Rating English From A Native Speaker

Those who have read my blog before will understand and agree with me when I say I don’t know shit about writing good in English. Lol, that was a joke, but I am still pretty bad at it. I constantly have Grammarly on when I type and either the whole sentence is fucking underlined in red or (because I have the free version) it just goes orange and stares at me obnoxiously. I’ll tell you what though, I’ve really put them to the test and for the free version, I would highly recommend (not sponsored lol). I also think that if you were to hear me speak that you would be like “shit she wasn’t lying” because I literally forget what words are in different tenses and I kid you not I literally forgot the word tenses and was just gonna write past, present and future timings. That’s embarrassing for me

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I wanted to give some examples of the things that I get mixed up with especially in terms of the tenses because you might be thinking “what is this bitch talking about”. The truth is I just overthink it and when you actually think of words and grammar it just fucks with your mind. My first conundrum of the day isn’t actually to do with tenses so sorry to get your hopes up I guess, but it’s the way that “funner” isn’t a word. Who the hell decided on that? Like that isn’t even funny. But do you know what is worse than the word funner not existing? The fucking dictionary-ass people who have the audacity to remind you. Mind your damn business because while you might mind it fun to do, it’s a whole lot funner to shut your mouth. Like it ain’t funny though tbh. Can you really look me in the face and tell me I give a shit about grammar? No

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I would also like to slightly redeem my dignity by saying I’m not crap at languages because I actually am pretty good at Spanish if I do say so myself. Por ejemplo… hola. Jokes I actually do really enjoy Spanish and I learn it in school and shit. I’m not just saying that to brag but I do have a point. I think I am crap at English because I have been studying a completely new language and having to learn all types of tenses and think about all the different grammar crap that comes with it. I swear to god I have never heard or realized I’ve been using all these tenses. There’s the pluperfect, imperfect, preterite, conditional and so much more. That has meant that I’ve been more focused on what we have to do for English and now I’m so fucking thankful that it’s my first language. It causes me to have a mental breakdown so I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like.

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What’s the whole deal with the fucking copycat words like there, their and they’re or right and write or your and you’re. It’s a whole big thing for no goddamn reason! Honestly, how do you do it though? Surely it’s so confusing and just when you think you get the hang of it they turn up with a whole new rule book. Like where you put the apostrophe to show possession and then what to do if there is more than one person. I literally don’t even know it myself and I just guess. I mean it’s a 50/50 chance that I’ll get it right and the majority of the time I’ve got autocorrect to help but I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I gotta write shit for real. My boss will probably read my CV and just cry at it. I’ll just be there like “Hello, I’m the greatest for this job because I can talk good to customer’s and listen more good than any other person who you hiring.” I’ll literally give them a seizure and then be like “NO OH!”

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Thank fuck there aren’t any accents in English though because that would be the last straw for me. Apostrophes are enough for me and although Spanish quite literally has accents in it, I can just about forgive them because they only go one away/are a squiggle. I did French for a few years in school and my mental health was going up and down just like the fucking accents because I couldn’t for the life of me figure them out. And then you’d have to pronounce them too. Obviously, that would get easier but my vocal abilities are so limited that I might as well be some new category like ditone because I’m not quite monotone but I find it hard to fluctuate mid-word. It would drain me literally. That reminds me, I also don’t know the difference/when to say literally or figuratively. I also have to admit that the only reason I can remember the difference between inferring and imply is through The Simpsons because Lisa said something and then Homer was like “what are you inferring?” Then Lisa was like “no, I imply, you infer” and then Homer was like “oh thank god”. I might actually still get that wrong but until I’m told otherwise I will say it like that

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Although we may not have accents on our words, we just had to go and add ‘silent letters’ to shit. That actually makes me speechless because you can not convince me that isn’t the biggest prank in the world. And then there are also words with like double n’s and double ss’s and at that point, I give up. No joke because I know that there should be double of something but I don’t know where. Mississippi… excuse me? No. Pteridactal. Where was the need? It doesn’t add any significance to the word by making it have a random letter. There is no point. Again, if English wasn’t my first language I would not even try. Like why is English somehow the default language? Who decided that. I mean I am very lucky to have it as my first language and that a majority of the people I will ever talk to also know/have learned English so I don’t really have to learn another language which when you think about it is a privilege and makes me sound like a bitch. Surely there is a nicer language to be the default. I think Spanish should be because it’s just so fun to speak and sounds good. Like the Northern Irish accent makes me gag. It is fucking awful and that’s partly why I wouldn’t make a podcast.

