This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn this stuff? It isn’t like you were given much of a chance seeing as you only found out last week that other countries existed 😮
Damn, that one was kinda rude but the truth hurts *gets cancelled* Anyways before I get the whole of the US against me, I just want to say that I really don’t mean any offence by this and it’s just a wee laugh, to be honest. I mean, I can’t really speak because I’m dumb as fuck. Not that you are… I just meant that… Never mind. Let’s just get started.
UK vs. Britain vs. England
Surprisingly enough, these three locations are not all the same thing 😮 The UK consists of 4 countries (Northern Ireland, England, Scotland and Wales) although, as a word of advice, just don’t say that to people in Northern Ireland because there is a 50% chance you could get kneecapped, OK? Anyways, Britain consists of 3 countries (England, Scotland and Wales) however only English people call themselves British and if you call the other ones British you will most likely get stabbed. And lastly, England. This is one country. There is a city in it called London, but no, the entirety of England is not London. Just a wee fun fact for you there. To be fair, seeing you guys trying to work this out is top entertainment so don’t even worry about it.
Are You Irish?
I don’t care if your fucking great-great-grandfather was a fucking leprechaun, you are NOT Irish. Now, I’m not angry about it but I just find it so funny how you base your whole personality on this one minuscule thing. I swear your grandfather could have eaten a potato one day or had a pint of Guinness and you would declare yourself Irish. Sorry to break it to you but you really just are not. What also cracks me up is when Americans go to Ireland for the first time and they act as though they just found a piece of them that was missing. They’ll breathe in the Irish air like they’re a character in a coming of age film on their first day of school. It’s so funny.
Every time we went to America (literally twice but shut up) people would ask us where we are from and we’d be like “northern Ireland” and that would be us busy for the next hour or so because they were basically whipping out their family tree and their fucking 23andme results. It’s like going into a Lush store (if you know, you know). But in all seriousness, if you ever go anywhere in Ireland and say you are Irish in your thick American accent, you will most likely be absolutely slaughtered. Just… no.
Fair enough though, if your mum or your dad was from Ireland then that’s something but even still if you were born in America and raised in America you gotta understand that you are American. Sorry to ruin your dream I guess but the truth hurts
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a cuppa tea. Does it make up a lot of my personality? Honestly, yes. But I’m an exception because funnily enough, we aren’t all tea addicts. So don’t go mentioning tea all the time because we have learnt the appropriate times of when to mention tea and when not to mention tea. It really isn’t that hard. As long as you know never to give an unconscious person tea, then you’ll get sweet. Unconscious people don’t want tea.
We don’t really even take tea that seriously though like it’s a stereotype and you kinda gotta remember that. But if you want to keep holding us to the stereotype then we can keep calling Americans gun crazy. Compromise? (sorry that was a bit far)
Cookie vs. Biscuit
Contrary to popular belief, we use both of these words. Our explanations are actually pretty accurate and you can never prove to me otherwise. There are some anomalies out there that cause a few arguments such as a Jaffa cake (which is stinkin’, to be honest) and also a Maryland cookie. Obviously, it has a cookie in the name but there is more to it than that, don’t even get me started.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you think we call every form of, as you call it, cookie, a biscuit, but we don’t. A biscuit is crumblier if you know what I mean. Like it snaps easier and is more solid, like a digestive (top tip, caramel digestive are a necessity) but we still use the word cookie for things such as the classic chocolate chip cookie where it is more gooey. It might be a little bit crunchy on the outside but then soft on the inside. We call that a cookie and we demolish the people that call a cookie a biscuit.
Here is the rundown for you. You can call a biscuit a cookie (if you must *eye roll*) but you can never call a cookie a biscuit, no exceptions.
Messed Up Weather
Honestly, I can’t even give you a solid explanation for what the fuck goes on with our weather, but I’ll tell you one thing, the weather people do not have an easy job. You may feel it is rainy all the time and at some points that’s right. The weather is shite very often which can get really old really quickly, but it’s also cosy as shit so we move, but then you get the cheeky wee switch up in the summer where it’s a whole new level of hot.
Deadass, it’s as though mother nature was so busy getting the rest of the world warmth and sun and one day was like “oh shit” and realised that she completely forgot us so to catch up she just pours it all into one week so we can catch up with the others. Either that or she just fucking spilt the whole bag on us. What you don’t think about though is the fact that we don’t have air conditioning in our houses because this shit ain’t normal (except it does happen most years so you would think we’d learn) so you can’t sleep or be comfortable anywhere.
It’s fun for the first few days but when I tell you we make the most of it, I am telling you we make the most of it. You can’t get out of your driveway there’s that much traffic. There will be fucking barbeques all over the place. The scientists and researchers everywhere are probably like “oh shit, global warming just skyrocketed what the fuck happened?” and someone will just be there like “The UK got their heatwave, but it shouldn’t last more than a week.” Gotta admit, seeing all these pasty-skinned people finally get some natural vitamin D is a wonderful experience
What is Brexit?
I don’t even fucking know at this point
I think I will end it there because honestly, I have no clue what else you guys have questions about in terms of the UK. Feel free to leave some in the comments below and I can make another post about it. I promise I won’t judge your questions because it basically isn’t really your fault and I really couldn’t care less. I just like to make jokes, whether they are bad or not. Funnily enough, we do like to make fun of Americans but it’s all in good taste honestly. But as a word of warning, if you go to any of the 4 countries, be careful with what you call said place because it’s a fucking mess, but I can keep that for another post if you like. May God be with you on that one I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which… Continue Reading →
POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop… Continue Reading →
Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also… Continue Reading →
I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the way, we can start to get into it. I will also mention some of the ones that I would fit myself into which I suppose is multiple but we can all relate at some points. Don’t forget to tell us in the comment section what sense of humour you have.
We are all familiar with what dark humour is, but for all the idio- people out there I will explain. It’s basically when you find things that are supposed to be serious, and are quite morbid, to be funny. It can also be quite smart and well thought through despite the fact it was off the cuff and that makes it a bit worrying because you may find it funny but you also like “oh shit is this person ok” or “oh shit is this person going to kill me”. But at that point, it is a judgement call and in my experience, it’s just a coping mechanism.
