So it’s the middle of the 2nd day of the year and I’d say it’s been interesting, to say the least. I mean, not 2 hours ago I quite literally melted my glasses.
Call me blonde, but I wore them into a sauna. In my defense, I have done that before when I had a spa day and was in and out of saunas for hours without any melting specs. So surely it shouldn’t be that much different for other saunas. And there wasn’t even a sign warning you when you got into the sauna, or at least I couldn’t tell because I put them on top of my head because I thought they would get steamed up anyways so there is no point having them on.
The thing is I actually have quite shitty eyesight (thanks Mum) so I kinda needed to bring them with me so I didn’t, you know, accidentally walk into the door or sit on someone. Then again I really can’t blame anyone apart from myself because obviously plastic can’t really deal with the heat.
I’ll tell you what though, it was the weirdest feeling ever. I had just said to my sister that it was probably time to leave and was heading toward the door. Obviously, with my lack of vision, I reached for my glasses on top of my head. When I grabbed the leg it just started to droop. I mean I thought I was fragile but this hoe was next level. And I kinda was just like “what the fuck” and got it off my head to where I could see it and the nose bit in the middle was looking like a slinky just bending in all sorts of ways.
My glasses were curvier than me!
That’s when I was flabbergasted and just told my sister to open the door. Luckily she listened because, while I’m blinded, I will echolocate this hoe into the ground. Anyways, when I got out I ran over to a bench like I was about to perform life-saving surgery and try to mold it back to its previous form. Then I poured cold water over it so it would hopefully harden quicker.
Safe to say, it did fuck all and while they are still usable, they feel really weird on my face because the nose bit stretched so won’t stay on my face which, for those who don’t wear glasses, is kind of important.
So now, both figuratively and literally, I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I’m ashamed of my actions and I hope I can spread awareness through this post to save the life of other glasses. May they rest in peace 😦
Right now I’m wearing contacts so thank god they aren’t bloody expensive (me when I lie)
But apart from that and my party popper not popping after the countdown, this year isn’t too bad. I mean it’s better than the past 2-3 already. What about you? How is your year going? I’ve actually got quite a busy one coming up with it being my last year of school. Or at least it will get busy when I figure out what I want to do. Oh well, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
P.S. My Mum just texted me that I do not in fact have insurance for my glasses :,)
Introduction Since the 5th of July, 1948, the UK has been blessed with free healthcare through the NHS, helping to provide critical treatment and medicine for UK citizens. Included in the NHS are the mental health service with psychologists, mental health nurses and many more specialised workers who work to improve the lives of others…
Here for the second instalment of Discount and Deals we have TopCashBack. Not gonna lie to you, I’ve heard about this for a while and never bothered to get it because it’s one of those things where it’s “too good to be true”. I mean how the hell are you gonna tell me I can…
Hey everyone. Just for a time frame our current prime minister is Rishi Sunak so that means this post is accurate for at least a couple of weeks, give or take. I’m not gonna get much more political than that because I know you are all sick of hearing what crap is going on in…
I myself am not someone with massive fashion sense. I tend to be late to the trends because I am never confident enough to fully commit to them as if I everyone would turn and point and start laughing at me like “I can’t believe she actually fell for it”. Don’t ask why, but that’s how I feel. Having said that though, I feel more and more pressure every year to have the best halloween costume.
The thing is though, the criteria has changed since I was younger. I would always try to find something super creepy because I just thought it would look so cool and I would be “the talk of the town” as if I wasn’t just wearing a flimsy zombie costume with a mask twice the size of my head.
I think the difference in costumes from now and then are so much more noticeable for me because I was kind of a tomboy. Unlike my other friends who would be like a witch or a fairy, or something just more “typical” for a girls costume, I would aim for the more in your face type of costumes.
But now I have grown up, my style has changed and I actually put some thought behind my costumes. Having said that, when I tell you what I am planning to be you will most likely ex off this post and have an existential crisis while wondering how you ever got to this side of google. I’m gonna be… Perry the Platypus.
And just for reference, I’m going to put a photo of who this is because to my shock and horror, my mum literally didn’t know who he was even after I showed her! Somehow I feel like I failed her as a child. Did I not torture you enough with quality cartoons? Did I not make enough -inators?
Quite the catch, no? And by the way, I’m not planning to wear a tail or whatever the fuck you call it because I do want to keep the little dignity I have left. What I’m planning to do is where a blue dress and a fedora and possibly yellow shoes if I can muster up the cash! Which reminds me that you guys can help a girl out by donating whatever the fuck you want so I can fund such brilliant costume ideas and keep this somewhat brilliant blog alive!
Anyways, back to the point I suppose. When coming up with a costume I felt as though I had to find a balance between sexy and slutty and let me tell you something, there is a very thin line when it comes to costumes. I’ll be looking at pinterest and the range they have is either a fully body morph suit that your grandma would love to see you in, or a single thread of fabric. So I mean how the fuck am I supposed to choose? And they usually cost the exact same thing as well.
That’s usually why I don’t go for the proper costumes and I just create my own adaptation because you know me, I love a bargain, so you know Imma be on vinted and depop for this shit. It is quite fun I’m not even going to lie but it takes work to find something good. You also gotta make it creative though because if I were to turn up in a red dress and bang an M on it and say I’m an M&M it would look like I really didn’t give a shit.
I want it to look like I put effort in and actually tried but then again I don’t want to walk into a room full of girls with cat ears on while I just spent 4 hours making it look like a zombie chomped into my arm.
I love to see how other people can be so creative though and when they do cool special effects I find it so cool, or even when they just have a great costume idea and I’m like “why didn’t I think of that” I think it’s so fun. I think everyone’s costumes are amazing, apart from couples… I don’t have anything against your outfit but please just save me the heartache. It’s like ok Mickey and Minnie we know you a couple but don’t rub it in our face.
Overall, I prupose that this year (as in tomorrow) we all just have fun with it and don’t stress out about whether or not we gonna look sexy in an outfit because literally that’s not the aim of halloween. It’s to be scary and have some fun! Honestly though just do you. This year I’m literally being a sexy perry the platypus so you can really just be whatever the fuck you wanna be! I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yousrelf PERIODT.
So it’s the middle of the 2nd day of the year and I’d say it’s been interesting, to say the least. I mean, not 2 hours ago I quite literally melted my glasses. Call me blonde, but I wore them into a sauna. In my defense, I have done that before when I had a…
Personally, I totally get why in a lot of places you have to be 18 to vote. People my age can barely decide on what fillings they want in subway. But I think another way to see it is that we are the ones that are going to have to live through the consequences of…
Lately, the NEWS about the invasion of Ukraine by Russia has been minimal despite the growing threat of another world war. So I think it’s time to bring up a new revelation that I have discovered amidst hundreds of other repetitive NEWS reports. It’s time we check in again and refocus on what could become…
In the past, I used to be a tom-boy. Not trying to be a “pick me girl” but I wasn’t like the other girls *Debby Ryan smirk*. At the moment I would say I’ve grown out of that type of stuff. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a girly girl, I do love me some baggy clothes, but I also like to dress up a little bit.
Why Do Women Look In The Men’s Section?
So that’s great for me when I’m in a shop and I’m looking for a summer dress or shorts or whatever the fuck people wear, but then sometimes when I’m looking for a more casual, everyday type of clothes I can’t find anything. They are always either cropped or just too dressy/not what I’m looking for. And I swear if I got a pound for every bloody top or hoodie that looked nice on the rack but then had some weird quote on the front like “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come”, I could legitimately start my own clothing brand for real. I do try to get past the quotes but it is just too painful to wear.
More often than not, if I’m in a shop I’ll take a sneaky wee glance into the men’s section just to see what they got. And it comes as no shock when I find exactly what I was looking for (usually an oversized hoodie or top with just a nice pattern or picture). It’s no wonder you guys think we are always angry, you got all the good stuff.
And just a bit of a catch-up, I don’t have a boyfriend to steal hoodies from. I don’t have an excuse to be in there in case someone asks me why I’m there. I could lie for sure but I am not a good liar. My face is like a human lie detector because one word out of line will turn me red. I can guarantee they’ll be like:
them: hey, do you need some hel- me: *shaking* I have a boyfriend… them: me: *face goes red* them: what the... Are you ok? me: yeah, no, I’m fine *nervous chuckle* also me: *head just explodes*
No word of a lie, that would happen. You know what, my face isn’t even going red so like it’s obviously the truth. As a matter of fact, I’m almost certain it happened the other day.
Will You Be Judged?
In all honesty, though there are times that I really get the urge to go into the men’s section I never end up buying something because I feel like I’m being judged. But by who? Literally, who is judging me? Nobody! And I can tell you that now but I know when I’m in that situation I feel watched. And for why? As if I am a Kardashian or some crap.
I decided to post about this because my friend was out shopping with her boyfriend the other day and she said she bought a really nice top from the men’s section and I was like *clap clap clap*. Giving out a round of applause for doing what I could never do. And she did it with a guy present. I mean it sounds dumb as shit to say out loud… or… in text, but for real it just made me question everything. Imagine what my wardrobe could be looking like right now if I just bought the “men’s” clothes. I would look both amazing and taken *smiles in single*
Does Online Shopping Help?
That stress is one reason why I love online shopping because nobody can see what isle you are in, but it doesn’t stop the other fear of buying men’s clothes. People pointing it out.
I bet some of you are thinking that this shouldn’t even be a problem for me because people go through that type of stuff every day and to a much bigger extent and I completely understand and respect that. I’m really not trying to distract from the much bigger picture, this is just something I find in my life and others that I wanted to talk about.
Anyways, for me I get really awkward whenever someone is like “my brother literally has that top” and I’m just sitting there like shit! I know I shouldn’t have trusted my mum’s fashion sense. Whenever people say stuff like that it is literally just a comment and they aren’t even judging you but at that moment I just go back to my tom-boy phase which was a very embarrassing point in my life. that’s not me judging tom-boys, I just didn’t have a very good fashion sense. So when they point it out I feel like I must just look bad.
It could be a literal pair of black Nike shoes and I’d be a bit awkward wearing them. and it truly just is a me problem because I couldn’t give two shits if it was somebody else in the same situation. Like I literally don’t give a crap who wears what as long as they are comfortable in it. I just never make things simple for myself lol. The truth is that men’s clothing can be so much nicer than women’s and, not to get political, but I feel like everyone should feel comfortable shopping wherever the hell they want no matter what gender they associate with.
I’m not religious but uni-sex clothes are my lord and saviour. Goose and Gander? Don’t mind if I do, bitch. They got the nicest crap and I’ll be throwing my whole purse at them for real, or at least some of it sparingly because I literally am scared of spending money tbh but their prices aren’t too bad so I get a bang for my buck as some may say. Gotta love a bargain
It’s nice to not be stressed about seeing some guy wearing the same clothes as me because it hasn’t got the same label (you know what I mean). Like I don’t have to be worrying that people think I shop in the men’s section. Not that it’s a problem, but for me, I find it uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I’m an insecure kinda gal who hasn’t fully accepted that they aren’t a girly girl and that it’s ok not to be, but I think we need to normalise looking at the entire shop because you are spending your own money (I hope), so why not get whatever the hell you want?!
Just to finish off, I would go and check out Goose and Gander (this isn’t sponsored, I just like their stuff) because they genuinely do have great stuff and I think it is a great thing that their business is doing. The only label clothes need is the one that says how to wash them. Wear what makes you comfy and happy and shop in whatever fucking isle you want to! So to answer my question, Is it ok for a girl to shop in the men’s section? YES! I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I myself am not someone with massive fashion sense. I tend to be late to the trends because I am never confident enough to fully commit to them as if I everyone would turn and point and start laughing at me like “I can’t believe she actually fell for it”. Don’t ask why, but that’s…
To be completely honest with you, I didn’t have any high hopes for the movie when I heard it was coming out. I thought it would be another one of the “Bohemian Rhapsody” types of movies, which I did like, but was getting kinda bored of. I also didn’t know much about Elvis himself, or…
For those who may not watch TikTok, there has been a sort of trend going around lately of a man that keeps dancing to George Ezra’s song “green, green grass”. Personally, it has ruined the song for me forever and I think many others will agree. I would add a video to this post, however,…
For those who may not watch TikTok, there has been a sort of trend going around lately of a man that keeps dancing to George Ezra’s song “green, green grass”. Personally, it has ruined the song for me forever and I think many others will agree.
I would add a video to this post, however, I don’t want to add to the damage already done to this song. And if you want to search it up yourself, I believe the man’s account is called snapshoteye and if you search that up or something along the lines of “TikTok green, green grass cringy video” I think it will pop up pretty quickly, but don’t say I didn’t warn you because it really does haunt me now.
The thing is, I really do think that the song is quite vibey and summery, but no matter what you do, and no matter how much time has passed since I last saw the video, I can never EVER feel comfortable listening to that song. But my mum loves it so it’s on all the time and she sings it which just makes it worse and I don’t even know how to describe how I feel to her. It’s just the biggest ick!
Let me give you a run-down for those with enough willpower to not watch the video just so you can understand the situation without being scarred. The guy dancing in the video is pretty much a “pick me” guy but he is also probably in his late 20s or early 30s. So naturally, it’s a little creepy. Then he does TikTok lives and dances to this song. He has his own little routine which is… something else. He also characteristically has his zipped-up hoodie pulled over to one side a little. That’s the key thing everyone does to impersonate him.
It literally makes me laugh because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry. It is physically painful to watch because you can tell he thinks is he amazing and he sometimes does the baby voice type of thing which doesn’t need much explaining to show how cringy his videos are. He says stuff like “babs”! Need I say more?
I’m also pretty sure there are allegations against him texting underaged people and I’m pretty sure they are true. Overall he is a really cringy guy and it just kills me inside to see his videos.
