I know that title makes me sound like I’m fucking ancient or some shit but like I am only 16. To be fair though this is me nearly becoming an adult and like is one of the biggest changes in life so I suppose I can talk about growing up. The difference between me now and me 5 years ago is astronomical. For example, I wouldn’t have been able to use astronomical in a sentence. We all grow in pretty weird ways despite the fact it is usually normal. I suppose we all reach the same point eventually but like each journey to get there is so different. So before I start getting into deep shit, lets just talk about some things that have shocked me, surprised me, met my expectations and disappointed me. And don’t forget to comment below some of the things you think I missed because it will be interesting to hear if anyone feels the same way or if I just over-think things way to much.
One thing that I thought I would have by the time I was 16 or something was… a life. No, I’m joking, but also not but no, I thought I would have an idea of what the fuck I wanted to do with my life. I mean I think I had my life sorted out more when I was 10 than I do now because so much has changed and I have no fucking clue anymore. Like I always wanted to be a police woman and I still do but like also what the fuck?! Like what if I am crap at it, or what if I could have found the fucking cure for cancer but now I am just giving speeding tickets. Obviously police do a lot more than that and I really respect their work, but just to make a point. And I mean I don’t think that if I become a police woman that I will have that big of an impact on the world. I don’t mean that in a way that I want to be fucking famous but I would like to be remembered as someone who did something amazing that saved so many people’s lives. And while that sounds good and better than an office job, I don’t really want to have to work by a time table and for someone else who I might not be able to argue with if I think what they are doing is wrong. Like what if they are racist or some shit? It’s just difficult because there are pros and cons for every job but like it’s trying to weigh up how much the pros mean to you and how you will be affected by the cons.
I had actually tried to start a business, like just a dropshipping business, but like I always get distracted. I literally started this blog to get my voice out there and, as you know, I haven’t been posting much. The thing is I get distracted by things that seem better that will get me places quicker, but look at me now. In the same exact fucking place as last year. Didn’t make money online, apart from a few online surveys, and although I do have all of you guys and the support has been amazing, I feel like I have failed in some way. That’s another thing about growing up that has kind of shocked me, or at least I new it was coming but never really thought it would be such a big thing. Failure. I have had a pretty fucked up life and maybe if I actually stuck to something I would be in a different position, but I didn’t so I’m not and I guess that’s fine. Like I am still young even though I am growing up so there is still time left.
Kind of linking back to that last sentence, I never thought that I would feel as though there were time limits on life. I mean we all die and that is the main one, but I never thought about the fact that there are stages in life that you go through and in those stages there is almost a to-do list both with things that society has added, and ones you add yourself. For example, something on my list that I feel society has made more urgent is finding a significant other or going to uni, working, figuring out what the fuck I am doing and plan to do for the rest of my life. And some that I have added on myself are stuff like travelling and getting all the fun stuff out of the way before I have to start into “the real world” which gets closer and closer every day. I feel as though I have a timer ticking inside my head making me think that these are supposed to be the best years of my life but I am wasting them by doing literally nothing so when I grow up and maybe have kids and a stable job, I will regret my life and that I will never actually do anything beneficial or impactful. Do you know what I mean by that? Do I just sound crazy. I feel as though I only have a few years to live my life and then afterwards I need to live a life of always waiting forward to the weekend, but when it is the weekend I dread the week to come. Like once you start a job, that is your life until you retire, and then when you retire you may be lucky enough to travel but you’ll also be exhausted and unable to do some of the things that I should be doing now.
That got really deep really fast so I hope I am not giving anyone an existential crisis, but I really do hope at least one person relates to this. Obviously I am still young, and mentally unstable, so I don’t really know what I am talking about so feel free to comment below what your thoughts are and maybe what you are scared for in the future. I’ll probably have to do another post about this in the future because it was actually kind of fun. Especially know that I know how to type properly so it is so much quicker and satisfying to get what I am thinking down because that shit changes quickly and when it’s gone it’s gone. But yeah, I am planning to focus on this blog from now on and you better make sure I stick to it because no matter what, I would love this blog to work and stay open for as long as I possibly can. Make sure you like, comment and follow so that you can stay updated about all the post I make that are going to be freaking awesome! I hope you have great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m not someone who is overly confident, or confident in any sense of the word to be honest, but I have found that there is something that people say when I first talk to them that instantly makes me want to get to know them and be best friends. I have also only really recognised … Continue reading The Method Guaranteed To Make a Lifelong Friend
I’m in lower 6th and yes I have only been so for about 3 months but the thing is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to that hell-hole. The only reason I did go was because I didn’t know what else to fucking do and I have FOMO so I … Continue reading Is 6th Year Really Worth It?