I will now give you all a few examples which I actually am scared might offend someone in some way. Not as in they are gonna be offensive but like I don’t want people to be like “that was really disrespectful” or some shit. But THAT IS DARK HUMOUR and you better get over yourself bitch!
Where did sally go when the bomb went off? everywhere.
This is just a general statement, but like if someone were to hurt themselves then someone with a dark sense of humour would laugh. Like it do be funny though. Kids be falling and tripping for no god damn reason
This example isn’t a phrase either but it’s from a video and literally makes me piss myself because it’s so funny but there is this video of this blind girl who is talking with this news presenter and they are talking about everything the girl has achieved in her life and the presenter goes “is there anything you can’t do” just because she is so amazing and the girl dead ass says “see”
This humour is my cuppa tea but it’s also a wee bit risky if I say so myself. Like you gotta be careful who you say this too. It can sometimes come with a little bit of truth and may actually expose yourself a wee bit too but the added risk is fun I suppose. But what is it? It’s basically just saying something but not really meaning it. I guess you know what sarcasm is and it’s basically that but making it. It’s an art form, to be honest (that was kind of an example of sarcasm but like it’s also hard to get across in text so it takes a bit of expression and tone as well. Don’t ask me why I am developing this shit so much). This is my go-to when it comes to joking with friends and to be honest it makes up my whole personality trait to the point that it isn’t humour anymore, it’s just down-right sad.
Yeah but enough of that I suppose. Let’s get into a few wee examples. To be honest, they make up the majority of my posts because I just find everything a joke, for example, my life, and this can also slot into another sense of humour that I mention later. These are also kinda one-liners and a bit situational so like you kinda had to be there so like if you don’t find them funny please don’t attack me because I will in fact cry 🙂
Friend “can you help me with something” Me “no…” *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys*
Me “do you know what I literally so much?” Friend “what?” Me “you” *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys* again
I’m so fucking lucky my friends get my humour or else I’d literally have nobody in my life right now lol. Like I sound like such a bitch but I swear it is all in good taste
To be fair, what is actual humour? Like I guess it’s the classics like knock-knock jokes (despite the fact they’re shite) but like people might not find that humour. Well, I actually don’t really give a fuck and don’t want to talk about that so let’s get into it. This is the basic bitch, default setup, awkward laugh combo platter and if this is your main sense of humour you are either lying or a granny who has been desensitised by the crap jokes they put on the kids shows you are basically forced to watch all day.
So I guess I’ll give a few but you already know what they are gonna be basically. You don’t have to be a genius to know these and it takes literally one brain cell to understand – knock knock who’s there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- MOOOOOOOO – Knock knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? Well, there is no need to cry about it!
It’s literally so obnoxious ad stupid. It’s literally so unfunny and painful to listen to that you have nothing else to do by laughing. It is just pain
Watch out for these people because behind every self-deprecating joke is some truth. Like you can laugh but also keep an eye out for them lol. I do admit this is another go-to for me and is always easy to do when you hate yourself 😮 (Pulled a wee sneaky one on you). Sadly enough though a lot of people find it funny and use it often. Like we all laugh at something and make the same joke but then all just look around awkwardly like “we really are fucked up aren’t we”. It’s a bonding experience though, also a coping mechanism, but bonding nonetheless. It’s so simple too like it’s sad that we can literally make anything into a self-deprecating joke.
So now for examples, but I feel like I should also address those bitches who use it for attention. Like they will just out of the blue be like “uh I’m so ugly today lol” and then act sad until someone says “awk no you’re beautiful”. NO! I literally hate that and there is a pretty fucking obvious difference so don’t even try to get yourself out of it if you do that sometimes.
*in some random video an ogre walks down the street (not Shrek though, obviously he’s a babe)* Me “ok but who took that video of me?”
This next example is literally me the other day and I’m kinda mad about the actual situation but it was a pretty good self-deprecating joke: *me literally gets hit in the head by a bottle the idiots in our school are throwing* Me – what the actual fuck! Concussed question mark? (yes I say question mark) * me also goes on to tell people about how I’ve literally had so many head injuries in my lifetime* Me – maybe that’s why I’ve got a big ass forehead?!
Me – *does one thing wrong* also me – I literally hate myself so much
Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, ya know? Sacrifice your life for Pakistan GRAPE!
This is an exclusive package that you actually get when you become a teacher. Like that bitch is limited edition and we all gotta respect that as soon as we go into their classroom. Surely they are aware that they can’t make a joke like I can’t make sense of their class. Surely they know that we aren’t over here pissing ourselves and barely being able to breathe because their joke was funny. We just tryna get outta doing work/don’t want to get shouted at. Like I barely heard what you said but if I see the slightest smirk on your face I’m gonna laugh like you just turned into fucking Kevin Hart. You better know I’ll be rolling on the floor.
But seriously though, teachers laugh at everything and joke about everything so we out here getting abs with all the fake laughing we gotta do. Just look at some of these examples:
In my chemistry class my teacher was telling us how to remember the difference between Cations and anions and to be fair they were pretty helpful tips but she thought she was absolutely hilarious. She was like “cations has cat in it and cats are paw-sitive lol, and then anions are like onions and they make you cry, so they are negative” and we just looking at her like ha yeah.
Just any time they mention anything about how they would leave their job if not for something else. Like you are literally kind of a bit hurt because they be like “I wish I could just run away and live on a beach where I would never have to work here again haha” or “I would love to do *some other job* but I guess i’m just here lol”. Like damn what the fuck. So we just gotta laugh here to bring the mood back up. Like god damn just teach us some maths so we can get the fuck out of here.
They always gotta do the demonic laugh as well where they like chuckle but like you can see in their eyes that they are crying out for help and literally hate everything. They have good intentions though and for me, it’s usually just a pity laugh.