That’s basically all I have to say about that so if someone asks me why I wretch when I hear that song or why I always skip it, this is why. Another song was lost due to the internet.
I can imagine George Ezra seeing one of his videos and just being like “shit” because he knows that his song is now going to be associated with a creepy, cringy man. Keep your head up through George! Don’t take it personally that I now despise that song. My mum still likes it though.
Anyways, that was a quick wee rant there and hopefully got a few confused people sorted out. I feel like my mum will see this someday when she gets confused by why I shiver when the song plays. Hey mum! I just want to clear up that this information is from what I have seen on TikTok and I haven’t really seen many of his own videos, just those talking about his account and clearing things up for us all. So this is verified information, however, I don’t take complete credit. Thank you to all the TikTokers spreading the information around!
Please don’t forget to like, share, comment and follow for more content like this and check out my other posts down below where I talk about a range of other important and relatable things. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Summary of The Queen The queen’s health has become a great topic during the last few months, especially after her jubilee when she could not attend various events due to medical reasons. But I mean, who can blame her? She is literally 96 years old! I’m 1/5th of her age and I’m sick of this…
The queen’s health has become a great topic during the last few months, especially after her jubilee when she could not attend various events due to medical reasons. But I mean, who can blame her? She is literally 96 years old! I’m 1/5th of her age and I’m sick of this shit already.
And I’m not even a celebrity! I can go out of my house without millions of people shocked that I can, in fact, open my own car door. However, the queen has got to literally plan a whole mission just to go to the toilet (Honestly I don’t actually know for sure because, shockingly, I am not part of the royal family).
People also freak the fuck out whenever she breathes around her grandchildren. Like on the balcony she was talking with her youngest grandchild and people praised her for being so “down to earth” and “the world’s best granny”. That is not slagging her off at all, I’m just trying to highlight how hectic her life is.
Back to the point, there are a lot of conspiracy theories about the queen and her death and I have to say some are pretty hilarious:
Conspiracy theories about the Queen
I saw this on a meme the other day and it is literally so funny. People think she is a lizard (or a shape-shifting, extraterrestrial reptile). Honestly, I don’t know what their thinking behind that is, I think people say that is why she wears gloves, but I’ll give it to them, they were creative with the name
2. Already dead
I don’t want to sound like some sort of crazy gal that believes all the conspiracy theories because some of them are just so stupid, but I don’t know I just feel like out of them all this is more believable. I don’t really think she died in 2016 and was replaced, but I don’t know, I think she just been quiet lately. Then again she might just be living her life, as she should.
I mean why would they be waiting until after Brexit? As if people are gonna be like, “oh shit, the queen is dead, let’s not go to Tesco’s anymore.” I mean I guess things may close for a while, but then again not everyone is that into the queen’s life
How absolutely raging would you be if you reached 96 years old and instead of people being amazed by her they just look at her and go “You must be a cannibal. You must be eating kids”. Like what the fuck? It’s funny don’t get me wrong but also where is the sense in that. I mean she can afford entire countries, so I think she may have a pretty good skincare routine. She hasn’t done a “get ready with me” TikTok in a while so I can’t say for sure, but it ain’t hard to connect the dots.
The Latest Conspiracy Theory
She Is Petty
OK now hear me out for a second! Just listen to what I gotta say. This isn’t even the most crazy conspiracy theory to believe.
Now, I don’t know the queen personally so I can’t say for sure, but I think that she is hanging on just to spite us. I mean, she must always hear us talking about getting 2 weeks off when she dies and I don’t know about your family but mine always make jokes like “oh I can’t wait to get 2 weeks off. I hope it happens this week because I have a geography test”. And it really is fucked up to talk about, but I think that she doesn’t want to give us the satisfaction of her death.
I feel like she is up in one of her several bedrooms and just reads the memes about getting “mourning time” and she’s just like “*fancy queen accent* these cheeky fucks think they are going to benefit from my death. I’ll show those mother fuckers!” and now just does everything possible to live forever. I wouldn’t be surprised if she came close to become a cannibal just to live longer.
And I respect that honestly. She has achieved the title of queen of England and queen of pettiness. My prediction is that she is either going to hold on until during summer time, so we won’t actually miss any school, or just outlive us all. I bet that in 110 years or so, once everyone currently alive dies, she will happily “sleep for eternity” or go into her gold-coated cryochamber where she will awaken once again when her other extraterrestrial reptile friends come to earth. Just a thought.
Anyways, I dare you to prove me wrong. I even bet that in the next few days someone will be running around the palace to find the queen and then they burst through her door dramatically and be like “look what we found! Your secret is out!” and she’ll whip around in her chair (or get someone to swivle her around for her) and be like “*fancy queen voice* my lord, who?” and they’ll be showing this very post on their laptop.
If so, hey queen!
You have to admit, I made a pretty convincing argument right there. I mean who wouldn’t do the same if people all secretly waited for your death? You would be raging. I know she gonna haunt the fuck out of us all. She never rests. She gets the job done one way or another. But yeah, it really is amazing how she has lived that long. Surely despite all her money and people doing everything for her she would have a stressful life and not live so long, but she must love her job.
Or maybe we all secretly manifest it when we say “long live the queen” and everytime she hears that she just chuckles as her battery charges up a little more. Oh well, thank you for reading this. What do you think is the queen’s secret? I mean, I’m sure she has great healthcare. On another note, please do like, follow, comment and share because that will help to keep this blog alive as old as the queen! Well, maybe not that long but as long as possible. Thank you so much and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
ReactionsThere is no excuseHistory is destroyedDo you know what makes it even more hypocritical?Conclusion Reactions These are the people’s reactions after the US supreme court overturned the Roe v. Wade decision that gave women the right to an abortion. In other words, on the 24th of June 2022, the USA destroyed 50 years of advancement…
The Best Support ActBillie! Billie! Billie!Dublin’s Disaster This title isn’t some sort of click-bate type of shit. I literally can not believe that this concert happened. And the thing is when I try to explain it to my friends they just think I’m some obsessed fan girl but I just can’t put what I feel…
This post might make me seem like the most boring person ever, or just completely weird, and I respect that tbh. It is what it is. But I wanted to make a post about it because there is always so much stuff going on during summer that I see on social media and I feel… I don’t think bad is the right word but like I feel uncomfy and as though I missed out on something by not being there and I think it’s important to address it for your own sake I guess.
What Is FOMO?
Fear Of Missing Out
I’m sure a majority of you knew this, but in case you didn’t, FOMO just stands for “fear of missing out”. Actually the first time I heard it was in a vine and it really confused me because I had never heard it and didn’t realise it was just short for something else so I literally was so confused. I tried to find the video for you but literally couldn’t find it and I wasn’t about to start looking through all the vine compilations, but if that is something you are wanting to do, the vine person was called TooTurntTina. It also is not necessary for this post whatsoever so do with that information what you will.
Basically, it is feeling as though you are going to/have missed out on something. For me, I just feel left out and even if I were to miss a day of school or have to go in late, I would be kinda worried that I was going to miss something and then in the end I would have no friends.
And that’s quite the big jump you know, but that’s just how my brain works lol
How Has It Affected Me?
That heading makes it sound like I have some sort of condition but literally, it isn’t that deep. It is pretty annoying though, I’ll tell you that because I could really not be arsed to do something, but then all of a sudden I think that something completely ground-breaking will happen, so if I don’t go I’m gonna miss it.
As I said before, I feel as though missing something will result in me just having no friends. But I’m guessing a lot of you will be like “this girl has got to chill the fuck out” and you are right. I 100% agree, but you know me, I love to challenge myself. Never let them know your next thought. Missing a day of school? Seems like eternal loneliness to me!
So, apart from keeping me on my toes, what does this quirky way of thinking do to my everyday life? First off, it’s useful to establish what type of person I am. I’m not gonna lie, I’m generally an anxious person. I love a little spontaneity, but I love sticking to a schedule and planning in advance. I like to be at home and comfy by myself, but if I’m not around people for more than half a day, we’ll just say it gets a bit dark up in the ol’ noggin.
Now we have that established, it’s easy to understand that it can get a little confusing, or stressful when I am put in the situation of choosing between whether to do something or not. There are a lot of things that I have to think about within a short space of time before making a decision. You may say I’m indecisive but the fact is I know what I want to do. More likely than not I want to just stay at home or just not do what they are suggesting but then I also gotta think of what I could be missing out on. They could start forming a closer bond and I would end up just being an accessory to the group or maybe they could end up meeting someone famous. Honestly, though it doesn’t make sense because who the fuck are you gonna meet in a Mcdonald’s in Northern Ireland? Fucking Ronald McDonald?
A lot of people just have the attitude of just saying yes to everything because you won’t regret going, you’ll only regret not going. And usually, that is the way it ends up, especially as my twin always goes to everything and obviously if she goes then I can’t make up an excuse to not go, so I usually don’t have much of an option, but a lot of the time it is just draining and in reality, I just want to be in my fucking bed.
The weirdest part about it is when I’m scared of missing school. Who the fuck doesn’t want to miss a day of school? I used to like it in primary school because the only thing you would miss is what the fox said but you can catch up on that later. But with high school, if you miss a day or a period, the next time you come in either the whole building will be in ashes or you’ll have finished a whole topic which just happens to be the longest and most complicated of the entire year and now you’ve got a pile of homework and you need to teach yourself the whole subject for the next lesson.
I could be seeing the light but I’ll be thinking about how much I am going to miss in school. Honestly, I don’t know if that says more about me or the schooling system but something ain’t right. I feel so ashamed or I feel like a fraud. Unless I have literally broken all my bones I can just tell the teachers are looking at me like “that he just wanted to miss maths” or “that dumb bitch doesn’t even know how to find the area of an oval” as if I even do maths/need it for my future.
It is crazy how much you can miss in one day and sometimes that fear can help you to do some amazing things like maybe skydiving, trying new foods or literally just having some special bonding time with your friends, but at some point, it becomes more of a burden. It feels as if you are forced to be there which just makes everything worse I don’t really know how to stop that yet and it may take some time but I hope that sometime in the future I can be as secure with myself and my friendships as to not feel terrified by the thought of missing out. It just spoils so much and in reality, I should just focus on myself.
I mean, so what if I don’t get invited to every single party or go out every single night with a bunch of different people. That isn’t me and if I went out and did that I would most likely be miserable. It gives me the energy to do the things that I want to do and just because I am not that social of a person, doesn’t make me any less interesting or worthy. It doesn’t make me weird, it just makes me happier.
And not everybody is out every day and night doing everything imaginable. You only think that way because only people like that post their entire life. There are probably a handful of people who actually live like that because who the fuck is gonna post a photo of themselves having some quiet time or just hanging out by themselves? There are probably so many other people who feel the same as you do but they just don’t post about it so therefore you only see those that have done so much. In all honestly, they have probably just posted photos from a while ago or they literally took a photo of them having a great time when in reality it was a shit show.
I guess what I want you to take away from this post is that you shouldn’t worry about missing out and you should take life less seriously. Who gives a fuck if you miss out on a teacher having a mental breakdown? You can talk about it later if you want but in the end, it will hardly go down in history. And if you don’t end up hanging out with your friends on the weekend, that’s fine. If they are any type of good person they will understand and not judge you.
Most likely the things that feel so big and important now you won’t even remember in the future. It’s about doing things when you want to so you can get the full experience and joy of doing it. So I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Let me set the scene for you real quick. It’s 4.30am. You’re at the airport. You’re at the back of a long line for a service that hasn’t even opened yet. An hour ago you were asleep or at least just woken up by your alarm so you kinda feel like you’re in some sort…
I know a lot of my posts are usually just for the shits and giggles and I try to make light of situations going on because that’s how I express my thoughts, but there is no way this could ever be flipped into some sort of joke. There is not one thing about this that…
It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need…
This title isn’t some sort of click-bate type of shit. I literally can not believe that this concert happened. And the thing is when I try to explain it to my friends they just think I’m some obsessed fan girl but I just can’t put what I feel into words. So I don’t know how this post is going to turn out but you can let me know if you feel the same way.
The Best Support Act
First of all, let’s start with her support act. Jessie Reyez. If you don’t know her, I’ll catch you up. We love her. She was amazing! The confidence and her energy were just everything! And she whipped out a fact that kinda shook me and I was like damnnnnn. Do you know the song “One touch” with Dua Lipa and Calvin Harris? SHE WROTE IT! And she has actually been in songs with so many other big people like Eminem and Lewis Capaldi and I just never realised.
Her story was crazy too. She got really deep with us for a whole second and she was saying that when she was starting to try and get into the singing industry (if that’s what it’s called) she had the opportunity to sing in front of this big producer which would be amazing for her career. So she sang to him and obviously, she was amazing and the producer agreed, but guess what the fuck this man said. He said, “you can sing well, but if you want to make it in this industry you’ve got to suck d!(k”. Flabergasted! That’s all I can say. I was completely knocked off my feet. But look at her now! She made it anyway! I hope she does a concert of her own in Belfast soon because I wanna go.
Billie! Billie! Billie!
Anyways, now onto Billie Eilish! Let’s start with the queue outside. Now, I was sitting so I got there an hour before the doors opened, but I know people who were there for 6 hours! FACTS! And I get it because they were standing and I would have done the same but it just seems so mental. They literally got there before she did, I’m guessing. The vibes must have been crazy though. Even when I was waiting in line I was looking at the literal fucking wall like “this gorl is on the other side of this wall right now”.
I felt unworthy of breathing the same air as her. I felt blessed to be in the same room as her and to be able to see the same things as her. I kid you not, Belfast feels different to me now that I know THE Billie Eilish has been there. And I know that I sound like a psycho and Billie’s bodyguards are trying to hunt me down now, but I can explain. I swear!
