Lol, sorry that title literally gave you a seizure but I thought it would be funny for some reason lol. So yeah, all over the world there are sayings. Things that imply something else. But during my hourly existential crisis, I started thinking about talking and then about what we say and how fucking weird it sounds. Just here me out…

Kick The Bucket

I have no fucking clue if this is some roman goddess Egyptian thing, but like this makes absolutely no sense. It sounds like an actual joke. My theory is that long long ago, a mum just got back from getting some water and she was tired. Then her kids went out to play and then Jim ran back in and was like “Mum. John kicked the bucket over” and then John’s mum just demolished him, then Jim told the story to all his mates and it became a thing. I mean I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but have you got a better explanation?! Yeah, that’s what I thought. Maybe it was made by an English teacher and “the bucket” actually symbolizes the normality of life and how, when someone “kicks” it, they are kicking their life away. So the bucket is actually the answer to the universe. Tell me I’m wrong bitch. That was accurate as fuck.

Dark Horse

This one is so confusing and literally keeps me up at night. How the hell does a “dark horse” mean that someone surprised you? They defo got traumatized from the scary horses at the end of “a Christmas carol” because that is the only thing I can think of. Every time I think of it, though, I just think of a mum watching her kid on sports day and then her kid is like wining and she whispers to her friend Karen “well, Jim’s quite the dark horse” and then she looks back and is like “where the fuck is Jim” and he has turned into a horse. *me watching my followers go down* That was definitely a bit weird, soz about that.

Piece Of Cake

“That was a piece of cake” WHERE! Did I just miss it? Where did the cake go? Make it make sense. I mean how is a piece of cake easy. You can’t call someone that! lol. But yeah, does it just mean that it was easy to cut into a cake because it is so soft or what because I say that a lot but like if it does mean that, I could literally just say “that was a piece of toast” or “that was a piece of avocado”. You get me? It’s just a bit weird ya know.

Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

Do I need to call bloody RSPCA or something because I am kinda scared. I mean are you the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons? And I do know that it means letting out a secret or something like that but where does it come from. WAIT… was it from when they believed in witches and witches were said to have cats so then when they found they had a cat the “truth” would be out and they would be literally toasted like a Marshmallow. Wow, I defo just found the real answer.

On Cloud Nine

I actually think that this is just me because I swear people talk about cloud 9 or something. Isn’t that the movie with Dove Cameron in it. But I do think that only I don’t understand this one and I am genuinely confused. I mean I guess I understand saying you are in the clouds because your so happy, but where did the 9 come in? I thought 7 8 9?

Happy As Larry

Who the fuck is Larry? And why is he so happy? I mean… who is even called Larry? Such a random name I guess. Why couldn’t it be “Jolly as Holly” although if someone said they were jolly as Holly, I would genuinely punch them. No joke, so yeah.

Anyways, I get confused about so many things and this is me just giving that confusion to you, so your welcome. There are so many others out there too and I think I need to accept that I will never understand these. And if I were to ask my teacher, I don’t think I would ever be free again. Although, I really did uncover the truth about the “let the cat outta the bag” thing so your welcome. But yeah, please like, comment and follow for more content like this. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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