This is quite similar to sarcastic humour but, if you are an expert like me, you will know the difference. Basically, the difference is that sarcastic humour is kinda more chillaxed and off the cuff, but with anti-joke humour, it’s probably more planned out and thought about. It might have a bit of a delayed laugh as well because obviously, you are expecting a joke but then it’s pretty much just a fact. Oh and yeah that reminds me, an anti-joke is basically setting something up as you would a joke and then the punchline is just matter-of-fact. I’ll give examples obviously but that’s what it is. And if I’m gonna be honest with you, the people who have this as the humour they come up with a lot are probably going through some shit. Like I find it funny and a lot of others do but can never really come up with one and say it in the right way unless I’m in one of my “low patches”. No attack on anyone by the way. I suppose another form of anti-joke is just one that wasn’t intended to be funny but then the way you said it or the way you timed it was just perfect and I respect that tbh.
I’m gonna go into examples now obviously, I mean why do I find the need to say that every fucking time I’m pretty sure that you have got that already. But yeah the first one that I am gonna say is something kinda shocking and I only found out about it a few days ago and it kinda fucked my mind a wee bit.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat
What’s white and can’t climb a tree? A fridge
Like they are so fucking stupid and like so fucking random but I don’t know why that literally cracks me up. I think it’s just so funny because it literally isn’t funny whatsoever and you kinda just end up looking at the other person in the eyes as you both question how your life led up to this one moment.
“Too Far” Humour
This humour actually bugs me and I feel as though it can also be called “that one popular kid who sits in the back of the class and try to make everyone laugh but really he is a dick and people are just scared of him/want to impress him” humour but that’s a wee bit too long. What I find hilarious about it though is whenever you grow up and so does everyone else but they are the same idiot they were 4 years ago so now when they make a joke literally nobody gives a shit and just looks at them in disgust and you feel embarrassed for them. There is a group of people in my school like that and I just don’t think they’ve got rid of that god-complex yet and they haven’t accepted the fact that literally, nobody likes them lol. But back to talking about the “too far” humour. This is basically where they make jokes about things that aren’t meant to be joked about. Not like dark humour where it is still innocent and doesn’t hurt anyone, but when they joke about stuff that is literally offensive and disrespectful.
Me – *plays football/breathes* idiot man – ShOuLdN’t YoU bE iN tHe KiTcHeN?! ahahahah Go MaKe Me A sAnDwIcH (this applies to literally any ‘joke’ like that)
Just joking around with your friends and then they go too far and talk about something actually personal to you and is a sensitive topic. Like I have heard guys in the back of our class talking and then they would be like “well at least I know my dad” or sometimes they would be straight up racist. Like maybe that’s a ‘guy thing’ but still that sounds fucked up.
These are the kinda jokes that make other generations think we are snowflakes but literally we are just respectful and more of an understanding person. Like they say it isn’t that deep but it kinda is. Just because it might not have offended anyone in this room, doesn’t mean it isn’t offensive.
I actually had one of my friends tell me a story the other day about how she was literally gas-lighted by her parents, but like in a funny innocent way, and it really just cracked me up tbh. Obviously, in some cases, it isn’t funny but just whenever someone is so gullible that they fall for shit so easily makes me actually die. I’m quite a gullible bitch myself and I have another friend who is as well and the fact it is so easy to trick them is just priceless. They never learn and you kinda make fun of them after which is the gas-lighting part but ah well lol. Do I feel like a shitty person afterwards? Yup. Do I do it to everyone? Fuck no. Do I use too many rhetorical questions? Hell yeah.
Before I give these examples I just want to say that they may sound like the dumbest shite ever but it was just an “at the moment” type thing so don’t even be judging me.
So the story with my friend and her parents was that she was asking to go to a party and they were like “fine but you will have to take a breathalizer when you get home”. They had like police friends and all that shit so he had easy access. So she was like “fine” and then went to the party. She was proper raging and to be fair she did still drink and was willing to face the consequences when they came. So she got back home and her parents were like “right then, how much did you drink” and she was like “I only had 2 cups” and they were like “ok, bye”. She was proper fuming like what the hell was happening. They just let her go yet she was freaking out about it for ages and trying to figure out how to trick the system or some shit and tgen they just started laughing at her because they couldn’t believe she actually believed it. Like her whole family were pissing themselves because she thought she was actually about to be breathalized. Kinda funny I must admit
This next story is one where I was the person being laughed at and my sister literally brings it up every fucking second of the day even 6 years after it happened. So we had juts got a puppy (a miniature schnauzer to be exact) and we loved that hoe. We were already wanting to get another and my mum who had not even liked dogs that much (what a fucking weirdo) actually loved our dog. So then one day when I was going home from some sort of club type thing, my older sister was really excited and she was like “we got another puppy!” and I was like “actually fuck off do you really expect me to believe that” and she kept going on about the fact it was the truth. That bitch deserved an oscar because I started to believe her. I knew in the back of my head that it was obviously a lie but I wanted it to be true so bad that I believed it. Then we got home and was like I’m catch this hoe red handed. There is definitely no fucking dog in this house. Then she ran outside to our dog’s bit of the garden and then came back with this minature schnauzer in her hands and it was really small so I went up to see it. Tell me why this bitch was holding a fucking statue? I really started to pet a fucking piece of clay. She really did me dirty there.
I can never really get this type of humour down but I find it really funny whenever it fails and works. Intricate humour is when someone makes a joke and it is kind of factual, or it just has so many layers to it. Like your friend might be building it up like a fucking house and then they drop the wrecking ball and, if timed right, it is hilarious. Sometimes you kinda zone out and wake up once they are laughing at their own joke, but if you manage to listen, it is usually actually good. Another type of intricate joke is one that takes you a second to think about, but like not to the point where it is just dumb and you do a pity laugh. I never really have the brains or the effort to do that shit but sometimes it comes easy to you and you can’t miss that opportunity. There might have been something you and your friend heard or witnessed one week and then one or two weeks later you bring that into the joke it just makes it fucking hilarious.
It always makes me do that silent laugh aka my favourite type of laugh. I swear there have been times where I have been silent laughing for so long that I actually got really scared because I physically could not breathe.