Actually, I can’t really explain because I don’t have a way with words. I’ll most likely dig myself into a bigger hole but let’s try anyway. Billie is the most amazing, inspiring, comforting, down-to-earth human being that I’ve ever known. I don’t know her personally but I just get that vibe from her. She’s got a story as well and while that was hard for her, she is proof that you can get better and we all need that. I like how she is so open about it and she just being in the same room as she makes you feel like everything is going to be ok, no matter what.
Let me tell you, this girl puts on one fucking good show. Like at the start it was all smoky and flashing lights and increasingly fast music and I was literally like “oh shit where is she” because I swear these singers be coming out of every fucking crevis nowadays, but then she just flew out of the ground. And when I say flew, I mean this miss Billie did not skip leg day. She jumped high though and I was KNOCKED off my feet. I really wasn’t ready for it despite the fact I had been waiting since Christmas day.
You know the way people say you shouldn’t meet your hero? They can go fuck themselves because I met mine and it was fucking amazing. She literally went onto a wee crane thing at one point and just swung around the stadium on her platform like the queen she is. It defo inspired Queen E to get up on her balcony the next day for her jubilee. Like it was so uncalled for because she was singing a song and then we were like “umm hello” because she was just GONE, she had left. But then all of a sudden she’s a runner, she’s a track star because she was at the other side and getting onto this crane situation.
It was funny seeing everyone in the standing section all scuttle over to the other side like she was a magnet or something. Then after a few amazing songs, she ran around again to the front and I’m pretty sure that is when she was singing “getting older” and she had videos from when she was little which was so cute. Tell me why I was crying though? Like they were not my childhood photos but I was really like “shit, we’ve come so far”.
I want to mention that I haven’t been able to listen to any of her songs since the concert because every time I do I die inside a little and literally cry and I’ll tell you why. It reminds me that I am no longer in said concert and that I am not in fact besties with Billie Eilish and she doesn’t even know who I am. Don’t ask me why I went into the concert with the feeling that I would walk out of there as her new bestie. All I can say is that I just always set myself up for failure lol.
One last thing that I wanted to talk about which isn’t related to the Belfast concert, but still has to do with Billie is her Dublin concert. She had 2 I think and I’m not sure which one it was, but what I heard actually bugged me. Don’t quote me on this because I wasn’t there, but I heard that people were literally throwing stuff onto the stage. I don’t think it was to hurt her but probably they wanted her to sign their clothes or some shit, but then somebody threw a SHOE at her, at THE Billie Eilish, and she stopped to ask that they don’t do that because some people have got really hurt and she doesn’t mind if people give her a shirt respectively, AS SHE SHOULD. But then apparently some people started to boo at her! How dare they! I hope Billie was ok though because she had every right to ask people to literally not hit her with shit.
And now, as a Northern Ireland citizen, I’m kinda conflicted. I don’t want to be associated with the certain dickheads you find in England (not all of you though x) but I also don’t want to be associated with the Irish who are now disrespectful idiots (not all of you though x). Like for real, are we gonna have even more troubles because we’ve already done that shit. We completed it, for real.
So now that you all think I am a crazy fan girl and that Billie has probably filed a restraining order against me, I just wanted to end this by just making sure everyone knows that I just really respected and admire Billie and I love her so much because she is such a nice, down-to-earth gal. I would never do something like throwing a shoe at her just so I get her attention, and I would never do the crazy stalker shit that you see some people do, I just want her to know how much she means to so many people.
I also hope that someone else feels that way and that she enjoys the rest of her tour because I know I fucking loved the concert and I don’t really know how she could top our crowd. For real, we were so loud that I could barely hear her at times lol. Shout outs to Billie Eilish and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things…
I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m…
I’ve been off this blog for a while now so I thought I’d keep you updated on what I’ve been doing. Fuck all, to be honest, but one of the things that have wasted my time was watching Netflix, or more specifically, that one with the fucking long name called “the woman in the house…
It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need to know is that she is quite literally an extreme narcissist and complete nuts. Oh, and her lawyers have just graduated from clown school or the equivalent. Now, I’m just gonna run into this now because I got a lot to say and I’m just gonna ramble on so try to keep up, OK?
Let’s start with the basics. What is the case about? It’s a defamation case which basically means that Johnny Depp is suing Amber for ruining his image which in turn ruins his career because he is obviously a public figure. How did he ruin his image? Well, she posted (or didn’t… she can’t quite remember what her script said) an op-ed basically outing Johnny Depp as abusive. She has evidence to prove this… kind of, but she also forgot to mention that she too is physically abusive. And it doesn’t really take a fucking genius to realize that. So now it’s turned into a whole thing about who was the most abusive, who should be punished, who didn’t clean the carpet blah blah blah.
It’s quite hilarious though and I recommend you try to watch it. Skip to the part where she is on the stand though because then you’ll understand me when I say there is no way she could possibly have been a paid actor. Even I could do a better job and I was one step above being a rock in my primary school play. But you’ll never guess the drama! This actually nearly brought a tear to my eye… sorry, I meant it nearly made me tear my eyes out. Basically what happened was her dog stepped on a bee. Obviously, this is vital to her case… somehow, and was very emotional for her. At least that’s what I think her facial expression was supposed to show. I couldn’t really tell because I was trying to remember her point (there was none)
For real this is what her face looked like when she talked about her dog stepping on a bee. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a mess when it comes to dogs getting hurt, but like can we get to the fucking point, or remind me what the point is?! Please.
Hats off for the confidence I guess. She is very committed to the role. I mean they literally had a recording of her confessing to it and she sat there and denied it. Dead ass starred them in the eye and spoke literal shit. But we love Camille and she sees right through that shit. She just stand there looking all fed up with this shit and be like “Miss He- Miss- MISS HEARD… that wasn’t my question” and then goes back into game mode.
A reoccurring theme with Amber’s stories is that they don’t really… make any sense. One of the ones that made me crack up was the one where she said something along the lines of “he put his hand into a fist, raised it up, pulled it back *dramatic sigh* and HEAD-BUTTED me”. I’m sorry but that really did not make any sense.
Something that has really started to bug literally the entire population is the fact that whenever she answers a question she whips her head over to the jury like they are her moral support and answers to them. It kinda gives me the vibes of when you go to the doctor with your mum and the doctor asks you a question but you look at your mum to answer instead. That is quite literally it. And I don’t know if she got neck problems or what but she gotta get that checked out soon. I’m surprised Camille hasn’t called her out and been like “Can you look at me when you are answering me bitch”. That would have been me for real.
Also, she is such a poser. This is indisputable as well, even Amber Heard’s lawyers could win my case. She got a tissue to wipe her nose and she went to put it down but then saw a camera man pointed in her direction so she put it back up to her nose froze for a second until it flashed and then went on. It’s like ma’am this is on live broadcast and we can see past your bullshit
I’m gonna have to admit something and don’t be angry about it because you know it’s true, but I don’t think either of them were perfect partners. I don’t think he did what Amber said he did, I don’t think he was physically abusive, but they definitely just weren’t good for each other. Don’t twist my words OK because I’m as Team JD as I am a human, but he isn’t an angel.
I don’t want to drag this on for too long tbh because I’m gonna leave you a link to the actual trial video yourself but I’ll leave you with one last thing that made me actually die. Funny enough it was when they were leaving the court for the day and Amber was getting off the stand and as she got off, Johnny started to walk out too. Let me tell you, this how jumped back like it was extreme hopscotch. For real she acted as though JD was about to pounce. But he just needed to get to the door. What was also funny was that the police woman who was there reacted like that pick me girl in school who would go in between the two fighting and spread her arms out like “Guys stawp it this isn’t you! Don’t do this pleeasssee”. I guess it’s her job but I thought it was quite hilarious
Anyways, I love to talk about this shit because it’s so messed up but like also I feel bad for the guy. Do leave a wee comment though on what you think because I need to make sure all my subscribers are on my side. I’m trying to post more often now as well so scroll down to the suscribe section below so you can get notified every time I post because trust me you don’t want to miss it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
Please let me tell you that I am in fact a girl! I am not some man that is about to start slabbering about how women are supposed to make everyone a fucking sandwich and look after their kids while the man is at war. I also want to say that this is light-hearted and…
I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a…
From the perspective of a 16-year-old girl, I would have to say yes, texts are a ticking time bomb. Call me old fashioned, but honestly, I don’t trust that shit. They are so unpredictable. Now I could lie to you and say that is the reason I don’t text people much, but the plain truth…
I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things to think about, the same responsibilities blah blah blah.
It happened to me just the other day because I recently got a new job and the first two shifts have been great but then one morning when I was getting changed I saw the uniform and was like shit, I really gotta do this for a while now. It’s weird though because it isn’t like I hate the job, I mean, I literally only started it, but I just realised that I need to continue working. It felt like that had been an episode of my life and that I would move on from it and it would just not be mentioned anymore. But no, I have the future to “look forward” to.
That sounds mad depressing but like it’s just kinda weird for real. It’s almost as though I have become too “in the moment” that I forget there is anything outside of that moment. Now I’m not great for words so tell me if this makes any sense whatsoever, but I feel a bit unreal if you get me. Not as if I am a ghost looking down at myself, or as somebody watching a TV show of me, but like a VR headset. I know I’m in my body but then I realise that this is fucking life and that my actions have consequences.
Listen, I’m not doing anything bad if that’s what you are thinking. I’m not some sort of murderer who is now online like “whoops so I made a mistake”. It’s just like, for example, I signed up for a job, I got the job, and now I still gotta do it. Like it isn’t an achievement or level that I’ve unlocked or passed. This is quite literally real life.
When I say my life is like a TV show, it isn’t that I have a bunch of interesting stuff going on or any big plot twists. I’m quite literally the most basic bitch you’ll find. I’m mentally fucked, I’m blonde, blue eyes, not really pretty but not really ugly, chatty but also can’t start a conversation, that kind of situation your know.
Oh shit… I’m that one “main character”, not like the other girls, pick me bitch. Wow, I hate that but I swear I’m not trying to make myself sound like that. Wow… I instantly despise everything I say.
Anyways, I think what I tried to get across was that I don’t think my life is a series because it’s exciting or thrilling. I mean I’m no Kardashian (great show btw highly recommend and I’m not ashamed to say it). It’s just that I forget that this is real life.
That was a hectic wee post I guess. A little bit of a brain dump to be honest. I have been quite busy lately with all this bloody A level exams and shit. I’m really not even sure if this post made any sense but I’m hoping somebody understands me or can direct me to the closest psych ward? Lol, anyway, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
This could possibly be my most dumb fucking post because I know I’m about to sound like I’m some sort of old bitch who just discovered the internet, but honestly, I just think of a lot of random crap and I like to share it, whether you like it or not. I mean, if you…
Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which…
POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop…
I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m with. Tbh I think we all do that a little, but then people are always on social media like “be yourself” and “don’t follow the crowd” but honestly I’m kinda thinking that if there’s a crowd it must be something good.
I’m no motivational speaker, I mean I literally don’t have an ounce of motivation in me *manic smile* but like I don’t get if I’m basic. It’s just so much easier because life is stressful enough having to figure out literally every fucking thing about the entire universe… or at least that’s how in feel. I was also kinda destined to be a basic bitch because I’m blonde so it have no other choice really. Literally if you were to get the essence of what basic is, it would be me. A blonde bitch who likes Starbucks iced lattes. I’m not even ashamed about the Starbucks though. It is popular for a reason.
Basic clothes are kinda fun though… or maybe not fun but like easy. I can put on a fucking hoodie and leggings and call it a day. And it’s also comfy as hell. Sure I care about how people look at me and I do think that they think I’m such a boring and ugly bitch, but if I were to wear something a bit “different” those thoughts would be even worse.
Do you know what? I’m a saver. If there is a fear of spending money, it’s me for real. I don’t know what it is, but it works because basic clothes are usually less expensive than trendy ones. Call me weird or… cheap, but things look better when they’re an absolute bargain. You know imma go around to everyone saying “Guess how much my socks cost?!” Or some shit like that. Don’t get me wrong if someone were to gift me a fancy wee top or something nice, I wouldn’t turn it away. Call me bloody bargain hunter, I don’t care because imma be the one who just saved 25% on a top 😏
I think the point I was wanting to get at here is that I think people have too much pressure to be someone different and to find who they are as quick as possible so they can stand out and while I think that’s all good and you definitely should be yourself, I don’t think there should be such an urgency. I always hear people my age being like “I barely know who I am!” Not in a mentally ill, kinda ‘I should find you help’ kinda way but like they don’t know what to do in the future and they feel like they should but bitch take a breathe and realize that we’ve got fucking time. For real though. Maybe you didn’t choose the right uni course for what you want to do or maybe you are near retirement and your like “I wish I did this instead” then you can still go and do it.
Sometimes it’s easier to go with the flow and let people decide some things for you. I know at the moment I prefer not to stand out too much and kinda see where things take me because I have no clue what else to do. How am I supposed to navigate my way through life without any guidance from others. I kinda just hope that eventually the flow will go through something that I find interesting or more like me. I never thought being myself would be so difficult and life is difficult enough already so imma be basic for a second and you can do whatever it is you want.
Think of it as being neutral. I’m not going into anything with a set opinion or expectation, so I’ll just see what I come out with. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn…
Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also…
Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess…
I’ve been off this blog for a while now so I thought I’d keep you updated on what I’ve been doing. Fuck all, to be honest, but one of the things that have wasted my time was watching Netflix, or more specifically, that one with the fucking long name called “the woman in the house across the road from the girl in the window”. Don’t try to ask me if that is right or how I remembered that but that’s literally its name.