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for … Continue reading I Quit…Was It A Big Mistake?
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate to fight.
No this isn’t coming out of the blue guys, but something I did yesterday kinda got my blood boiling if you get me. Anyways, here I was at my friend’s house for moral support because I was about to call my work and be like “hey girl so for medical and educational reasons I’m not gonna be able to work more than 8 hours a week but obviously I can work more on holidays thanks”, and here my manager does the longest sigh ever, literally I could almost smell her stinking breathe it was that loud, and I was like shit what is about to happen. Then this bitch really stops the sigh and goes “that’s not really helpful for us”
😮 Did I ask?! No I think the fuck I didn’t so why the hell did you have to say that. Would you prefer I didn’t work any hours? Do you want me to quit because I’ll be more than happy to get out of this bitch. Like I actually don’t even like work. When I tell you I was shocked, I mean I was back-from-war-tazer-in-the-back shocked. I still am at the moment tbh.
But anyways, after that, I paused because I was in denial at that stage or something and then I was just like “Ummm well… It’s for medical reasons as well” because my doctor told me to say that so she legally couldn’t fire me for it (I also wouldn’t care if she did because then id use and never have to work again, I’m not too proud to miss that opportunity bitch) and here she was acting all nice again, miss cheeky bitch tryna get on my good side again. Like I actually have to go to work with her today and if she comes up to me and starts talking shit, I will happily throw hands. I mean I’m terrified of her too, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but she barely knows me and doesn’t know how hard I can hit. BTW this is a joke don’t be calling the police
Anyways yeah that happened and it really made me realise how much I HATE, despise, loath, work. Do I get paid minimum wages to only get a 20 min break during illegal hours?! I think the fuck not. Like I have enough money saved to get my ass out of that hoe and I only stay cause I want my parents to be proud of me lol. But you have to admit what she said was petty uncalled for. Like it was not necessary. I actually despise the working world and it sucks the little bit of life and dignity inside of me.
So what do you guys reckon I should do? Quit or just realise that this is life. Also if anyone is like a law person, is there any way I could use for doing illegal hours with only a 20 minute break. I mean that would be ideal lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I know that title makes me sound like I’m fucking ancient or some shit but like I am only 16. To be fair though this is me nearly becoming an adult and like is one of the biggest changes in life so I suppose I can talk about growing up. The difference between me now … Continue reading Growing up: Expectations vs. Reality
You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk … Continue reading Alexa | Let’s Discuss It
I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me … Continue reading Train wreck of thought
You’ve heard of NLP?
It’s almost cultish.
It stands for neuro-linguistic programming and it’s like someone had taken the best out of all forms of psychotherapy, threw them in a blender and created NLP.
If you don’t get what I’m saying, NLP is two things.
First, it is a way of thinking. It’s a framework for how to approach your life to be more effective. It’s like a philosophy of life based on understanding how your brain functions.
Second, it is a psycho-therapy tool. It’s used to treat phobias and to change beliefs in patients. Some consider it as effective as CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) and most say it’s a lot faster than the Freudian school of thought.
Because at the core of NLP lies hypno-therapy. To be more specific, the “behavioral changing” part of NLP is built on the teachings of Milton Erickson, one if not the most famous hypnotherapists of all times. And you know what hypno-therapy does?
It’s an access, a hack, to your subconscious mind
Let me give you this analogy. Imagine your mind being like a computer. Your conscious mind is accessing programs, turning it on and off and so on. Normal user access. Your subconscious mind is like going into the settings, installing applications, deleting them, adding new users and so on.
It’s the “engine” or the “back room” that controls everything.
Well, NLP is like a hacker that can break the password of your subconscious mind and change there. It allows you to change beliefs and to change who you are, as a person, to your core. It goes to those deep thoughts and ideas you don’t even know you have and makes you act differently by tweaking your basic concepts of self.
It hijacks your subconscious mind, and it does it very well.
And with the use of NLP you can eliminate phobias, you can change basic preferences (as not liking chocolate anymore) or you can even cure wounds from the past, as those from childhood. It’s effective. It works well, and it’s endorsed by some of the best-known authors in the world. Tony Robbins built his career and success on NLP and if you run a survey amongst successful people, you’ll see that many of them are NLP practitioners or masters.
So why am I telling you this?
If NLP is like a hacker that tweaks your subconscious mind so you can become the person you want to be, if NLP is like a design tool that allows you to redesign who you are, then brainwave entrainment is a tool that makes it faster and easier.