There was this one that I remember so vividly from my first year in high school and I was in my geography class. I sat at the back next to this guy and his friend sat in front of me so they would always be talking about the most random shit. I would usually zone out but there was a faze where they just insulsted each other in the weirdest ways. I am pretty sure they actually didn’t like each other lol. Anyways, one of the insults I heard was one of the most stupid and most unfunny thing ever but literally cracks me up. He says “I hope you turn into a fish and swim backwards” and as if that wasn’t bad enough, he goes on to explain why that’s a bad thing. Btw it’s because the water will go into their gills and like kil them or some shit like that. I just remember how I was so disappointed in that joke and everything about it that I found it hilarious.
Tbh I don’t really have any other examples because they are usually more inside jokes and like you had to be in a certain situation to get them and actually find them funny, but if you guys have any examples please do comment them down below.
We can’t deny that we all have this type of humour. I suppose it kinda fits under all of these other types of humour, but to be more specific it is the jokes you make that flop really bad or you instantly regret and for the rest of your life you will be reminded of it every single time you try to sleep. I suppose it also includes stuff that you just find embarrassing but people still make fun of you for. Some may call that bullying but just don’t be like that lol. That shit stings though and literally catches you so off guard that it really isn’t necessary. It is literally painful and to be fair my whole life is one big insomniac joke. Like I just replay that shit in my head from the day I was birthed to that very moment. Like it really just is not necessary and I know that nobody remembers that it happened but I know that it did and it was not ok.
And just as soon as you either forget about it or convince yourself that nobody even remembers it somebody gotta ruin the mood and bring it up again so you are never able to get over that trauma. But now to bring it up again myself… I’m gonna have to talk to my therapist about this aren’t I?
I hopped that this information would get locked up somewhere for the rest of my life, but since none of you really know who I am I guess I’ll just relate it to, oh I don’t know, THE WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET. So anyways, I used to go to ballet. Yup, I was a little ballet bitch. But that didn’t work out for me andy you will find out why. I was quite young when this happened. Maybe 5 or 6? But me and the rest of the class had just been misbehaving or like wasting too much time so our teacher was getting pissed off. The thing was I desperatily needed the toilet, but seeing her anger and being the anxious little girl I was, I just stayed quiet. I was like nope, not today bitch. So I just held it. That was, of course, until I couldn’t. Yep, you guessed it, I pissed myself in front of my whole entire class and I actually hate myself. And then my teacher was like “why didn’t you just ask to go”. Girl, you know why! Now clean up my piss. My twin still bullies me to this day.
My first year of high school I was ready to be a whole new person. I was ready to be everyones friend and just the best person ever. So any opportunity I found to get out there I would take. Well there was only one time and I never tried again, but you’ll understand why. So I tried to run for the class president (1st downfall) or whatever the fuck it’s called and that meant I had to go up to the front of the class and tell everyone why they should vote for me. I had a whole plan in my head, no script or prep at all, but I had a goal. So I went up to the front of the class thinking I was gonna be the class clown and everyone would want to be my friend. Mind blank. Complete fucking mind blank. But I remembered one thing after blabbering about the dumbest shit ever and it was something that I thought was really good. Then I say it. Deadass it was the dumbest shit that has ever come out of my mouth. I hate myself so much for it and I swear that was the source of my social anxiety. From that moment onwards I would no longer communicate with anyone outside of my small bubble (aka my family). It is obvious to say I didn’t not get class president.
For those that doesn’t know, inuendo is basically when one thing sounds or means the same thing as another thing, but like somebody intends the play on words for comedic use. I always find this hilarious especially whenever it wasn’t intended and when the person who said it doesn’t even realise that makes it even more hilarious. I have one friend who is either too mature or we are just immature so she tends to say a lot of things that sound like something else. Usually quite inappropriate stuff but it is so funny because it’s just unexpected and you can tell they didn’t mean it to sound like it did. It’s also the look on the persons face whenever they have possessed it in their head and the look of disappointment is just so funny. To be fair I have never really heard of a person whose go to jokes were inuendos unless it’s some sort of creepy old guy wth a beer belly. Sorry if that is your sense of humour but that’s just been my experience. I also feel like if it was intended then it isn’t funny because they just try too hard but that’s honestly true with all jokes kind of
I’m gonna try and give a few examples but at the moment I can only think of inappropriate ones and Im not sure what type of demographic I’m working with here but to be fair if they are still reading y this point it is a wee bit late. I think I’ll just try to find ones that are more of just a pun
I had to break the rhythm of the titles because I just couldn’t bring myself to call it dad humour. I guess I could have called it desperate humour but I’ll not be rude. Honestly though is there much I can say about this? It’s just a classic bad joke with like the worst timing. To be honest there is never a good time for a dad joke. They just make me laugh so much because it’s clever but also so unnecessary. It’s seeing your dads face afterwards as well because they are so proud of themselves and you feel bad for not laughing so you just laugh disappointedly. I have to admit though that whenever I come up with one myself I am really proud of myself. Like I don’t know why it’s just so rewarding cause it isn’t always easy. It’s really just an at the moment type situation.
Some people have trouble sleeping… but I can do it with my eyes closed
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. He said “dad can’t you just use a sponge?”
Did you know Bruce lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee
This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn… Continue Reading →
Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess… Continue Reading →
Can people please just get over it and wise up because it just isn’t that hard bitch. Firstly I’d like to say that my pronouns are she/her and I’m straight so I can’t really speak of experience but I want to talk from the perspective of just an accepting human being which is literally the… Continue Reading →
If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your family just as a wee tip because they will really appreciate it. But let’s just get right into it. Oh and that reminds me, make sure to read the text underneath each tip for more explanation and how to do it for optimum warmth.