I’m gonna start off with why I wanted to watch it? I wasn’t going to honestly but then my sister and friends all came in one day and all asked the same question “what the fuck?!” And I get that now, but at the time I was confused. They had literally only watched the first episode as well so I was like what could be so weird about this show? Some of the things they mentioned were a cannibal, a crazy lady and fear of the rain. I understand those now but at the time I didn’t know how those could all link together into a good TV show.
I’m not going to lie, knowing the purpose of the movie now makes the show really good and hilarious (not the whole person eating a person bit but you get what I mean), but if you were to watch this expecting a great show with the one and only Kristen Bell, you would be pretty disappointed. So for those who haven’t watched it, go down to the “Newbies” heading below and I’ll not spoil anything for you, but if you’ve started watching it and have come here just to verify a few details, go down to the “Experts” section (But I am in no way an expert other than the fact I have watched the first few episodes). But first for a quick preview of what the show is about
“A heartbroken woman named Anna (Kristen Bell) is unsure of whether or not she witnessed a murder. She mixes alcohol with medications prescribed by her therapist, has frequent hallucinations, and suffers from a crippling fear of the rain (ombrophobia). Anna is ostracized by members of her community, including her new neighbours, and labelled “crazy” by the police. Regardless of whether or not she saw a murder take place, Anna takes it upon herself to find the truth.”
At the end of this section, I’m gonna answer the question of whether or not you should watch it, but obviously, not everyone has the same taste in shows so I’ll give you my opinion so you can work it out for yourself. Or, of course, you could literally watch it yourself, but if you don’t wanna waste your time then keep reading.
You may have heard a few rumours such as it’s crap, or it’s a joke. I’ll tell you that it is a joke, quite literally. In other words, we aren’t laughing at it we are laughing with it. Basically, it is making fun of all the stupid stuff in crime movies and just movies in general. Like the main character is literally some divorced woman with a dead kid (no it isn’t a spoiler) and it’s hilarious some of the things she realises along with the narration of what she is thinking. You know how so many movies have the one relationship where it is just so cringy and it’s usually between the depressed neighbour and the single dad that moves in across the street? That is one thing that happens but they make it so funny.
If you didn’t know that this whole show was a joke you would literally despise it. You would literally chuck your phone out the window and wash your eyes out with soap, but knowing that this is just mocking every single basic show, it is so much better.
Like, the way that the child dies is just so ridiculous and maybe they dramatize a few things for dramatic effect, but it still works. Kristen Bell’s acting is literally top-notch. I think it’s kinda like how she acted in “The Good Place” but also not like that at all. It must have been so fun to make because it’s kinda crappy-good acting. There seems like little skill yet so much skill at the same time.
So basically, my answer to whether or not you should watch it is yes because it has a good plot but is also light-hearted and easy to follow. As long as you go into it knowing that it is a comedy and making fun of other movies then you will really enjoy it. Also, it may be worth adding that I have a very sarcastic, dark sense of humour so if you usually don’t get that type of stuff it may not be for you
If you are reading this I really hope you have watched the show or that you just love a good spoiler because I’m about to spill all the tea. Tbh I’ve not finished it but like from what I have seen I have a lot to say. But at the end I am going to tell you whether or not I think you should continue watching it, if you haven’t finished it, or if you have finished it, then this is just a little bit of fun and maybe you’ll watch it over again with a different perspective.
Let’s start with the fact that this is for sure a comedy and is for sure making fun of everything. It is basically as if every cringy part of a murder mystery was taken and put into 8 episodes. Luckily I started watching this with the knowledge that it is basically mocking other shows, and I’m glad I knew this because otherwise, I wouldn’t have watched as far as I have. My favourite part is just how ridiculous they make it, yet it works so well. For example, in the last episode I watched, Anna had just followed the English guy because she saw him carrying a heavy bag into the car and when she found him she asked to look in the bag and it was a fucking ventriloquist doll because he had to find a new hobby after his wife died. How fucking hilarious is that! Literally cackling by the end. And he is here like “I needed to do it for my daughter… Just, please… don’t tell anyone”. But it really does be like that in the movies. They’ll have a dirty little secret that they don’t want the world to find out about.
I think Kristen Bell’s acting is amazing as well because she makes it look like bad acting yet it takes such good acting to achieve that and it must have been so hard to not absolutely pee yourself every 10 seconds. Like whenever she tried to bring a literal casserole to her neighbour but it started raining and she literally passed out in the street. Or when she was with the dead wife’s sister and the sister was so sad and mysterious. I don’t even know how to describe it in words but you’ve seen it so you’ll know. She is basically that basic bitch character who seems like she has finally got her life back together after a big trauma, but she collapses every time she hears her sister’s name.
I have to admit that at the start of watching it I was kind of doubting whether or not this was actually a joke but then the one thing that kinda made it certain that it was a joke was the part when she was like…
“To get to the bottom of something, sometimes you have to remind yourself that if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything. And the biggest risk you can take is to risk nothing. And if you risk nothing, what you’re really doing is risking not getting to the bottom of something. And if you don’t get to the bottom of something, you risk everything.”
I just find things like that so funny and you may say I have a broken sense of humour, but you would be right… yeah. I have a sarcastic, very particular sense of humour so this was a great show for me, so definitely keep watching and remember that it is literally a joke. It isn’t supposed to be a serious thing or something like that, so remember that if you are not sure if you should bother.
But yeah I definitely recommend this show and you could even watch this show over your Easter holiday unless you are like me and have fucking revision to complete, then you can watch it instead of your revision as a bit of a laugh. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Can people please just get over it and wise up because it just isn’t that hard bitch. Firstly I’d like to say that my pronouns are she/her and I’m straight so I can’t really speak of experience but I want to talk from the perspective of just an accepting human being which is literally the…
I’m not really an angry person if I’m gonna be honest and although this doesn’t really make me that angry, it gets me in that manic laughing phase which is kinda fucking scary. Like you know that point where you just look at someone who just said something to you and you don’t have any…
Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck…
Please let me tell you that I am in fact a girl! I am not some man that is about to start slabbering about how women are supposed to make everyone a fucking sandwich and look after their kids while the man is at war. I also want to say that this is light-hearted and I don’t want any army person coming to my house and literally kidnapping me into fucking Ukraine or some shit. Like for real I don’t think you’ll be wanting me near there because I’m fucking terrified of spiders and I just know that there is some type of spider living in those crusty tanks. Like… I’m sorry no.
Anyways, now I’ve got that cleared up, let’s talk about this shit. So as you probably know, women and kids are getting sent out of either Russia or Ukraine (I can’t fully remember) and the men are told to stay because of going to war and all that. So I know that there are a few feminists out there who are absolutely raging, and I want to address that. What I am about to say might erase all of what we women have fought for, but I think we gotta take a step back and think this through for a second.
I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m perfectly fine making a casserole for dinner or dusting the shelves, for real. I’m not sure if there was a little bit of miscommunication, but when we said we wanted equal rights, we didn’t mean equal fights. Like, I feel you guys have got this covered with all your fucking ps5 games or whatever it is you do. I may be legally American, but I don’t want to hold a gun. And not to bring stereotypes into this, but I’m a blonde so I could completely foil an attack by accidentally detonating a bomb. So it would be best if I kinda stayed out of this.
On the other hand, though, I wouldn’t mind a wee bit of risk in my life. I think it would be kinda cool and that may sound insensitive because I don’t know what it is really like and I know it is actually traumatizing, but I would feel like such a boss bitch. It would be more rewarding than cooking a potato tbh. I hate cooking as well. I also have nothing to lose so I’d go all in. I would just be the sacrificial lamb and I would just be happy to feel like part of a team. It would definitely be considered if I was asked if I wanted to go to war. Maybe I would be a war nurse? Then again I don’t do sciences anymore and I’m not that smart. I’m sure they would find something for me somewhere.
Oh, and to defend my case again, I don’t really like to cook. Maybe I got a good grade in my HE GCSE but that’s because it wasn’t based on taste. Having to put so much time into that one thing and cut literal onions is not my idea of a good time. I could learn for sure, but I won’t be a happy gal that’s for sure.
And one last quick question, could my counsellor come? Like I may have another couple of things to talk about if I were to go into a war zone. No? oh… we may have a problem
If it ever got to the stage that we had to start sending people over to war, they would have to have a pretty hard fucking think about who they are gonna ask to go. Like they may go with just men because that is the way it’s always been. But they may find themselves with a few Mulan type girls who sneak in without anyone knowing, or maybe they would be met by a group of angry Gen Zs. Then on the other hand us gals may all suddenly scuttle into some dark corner and cease to exist outside the home if they said women can go too. Like it really is a 50/50 chance and the war would probably be done by the time we’ve actually made a decision.
Hopefully, it never comes to that though because I don’t really want to have to sleep in the mud and get literal foot fungus or whatever, but then again I don’t wanna be that bitch who think men are the heroes, you know. It’s a tricky situation and I’m sure I will have a few restless nights over it but feel free to comment below on what you would do. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Merry Christmas guys! I want to keep this post short and sweet because honestly who the fuck wants to read this on Christmas but if you are then I respect you and you a real one. But anyway lol I know this year has been kinda very shite but it’s nearly over and we made…
Humans haven’t evolved for shit, well not in the way I would like. I would warn all the Ross Gellers, or people who actually understand this topic, to beware because this may cost you a few brain cells, but I do want to add I am not a Karen and I do believe in evolution,…
I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a fucking high school drama where someones always gotta go through some sort of shit. Honestly though what the fucking is going on? Just as we didn’t need to wear one type of face mask, we gonna start to need a whole other one. At this point, I’m ready for it. Do your worst I guess… ok I take that back but honestly, I’m not even phased. But let’s do a wee catch up for all the people who have tried to stay off the News. So, sorry, but it isn’t good news.
London Bridge is Falling Down
I heard that this is what they are supposed to say when the queen dies as their secret word or something (even though it obviously isn’t so secret at the moment) but before you panic I swear she isn’t dead or I haven’t heard so yet, but I just mean the queen is literally on her last leg. Fair play though because she’s probably sick of this shit. She’s probably like “war? Not this shit again” like honestly she has seen a lot of stuff I’ll tell you that for sure.
She literally had to use like a walking stick or something that probably cost as much as money as it would to end hunger in Africa. And obviously walking stick doesn’t equal literal death but I mean I wouldn’t be surprised honestly. And here she is with literal ‘rona. Whose head is about to be cut off though? That’s what I wanna know. I mean I’m sure she’s not out in the town on a Saturday night so someone had to bring it to her.
‘Rona’s Running Away
I don’t want to jinx it but I think we are coming out the other side! Like rona is kinda irrelevant now and I love that for us. Sure I still wear a face mask but honestly it doesn’t even bother me at this point. If anything I feel weird not having it because if I don’t then I feel like I’m missing something. That and I also feel like I don’t know what to do with my face anymore. Like kinda when you don’t know where to put your hands.
Actually though I heard from my sister that her friends friend was wearing a mask on the day that masks weren’t mandatory and this woman dead ass went up to her and was like “why are you wearing a mask! You don’t need to wear one!” bitch get the fuck outta my face though for real. Literally how weird. I mean if someone said that to me I don’t really know what I would do? Like maybe mind your own fucking business. If anything I’m glad to wear my mask so I can’t smell the shit coming out of your mouth. How funny is that though lol
Rona is definitely fading though and we can all start to remenise on what the hell actually happened. Literally though we just walked around as if this shit was normal but it isn’t. There was legit a shortage of toilet paper! What?! Literally mental. Can’t wait to dramatize it to my grandkids
The whole drama with Djokovic was actually a wee while ago but honestly I’m still kinda pissed for real. Like what is this idiocracy?! I mean you think you know someone then they turn out to be an idiot. Like these scientists work their asses off to fight this literal PANDEMIC and you sit there like “nah I don’t trust it though”! I’m not tryna be rude but you play fucking tennis for a living. I’m pretty sure they know what they are doing. Unless you have been living under a rock, I think it is quite obvious why we need the vaccine.
So yeah, all in all he didn’t get to play in his tennis match and I think he is kinda shunned from Australia or wherever he was when it happened. For real though you think a public figure would have a bit of sense to do the right thing. If it was more actual medical reasons that would be another story. Maybe it’s some sort of chemical imbalance in his head?
Coming Soon: World War III
Sorry but why is this becoming a series? like honestly where is the need. I know that you will all have heard about Russia invading the Ukraine and now the rest of the world is like “shit” because they probably need to get involved now. Honestly this is is a serious situation and if I try to make it sound any less serious than it is then I want you to know that it’s because I try to make jokes when I’m uncomfortable or actually feeling stuff, but I really do appreciate the danger of what is happening at the moment and I’m sorry if you are affected by it at the moment and hope it will all end soon.
Anyways, yeah, we’ve kinda jumped from one danger to the next honestly. Putin had too much time to think (or not think) in lockdown and that’s no lie. Like I really don’t get why wars happen. Obviously it’s a bit more difficult for literally countries to “talk it out” but like I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have to lead to the end of the world. And the fact the russian guy actually came out and said something like “if you try to stop me I will do something that you have never seen in history before”. Just what?! You’ve got me flipping though my history books tryna figure out what the fucking you gonna do but surely it can’t be a nuclear war? But nah that is what he means.
So you are telling me you got a secret bunker that will let you survive a nuclear bomb? But at what cost though? So you have control of the whole world which is literally just a few microorganisms? Like if you gonna whipe us all out at least tell me what you plan to do. Don’t villains usually have a whole monologue before they kill the person?
There have been a lot of “scares” about a world war 3 in the past years but that’s been from the most insignificant shit like Bo Jo’s hair was actually shaped like a w for 3 seconds or some English GCSE type crap.
But as a woman, I’m not sure if I should run to the battle field or to the kitchen. Like… it’s a conflict of interest honestly. I mean I’m willing to vote and do that stuff I am grateful for, but I’m not sure if they will appreciate my mental quirks on the battle field honestly. And legally I’m American but that doesn’t mean I want to use a gun you know?