If NLP is the thief that breaks the lock-pick, then the use of brainwave entrainment with it is like having the best lock-pick in the world, making the process effortlessly.
And what does this mean for you?
Use them both. Use the amazing power of NLP to change beliefs and self-identity concepts and use the power of brainwave entrainment to help your subconscious mind be receptive and open. Open the door with brainwave syncing and change the furniture with NLP.
A simple way to understand this is music.
Think about it and how easy it has the power to change you. You listen to a song and you’re not even paying attention to the lyrics. And yet, if it’s a sad song, you become sad. If it’s a lively song, it boosts your energy. If you listen it many times, you end up thinking like in the song.
Music is a great example of a tool that accesses your subconscious mind without even realizing. You turn on YouTube and through repetition and emotion, you end up being one with the music.
Have you tried reading a book you had no interest in reading? Maybe for college or work?
You read the words; they are verbalized in your mind but you end up forgetting everything. They “enter one year and exit another”. This is because your subconscious mind is as closed as it gets and learning can not happen in your conscious dimension.
Brainwave entrainment is amazing for helping your mind operate at that higher frequency. They’re like Vitamin C for your life, making everything better. And if you use brainwave entrainment, this is enough to attract, to manifest good things in your life because you’ll be operating at a higher level.
True, lasting change comes not by attracting things in our lives but by changing who we are so those things become a natural order. It’s when we change our beliefs and ideas so we transform into people for whom success and happiness are two natural things.
And this is where NLP works so well. It works for everything from curing phobias of spiders to getting past PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) to program you to be more confident in front of a crowd or to be more assertive with your coworkers.
This is because while short-term wins are great – if you want a successful life, you must become the person who is naturally successful. And the only difference between you and a successful person is that the other one developed the beliefs and identity of such a person. If you develop them too, there’s nothing stopping you from doing just.
I build my program “Manifestation Magic” around NLP.
Each audio contains hidden embedded commands that reprogram your subconscious mind. Like a good hacker, brainwave syncing is opening the path to your subconscious mind while NLP commands are transforming who you are into the best version you could ever be.
These are called “NLP patterns” and they’re designed to be as easy to receive by the subconscious mind as possible. I do this through a combination of pacing, intonation and wording so your mind can accept them as commands, as truth, without getting defensive. It’s like music, just so much more powerful.
Basically, an NLP pattern is what a hypno-therapist would tell you to put you into a trance. It is highly suggestive language that bypasses your rational filters to reach where it matters most, your subconscious mind.
NLP plus brainwave entrainment is like having a hacker change your mind. NLP alone can access your subconscious thoughts but when paired with brainwave entrainment, the results are mind blowing. You can see a real change in days when all other methods you’ve tried for a long time like therapy failed.
This is the secret behind “Manifestation Magic”.
This is why it works. It works because instead of just using brainwave entrainment to help you operate at a higher frequency, at a higher vibration, it also changes who you are at your core. The result is a total personal transformation into the person you’ve always wanted to be but never known how.
Click on the link below to discover more about how “Manifestation Magic” can help you.
Have you always wanted to become a singer? Many people dream of singing, but few take the steps required to learn. Here are some quick tips that will teach you how to learn singing, on your own or with assistance:
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Before you begin, listen to a lot of different songs in many genres. This will help you settle on a style that best suits your voice and personality. Do you want to sing rock music? Opera? Maybe country and western or rhythm and blues suits your style best.
Next, start practicing to find your natural vocal range. Sing a note that you can comfortably hit. Then sing progressively higher notes until your sound quality decreases. Go back to the first note and then sing down the scale to find the bottom of your range.
This is an informal exercise, but it will help you get an idea of which notes you can comfortably sing, and which ones you need to work on.
Many vocalists teach themselves to sing. Learning to sing by listening to other singers, without formal training, is called ‘singing by ear’. While some classically trained vocalists frown on this approach, it can lay the foundation for strong pitch recognition.
The problem with learning to sing by ear is that you can develop bad habits that are difficult to break later in life. Professional lessons can be expensive, though. Many singers find middle ground by using self-study courses.
Self-study singing courses typically contain videos or audio files that guide you through warm-ups and vocal exercises. They can help you expand your lung capacity, control your breathing, increase your vocal range, and sing smoothly across your vocal breaks.
If you decide to go this route, read reviews before you purchase a product. Some systems are better than others, so user reviews can be very helpful. You can find self-study singing courses online, or at your local library or book store.