1. Turn On The Heating
Now I know that sounds like a bit of a stretch, but the easiest way for you to stay warm inside in every room of your house is to turn on the heating. Surprisingly enough it isn’t that hard to do so and can work quickly. I know some people may complain about the money but the truth is you would rather be warm and spend a bit more money or be literally dead with more cash that you can’t even use. So definitely this is a great one to think about
2. Put On a Jumper
Make sure to read this explanation because it is important. What you want to do is look in your wardrobe and pick out a nice thick jumper. This will really help to keep you warm when you go downstairs to turn on the heating. So while that is 2 steps, it is very effective and one of my favourites
3. Put On Slippers
I highly recommend this for those who have wooden or tiled floors because it is scientifically proven that cold feet will make the rest of you cold. Surprising isn’t it! So it’s important you have something on your feet for going downstairs to turn on the heating to your house
4. Go Into A Smaller Room
The science behind this is that smaller rooms stay warmer because the heat is less dispersed. That is why I go to my utility room which is the smallest in my house and conveniently also where my heating controls are. So I go into the small room until the heating is on for long enough and then go back to my nice toasty bedroom.
5. Stay Close To People
So I suppose this isn’t the best during ‘rona and also isn’t great for people who don’t really like… people. But this is great because of body heat and shit. Like penguins do it. So how to start with that is just whenever you have to go do something no, do it with someone else. This could be going to the toilet, going to watch tv, or in this circumstance, going to switch on the heating. So yeah that is a great way to stay warm
6. Stay Active
I know that a lot of you will see this and be like “umm the fuck? I’m not doing that” and then swipe but it doesn’t actually last that long and you can do it in your house, so depending on how big your house is, this could take somewhere from 1 minute to 3 minutes. So here it is and listens closely because it is quite tricky, go down the stairs (making sure to take deep breathes) which is great for cardio. Then go and click the button to turn on the heating (don’t pull a muscle pls) which is great for muscle strength and then go back up the stairs but slowly so that you can cool down a bit and then by the time you have cooled down from the exercise the heating will keep you at a comfortable temperature
7. Speak To Others
Communication is key and we need to recognize how it can also help us achieve some stuff that we need. You might be wondering how speaking can help you to warm up, and it is really simple actually. All you have to do is take a deep breath, and at the top of your lungs you shout “can some turn on the heating?!” The only fault is that sometimes parents won’t want to do that so it could mean that you have to resort to some of the options that are above, but if you get the right tone and volume, then this is definitely a good option to go for.
This one is actually no joke a good one but the thing is you will be warm during it and then when you get out it will be even worse than before so I guess you just gotta weigh up the pros and cons at that point. And for me, baths are boring as fuck but I like the sound of them so when I have one I basically have to just bring my whole bedroom in with me so I have something to do. It’s also hard to get the right balance between boiling hot and sweating your ass off and being absolutely freezing. So I usually go for the classic shower, not that you give a fuck.
9. Use Single-Use Plastic
This may be confusing for some but if we keep using plastic the way we have done for a while, our whole entire earth will warm up. I’m pretty sure it’s called global warming or some shit but yeah although it may take a year or so, we could soon have natural heating. It could kill us all but then again at least we would die warm. Every cloud has a silver lining. *pls understand this is a joke because I don’t want David Attenborough and Greta Thunberg running after me*
10. Listen To Anti-Vaxxers
This may seem hard to be able to achieve but it actually isn’t. There are surprisingly a lot of idio- I mean people who don’t want the vaccine. You can find them in the streets, but other hotspots include the Managers office of your closest restaurant or supermarket. There is also many reported to be near your local town hall and can be recognized by their chants “we want freedom” or something along the lines of that. If they by chance don’t have a sign then just look out for the usual Karen haircut. The reason this will keep you warm is because it will make your blood boil. You will try not to punch them so bad and try to speak with them reasonably but that takes a lot of energy to do. So it will both distract from the pain of the cold, and redirect it to the pain that is society. I would even say that you can speak your mind to them because it can help to create heat by movement. So I guess just take your pic!
Anyways, that is me all done for today and I hope this did really help you guys. Also please don’t destroy the planet that would be greatly appreciated actually. But yeah no stay warm and I hope you have an amazing winter and that Santa treats you well. It’s already bloody stormy where I live so really getting in that winter mood I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
I was in one of my weird patches the other day and I was scrolling through my social media (as is normal during a breakdown) and I saw some things that kinda maybe didn’t help me at all, but it got me thinking about how we can guess things with a pretty solid argument for… Continue Reading →
I’m not really an angry person if I’m gonna be honest and although this doesn’t really make me that angry, it gets me in that manic laughing phase which is kinda fucking scary. Like you know that point where you just look at someone who just said something to you and you don’t have any… Continue Reading →
Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck… Continue Reading →
Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about so be blessed you get to read this post. So prepare yourself guys because I’m about to reveal what is going on. The problem is… the pringles logo😱
I’m sorry but they really did him dirty. Like what the actual hell were they thinking. He looks literally depressed or as though he just saw something he shouldn’t have. The guy has been absolutely ROBBED of his hair. Did he have kids? Is he papa Pringle now? There better be a good fucking reason because this is not my Pringle man. Literally, where did these eyebrows come from? Maybe he looked in the mirror because he got the same reaction as us. It really hurts my soul that this innocent man has been literally been taken advantage of like this. Don’t fix something that isn’t broken.
But the thing is their excuse for this monstrosity. I kid you not they were saying it’s because they want to appeal to Gen Zs by being more minimalistic. Don’t put the blame on me bitch. I don’t claim any of this. Like why fix something that isn’t broken? It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe we like a minimalist house or designer shit but we love a good classic. Our generation is so anxiety-ridden that we love to see the same old shit as normal. That’s why we rewatch friends and the office. We like to be comforted by the things we already know and have known all our life.
Oh but don’t think that this is only pringles. Nah, I’m gonna expose all these hoes. Let’s start with our old friend Doritos who have sadly been through an identity crisis and now think they are the YouTube play button
I’m sorry you had to see that but you must be aware of the truth. You can’t excuse that. That’s basically a crime against humanity and when I see my therapist I am going to show him this photo and I won’t have to say anything else. It’s like he grew up and lost all personality. Get Doritos on some counselling now because that’s not healthy. I don’t recognize this brand. It was so full of life and Gad hopes for the future. It gave me hope but now it gives me “what is the point of anything if we all die eventually”.