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I would also like to add that I have the most basic vocabulary out of everyone on this planet. That isn’t even a joke because I remember when we transitioned from Primary school to high school and in English class or just when you talked to people they would come out with these big words and I’m here trying to sound out Wed-nes-day. I am gonna blame my primary school on that one because I mean they weren’t the best but they got me where I needed to be. It did suck though because I basically had to sit with a dictionary to comprehend what they were saying and then when it came to like exams or just talking in general the thesaurus became my literal bible. Do I remember any of them? No, that shit goes through one ear and out the other, but I just cared less and realised that if they wanna talk their own bloody language then they can go ahead and do that because I’m gonna stay here and be proud that I got the word ‘comprehend’ into this post.

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One last thing that I wanted to talk about before I closed off on this post is something that I guess can happen with all languages, but it’s just when you say a word so many times that it sounds so weird. I just searched it up and found out that the word for this is ‘Semantic Satiation’ which sounds so freaky. Do you get that? I swear even if I say a word twice within the same minute it will seem like a completely different language. It’s because you never think of it and it’s only when you realise you’ve been saying it a lot that you focus on it and then you realise that English is fucking weird. Words like ‘fork’ or ‘kettle’ are just so random. They would be the type of words that you would giggle at with your friends because it sounds so weird. Yes, we were fucking annoying.

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Anyways, that’s all I can really talk about without getting freaked out by my own words and thoughts so I guess I will leave you to it. If you are someone who is currently learning or is fluent in English as their second language, please do comment below and tell me what you feel because I can’t even begin to imagine how crazy it must sound. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Have You Amber Heard About This?

It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need… Continue Reading →

My Life Is an Unsuccessful Netflix Show

I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things… Continue Reading →

I’m OK With Following The Crowd Right Now

I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m… Continue Reading →

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Do You Know What’s Weird? Languages

Me, personally, I love languages. I don’t know what it is about them but I find them so interesting because the whole world has different ways of communicating and it makes sense to people despite the fact we have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. To be fair I only know Spanish and English but still. I mean I wish I had the time or the motivation to learn more because it is so awesome, but there are also times where I just think to myself “what the fuck”.

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There was a time where there were no languages and then the next day they were just like “ok we need to come up with a way to communicate that everyone will understand” but how did they say that to each other? How did they talk about starting this and using their voices to make words. And I know that a lot of modern languages came from Latin or some shit but how did Latin come around, and if we know what that came from then how did that other language start? There was once just a person that was like ok we need to do this but how the hell. And they were the ones to create the best invention in the world because now we can communicate and thrive.

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This might sound a bit stupid but, being the dumb child I was, when I would ask how Spanish people would understand what other people were saying when speaking Spanish, my mum would say “well it’s just their language so they understand it like we do with English” and for some utter shit reason, I thought that meant that they would translate what they said into English and then translate their response back into the language they spoke and then I would be so confused as to why they couldn’t understand us when they have to translate everything into English to understand it. Obviously, I have changed now and actually love languages but how fucking dumb was that. Literally, me thinking that everything revolves around English which is actually kind of does and I feel privileged to be a fluent English speaker, but I was innocent as fuck back then.

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That kind of leads me to my next point. Why have we chosen a ‘superior language’? How did we just decide that it would be English? Now, I know that English isn’t the world’s most spoken first language but like pretty much all countries, I think, kind of make you learn English in school as if you wouldn’t succeed without it. I know that I learn languages but it isn’t as stressed as what I would think learning English would be. And English is a fucking hard language. In never fully appreciated how hard it was until a couple of years ago because before I was like “well we don’t even have an accents on our words so it isn’t even that hard” but then I realised that words are spelled and pronounced so differently that it is just ridiculous. I mean who the fuck decided there would be silent letters. Like Pterodactyl. What the fuck is that? Honestly. And then there are the rules like “I before e except after c” but then there are still words that go against that. Honestly, I would give up if I had to learn it. Wait!!! I just remembered one of the most ridiculous words in the English dictionary. Queue. This has to be a joke. You can not tell me that the only letter you pronounce is the very first one while the others are just there for show. Like how the hell is that real. As a person of the English language, I would like to formally apologize for this and I hope this hasn’t fully destroyed your love for languages.

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Are there just people who come up with languages though. That’s the thing. And how long did it take for the first speakers to start a language because I mean damn, I can barely speak the language I have known my whole life. Props to them I suppose but I only have one more question for you. Were you on literal drugs when you came up with it because god damn this shit is crazy. But yeah, I suppose that is my questions over for now about how weird languages are. I still love them to be fair but like, they are freaking weird. If anyone is reading this and has had to learn English as a second language, please comment down below and tell us what it was like to you and what other things still confuse and shock you to this day because I am sure there are many. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Kitchen or War | The Women’s Crossroad

Please let me tell you that I am in fact a girl! I am not some man that is about to start slabbering about how women are supposed to make everyone a fucking sandwich and look after their kids while the man is at war. I also want to say that this is light-hearted and… Continue Reading →

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I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a… Continue Reading →

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