If you would prefer to do your learning face-to-face, consider signing up for singing lessons. Look for voice coaches in your area, or get a referral from friends who have had a good experience with a particular instructor.
If the cost of voice lessons is a little steep for your budget, try joining a choir at your school, church, or community center. This will give you access to an instructor and other singers that you can trade tips and techniques with.
After you’ve spent some time practicing, you might decide that you really enjoy singing and want to do more of it. It can be a little daunting to sing solo when you’re accustomed to singing with a group, but a little practice will decrease nervousness.
You can use your self-study course or your instructor to learn advanced techniques like perfecting your head voice, reaching into your falsetto range, and developing a vibrato. You will also learn to read music and transpose your favorite songs into a different key so that you can sing them easily.
Now you know how to learn singing without putting a huge dent in your bank account. Have fun experimenting with different musical styles and gaining confidence in your voice!
This article comes to you courtesy of Singorama:
If you’d like to take your singing voice from ordinary to extraordinary, make a signature song all your own, increase your vocal range, hit every note with professional precision and learn every nitty-gritty detail about auditions, singing in a band, harmonizing and more, then check out the most comprehensive learn-to-sing system available.
No matter if you are a beginner, intermediate, or advanced singer, Singorama can help you. Not only is it educational, it’s really fun!
Hi, if you don’t know me, I am a straight white teenage girl with no disabilities and just a mental health problem. What does that mean? That means that the only discrimination I have faced is being a woman. Now, there has been problems with sexism at the moment, but over all I have got it pretty easy. But I want to use that to help others too. And the only way I really know how to do that would be to use this platform to get people to listen.
That is where my next problem comes into play. How am I supposed to help when I know very little about what you guys go through and what YOU want me to do. Because I could write a whole essay about equality, but it would do fuck all because I don’t know what you guys really want us to do. So please, no matter what it is that you go through, whether it is a disability, race, sexuality, anything, can you please comment below something that you guys want us, the people who are can use your privilege to help, to do in order to help you guys or just be aware of certain things. You can leave a story about a time where you were discriminated against and say what you would have wanted someone to do to help, or just state anything. If you are comfortable of course.
I’m going to admit, I know very little about what others go through but I want that to change. I mean I am a sympathetic person but I also feel stuck on what to do and sometimes I can be a bit ignorant. On TikTok there was this guy with a stutter and was talking about how saying “did I stutter” was insulting. And I had said these before and didn’t think anything from it. So please educate me and everyone else on the internet because although we will never know what you go through and how you feel, I want to be able to do the most I can to make you feel safer or more included in the world.
So I am sorry if I sound like your basic bitch trying to get clout or something. This is not a trend, this is a real life problem and I would appreciate it so much if you guys could help spread awareness. But yeah, that is pretty much it. Just know that you are perfect just the way you are. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
This is the phrase that I get told every single time that I talk about not wanting to get back to school. I complain and to try and comfort me they say, it is only 5 weeks and then you can have summer off. Yeah, that is easy to say when you aren’t in it. But it isn’t JUST 5 weeks because what is in those weeks that is so fucking scary and I don’t know how they will go.
So as most of you will know, I am in my GCSE years, meaning that all order and security has just jumped out the window, and soon I will be following if they don’t figure this shit out. Let me tell you what are in the next 5 weeks. The first week. This one will be fine I guess. I only have 1 test but the thing I am not looking forward to is the multiple teachers shouting at me for not doing my homework because I literally have given up, or in other words, I don’t give a fuck. So that week will be riveting I guess you could say. Now we go to week 2. Where should I fucking start? Maybe with the fact that on Monday I have 3 tests. I swear they said that wasn’t allowed, but we move. Except they are literally all one after the other. I also have three more that week which is not ideal. I mean I guess it would be fine if I was prepared but… well… I am not. Do you know what else? I don’t even care. Wow I sound like such a rebellious teen, but in a less fun way, I have desensitized myself from caring because I feel like it is still going to be cancelled or, by some miracle, I will pass the exams. Please tell me I am not the only one that feels like no matter what, I will fail, so why try and put effort into it because it will only hurt more. So yeah that is the plan currently
Right, I am not going to go and list all the weeks now because you kinda get the gist don’t ya. Over all, saying that it is only 5 weeks angers me to the max because there is so much more to it. I already know that my mental health will get even worse, somehow. And then, just like everyday, we won’t be recognized for it and we will have to go through our day like normal, with the judgement of teachers as they see you don’t know shit. I have to say, I am lucky enough to have some genuinely nice teachers, but they still don’t understand us fully. They only understand the hardship of zoom classes, to an extent, but they are over now. They seem to have literally forgotten that our life isn’t all about school. I know that it is my fault for not starting revision, but I swear to god, if they ask “who has been revising” and everyone puts their hand up, I will be crying, so get ready.