I’m not sure if this type of shit happens every 100 years, but we gotta look at the facts honestly because they went through a whole ton of shit during the roaring 20’s. I wonder what they will call us? Maybe nothing because we’ll all be literally deceased. Who knows? So just to summarise, for all those who kinda just want to skip to the end… it’s every man to themselves at this point and may the odds be ever in your favour. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Whenever you grow up and someone says they have a “face only a mother could love”, that person is, one, a bitch, but two, speaking facts because, after the first time she sees her new-born baby, there is no way it can get any worse, so no matter what they look like when they grow…
Whoever said Christmas is about giving, not receiving is fucking right because bitch do I GIVE! Now I ain’t tryna brag and be like oh my days I’m so unlucky that I have to/can spend money to get stuff for my family, but like I’m just saying that I am acting as though I’ve got…
12 days ’til Christmas and my true love gave to me, a big fucking mess. I mean what the actual hell. Here I am with a bit of a sore head and a stuffy nose and then I take a wee lateral flow test before I go out to Ju-Jitsu but then the 2nd line…
From the perspective of a 16-year-old girl, I would have to say yes, texts are a ticking time bomb. Call me old fashioned, but honestly, I don’t trust that shit. They are so unpredictable. Now I could lie to you and say that is the reason I don’t text people much, but the plain truth is that my social battery is like a fucking iPhone battery, that shit goes down quick. But I predict that I have dodged a few dramas by not texting that much. Then again, I predicted that Covid would at least wipe out Donald Trump (we still got time I guess).
That last statement was literally so unnecessary, but you know I love a good Donal Trump hate comment. But yeah, texting can go wrong pretty easily. Even a few of my posts might go in the wrong direction based on this one thing that I want to talk to you about today. My problem? Well, sometimes I feel like everyone hates- OH, SHIT you mean my problem with texts? My problem with THAT is you can’t convey the right tone in texts.
One time I found myself in a messy situation because of miscommunication was 2 years ago when I was in school. My sister could drive at that time and texted me, later on, to tell me that I had left a bit of my lunch in the boot of her car and asked where I was so she could give it to me. I said I was in the assembly hall and my sister was like “oh, well you can just get it from the 6th form centre because I can’t be bothered to go down there” and I was like, fair enough, but then I asked her what class she was in next and she said Chemistry.
You don’t know my school, but you walk past the assembly hall to get to Chemistry, so I said “why don’t you give it to me on your way to Chemistry then?” That was a genuine question because I thought it would be easier for us both, but then I get a reply and, although this isn’t the word for word, she was like “DON’T BE SO FUCKING RUDE! THIS ISN’T EVEN MY JOB! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN FORGET YOUR FUCKING LUNCH YOU DUMB SHIT”. So obviously there was a bit of a mix up in tone and ended up with her screaming at me from the other side of the corridor with people just staring at me and the drama even though I had no clue what the fuck was going on 🙂
Stamdard School Situation
My teacher would be loving all this alliteration, but anyways, another way I got myself kinda in the middle of something was last year (a.k.a 2 months ago) and we were doing some sort of school thing where only 17 of us were in it. Honestly, the red flags were flapping in the wind like it was the 12th of July in NI but I still chose to stay in the group. Let’s just say, the first red flag is that there is this one really strong-headed person who thinks they are the best and that everyone loves them when in reality everyone slabbers about them and just dislikes them passionately.
To sum it up, we had to decide on a product to make for a business. It took forever and being just below him in terms of ranking, I decided that after weeks and weeks of deliberation, today was gonna be the day where we would just do a vote and bish bash bosh, democracy is where it’s at. The header, who obviously thought his idea was the best, was like “ok” and we did the whole going around the room hands up business. And guess what? His idea was lost by quite a lot I must admit. It was basically just his 3 goons who voted for him.
So, while I boss-bitched that situation, he goes off slabbering about me and the idea and being just a fucking prick and saying the shittest stuff and then would text into the group chat the dumbest, rudest shite. And while I can have some risky words in this blog, I really had to hold back in the texts. It was just whenever he would start attacking random people or start being fucking rude that I couldn’t just watch. Now I know you probably think I am trying to make myself the hero, but I must admit I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved, but what’s done is done and it needed to be said.
Texting while you are angry is a mess and a half because you send it without thinking and bam there is no going back. And it may take you a while to regret it, like a high school relationship, but it usually does happen.
You see, I have a particular sense of humour. And I mean very particular. Bordering on a niche. Bordering on monopoly. So sometimes I make a joke that I find fucking hilarious, but with further thought, I kinda think it is suitable. Kinda like when you laugh at some kid that just fell. I’ll go to hell for it for sure but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
So the thing is, with texts you have even less time to think in my opinion. Your fingers have typed and sent it before you even finished the joke in your head. Usually, this happens to me by making jokes about my dad’s age. The thing is he literally isn’t that old. I’ll not tell you exactly, but he just left his mid-life crisis. So take what you want from that. But anyway, I realised I had literally been making so many jokes about his age within the past few days and was like “oh shit I hope he doesn’t get hurt by that” and then, as a result, I am here trying to be the nicest person ever.
Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck but he could and now he has a whole line of texts with me making jokes about his age. They are hella funny, but we can’t talk about that right now.
Anyways, yeah, while my English teacher may think otherwise, you can’t represent your emotions very well by just words. Like if you are someone who is naturally anxious, you may read their text in a different way than they intended. So it’s a dangerous thing to do. And that is why I don’t social 🙂 I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Before you start calling child protection services, let me just clear something up. No, I am not the gingerbread man and no I am not in some weird family where instead of a naughty step I get the literal oven. What I’m referring to is the lack of basic features that I kinda feel were…
I know what you are thinking, “what the fuck does your dog look like”. But it isn’t because of that. She is literally the cutest thing you will ever see, well… apart from at the moment because she just got a haircut that made her hella ugly, but it’s fine it’ll grow back. The thing…
Now I’m not someone who gets political, not even when it comes to Brexit taking our magic stars, but this phenomenon has to be mentioned. It is absolutely mental how this one thing has united the countries within the UK more than anything else. I feel we have actually joined as a team to create…
This could possibly be my most dumb fucking post because I know I’m about to sound like I’m some sort of old bitch who just discovered the internet, but honestly, I just think of a lot of random crap and I like to share it, whether you like it or not. I mean, if you are gonna think about something, why not go all out and question every single little aspect of it? Go big or go home right?
So today I’m obviously talking about how apps have the power to literally switch things up so quickly. Like I don’t even think we realise at some points how freaky it really is. Let me give a few examples to get your brain up to speed. I have this tree app that grows a tree when I study but if I go on my phone the tree will die, so it helps to keep me motivated. But the thing is it MAKES me motivated. And it’s so weird because obviously they don’t plant actual trees (unless you earn enough coins to plant a real one, but they also could just be lying lol) but I feel as though if this tree dies, I am a failure.
That sounded like we were getting into some deep crap but Nah, it just actually works. All you old people can keep on talking about how you had to “use your imagination” when you were bored, or “have to spend your life savings to send a messenger pigeon just to say hi” but I’m gonna stick with the new way because it fucking works. If it means it runs my life, then so be it. I couldn’t give a fuck honestly.
But then there is one thing about them that doesn’t make their power so scary, but I’ll talk about that later in the post because I thought this intro is getting way too long and I’m bored of it honestly.
Honestly, It would be easier to say what they can’t do because these hoes will run your life like you’re a sims character (*conspiracy senses tingling*). There are apps out there that remind you to take water, tell you how long you sleep, give you a whole timetable for every little thing in your life and I bet there’s one that wipes your ass as well. It’s crazy but I suppose necessary because of the price we pay for the literal phone.
Don’t even get me started on the absolute scam of having to buy apps. Sure they are only 50p but back when I was younger (literally only 6 years ago) that would be my whole life savings. And for what? To be able to give Talking Tom a fucking bow tie? Like, that shit doesn’t even matter. I do have to admit that there are a few apps that I have bought but I swear I had my reasons, or at least I did at the time.
Minecraft – That was £5 but that was a small price to pay to get priceless street-cred back in the day. It gave me power behind those metal bars (school). So honestly, that was a pretty valid purchase and I’m not afraid to tell you all about it. I know you’re just jealous
Book Tracker – Ok so… I… I don’t even have an excuse for that one. I was going through a phase, OK! Get off my back for flip sake. I just wanted to be a quirky book gorl *Debbie ryan’s my hair behind my ear* Let’s just say that I’m never going to get that money back every again. I stopped reading because that shit wasn’t for me, but now thay my new year’s resolution is to read 10 books this year (which is 10 more than last year so don’t bully me) I had to motivate myself. And guess what? I literally just use “good reads” which does the exact same thing but for free. So yeah…
Driving Theory – I just got this the other day and I’m going cute myself some slack because that’s a smart £4.99. That £4.99 is gonna get me a driving license (in some way) and a whole life of freedom, and it was kinda also my only choice so…
Isn’t it weird though how much we rely on apps? Like I literally need that app to be able to drive and to complete a legal requirement to do a driving theory test. It’s kinda mental but I also know there is someone else behind another computer just watching all this money roll into their account and honestly I respect that. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
What Can We Do?
Compared to apps, we can’t do shit. Not by ourselves at least. We literally rely on an app to tell us when everyone’s birthday is and to literally tell us where we are. Have you heard of “what3words”? It’s crazy. You could be in the middle of nowhere and you can be found. It does seem kinda funny though because imagine you were one of the 999 people and you got a call and they just said “pig lumpy butter” and then they just passed out or hung up. Like you would probably think you’d gone mad or it was a prank call when really there is a girl who was just murdered in the middle of the desert. You would end up picking up the phone and going:
999 operator: Hello, what is your emergency? caller: CHIC… CHICKEN BRICK COAST… COASTER 999 operator: Right, I don’t know who the fuck you are but this is the 3rd time you’ve tried to call and if you call again I swear to god! *hangs up* 999 operator: *watching TV* News presenter: Just in, a girl who was missing for 26 years was just found in England. We asked her where she was held all this time and she said, to be exact, “chicken brick coaster”. There you have it guys, this app is a life-saver.
Like you have to admit that sounds fucking hilarious.
One thing that I also wanted to mention, just to give humans a wee ego-boost after slamming us for being lazy shits, we still do have the power over apps. How? We can just delete that shit. No joke it’s kinda funny when you think about it because, unlike anything else in this world, if it’s bugging us or we just don’t like it, we can delete that shit. “Ugh, I can’t get past this level” DELETE. “Why does this say I need more sleep?” fucking delete it
I can’t trust myself with that much power. I wish you could do that in real life though. Just deadass delete any inconvenience. “wow, I failed geography!” deleted. *someone annoys me* deleted. Like it would make everything so much easier. I would wake up on a Monday and just hit delete, you know.
What Would I Like?
Call me a bitch, but it’s time to talk about me, or at least what I would like in an app. Woah, that sounds like a really shit online dating show. “What I would like in an app”, I CLAIM IT THOUGH so if you are gonna use it you gotta give me a cut, ok? I’m almost sure that’s legally binding?
Anyways, what I would love an app to do for me is literally plan everything for me. Now I’m not talking about fucking google calendar type shit, no, I want it to just make me a full schedule in an instant in the most efficient way possible. I don’t give a shit if it needs to hear me making plans, but it gotta just have it done because one part of making a schedule that I find scary is having to time it right. Like is that just me? I pretty much give myself an hour to wash my face in the morning just so I know I have enough time just in case I was too, oh, I don’t know, fucking die? It may seem like a bit of a push but I would appreciate it.
Then, if we could get that done, you could have a bonus package where the app will DO the things on your schedule and if you have any type of social interaction, someone that works with the app will personally call them and tell them we can’t attend, without making said person sad. I mean, hey, I’m just thinking out loud.
That one was kinda dumb, so give me another chance. I would love it if there was an app that could genuinely teach me stuff. Like I know that sounds dumb as fuck and you probably think I’m secretly your teacher trying to get everyone to do more work, but like I find learning things that I don’t need to learn fun. Like if there was an app that taught you about literal fucking mechanics or physics, but in the style of Duolingo, I think that would be so fun. But it would kinda literally be very difficult and would have to be the same quality as Duolingo because you could make it so shite. I don’t know if that would be possible but imagine if you could just learn sign language that way, or random shite like how a car works, or full-on topics like a certain time in history.
I just love to know really random, pointless, yet interesting facts because it makes me feel smart. It would be fun I must admit. But I don’t know if you would all agree with me, but jeez, get your own blog. Also, the app would have to be free. The foot is down on this one, guys.
And lastly, just to end things off, I have one last to add. It’s a question really, but what apps do you want to see? What do you need in your life that your phone can do for you. I mean it could literally be anything. It might not be possible but honestly, I couldn’t care less lol I just like to hear your ideas. Maybe one that can record/remember your dreams for you so that if you have the most amazing dream you will have it there with you forever and you can also check whether you were dreaming or if it was real life because that’s been happening to me lately and I am kinda really confused about what is real and what isn’t so yeah lol.
Anyways, that’s all for today. I guess I’ll say sorry for not posting in a while but literally I’ve been so exhausted and life has just happened you know. Like literally life is fucking crazy and I know you know that but I’ll try to keep up the motivation. Literally, dreading everything in life right now, but hey, these are the best years of my life, right? I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the…
Merry Christmas to everyone!… except those who say happy Christmas. You can go to hell. I don’t really know what it is that possesses people to say “happy” Christmas but I don’t want it. Like it makes me shrivel up and die inside. I can actually hear the elves and Santa cry from the north…
Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which usually gets regurgitated into a blog post and that is exactly what this is. But what got me thinking about this random shit? Well, my dad, an avid David Attenborough fan, was watching green planet, or whatever one was out recently, and was raving about this one plant that was weird as hell. Yes, I know, we have the best conversations. But let’s talk about it today.
