sit down one day and make a song about a literal deadly virus. I mean isn’t that what ‘ring around the Rosie’ about. And also who thought to show that song to children who literal have no clue what it means LOL. Do you reckon they will make a song about Corona? Maybe it will go like this (sing it with the twinkle, twinkle tune), ”rona, ‘rona, it’s not fake, and your taste it will take, you better wear a fucking mask, your school will send you an online task, ‘rona, ‘rona, it’s not fake, I want to hit it with a rake’. If you ask me, that was absolutely beautiful.

I hope this post really enlightened you and I am pretty sure you guys are the first to be subject to the new famous nursery rhyme, so congratulations I suppose. I feel like most songs are just meant to be felt, not understood. Why was the so deep?

Thank you so much for reading, please like, follow, share with your friends, and donate a wee bit of shmoney so I can really get this song to become viral LOL. I also have a wee tip for you guys, don’t think about songs while you go to bed because you will never get to sleep. Trust me. Hope you have a great day, stay safe, and stay yourself PERIODT.


Advertisements
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

I Dare You To Bring Out Your Inner Child


I don’t know about you but when I was a child I was so excited about everything. I remember putting my clothes all neat and tidy, in the shape of a human most times, because I had a school trip the next day. I mean that feeling was elite. Every little thing seemed so amazing. The reason I am talking about this today is because it is really snowy where I am and my sister was like ‘oh my what if we went out on the sled’ and I was like ‘wise up we are literally too old for that, we would look so dumb’. But then she started saying how you are never too old for that, well I mean I guess if you are like a 50 year old man playing out in the street with random kids it would be weird, but chances are you aren’t. And she made a fair point to be honest.

I saw in this video once where they were interviewing Cher and Meryl Streep, yes the queens themselves, and they were like ‘wow you guys look so great, how do you staying looking so young for your age?’ and they replied, listen up guys cause you wanna hear this one, ‘you just act young!’ and then they skipped off with a smile and laughter. I am not sure if they just made a joke or that was an example of staying young but for the purpose of this blog, lets stick with it being an example. So I guess it is true you know, if you harness that real wonder for the world then you will appreciate everyday.

I am just about to go out with my friends in the snow and if anyone else sees me throwing snowballs or doing a snow angel, either look away or join in. We will make the ultimate group of snow angels, It will be unmatched. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that, despite what others may say, just have some fun because we were all thinking about it. Sledding in the snow is freaking, tryna keep this PG, fun. And you can judge all you want because this snow won’t be around forever and you are gonna regret it. So eat my dust bitch, imma sled.

Actually I did end up going out in the snow. I got some of my friends and one of their families came with us. Don’t worry that is legal as we are all outside and not against the law. But literally it was so fun and of course it isn’t 100% the same. I don’t see the world in the exact same way because we’ve been shown the hard truth but it was a nice escape. When you do those types of things there is literally no way that you can focus on any political problems and maybe at the start you worry about school but if you let yourself get roped in then you kind of forget about it, even for just a split second. And that second is absolute bliss.

I think what holds people back the most is the fear of people finding out. And that is OK because we live in such a world where we can’t not think about that. One of my friends was actually talking about that and their parents were just like ‘if anyone saw you they would either ask to have a go on the sled or walk away and be jealous they didn’t have as much fun as you’ which is kind of true. People can act all tough and all but like on the inside we are all dying to have a go. I did a literal snow angel and it was freezing and embarrassing a bit but like that is what you do in the snow. Think about it this way, if you saw someone your age going sledding or doing snow angels, would you be judging them. Probably not. And although people may look like they judge you, they could just have a resting bitch face, I know my sister does. And the chances are you will never see that person again.

I guess the moral of the story is to just do what you want. You only live your life once, you never know when that snow will melt, when it will snow again and you never know you could make a friend who is just as crazy as you. But at the end of the day, people are too self absorbed to remember what you did on that day. I mean try to think back to a time where you saw something do something embarrassing. Odds are you probably can’t, but, if you can, ask yourself ‘do I really care about that anymore? Does that make me see him in a different way to this day?’. I guess that could help depending on your answers but doing something you find fun shouldn’t be stopped in order to please people. Piss them off if you need to, show them you are living your life and don’t have the time to worry about what they think of you.

Thank you so much for reading this and I hope this gives you the motivation to just go have some fun. When we take life to seriously all the time it just gets so boring. I don’t know about you but I wanna look as young as Cher and Meryl Streep when I am their age. So yeah, just remember you are a bad bitch and can’t nobody tell you what to do PERIODT.


One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00
£3.00
£9.00
£60.00

Or enter a custom amount

£

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
Advertisements