And then, when all the tests are done and over with, I still have to spend the next weeks panicking about how I am gonna fail and end up on the streets and being shunned from society. Those 5 weeks are just the start of it and those 5 weeks determine my whole future, how I turn out, what I become, my mental health, everything. So excuse me if I complain about this a bit because I have tried my best to stay calm through this whole global panini, but now I am getting stressed, I don’t know what to do, how to start, what to learn, anything. And I am getting no answers no matter how much I ask and look for the solution. Trust me, if it was as easy as sitting down for an hour and reading, I would do it… maybe. But the point is that whenever I say something is bothering me, it mostly likely means it is eating me inside because I don’t always like to complain. Our whole generation has been too quiet for too long so don’t ignore us if we are scared for something because it can mean so much for us that you will never understand. I am shitting myself for these 5 weeks and there is so much more to it that I can’t explain it, but just try to be nice to the teens in your life because I know for A FACT that they aren’t having a good time at the moment. Whether there is a lot to do, or we blow things out of proportion, it is equally as stressful and just saying to “relax” and “it is only 5 weeks” will not help. Please try to be more sympathetic to all of us and give us time to deal with this. Our future rides on this and yet we don’t have the strength to try. It is frustrating, I will tell you that for free, but we aren’t robots and we need to do things our own way.
So yeah, that was a tad bit of a rant to be honest, but over all, I am terrified and I have no words to describe it. I have played so many outcomes in my mind and none of them are good. Although I am trying my best, my best isn’t very good at the moment. We don’t want to let you down either. But yeah, if you are an adult out there, just be a bit kinder and sympathetic. And if you are a teen, you aren’t alone, take as much time as you need to get through this and try to take one day at a time. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
There are a lot of materialistic things that make people think ‘wow, I really have made it’, like a Tesla, a mansion, a boat. And while those things are true and would be fantastic, but for me the goal I am trying to get to is a little bit different. I know that I have succeeded whenever I no longer hate Mondays. That is when I know that I am in the perfect place in life.
It has become a literal meme that everybody absolutely hates Mondays. All throughout the week they just dwell on the pain that is Monday and at the moment I am one of those people. And I have never really understood why so many adults hated Mondays. I always thought they loved their job and didn’t mind doing it for a living. I mean you picked that job for a reason right? What I didn’t expect from the answer was that they only did it for the money. Nowadays people look at the paycheck first and the actual job after because we need to live and survive and have a family. Even when I found that out I was still confused on why they didn’t just try to find something they liked because they were miserable everyday, and to be honest they still are. I don’t want to be spending my days dreaming about the weekend to come, but then one the weekend, dreading the week that is to follow. I just don’t see the point in that and I know it is a hard thing to get out of, but I think I can do it. I am not sure how but I don’t want to hate Mondays.
I want to live everyday excited because I get to do the things I enjoy and then on the weekends I enjoy the days, but I am also eager for Monday to start and mark a new week. To have a decent life we basically have to work for the most part of it, so why the hell would I choose a dead-end job, working 9 to 5 at the same boring desk in the same office, when I could take a risk, work when I want to, and soak up the joy of life. I know it is out there. I know that someday I will find what all successful people have. The ability to see the world as an opportunity. Not as a threat or a treat, but as something that will bring challenges and dreams. It sounds really cheesy to write this down, but it is true. I don’t want to hate Mondays anymore. That is not the path I want to take. No matter how many cars I have, where I live, what I wear, I will only be successful once I love Mondays.
So what is your goal in life? Comment down below if it is the same for you or if your goal is to get a car or live in a certain country, because that is equally as valid too. I hope nobody thinks I am trying to make fun of people because everyone has different goals in life, and this is mind. So yeah, please like and follow if you liked this post. Hope you have a great day, stay safe, and stay yourself PERIODT.
For many, this question is easy to answer. They know they want to move onto A levels, then go to uni and get a job. I used think that I was one of those people, until now. The year I am making this move.
I know that a lot of people are making this life changing decision now, and you might be one of the lucky people who have it all sorted. For me, I am stuck. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a police woman. I wanted to help people out, be out and about, and I just found it interesting over all. I just supposed that I would go to university because that is what everyone did. But now so much has changed and while I do have the idea of being a police woman, I don’t know how I am going to get their. Right now, I want to drop out. I never wan to go back to school or be so controlled like that all the time, but there are so many things making me stay in school.