Evolution hit them like a ton of bricks, literally no lie. Obviously, like humans, some didn’t get hit so hard (*cough*daisies*cough*literal grass*cough*), but fuck me there is a good handful of them that literally changed like there was no tomorrow. The one that my dad showed me, and I won’t tell you the name yet because I’m leaving that for the next sub-topic, was so freaking advanced that it may as well be the Elon Musk of the plant kingdom. Just always one step ahead of everyone. Also like Elon, I have a suspicion it’s some sort of robot.
Tell me why this plant literally slithers around to find this plant and grows fucking bladders so that it can steal the water and also the little bugs that for some reason are created in this plant. They deadass just steal the plant’s food and fuck off before they can do anything about it. How raging would you be? Like you got your rainwater and little dead animals all ready to eat, but then this greedy bitch comes, grows fucking bladders, and the next second it’s all gone! The audacity.
Honestly, though, it’s so weird how plants have evolved to do such weird things. Like it’s unbelievable. They are resilient as fuck because they can grow anywhere and just thrive in harsh conditions. And what do we do? Fucking cry if they gave us the wrong 12″ pizza? Goddamn. It must have taken so long though and I still don’t even know how they learned what they need to do because they don’t have a mind. I get the whole “survival of the fittest” type shit, but how do they know to go to this plant and grow these separate organs and then grow hairs that detect when they need to chomp on a little bug.
I mean I was shocked when I found out sunflowers turn their head to face the sun, but that means nothing to me now.
2. Ironic Names
I think it’s absolutely hilarious how people name plants. They must be top comedians because the amount of shit they come up with is so funny. From the plant I described above, what would you think it’s called? Some sort of heroic name or just something that sounds pretty classy, like maybe… right well I don’t know, but something cool that’s for sure. And now guess what they called it. If you said “bladder wart”, you are, firstly a cheater, but also a winner.
It’s the height of disrespect honestly. It’s like calling superman, just “man”, or calling the hulk, “booger wart”. Like it isn’t right. Did a child name it? That’s the only way I could excuse it because when I hear the word bladder wart, I would be thinking of driving that person to the hospital for a check-up cause that sounds nasty. It is ironic, and maybe poetic, to hear such an amazingly adapted plant be called such a dumb fucking name.
There are also some names that are kinda perfect because the flower is so irrelevant and insignificant that they didn’t even give their names the time of day. Like a sunflower, I mean what the fuck is that? I can guarantee you the decision went like this:
person 1: ahh, I’ve found another plant, it’s amazing person 2: meh, it’s kinda shit really person 1: yeah you’re right actually… We’ve still gotta name it though person 2: awk for fuck sake *sigh* just call it… a fuckin’… a sunflower I fucking hatemy job
Somebody go check the history books because I’m pretty sure that was spot on
3. They Got A Whole Ass Personality
No joke they’ve got more of a personality than half the people in my school. These hoes don’t stop for nobody. They give me very much “motivational talker who tells you to not give a fuck about anyone but yourself” kinda vibe. And I respect that. However, they also give me “two-faced snake” vibes. Sure they look pretty but underneath they’ve got this whole network of roots. I never thought anything of it until my mum and dad were talking about how they were worried the tree outside was getting too big (yep, I’m an eco bitch) and I was like “why is that bad?” and they deadass went on to say it could destroy our house. I’m sorry but what the fuck? I’d love to see that honestly.
I suppose they do go through a lot so we can’t blame their attitude. We will literally turn them into a fucking treehouse, chop them down, make them into a literal bookcase filled with pages that are also made out of themselves, and climb all over them like it’s nobody’s business.
4. How Are They Not Concious Beings?
It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact they have evolved to do such amazing things, but it’s even crazier to think that they aren’t really conscious beings like we are. Sure they are classified as a living thing but they don’t have a brain or any thoughts (that we know of :o) and yet they still just do this shit because of cells and science shit.
You can’t tell me it there isn’t any “Inside Out” business going on in there because I could imagine a little plant anger or a little plant joy. They are quite literally smarter than some of the guys in my year. I’m no David Attenborough but I sure as hell would prefer the company of a literal plant than other people.
It is just amazing and crazy though when you think about it. Like they’ll find an obstacle and be like “oh shit ok let’s go this way instead” or, in terms of a venus flytrap, they have pretty much a built in timer that helps them figure out the difference between a bug and everything else. No joke, venus flytraps have this thing where they only shut if they sense something within 20 seconds of each other so that it doesn’t just close on a raindrop or something. There is also this other plant that looks so pretty but literally has this gel like thing on the spikes that makes any insects that go on it stick and it will deadass curl them up and the gel will literally digest them. Imagine seeing that happen! Imagine being that fly!
5. Some are Omnivores
Plants really switched it up on this one because on the food chain we see plants as literally the primary producers, so they convert the sunlight into energy and then an animal comes, eats them and then get’s that energy. But in some cases that bitch is a fucking consumer. They really pulled it out of the bag with that one and honestly I respect that. Like it’s a two way system and if one doesn’t like being eaten then the got to work something out.
They really do be getting their revenge like they are fucking Bruce Wayne. They snack on a whole fly and then carry on as a pretty piece of nature. Do you know how many plants just murdered something right before they were put on camera in a photo or TV show. Like that is some crazy shit. LOL don’t think I’m crazy, it’s a joke, but I find it hilarious how nobody appreciates that plants, quite literally not a conscious being, eats a fucking living, conscious thing. Well, I don’t really know if insects have thought tbh? Wow that’s gonna keep me up at night
6. House Plants
And lastly, it’s important to touch on the real warriors of the planet, house plants. You think you got it rough? Pfft, try being dehydrated and forgotten for weeks. These hoes are like the depressed middle child. Miserable, forgotten, but always loved. So shoutout to all the plants that died of dehydration! You are a real one. You really light up the room. You made us all feel better about ourselves and made us feel like we could accomplish something in life. Sorry that we forgot you, but you shall always be remembered… not really.
I actually am growing plants at the moment. Bonsai trees to be exact. Like I literally got it for Christmas and I’m quite excited. The thing is only one has actually started to grow and it’s been 2 weeks, but it says it could be 3 weeks so we’ll not panic yet. I feel like I’ll have to name them but I’ll do that later once I’ve gotten to see them. The on I have at the moment is kinda crazy on the top like a palm tree, so I’m either gonna call it Pam or Sideshow Bob. What do you think?
And there we have it. To all those people who were thinking “how the fuck could someone write a whole fucking post about how plants are weird?” I just did it bitch. And now I’ve got you equally as freaked out by plants. Thank you so much for reading this though and I would love if you could like, comment, give a cheeky little donation so I can keep posting and follow for more content like this every other day (or at least I try). I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your…
Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about…
I know, I know, this sounds so bloody stupid but I swear that by the end of this post you will completely agree. Selfishness is comforting when you look at it in a particular way. And I’m almost certain that if you are someone who has hit rock bottom and ended up looking at motivational…
POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop in charity shops. Then bam, in one of the last shops you go to you find the biggest bargain ever (or at least that I’ve ever seen). It’s a literal Panasonic Lumix digital camera for £20 and it’s pretty much brand new! Who am I, Bargain Hunter?
But then guess what? You go home completely buzzing, ready to show this win because my mum loves a bargain too (or so I thought). Then when I walk in the house like the retro bitch I am, I shove the camera in their face and go like “guess how much this was?” and they’re like “Ummm-” but they takin’ too long so I gotta but in like “£20!”. *crickets* In fact, there weren’t even any crickets. They were too busy going and wasting all their money instead of appreciating my find. What is up with these people?
And tell me why the fuck they turn to me and say “don’t you have a phone?” They really said that, deadass. Bitch where is this whole “when I was your age all I had was my imagination” type shit? You should appreciate me becoming a retro gal and finding enjoyment that isn’t on my phone. And anyway, did you not hear what price it was??? Like… get your ears checked girl. You know what? I’ll just take a picture of your ear with my NEW camera, so you’re welcome bitch.
And you never know, this could be my calling. I could become the next big photographer but they don’t give a shit. Do I have any interest in doing that? No, but I could. Maybe if they were motivational or nice then I would become a photographer gorl. But never mind, I guess this is good for my autobiography “that bargain bitch: the price you pay for appreciation”. Don’t think I’m not taking notes bitch
Sometimes, though, I have to admit that at some points all these discounts are making me pay more overall because I will buy that shit just because it’s cheap. Like I was near about to buy this wireless apple watch charger (that was probably non-functional) when I don’t even have an apple watch, all because it was like £2.50. And I was also about to buy a really small tripod that was so crusty musty that I felt sick to my stomach, only because it was 50p. To be fair, I never actually bought those things, but you better bet that I have bought some random crap. I can’t remember them all but I will list a few
A ping-pong net: To be fair, we do actually have stuff for ping-pong/table tennis (whatever the difference is) so I could kind of justify it, but then again I haven’t played it since a really dark time in the third quarantine and I don’t know if I’m ready to go back there. But it’s the one that is pretty snazzy and clips onto the side of your table and you can pull the net out to whatever length you want. And guess how much it cost me? £1.50! No joke. I was loving it. Will I ever use it? Who fucking knows but now I have a great convo starter for every single time it is in my presence
2. A 10 pack of A5 booklets: Don’t even ask me what the fuck was going on here because I just want to leave that behind me. But let me tell you anyways. I was going through one of those phases where you panic because you don’t know shit about how to revise well. Then one day I was shopping, as one does, and I was in easons (RIP) and there was this 10 pack of A5 booklets. I wouldn’t have given a shit if I hadn’t seen the bright yellow sticker that said £3. I don’t even know if that is fucking worth it because I tried it for one subject and it just really stressed me out. The pages were thin as fuck and I couldn’t get it to look nice. So now, as a result, I am £3 down and have 10 useless booklets taking up room on my bookshelf. Do not recommend tbh.
3. Lastly, because I rarely regret a good bargain, I’m gonna talk about a broad topic which is buying stuff that you already have just because it’s cheaper and you never know, maybe there could be a zombie apocalypse and the only thing that stops them is another lip balm. Don’t come looking for me when you can’t find another burts bees anywhere, I’ll be living freely. It does get out of hand as some point though because it’s such a fucking waste. I have so many body lotions and face masks that are so out of date I could probably get them sent out to be used for a science experiment.
I know everyone in the comments is gonna be going on about how it’s a whole marketing tactic and that you can’t believe that I would actually fall for that, but bravo to the bitch who came up with the tactic because it is hella smart. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I will fall for it again and again and I want it to continue that way. No matter what the product is, if I see a mega discount, you better know I’m gonna go get it and then go home and brag about it to everyone. Honestly, they do get sick of it, but who is the one who can handle their money well? Maybe I’ll spend £50 on 67 random pieces of crap, but at least I won’t spend that much on fucking jeans.
Lol, yeah I guess that is all I have to say about bargains at the moment. Honestly, though, who all loves a bargain because I know I do but I feel like nobody really respects it. It never gets old. You get such a sense of pride that you somehow found something at such an amazing price and probably nobody else will get it, especially if it’s in a charity shop which is something I’ve really gotten into lately. I find it so fun to compare prices because I’ll deadass go into a shop like Pull and Bear or Stradevarious and go around point at clothes like “can you believe I literally got a top that is EXACTLY like that for £2, and they are selling it here for £39.99?! I could never” and then I’d continue that with every item of clothing until they kick me out.
And what about it? Fight me. Anyways, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Hey guys, today I just wanted to talk about something very random and for no particular reason because why not. I was just on a walk one day and I was kinda just thinking about how fucking mental life is as a woman. I’m pretty sure I was actually getting a bit scared because I…
You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like…
This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do…
This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn this stuff? It isn’t like you were given much of a chance seeing as you only found out last week that other countries existed 😮
Damn, that one was kinda rude but the truth hurts *gets cancelled* Anyways before I get the whole of the US against me, I just want to say that I really don’t mean any offence by this and it’s just a wee laugh, to be honest. I mean, I can’t really speak because I’m dumb as fuck. Not that you are… I just meant that… Never mind. Let’s just get started.
UK vs. Britain vs. England
Surprisingly enough, these three locations are not all the same thing 😮 The UK consists of 4 countries (Northern Ireland, England, Scotland and Wales) although, as a word of advice, just don’t say that to people in Northern Ireland because there is a 50% chance you could get kneecapped, OK? Anyways, Britain consists of 3 countries (England, Scotland and Wales) however only English people call themselves British and if you call the other ones British you will most likely get stabbed. And lastly, England. This is one country. There is a city in it called London, but no, the entirety of England is not London. Just a wee fun fact for you there. To be fair, seeing you guys trying to work this out is top entertainment so don’t even worry about it.
Are You Irish?
I don’t care if your fucking great-great-grandfather was a fucking leprechaun, you are NOT Irish. Now, I’m not angry about it but I just find it so funny how you base your whole personality on this one minuscule thing. I swear your grandfather could have eaten a potato one day or had a pint of Guinness and you would declare yourself Irish. Sorry to break it to you but you really just are not. What also cracks me up is when Americans go to Ireland for the first time and they act as though they just found a piece of them that was missing. They’ll breathe in the Irish air like they’re a character in a coming of age film on their first day of school. It’s so funny.
Every time we went to America (literally twice but shut up) people would ask us where we are from and we’d be like “northern Ireland” and that would be us busy for the next hour or so because they were basically whipping out their family tree and their fucking 23andme results. It’s like going into a Lush store (if you know, you know). But in all seriousness, if you ever go anywhere in Ireland and say you are Irish in your thick American accent, you will most likely be absolutely slaughtered. Just… no.
