The point of this blog is to make people not feel so alone in this world and I really didn’t know if I wanted to share some of these stories because I feel embarrassed but I need to do it I think. I need to fulfill the aim of the blog so here it goes
When I was younger I was obviously a tomboy. And during Halloween I was like I don’t want no cat costume, I’m gonna go out. It was my friends birthday around this time as well so I was excited for her party. I got this costume and I was like damn I am so cool. When I turned up to her house there were other people there literally just in normal costumes and here I was dressed like this
This isn’t even a joke bitch. I really thought I was doing something and in reality I just looked like a literal freak. So yeah that was something. I am forever scared and embarrassed but yeah I mean I- I don’t know what to say.
IT’S NOT A PHASE MUM
Yeah, so I am not gonna show you guys a picture of this because I have tried to burn all of this period out of my brain, although I do have one memory saved because it was a part of identity ya know. This was like 4 or 5 years back when I was still pretty much a tomboy. Everywhere I went, I saw famous people, like Jade from little mix, wearing flat caps. And I was like ‘that is THE coolest person ever, I can defo pull that off’. No. NOOOOO I could not pull that off. But for so long I was like YES I am an ICON. I am not saying that flat caps aren’t nice, I am just saying that I do not suit hats at all lol. And it is so funny because I had a really old one that was from like ‘no fear’ or whatever that brand was called. And I remember I was like ‘this hat is life changing’. I mean I wasn’t wrong but it changed it for the worst. When I wore it I thought I was so grown and I was like this hat really means I have no fear and I thought I was so cool now because I had ‘no fear’. My parents were probably like, this bitch really thinks shes so cool now. I did… unfortunately
Where the hell is my family
I am pretty sure I said about my family loosing me before but this is a whole other time, you would start to think they are doing it on purpose *laughs awkwardly* 😐 Anyways. I strangely remember this as though it was yesterday. I was waiting in line at Disney Land in France and we were going to go on the tea cups. I must have zoned out for a while but I swear I looked away from my parents for a second and the next they were just gone and here I was, a literal FOETUS, and I was just staring up at these 2 absolute strangers. I started panicking and my mum had said if I ever got lost, all I had to do is stay where I was and they would come get me. But then I saw them literally 50 people ahead of me and I was like thank fuck. So anyways, I just walked past all these people so awkwardly because I was quite socially awkward among new people, and i finally got to them. Then my parents had the AUDACITY to be like “what’s wrong”. They didn’t know I was gone! Tee hee. But then they continued to tell me I should have stayed were I was and I was like “maybe you should keep track of your bloody children woman!”, in my head obviously. The thing that makes me laugh though is the fact that all those adults just walked past as if I wasn’t a literal five year old with no parents, staring into the obis. Love to see I am seen.
This happened when I was like 9 or 10 maybe, I don’t know. But here I was just cycling around the street by myself for some bloody reason and then I fucking fell off it in front of one of my neighbors house. I had like 0.1 muscles at the time and somehow the bike ended on top of my legs or something and being the dramatic bitch I was I was like crying because I hurt my knee and I couldn’t get up. The neighbor ends up going out to help me and I was terrified, one, because it was embarrassing, and two, this guy was kind of creepy but yeah he had to get the bike off me and bring me home. That was scundering and I hate myself for it.
This wasn’t that long ago actually. I actually want to curl up in a ball when I think of this but I really hope that somebody has done the same. So I was in a running club, the worst year of my fucking life, and that is saying something. But this was one of the first time I had gone without my mum and everyone else there was an adult so I didn’t really talk to them which was fine but I didn’t want them to think I was a literal freak. Then, after the run, they found a lost jacket and they were like does anybody own this jacket, and nobody answered. Then they were like ‘does somebody just wanna have it’ as a joke, not expecting a response. I thought this was the perfect time to make a joke or something and I knew that that was the type of thing my mum would make a joke about or something because it was a crap joke but she knew everyone there. So there I was and I shouted out ‘I will’. Thinking someone would laugh. Absolute silence. Not a peep. A few people just looked back at me and I was like why the fuck did I just say that out loud. My heart literally dropped and I just wanted to sprint outta there. I don’t think I can ever recover from that to be honest.
Well, that is enough torture for today I think. That was so utterly painful to type but I hope that somebody else relates to any of these. If you do please comment below because I feel like such a freak right now to be honest. The thing is, this isn’t even the worst of them. I will save that for some other day after I recover. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.