For one, how will I get a job when I am only 16. I mean I can’t just lay at home all day and laze around because my parents would not be happy would that and, frankly, neither would I. I am gonna be honest, blogging was one of my ideas to earn money for a living so I could drop out, although I found out that I do actually enjoy it. I mean I would love for this to work out but what if it doesn’t. What is my backup plan. I can just sign up for being a police woman and start my training but I always feel as though I will be looked down upon as that young girl who dropped out of school. And currently it is hard to find jobs because of, well, corona.
Secondly, is being a police woman right for me. That’s the thing. What if I drop out and find I don’t get in or I don’t like the job. What if I drop out and my ‘dream job’ was a failure. Lately I have also been having doubts about even trying because, if I am being honest, I have kind of been warming to the idea of acting. I think that would give me great opportunities in life and then, hopefully, I can use my platform to get my voice heard and others about problems in the world. Because I mean, who would listen to one police woman? Also the stigma around the police at the moment. I hate how they have shown themselves as racist, blood thirsty animals. They just attack and think they are above the law and I never want to be associated with that. I would never do something like that and even though I can tell others that, they probably wont believe me. And they have every right to not believe me because all we see are how crap and corrupted they are. I never want to be accused of something like that. And how could one young girl go in and save that. Why would they listen to me. And that is kind of why I am questioning that decision and that it would be a good idea to build up my voice in the world. The problem is, I live in Northern Ireland. So how the hell am I supposed to build up auditions and feature in serious films or series? Honestly though, please do comment if you have any tips or opportunities.
Another reason I am stuck is because I often wonder, what if I am wasting my life? I am not trying to rub this in people’s face, but I get good grades in school. I work hard, I am well behaved in school. And when I think about dropping out I get anxious that I am wasting my hard work by not putting it to use and ‘helping the world’ in some way. The thing is, I am not smart. I am just book smart. I have to revise for all my exams. I work hard but still forget so much stuff. I am not like others who just remember stuff and can do great things. All I can do is revise, but I hate it. It literally makes me scared though to think of dropping out and missing so many experiences and becoming lonely. What if I miss all that and don’t even get anywhere with my life. When I tell you I can NOT end up in a 9 to 5 job, I mean it. That just would not work for the type of person I am. I can’t put into words the anxiety of dropping out though. Not really about jobs and money, but about what I could be throwing away. What if I should do this or that because I am ‘smart. What if I could of made a difference or gone into a really important job. I just don’t know what that is. I am literally getting stressed thinking about it, but I don’t want to let my parents down by throwing away the knowledge that they have given me. This talent to learn that others would want. I know that sound stuck up but I feel bad for misusing my intelligence and ability to revise.
My last point for today, about how I feel stuck in my decision is just the whole formality of it. I don’t want to live a life where I go to school, go to uni, get a job, retire, and then die. I don’t want to be in debt my whole life with the bills I have to pay for my uni which got me working a repetitive job which means nothing to me. I want to be able to be financially free. I don’t want a job. I want a career. A way of life that I love. Where I don’t hate Mondays. I work because I want to, not because I have to. I want to have a family and be free and enjoy my life. But for me I feel like uni would stop that. As though I would step into the school gates and be locked behind a bars of debt forever. Never getting where I need to be. Always worrying about paying the electricity bill. I just don’t know why people have made uni such a ‘need to do’ part of life. I don’t want to be dragged down by this. I don’t know what I will do without it but I can’t have that stress of revision and thoughts about my future in my life. How would I be able to handle such important tests, meeting new people, going to parties. But then again I am scared to miss that.
Over all, I am just scared.
Thank you for reading that and I hoped that other people related to that and now know that they aren’t alone. These are hard decisions and it sucks we have to make them at such a young age. Please like, follow, and donate some money so I can keep all of my content free for everyone. I also have some great promo codes for you and a great app that I found for earning extra money. I love you all and hope you know that it will all be worked out eventually. It may be hard, but you will get their. Just stay the bad bitch you are PERIODT.
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There are so many things that we do and at some point in our lives we find out that some aren’t normal. Whether that is what you think or what you do there is at least one things that is slightly different so I wanted to share a few of mine and you can comment if you think the same
How The Hell Do You Be An Adult
OK, so obviously you are an adult once you turn 18 but like what I mean is like how do you buy houses, how to you pay for bills, how do you start a business or do an interview. Like the list could go on and it is just stuff that adults do on the regular. I mean I can hardly order a pizza never mind buy a house. Do you just learn that at some point or will I be on the phone with my mum 24/7 because at this rate I’ll be like ‘um so I just chopped my fingers off, do I need to book an appointment or what, like LOL this is going to be so embarrassing’. I don’t know if that is the lack of confidence talking but like I need to know when this knowledge is given to me.