Guys, I just searched up new and old logos and I genuinely feel like I need to hide out in a bunker until this madness passes. Look at what Burger King is doing
Who can I call to sue Burger King for this? Like… it was a joke up until now. What were they on when they were coming up with this? The only reason this would make sense is if they had an intern who was freaking out when they asked him to come up with a new logo or if they were high off their heads and going through some sort of mid-life crisis. I would love to see what their sales are like now because I’m ready to boycott them no joke. It’s actually becoming a global crisis and it needs to be stopped. They can’t take our childhood away from us because that was a good time in my life. I want my kids to live with the original Mr Pringle because they may not see a fucking polar bear or some shot so at least give them the OG packaging. Get your priorities straight bitch.
This actually does sadden me and it doesn’t stop so I’m going to go and cry now. So yeah I’ll leave you with that and if you can get in touch with any of the people guilty of this crime then do send them this. Comment down below what you guys think and if you actually like them. If you do I would get that checked out, to be honest. But yeah don’t forget to like and subscribe also. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like it can so easily just collapse in on me and I will literally die. So that’s what I want to talk about today so I can at least get it off my chest and you guys will hopefully relate. I might also talk about the worst ones I have ever had to deal with because to be fair, my whole life is one big hole, but I know there are some extra ones lying around
Firstly, let’s talk about the one I am in at the moment. So, nearly every day I walk my dog in this nature park thing near my house and it’s good fun cause she can go off the leash and get a runaround. But she also tends to torture every living thing that is within 500 metres of her, so she makes a lot of human friends. But there is this one group of people who we see the most and they are so lovely and kind and they absolutely adore my dog. However, the first time we met them, they asked what my dog’s name was obviously and I said what it was (I am actually not going to say the real name just in case they somehow read this and literally realise what has been happening after all this time). The first time, they didn’t hear so I repeated it, then the second time they said the wrong name and I told them what it was again. The third time they tried to get her name right, I didn’t really hear what they said but it kinda sounded right and it was gonna be fucking awkward if I had to correct them again so I was just like ‘yep’ and then went on with my life. I never thought I would see them again but now I basically see them every time I walk around there and they call her the wrong name.
Why is this a bad thing? Surely it’s just a misunderstanding, right? NO! It is absolutely nerve-racking because that is the only good place to walk my dog that is near my house, so I always go there. They are also the loveliest people and absolutely love my dog so they would probably feel bad for calling her the wrong thing the whole time, or they would be kinda pissed at me and think I’m a brat. What also scares me is that my dog is an annoying bitch and she runs off, so obviously I have to call her back with her ACTUAL name, so I am scared that they are gonna hear this and then realise who it is I am calling and then be like what the actual fuck. I actually did that one time where I was talking with them and when I said bye I called my dog to come as well by calling her name and when I tell you my heart dropped, it was on the fucking floor. I don’t think they noticed though but it was a close one.
I also get so scared that someone in my family will take her on a walk there without me and then they will bump into those people and they will be calling her the wrong name and then my family will be like ‘umm that isn’t her name bitch’ and then when I see them next then they will think I’m some sort of idiot. Or maybe if someday they happen to look at her collar and because it will be right in front of me, they’ll just slowly look up and be like “is that your dog’s name?” and I’ll just be like ‘yeah, is that not what you’ve been calling her the whole time? I swear that’s what you call her’.
I’ll just have to be so slick with it if it comes to it. Genuinely I would make up some bullshit excuse like “I have a really bad hearing in one ear” or even something like “yeah well we kind of call her both names in our house because we could never settle on a name”. I actually had thought of saying that if worst came to the worst and I could just imagine me thinking I got away with it whereas they would be going home to plan the new walk they would take every day to avoid me. I’m really fucking scared though for the day that they find out because surely they will at some point and then they will probably bring it up every single time we see them again. At this point, I have known them for nearly a year and I would have to just move planets to get over it. Who’s for Mars?
So that’s the problem I’m in at the moment, but let’s take a wee glance back at some other awkward situations I’ve gotten myself into and have most likely contributed to my anxiety 🙂
The Family Tree
I have actually mentioned this one before I think but I’ll say it again for those who haven’t heard it yet. So one day I met my mum’s cousin and we were talking about life. I had kinda just gotten comfortable talking with her at that point and she then went to ask me what my teachers are like. I always get a kick out of slabbering about this one teacher who is really strict and kinda has a reputation of being really scary, so I was talking about her. Then afterwards she kinda looked at my mum and was like “is that THE teacher’s name?” and she was like “yeah” and I come to find out that the teacher I had just been slabbering about was her step-mum! I just died inside and was like “but she is really nice though and we all thinks she’s funny and different”. I suppose what I said wasn’t awful but I don’t know if she remembers what I said and now every time that I meet her I am so uncomfortable and can’t forget that moment. Like I am always panicking that she secretly resents me and will shout at me for it. LOL
This story literally isn’t even serious and it was short-lived but in that one hour, I was stuck in that situation I had pretty much 10 heart attacks. Picture this, it’s first year, you are hated by every teacher but at the moment you are with a particularly scary one. You sit down and you to get your books but SHIT you forgot them! You can’t tell the teacher because she’ll eat your head off but if she finds out some other way then she’ll to the exact same thing! So what do I do? I risk it for a biscuit. I spent the whole class sweating my ass off trying to cover the fact I had no books. Even when she was walking around the room I was on stealth mode with my arms huddled and my back hunched over to cover the table. I would try to act really interested but also not attract too much attention to myself and then the worst thing happened. She was walking around again and I had kinda thought I got away with it at that point but then she walks a bit past me and goes “I know you don’t have your books” in the most PETTY BOSS BITCH tone that there has every been. Basically I thought in was slick but in reality I was just a fucking weirdo. So to my demise, she gave me a bad ping which is something we do in our school if we are bad or some shit and if we get three then we get a detention. So obviously being the first year I was I literally hated the life I had led as though I was convicted of murder. Like it really isn’t that deep but I’ll never forget the trauma. The teacher always knows. But the funny thing was I thought I was so slick about it. Like whenever she said that o me I was like “yup” and acted like I was just tired and unbothered but fuck me I was near crying lol
Fake It ‘Til Ya Make It
I have had one relationship in my life and it lasted over 2 years. That seems like a pretty deep hole already but the other thing was I would try to be someone else just so he would like me. It would be acting like I loved superhero shit and Dr Who but like in reality I could not give a fuck for the life of me. But yeah so that meant a lot of convos where he was like “between someone and someone who do you think would win?” And I would be here putting on the show of my life like “hmmm well that’s quite a tough one because it depends on a lot of things. On one hand superman is indeed super but then again Thor does have quite a large hammer” and just make up basic shit until he was like nah it is defo this person. Then I would agree and carry on shitting myself because I don’t know half the people he was on about.