Fair enough though, if your mum or your dad was from Ireland then that’s something but even still if you were born in America and raised in America you gotta understand that you are American. Sorry to ruin your dream I guess but the truth hurts
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a cuppa tea. Does it make up a lot of my personality? Honestly, yes. But I’m an exception because funnily enough, we aren’t all tea addicts. So don’t go mentioning tea all the time because we have learnt the appropriate times of when to mention tea and when not to mention tea. It really isn’t that hard. As long as you know never to give an unconscious person tea, then you’ll get sweet. Unconscious people don’t want tea.
We don’t really even take tea that seriously though like it’s a stereotype and you kinda gotta remember that. But if you want to keep holding us to the stereotype then we can keep calling Americans gun crazy. Compromise? (sorry that was a bit far)
Cookie vs. Biscuit
Contrary to popular belief, we use both of these words. Our explanations are actually pretty accurate and you can never prove to me otherwise. There are some anomalies out there that cause a few arguments such as a Jaffa cake (which is stinkin’, to be honest) and also a Maryland cookie. Obviously, it has a cookie in the name but there is more to it than that, don’t even get me started.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you think we call every form of, as you call it, cookie, a biscuit, but we don’t. A biscuit is crumblier if you know what I mean. Like it snaps easier and is more solid, like a digestive (top tip, caramel digestive are a necessity) but we still use the word cookie for things such as the classic chocolate chip cookie where it is more gooey. It might be a little bit crunchy on the outside but then soft on the inside. We call that a cookie and we demolish the people that call a cookie a biscuit.
Here is the rundown for you. You can call a biscuit a cookie (if you must *eye roll*) but you can never call a cookie a biscuit, no exceptions.
Messed Up Weather
Honestly, I can’t even give you a solid explanation for what the fuck goes on with our weather, but I’ll tell you one thing, the weather people do not have an easy job. You may feel it is rainy all the time and at some points that’s right. The weather is shite very often which can get really old really quickly, but it’s also cosy as shit so we move, but then you get the cheeky wee switch up in the summer where it’s a whole new level of hot.
Deadass, it’s as though mother nature was so busy getting the rest of the world warmth and sun and one day was like “oh shit” and realised that she completely forgot us so to catch up she just pours it all into one week so we can catch up with the others. Either that or she just fucking spilt the whole bag on us. What you don’t think about though is the fact that we don’t have air conditioning in our houses because this shit ain’t normal (except it does happen most years so you would think we’d learn) so you can’t sleep or be comfortable anywhere.
It’s fun for the first few days but when I tell you we make the most of it, I am telling you we make the most of it. You can’t get out of your driveway there’s that much traffic. There will be fucking barbeques all over the place. The scientists and researchers everywhere are probably like “oh shit, global warming just skyrocketed what the fuck happened?” and someone will just be there like “The UK got their heatwave, but it shouldn’t last more than a week.” Gotta admit, seeing all these pasty-skinned people finally get some natural vitamin D is a wonderful experience
What is Brexit?
I don’t even fucking know at this point
I think I will end it there because honestly, I have no clue what else you guys have questions about in terms of the UK. Feel free to leave some in the comments below and I can make another post about it. I promise I won’t judge your questions because it basically isn’t really your fault and I really couldn’t care less. I just like to make jokes, whether they are bad or not. Funnily enough, we do like to make fun of Americans but it’s all in good taste honestly. But as a word of warning, if you go to any of the 4 countries, be careful with what you call said place because it’s a fucking mess, but I can keep that for another post if you like. May God be with you on that one I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
It’s a bit ironic to have a literal kid (who has no kids) talking about parenting, but like I was just on a walk and it was kind of an existential kind of day and I was just thinking about how fucked up that shit is and how scary that must bloody be. Like it…
This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet…
I think we all gotta learn from Arial’s mistakes. No, not ‘don’t brush your hair with a fork’ but something else a lot deeper (pun not intended) that all the ladies out there gotta hear about. Btw this is in no way me tryna be a Karen and ‘cancel’ Disney, it’s just a good example…
Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also say it’s relatable, but then again that’s hardly a fucking genre and I also might just be fucking weird and therefore it isn’t relatable. So I thought I would make this post about what I think my blog is about just to clear things up for everyone, despite the fact I don’t even know the answer myself. Maybe someone can help me out?
This is quite a good description and really speaks volumes because it is so accurate. Now I’m not saying that it’s just dumb content (sorry to go off stereotypes but bear with me), but I quite literally am a blonde bitch (see! It’s just self-deprecation). And I love that for me, I really do, but then again it really shows. Don’t get me wrong, not all blonde people are dumb, but I certainly am. Well, not dumb as in uneducated, but dumb as in I say the most random stuff and am confused about a lot of stuff. Do you get what I mean? I do well in school but I’m just daft and gullible… Just go watch legally blonde for fuck sake, it’s accurate enough (at the start). So basically my blog just costs you a few brain cells for every post, no biggy.
“Should I Be Laughing?”
Ah, yes, a perfect way to think about my blog. This is where you read my post and think to yourself “should I be laughing or calling for help?” because I like to use humour as a coping mechanism which doesn’t always execute well on text, but trust me you would be pissing yourself in real life (well…). Honestly, though, I think everyone reading this can understand and might choose to compromise and laugh while you cry. It’s a good feeling. Don’t worry about me though guys because I am totally fine and there is nothing to worry about 😐 Nothing at all :):
Where Was The Need
I ask myself this every day because it’s completely valid. Why the fuck did I just have to write a fucking essay type post on the reasons I don’t get the Guinness Book of World Records or discuss my opinions on newborns? Who really gives a shit? Well, I suppose at least 314 (followers=legends). Not to toot my own horn or anything but I suppose it’s entertainment at its finest. It’s mind-numbing information, yet you are reading it so you feel less lazy than if you were watching a video. Shoutout to all those people trying to read more for their new year’s resolution, one more day in the bag yeeeooo
I also feel as though this subheading also refers to how I type like I talk. Like I literally add in things that I could pretty much erase and write in a better way but then I’ll be like “fuck it” and then make fun of myself for it in the next sentence. My English teacher would be rolling in her grave right now but whom gives a shit
Fair Play I Guess
Lastly (unless I think of anymore), I am not too proud to admit that my blog is pretty fucking embarrassing and honestly might share a bit too much information. Not in an age-rating type of way, but as in ‘if my councillor found this I would be given a few extra appointments’ type shit. But that is what I planned to do from the very start because I see so many people out there who will hide all that and then when they talk about it they make it quite a formal and awkward situation (for me anyway. I guess it depends who you are as a person) which I don’t really like. I wanted this to kind of make light of it, but like not make it seem any less important, but like to make it seem more approachable.
Literally, I just got all soppy there but do you get me? I want this to feel safe for everyone. So yeah, people reading this might think I am a fucking nutjob for saying and thinking all these things but, in the words of Louie Spence, “I’ve done it now, it’s too bleedin’ late. What are they gonna do? What’s gonna happen? They gonna shoot me? I doubt. They’d have to catch me first, I’m like a whippet”
Anyway, that is it for me today, but if you have any other way to describe my blog please do feel free to comment, as long as it isn’t anything bad because I swear to god I will cry. But in all honesty, jokes aside, I really appreciate every single one of you and my favourite part of the day is reading your comments. So thank you again, don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe for more. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
If you are like me, an overthinker, you will most likely understand this question immediately. And no, the answer is a little more complicated than 22. I swear if I get a comment like that I will literally erase my existence. Anyways, for those who don’t really get what I mean, let me tell you.…
What do I mean when I say “Emotion comes in shades”? No, I don’t associate colours with certain feelings, what I mean is that emotions aren’t so black and white. There are layers, different forms of emotions. It’s more deep than just sad, happy or confused. And I think that is what people find difficult…
Being frustrated is a vicious cycle because frustration pretty much feeds off frustration. Like when you wake up and you are annoyed by the way the bed covers feel, you get frustrated cause you just like “fuck” and you know it’s gonna be a bad day. And there literally isn’t any way to control it…
Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess but when was the last time you actually bought one? Probably never because, well, they are kinda fucking expensive, and secondly who gives a shit? The only reason I have one is that my granda had one and it was shiny so I did that thing where you acted obsessed with one thing so that your grandparents would let you keep it. Is that just me? Ok… well that’s awkward. But anyway, I have a couple of questions and problems to do with this book and hopefully, someone can relate to or answer me.
1. Does it get you anywhere in life?
I suppose not everything in life needs to be for a reason but what does it even bring to the table? How would you even bring that up in a social situation because it just seems unnatural and sometimes, depending on what you did, a bit worrying? Sometimes I imagine this…
Record Holder: So yeah, I also got into the Guinness book of world records for shoving a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass! Person 2: Record holder: Person 2: *stands up* I don’t really think you’re who Candyland is looking for
Depending on what it is you did though it would be cool because you get the people who can speak the most languages or read the fastest and I respect that and think it’s awesome. But then you get the ones who can eat a jam doughnut without licking their lips the quickest (sorry Oli White) or can fit the most clothes pegs on their face. Who hurt you? And also, how the fuck did you find this out?
2. How does one even get the opportunity?
Genuinely, I am interested in how you can become an official world record holder because, while I don’t really plan to get one any time soon because… I have no talents, I just always wonder what you would have to do to get one of their people to come over in their fancy suits and watch attempt the record. Surely it costs money? And what if you don’t get it? Surely that’s a wee bit awkward because you’ll probably be sweating or have like 100 straws in your mouth and be like “so… do you want a cup of tea”. I’ve already got social anxiety but I could only imagine what that would be like.
Wait, I literally just searched it up, which I probably should have done before but literally stop attacking me, and I found out that you don’t have to have an official go to you and all you have to do is submit a video (that is obviously up to standard and has a bunch of other stuff that I can’t be arsed to type) and they will send you over a certificate if you did win it. You can get an adjudicator though but I feel that’s more for YouTubers and shit. Not gonna lie that would be a fun job. I don’t know how much that would cost but I don’t even think I wanna know. If you are wanting to read more about it this is their website btw.
3. What happens when someone else beats you?
Obviously, at some point in your life someone will break your world record and you’ll probably be fucking raging but it is what it is, you gotta pass on the torch, but what actually happens? To be honest, I don’t really know what I am expecting as an answer. A SWAT team raids your house and takes the certificate, removing any traces it ever existed, or nothing happens and you find out you were beaten because their mum posted it on Facebook? Logically it probably just says the year you got it in and what your results/record was so when someone else beats you they have proper updated evidence, but like that isn’t that fun to think about. I mean I’ve gotta get some good content out there FOR FUCK SAKE.
4. Can you just make one up and then say you are the best?
When I hear some of the records people achieve I kinda lose hope that I’ll ever become mentally stable again because all of these people are just crazy. They have done the most random crap and now have a world record. How does that even work though? Could I make up some random crap and be like “This is my attempt at giving the least shits for the longest time ever” and then boom, the next day I’m getting my photos taken. I feel like I have heard somewhere that the Guinness people will review it (obviously) and then make the minimum target that you have to get to win the award, but surely if you don’t reach the target but are still the only person to have ever done it you are technically the record holder? Is there someone who has the world record for making up the most world records? Surely there is… *runs off to make new records*
5. Ok, but at what cost?
Don’t get me wrong guys, I respect the fuck out of anyone who has a world record and honestly I would run at any chance I got to get a world record even if it was the dumbest shit. It is quite the flex, but sometimes I stay up at night worrying about how stretched out the ears of the world’s strongest ears person must be. They are pulling fucking lorries and it scares me for so many reasons, one being how the fuck did they realise they had strong ears and for why? Like honestly I don’t even want to talk about it. Does the certificate make up for it? Can that guy get the bag of jelly beans out again? I wish you luck.
Anyways, I suppose that is my post over now and I don’t know why but that last paragraph got me kinda worried. What does happen to all those people after they win? Do they just gotta train for a new one or go back to normal life with a random party trick. If you have a world record please do comment down below because I think that’s so interesting. Surely that boosts the fuck out of your ego because I know I would be wearing that shit around my neck like “oh, this old thing?! How embarrassing, it’s just my world record certificate. No big deal” like the main character I am. But yeah, please do like, comment and follow for more because that means more to me than any certificate ever could. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
In this post, I was originally going to talk about how the hour change is such a weird thing but then when I was thinking about what to talk about I just got into a spiral of how us humans basically run and control the world. Not as in like there is a control panel…
What is the butterfly effect? It is the theory that even a tiny event, like a butterfly flapping its wings, can have a large impact in the future, like a hurricane. A lot of people also call it “the domino effect” because, as you know, when you hit one domino down, it hits them all…
I know this isn’t something you like to hear but it is true, your parents were 99.9% right. Not about everything, definitely not, but they were about this one thing that they told you when you were literally a foetus sized human being. And what is that? Well, do you remember when they would say…
I’m not really an angry person if I’m gonna be honest and although this doesn’t really make me that angry, it gets me in that manic laughing phase which is kinda fucking scary. Like you know that point where you just look at someone who just said something to you and you don’t have any words to say because they just said something really idiotic so all you can do is laugh. That is what happens to me when people state the obvious. I can’t do anything but laugh. I’ll give some examples though so that you can help judge whether or not I’m a dramatic bitch or if we are both dramatic bitches 😮
Tomorrow Is a New Day
No shit sherlock. I mean is that supposed comforting? Yeah, I guess it is a new day because of fucking common sense and science, but so what I’m still gonna have the same problems or have to face the embarrassment of the day before. Say I failed an exam and was just sad for the rest of the day or something (that was a shocking example but get over it) then somebody would come over and say “it’s ok, tomorrow is a new day”. And then they’ll just sit there acting like Shakespeare or some shit because they have such a way with words. It’s just as well I have corona so I can’t smell the amount of shit coming out of you is unbelievable.