OK look. Once you have all of your exams over, whether that is your GCSEs, A levels, a degree, whatever, but like what happens next. Do I just go home as though everything is normal. I mean yeah people do be celebrating abroad but like after that what the hell do I do. I would feel so young to be going out and getting a job, like will they take me seriously because I am going to be looking like a literal foetus in front of everyone else and I am gonna be honest, I am not up for that. I want to be a police officer so imagine me, a wee girl coming in for an interview and being like ‘umm hey’ and they’ll be like ‘oh the school is at the other side of the street sweaty’. Bitch knowing me I would be like ‘oh OK sorry’ and starting back at school. I ain’t ready for that. Oh and by the way, how the hell do I make a resume for that. Just be like ‘I want to be a police woman – past experience = McDonald employee’. I mean how pathetic does that sound.
Lets set the scene. I am a teen, the youngest in my family, and to not give away too much of my personal stuff I will give you a hint. My age starts with fifth and ends with teenth. So anyways, all my siblings are older than but then again I only have two and one of them is only one minute older than me. My twin, if you didn’t catch on. Anyways so yeah we still go all out on Christmas. Of course we know the secret, Santa prefers mince pies to cookies, and at first I was a bit shocked because, you know, I had been giving him cookies for years, but like I got back into doing the whole thing. I set up a plate with mince pies and a glass of milk. We also leave out reindeer food and carrots of course. We all also read this Christmas book that we have done for years. Even after the news I still go all out for Christmas and to be honest there is no shame.
Singin’ In The Shower
OK, now this one is kind of embarrassing for me. To be fair I don’t do it as much anymore because I have realised that not everyone does this. But like I have had a few concerts in my life. In the shower of course. Can I sing? Hell no. Did I do it anyway? Obviously yes or why would I be talking about it. It wasn’t until my twin was like ‘could you shut the hell up’ that I realised that it wasn’t all that normal at a public swimming pool. Ha, jokes it was at my home. But like you see in all the movies that they are like great singers and they are having a blast. Singing always sounds so much better in the shower. Well for the person singing anyways. But I am quite embarrassed to do it even in the comfort of my own home. It is a tough world guys.
Shaving You Arms
OK this is getting a bit weird now but I just have to know. Is it normal to shave your arms? Like I thought it was a normal thing until I tried to do it and ended up cutting my elbow and my mum was disappointed. OK so maybe she did tell me I didn’t need to because nobody does and I am blonde but I mean I guess I was just a ~rebellious teen~ you know :1. The thing is though I hate the look of my arms and I was like, this isn’t normal. Well it is and I found out that literally nobody shaves their arms. I mean I understand now because literally nobody can see them but hey, it was a learning curve I suppose.
Now I am not about to go into a whole depressing topic but I just wanted to ask, does anybody else get that moment where everything is fine but then in a split second you are like wow this is real life, this isn’t a movie, this is real, that is real, I am living, this is true, I am a human living in a house with everything readily available. Just things like that. It was as if you feel really fake for a second and your like what the hell I am a living person and this is my life. No it is not a whole euphoric thing, more like a recap of life if you get me ahhaha. Like that is definitely from a movie where they are like ‘oh my god. I need to stop the wedding, she is my destiny’ or ‘I can do anything’. It is kind of just like a weird dizzy feeling and then I am like damn, back to work.
Everyone is definitely going to think I am crazy with this one but does anyone else remember just being like 2 or 3 and just ‘waking up’ in your living room and then that was the beginning of your life. Like it is so weird, I can’t really describe it but I remember it so vividly. I can’t remember anything before that, it was just dark or nothing but then I just opened my eyes and I was on the floor and then ran into the kitchen but I kind of stopped and looked back as if I was like ‘what the fuck just happened’. I sound so crazy but that was just the beginning of my life and I remember it so clearly and it was weird. I didn’t have like the brain of a 2 year old where I was like ‘oogly boogly’ you know, it was kind of like it is now but immature and just, the mind of a child I suppose but not. I really can’t describe it but I hope someone else can say this has happened to them and that I am not just crazy.
Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed. Hopefully you related to some of them and felt a bit less crazy because of them hahah. Follow my blog to keep updated when I post and read some more of my blog while your at it I guess. Keep safe, and don’t worry because it will all work out in the end, I promise, it’s all just part of the process PERIODT.