I kinda guess that was unfair for the both of us but I was so scared that he would leave me despite the fact the relationship should have ended way earlier because it really was quite emotionally shite. But anyways I always acted like I loved what he loved and I actually watched Dr Who for a while even though I really did not like it but I wanted to be able to talk about something with him. If he were to read this and realize it was me I would literally have to admit that I had no clue what the fuck he was talking about the whole time. That’s dedication though but also do not recommend at all. I would literally stay up at night trying to remember who was in Marcel and who was in the avengers and I would feel so scared that I would expose myself by mixing them up. It’s sounds so fucking stupid now that I say it but like it was a real fear of mine. I swear I lost all sense of self when I was with him but it is what it is I suppose. That hole was pretty deep because we were friends for literally our whole life and if I were to turn around and be like “hey literally I hate everything we talk about” then he would think I was such a fake bitch which would be accurate but I would prefer he didn’t know that. Highly recommend just being yourself and not changing for nobody
Lol I really just exposed myself there but even if he did read that he probably wouldn’t realize it was me because he never bothered to listen to shit that I said anyways lol. Yes that was an attack. But yeah I’m going to leave it here with one final question. What holes have you dug yourself into? Are you still in them because I could help give you some advice on how to get out. But don’t get me involved in some grave digging crime shit ok! 😦 Anyways, don’t forget to like and subscribe for more content like this and read my other posts that are down below. That was the most cringey youtube shit I have ever said. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Whenever you grow up and someone says they have a “face only a mother could love”, that person is, one, a bitch, but two, speaking facts because, after the first time she sees her new-born baby, there is no way it can get any worse, so no matter what they look like when they grow… Continue Reading →
Whoever said Christmas is about giving, not receiving is fucking right because bitch do I GIVE! Now I ain’t tryna brag and be like oh my days I’m so unlucky that I have to/can spend money to get stuff for my family, but like I’m just saying that I am acting as though I’ve got… Continue Reading →
12 days ’til Christmas and my true love gave to me, a big fucking mess. I mean what the actual hell. Here I am with a bit of a sore head and a stuffy nose and then I take a wee lateral flow test before I go out to Ju-Jitsu but then the 2nd line… Continue Reading →
This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet I don’t know what fucking year it is. I suppose November has always been a weird transition month but the thing is, it isn’t only the time of day or the day of the week that I get mixed upon, it is quite literally my entire past and present memories that are all jumbled up. It’s like I had been carefully compiling all my memories in an orderly fashion but then my brain got fed up and just threw everything everywhere so now I have no clue what the fuck is going on. Let me tell you a few stories to help you understand.
I like to call this story “The Pantomime”, and here is why. So it was my best friends birthday last month and I knew it was coming up. I have always been crap with birthdays but this time I was so proud of myself and I was so ready, I had it in my mind that her party was not very long before her birthday so I was prepared. Then a few days before the party we went bowling and there was a wee arcade bit. So OBVIOUSLY we had to go on the tiny car racing games. This one was actually tiny, not the normal big ones, so I was laughing at my friend like “I’m 16 and you are almost 17 and look what we are playing lol what is life” and she deadass went “I am 17”. If that was a real car I would have gone straight into a wall because I was not ready for that answer. I was just like “but your birthday’s on the 26th” and she was like “yeah, it’s the 30th” so here I am holding my worst friend of the year award while being completely mind boggled about what day it was. Like it was as if someone just said I was in 2050 or some shit because I suddenly had no concept of time. Oh, and I called it the pantomime because it was behind me. It is a shite name in hinsight but just accept it.
Anyways, the next story I am going to call “age is just a number”. So I was playing football, or soccer for the americans, in PE, as one does. But I overheard my sister talking to one of our friends and they were just having a wee bit of banter as per usual. She is actually a year younger than us but still in our year because she moved over from England and there is just a whole thing that doesn’t matter, but yeah she is younger than us. And I heard my sister go like “damn must be embarrassing to look 13” and I was kinda tripped out like “you scared me a bit there because I swore she was 14” because at that point I was bad at stuff like birthdays and ages anyways so like I was just glad I didn’t think she was 13 in real life. But then my sister and her starting confused laughing and I’m like what? And they go on to say “she literally isn’t 14, she’s literally 15” and I was like “what! since when were you the same age as us that is so fucking mad” and they must not have heard me because then a day or so later I was kinda still thinking about it and then I was like “shit, I’m 16”. How dumb is that! Like I would work out her age by the fact she is one year younger than us and I genuinely believed I was 15 and my world just changed.
Why is that though because I swear if I wasn’t really close with those people my friend’s would be dropping like flies. It really just is not ok. Maybe it’s because I had been thinking about these things so much and for so long that I never realised that it passed and I still had the feeling of it coming up even when it had come and gone. It could also just be classic ‘rona making every day mush into the same. I always seem to get that feeling at night when I am washing my face. Kinda like a coming of age movie where there is a clip of his morning routine played multiple times in increasing speeds to show how boring his life was in school. That basically is how I feel every night and it is quite depressing I have to admit but I guess it is what it is.