The World Hasn’t Ended
I have had a lot of people say this and it’s usually in such a passive-aggressive tone and I’m just there like obviously because I happen to not be blown into smithereens. Just because I am worried or stressed to do something doesn’t mean I think the world is gonna end. To be honest that would be better. I would welcome it. Tell me the world hasn’t ended and I’ll be sad. But then you’ll come out with the whole “tomorrow’s a new day” and that’ll make me worse again. It’s a cycle of stupidity I suppose. Maybe some people get comforted by the predictability of life and how no matter what happens the world goes on, but to be honest these phrases are comforting because I realise I am no longer the biggest idiot.
This one can come in many different varieties but that doesn’t make it any more quirky than the other examples of stating the obvious. In fact, it is the most annoying of them all so far. I’m talking about when you are about to open the door and you’ve got your dog on the leash and some person peaks around the door and goes “oh, are you going on a walk?”. First of all, who are you and how the fuck did you get into my house. And secondly, obviously. I’m not just standing in the hallway for the fun of it. It’s just so aggravating because the person who says this comes from nowhere and it just makes you wonder why they asked. Most of the time they don’t have a reason. Like they’ll make it so dramatic like “OH…” and you’re like for fuck sake what’s the problem. And then when you say “yeah” they’ll disappear with no explanation and you stand there in disbelief. Did you need something or…?
Are You Asleep?
So I know this fits into the other category but to be honest it needs its own sub-heading. It’s the funniest and most disappointing in my opinion. Like are you really expecting an answer and if so what answer? At least ask if they are awake because then they can answer logically but I find it’s so awkward for both people in this situation. Like you can poke your head around and see they are obviously out for the count and you will genuinely ask “are you asleep?” as if you are expecting them to answer with “yeah, what do you need?”. And also if some asks you “are you asleep?” I don’t know why but I find it so awkward to be like “no…” like what the fuck.
I also have a twin so obviously there are times when I’m sick of her shit so I’ll just try to act asleep, so obviously I don’t say anything and then she’ll go like “you literally aren’t asleep” and continue to laugh out loud and make me wake up so even if I was asleep I would then be awake. Like if you were going to accuse me of being awake either way then why the fuck would you bother asking in the first place. Luckily we no longer share the same room.
I could do a whole range of other examples but you obviously don’t need to read all of them because, unless you are some literal foetus genius who can read this, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t have anything useful or beneficial to say, just keep your mouth shut and save us both from an awkward situation. It just isn’t ok and while you may think it is helpful, it really isn’t.
Honestly, instead of stating the obvious people should just state a really random, unknown fact. That would be so fucking hilarious and would definitely distract you from whatever it was you were thinking about. Imagine you were just bummed out one day and someone came, sat beside you and said “If you point your car keys to your head, it increases the remote’s signal range.” Don’t you feel better already?
So now that I sound like a debbie downer and a pessimistic piece of shit, I’m gonna leave it there are ask you all to kindly like and subscribe so I can keep making this type of content for you. I would also really appreciate if anyone could donate a little change which will really help to keep this blog going. I obviously can’t ask that of everyone, so I also ask if you would be able to leave some feedback which is sometimes even better. I really value everything you say and give, and that’s stating the obvious so sorry about that one lol. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m not someone who is overly confident, or confident in any sense of the word to be honest, but I have found that there is something that people say when I first talk to them that instantly makes me want to get to know them and be best friends. I have also only really recognised…
I know that title makes me sound like I’m fucking ancient or some shit but like I am only 16. To be fair though this is me nearly becoming an adult and like is one of the biggest changes in life so I suppose I can talk about growing up. The difference between me now…
I’m in lower 6th and yes I have only been so for about 3 months but the thing is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to that hell-hole. The only reason I did go was because I didn’t know what else to fucking do and I have FOMO so I…
Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck is happening with Jennifer Lawerence and what I, and most of you, are thinking about it.
Jennifer Lawerence, THE Jennifer Lawerence, Katniss Everdeen, funniest most down to earth person you will ever meet, is pregnant! No joke. To be honest she kinda gave me favourite auntie vibes, kinda like the auntie who you only see at special holidays who always has a glass of wine and travels around the world so has great stories to tell but is also fucking crazy, in a good way, and would stand up for you in front of your mum. Do you get me? I suppose she can still be that but just with a kid.
I am not really 100% sure who her husband is but he must be a great fucking guy to deserve her and he better watch his back because her fans are intense and will most likely flatten him with one mistake, no pressure though. I kinda love how he isn’t some big actor person who is always in front of the screen and acting like someone else because that makes it more genuine. I also had no clue that Jennifer Lawerence was even seeing someone and that makes it even better if you ask me. I looked up a few photos for “research” (aka I’m nosey as fuck) and I’ll leave some below, but they look so happy and cute. He is one lucky guy and they gonna have a cute baby.
I’m not really sure what episode of life I missed to have her being this single woman who loved a wee cocktail and being with her friends, to her being a married woman who loves this guy and has a literal family started. Time flys I guess but fuck me, I’ve missed a bunch. Like you blink and everyone’s got ‘rona, plus the queens on her last leg and now THIS queen is literally married with a baby on the way. Like wow… slow down a little. Let me catch my breath for a second, the fuck.
I’m happy for her though and I literally respect her so much. I think she will literally be the best mum and they’ll have such an amazing kid. Hopefully, they get a great sense of humour and are just as down to earth as their parents because that’s one of the most admirable features they have. I wish them luck and I do hope she stays in acting for a while because I literally adore her and find her so comforting which sounds really creepy but I mean that she just makes you feel safe… right that sounds fucking weird but you get what I mean.
Obviously, that is up to her and we are behind her no matter what so yeah, have fun being pregnant and I’m sure we’ll get to see the baby soon enough because celebrities seem to pop them out quicker than Borris Johnson can fuck something else up. Like it is crazy because one second you are recovering from hearing they are gonna have a baby, then the next day they are at their graduation and you get messed up in the head. Oh well.
I suppose that is it for today guys and I’m sorry it’s a bit late but I’m sure nobody even realised or cared at all so yeah. This was kind of a fun wee post and I’ve had it in my drafts for a bit but I think it’s really interesting how there are celebrities who do keep their lives private and every so often drop a bomb on us and I love that to be honest. Kinda shows they are actual humans too and they have an actual life outside of the TV screen. Who knew she wasn’t actually a blue alien?! Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more and if you are feeling generous then I would really appreciate a small donation to help me keep this going, if not then please leave some feedback (which is free to do) because to be honest, words are priceless and I would love to hear how I’m doing or if you want anything new. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for…
You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk…
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate…
Merry Christmas guys! I want to keep this post short and sweet because honestly who the fuck wants to read this on Christmas but if you are then I respect you and you a real one. But anyway lol I know this year has been kinda very shite but it’s nearly over and we made it through so well done! I also hope you all still have a great Christmas even though I know a lot of us haven’t really felt very Christmasy lately which I don’t really know why and is kind of a shame but like oh well. Hopefully, we’ll fit the vibe check on the day.
I’m not gonna say all the “it’s about giving not receiving” but like enjoying getting the gifts you deserve and earned. Don’t feel bad because you should be treated like royalty. Obviously, we all need to stay humble and be so grateful for what we get in life but know that as long as you react in the right way and focus on what is important, you can have nice things.
I also predict that a lot of you will be reading this at the end of the night when you have your annual Christmas cry and I want you to know that it’s ok and you aren’t a weirdo. Christmas most likely went perfectly and for whatever reason, you are crying for at the moment, it will pass and everyone is ok. Usually, for me, it’s kinda like your emotions catch up with you because you are just non-stop all day, or you have hyped it up so much in your head that you are sad that it’s gone and you have to go back to normal life. There is also the fact that you feel as though you may not have been perky all night and you kind of overthink about what you did or said. I have found we all get this crying surge at the end of Christmas and you are just standing there like “ok what the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why am I crying on Christmas?” But honestly, it’s normal and you’ll get through it eventually.
So I suppose I won’t keep you for much longer, but I hope you have an amazing day doing whatever it is you do on Christmas. Hopefully, it is all pretty much back to normal for you all and you get to enjoy something semi-normal this year. Let yourself enjoy this day and go out and have fun. Also here is a quick reminder for people who get really stressed out about presents and feeling bad because you don’t think you spent as much on them or gave as much as them, just know that they appreciate you so much and anything that shows you thought of them for even 1 second is probably so thrilled no matter what you give them. Don’t be so hard on yourself and I’m expecting to hear how your day went. I hope you have a great Christmas, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me…
Now, I can’t really talk for the guys on this topic because, being a girl, I have never been to a guys sleepover and no matter how old I am, my mother will never ever let me go to one. So if this is different for guys, if you even play sleepover games, do please…
First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue?…
People who have read my blog before (are absolute legends) will know that I really kinda hate growing up not because I want to be a rebellious teen (like I am right now for sure) forever but because I don’t want to be responsible for myself and to work and do adult shit. It seems pretty stressful if you ask me, but I’ll not get too into that because you can read literally any of my other posts to find out. Today I want to switch it up a bit by telling you, and you can guess from the title, why it is good to grow up. Btw I’m literally still a teen so I don’t know why I’m acting so wise, I just want to talk about some of the things I believed as a kid that I’m glad I now know. And yeah I was very gullible so don’t judge me, I swear I’ve changed my ways.
First things first, I didn’t understand what it meant to be colourblind. So as a quick background check I need to say that my Dad is colour blind and… well that’s it. OH and I’m an idiot. So now you are all caught up let’s get back into the story. I think I was still in primary school, maybe I was 8, and I was very inquisitive, well at least on that day I was, and I randomly asked my dad what colours he was colour blind with (I don’t know if that is how you would say that but you get the point) and he was like “red and pink” and it might also be green but I’m not sure. Anyways, it was definitely red. So I sat back and was like “huh, pretty weird”, and being the bright child I was I looked at the red car in front of us and asked “so can you only see a floating number plate in front of us?” NO JOKE I SAID THAT and my dad being a dad he deadass said “yup” but then he started to laugh so I caught on but how fucking dumb am I! He should have just dropped me off at the side of the road and drove away because there must have been something wrong with me.
This next story also links back to my dad which kind of gives me rust issues because this man raised me to be one big joke. And he succeeded in that I suppose. This story starts in LA and I was probably 10 or a bit older. We went to get a wee drink for a cute boba place that was supposed to be good. I never had it before and didn’t get one because I was a bit sceptical. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because when I asked my dad what boba was he tells me that it is frogspawn. Yup, he told me that boba is literal frog spawn and from the point forward I was kind of traumatized. I now know that it is not true but I have yet to try it. I haven’t had boba despite the fact I know he was lying because that will always be in the back of my head and I don’t think I could cope with that. So while this is mostly from my dad, I think my immaturity made me more gulable. Thanks, dad
I have one last story that also links to things my dad made me believe and then I’m not gonna attack him for the rest of this post, but tbh this is on him. There is this photo of my mum and dad that they keep in their room which is them at a restaurant and I asked my dad where it was from. He told me it was from their honeymoon and I was like “cute” and moved on with my day. Then I think it was a few days later and I had been thinking about it, and with my absolutely wonderful imagination I came up with so many things that a honeymoon could be. So I asked my dad “is a honeymoon on an actual moon?” because that obviously makes a whole tonne of sense, and my dad said “yes”. But then I was like “well why does it say honey in the name?” and I kinda forget what he said but I’m sure it was something stupid. I just say that I did believe it for a while. Not years or anything but like for a week or two until I asked my mum and she told me the truth. I 100% believed my dad and I just thought that was where you went after you got married. To the literal honeymoon. I was very excited to go there one day when I was younger.
Another reason I’m glad to have moved on with life is the eyebrows. I could leave it there but I don’t want you to think I’m THAT self-centred blonde bitch who has nothing else to think about except makeup. I just want you to know that I was a whole different person when I had no eyebrows and I see a glimpse of said person every time I wake up. Thank god for needing glasses though am I right, so at least I can’t really see myself when I get up in the morning, at least not well. I know that I mention my love for eyebrows a lot (literally to the point this could become a beauty blog) but being able to date pictures and videos as BE (before eyebrows) and AE (after eyebrows) is not as fun as it seems. I wish I could be blessed with flawless eyebrows as soon as I wake up, but life isn’t fair sometimes.
Oh, and lastly before I leave, I’m glad I have matured and kinda become a new person (aka traumatized by life) because from 10BE to 1AE I was a deranged little shit. I was very crazy and outgoing and overly confident in some situations. I was acting like someone else to impress a boy and that isn’t even half of it. I was respectable and stuff, like I wasn’t rude, but I was pretending in order for some guy to like me. But now, in 5AE, I am single and socially awkward, mentally ill and tired of this shit…
Ok so maybe I don’t want to grow up. Maybe it’s overrated. Nah, I’m just joking, it’ll get better and it’ll work out in the end. Life is fucking crazy with, you know, the whole pandemic but it will go away eventually, I think (update: I am also now out of my 10 day quarantine yay!). If you liked this post then don’t forget to follow, like and comment on what you think about growing up. What do you like about it? What do you hate? Spill the tea because I love to hear it. It would also be great if you could leave a review because I want to know if I’m on the right path with my content and it would mean a lot to me. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
The answer is no, but it is also a bit more complicated than that. Do I like the first day of school where everything is new, you get the new time tables, new classes, new teachers? Yes, you could say that. But in general, I really could not be arsed to go back. Lately when…
Because I am SUCH an expert in this field, I am going to talk about all aspects. That directly translates to, I think about this shit a lot and think it would be weird to have “eyebrows, eyelashes, eyes and under eyes” in the title. So I guess we’ll get into it, but first I’m…