It’s weird how our view on work changes throughout our life. As a child we are told that we can be anything we want to be. This motivation was drilled into our mind from day one but then slowly over the years our dreams sound so… unachievable. And I mean why wouldn’t we think like that? Our parents and schools condition us to believe that we need to get great grades, go to university and get a 9 to 5 office job if we want to succeed. And if you ever have a dream, you better hold on tight to it because they will knock that down until there is not even a spec of hope.
It is sad how, when people ask you what you want to be when you are older, we all have a safe answer. We know that if we tell them the truth, they will laugh in our faces and make that wish feel like more of a dream and less of a reality. For me, my ‘dream’ job would be an actress. Not just because of the fame and money, but because I really like to act and I think that if I got a chance I could go far. And then with that position I can use my voice for good. Like with Emma Watson talking about feminism, and Leonardo DiCaprio talking about global warming. So what I would love about acting is that I could fulfill my passion for acting and then eventually my passion for making the world a better place. But have I told anyone that? No. I live in Northern Ireland which makes that dream seem so much more unachievable because there aren’t many opportunities. So now what I have to do with this dream is to keep it hidden because I mean I am just being to ambitious. There is no way that could happen to me. I am not that special. What I also don’t want to do is give them the satisfaction of being right when I don’t have the success that I wanted.
So what do I tell everyone then? Well, I tell them I want to be a police woman. And while that is true, it is also my safety job. This is my job that I know I can achieve and that will be respectable. I know it will give me the money I need for a home, food and security. What I also know is that, as a woman, I can find someone who I will love and will be my husband, hopefully. Because what we are grown up to believe is that, to be successful you need to get a safe job and be married. And I know how messed up that sounds but it is true. We learn that marriage is a safety belt, instead of learning that it is a bonus. We don’t need to be married and have kids. Unless you find somebody you truly love and you feel the time is right to have kids, then don’t get married. This is your life and you shouldn’t have to live it for someone else. But yeah, I mean I would love to be a police woman somewhere in the world because I want to make a difference. I want to be a part of the new definition of ‘police’ because right now, most police officers are racist, power driven people. Lately I have questioned whether or not I should be a police woman because I don’t want to be associated with racist murderers, and I am still trying to get my head around it, but I want to become a police woman in the aim to outnumber the racists and to provide a better role model for young children who can be heavily influenced by this prejudice.
It is weird also, the term ‘a successful job’. I mean what is it really? A doctor? A lawyer? A politician? I don’t think I have ever seen their name with the label ‘successful job’ written on it. A ‘successful job’ is just like saying a ‘normal human’. There is no normal human because we are all completely different. Really a successful job is not what your parents or society define it as. It is whatever is your passion and whatever you love doing. Say somebody who really loved writing books and poems. Their successful job is a writer, a poet. Not a lawyer or a office manager. And it is so easy to get sucked into these ideas because we see and hear them everyday. In school, on Instagram, our parents. So why wouldn’t you listen to them. These are the people who have raised us. People we have been with our entire life. That we trust. One of my favorite phrases was said by Prince EA. He said,
The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilledPrince EA
And I don’t know why but it really hits hard. Probably because it is true. All the time you hear people getting knocked down for following their dream, and now you are scared for that to happen to you. You may think that it is too risky, or you aren’t good enough, but have you tried yet. How do you know those questions are true if you haven’t tried? Society have drilled these questions into your head and that is the thing holding you back. If you can push through that fear of failure or criticism then you are on the path to success, wherever that may be.
My last point that I will mention today is that work should not be the reason you are on this planet. It is sad to see how some people’s lives are just, grow up, go to school, get a job, retire, die. It pains me. Because then you are working your whole life for your future, but what is your future? I mean when you will retire it means you will have a roof over your head but you can’t do all the exiting things you wanted to do in the present. If you work all day, everyday, then all the money you are planning to have will be wasted. It will be safe in the bank, but what is the point. You will have no memories, you will have no stories. Nobody’s purpose in life is to sit at a desk all day and type in a bunch of 1 and 0. No ones. And right now, if you think it is your life, it is not and you just need to take the risk, have fun. Be rich in memories. Instead of graduating university and feeling down because ‘the best years’ of your life are over, make that the ‘beginning of the best years’ of your life. Get a job you enjoy, do what you enjoy and face any problems that come your way because the world keeps spinning and there are people who will support you and love you.
Thank you so much for reading this blog and I hope it helped you to open your eyes about the lies we are told throughout are life. Do what makes you happy and ignore those who don’t agree, they just jealous PERIODT.
Help a broke bitch out
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