I think we all get those times where it feels like a Friday but it’s really a Tuesday and your whole schedule gets messed up and you literally nearly miss everything you had to do because you barely remember that you must breathe at least once every 2 minutes or you will quite literally die. And that’s a fact. Is it bad that there have been times where I’ve been like “when was the last tme I took a breathe”. Like deadass not even breathing through my nose or anything. There is just no time for that silly business. I should probably work on that to be honest. But it has never really been a problem for me. Pre-covid I was organised and got all my homeworks done the day I got them (which is actually more deep than it sounds cause that really fucked me up lol). But now things just sneak up on me. I don’t even procrastinate that much either. Sure I’ll watch the odd extra tiktok but that is the maximum procrastination for me… I think. I’m not even busy or one of those people who are like active and social as fuck and are just like “I just don’t know where the time goes lol” and away they are for their midnight 10k run.
This past year really has just gone so down hill in every single way and I actually can’t even be bothered trying to stop it. I’m just sitting back and watching the edge of the cliff get closer and closer. If it stops, it stops. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. And I live by that to be honest. As long as people know that I do genuinely care about their birthdays and making them feel special then hopefully they won’t think I’m that much of a bitch and we’ll be fine.
My question is, how did they cope with this in the fucking dark-ages or whatever because they didn’t have bloody google calendar sending you a fuck load of notifactions about what you had on that day as though it was a ticking time bomb. You’d have to know by the direction of the fucking sun and that is no use in the UK. And I couldn’t tell myself to work events backwards in my mind to figure out what day it is because I literally can’t tell the difference between what I did yesterday, or the week before, to today. Am I literally going out of my mind or is this type of behaviour actually normal? Should I be calling a doctor lol? Here’s me calling just like “hey so like what the fucking is my problem” and they just like “you ust a shitty person” and I’m like “ah ok thanks”. Thank god for free healthcare am I right 😮
Anyways, that was just my wee update I suppose. Please like, follow, and comment down below what things have happened to in regards to your messed up sense of time, or are you a human calendar that is like “damn do you remember on the 16th January 2006 when we literally saw that one blade of grass…” and you just have you shit together? Comment below I guess. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Before you start calling child protection services, let me just clear something up. No, I am not the gingerbread man and no I am not in some weird family where instead of a naughty step I get the literal oven. What I’m referring to is the lack of basic features that I kinda feel were… Continue Reading →
I know what you are thinking, “what the fuck does your dog look like”. But it isn’t because of that. She is literally the cutest thing you will ever see, well… apart from at the moment because she just got a haircut that made her hella ugly, but it’s fine it’ll grow back. The thing… Continue Reading →
Now I’m not someone who gets political, not even when it comes to Brexit taking our magic stars, but this phenomenon has to be mentioned. It is absolutely mental how this one thing has united the countries within the UK more than anything else. I feel we have actually joined as a team to create… Continue Reading →
I’m not someone who is overly confident, or confident in any sense of the word to be honest, but I have found that there is something that people say when I first talk to them that instantly makes me want to get to know them and be best friends. I have also only really recognised this lately because a few people have done this now and I instantly respect and like that person. But yeah I suppose I’ll spill the answer for all of those unconfident people who like to socialise but hate small talk with a passion.
So what is it? Well, I can guarantee you that will make a lifelong friend if you ask them something like “what do you want to be/do when you are older” or just any deep fucking question. Like one time I was working and it was quite quiet so I was just folding napkins and then one of the girls who works there was just like “isn’t it weird how in life we just wait for everything to be finished” and I just didn’t really know what to say because I thought she was reading my mind or some shit. And it was so out of pocket! Like so far out of pocket that it isn’t even visible. I mean where is the pocket? I don’t know but I am fully out of that bitch! Don’t get me wrong, I loved the energy but like it threw me off my folding rhythm because I didn’t realise anybody else had thoughts like that.
And usually people find it a bit weird to talk about existential stuff like that when you don’t really know them that well but like fuck me, I knew instantly that this was going to be a good friendship. Bare in mind I did quit shortly after and have only texted her once but like it could have been something good I guess. I don’t see why those types of topics have to be so official to talk about because I know that those conversations you have late at night at a sleepover with your friends are the best ways to become closer with them. Like you realise that people actually all thing fucked up shit like this. Obviously I don’t think it would be the best to turn to a stranger and be like “hey, isn’t it funny how I literally always think of fucking ending it lol” because that’s a bit deep and will most likely scare them off. Unless they are a therapist, in which case you better get your planner out because you are gonna be booked in to see them for the next year at least. I guess you could count that as getting a friend
But I think something more just like “what do you even think is out there, like in space and shit” is a good one to go for because you could talk about that for ages and everyone thinks about that stuff so it would be easy and you would bond with the person. That is, of course, unless they are a dumb bitch and think that it’s all a scam and we are all just in some game. To be fair I would vibe with that. It isn’t even that dumb to be fair so sorry about that but you could even get into talking about conspiracy theories and shit. I think it would also give you a good scope of their personality and who they are as a person. You could probably find all the red flags within that one conversation. You could find they are a flat earther, racist, sexist, homophobic, one of those people who think the world is only like 7000 years old. It could save you a lot of time and effort by getting all that shit cleared up in your first conversation.
I suppose it is quite the risky one as well because if the first thing you say to them is like “what are your opinions on the Epstein island stuff?” they might be like who the fuck are you and how did you get in my house?! Sorry that was a bit of dark humour, I don’t condone breaking into people’s houses. But anyways, they might be like that is so weird I don’t want to talk to you, then that is there loss and now you know they aren’t your type of person. It probably means they aren’t really down to earth or kind which is a bit ironic seeing as you would think people interested in conspiracy theories are not down-to-earth but I find that people who like to talk about that type of stuff are open-minded and generally interesting people. They don’t just believe what is said on the news and aren’t close-minded cheeky shits.
Anyways, I suppose that is all that I wanted to mention and I hope that helps you out in some sort of way. Let me know if this worked for you and if you have a best friend because of a similar conversation. I mean small talk is the stupidest shit ever and like why not skip to the fun stuff? Don’t forget to like, comment and follow because I am planning to post more and I might just do some conspiracy theory posts because I actually do find them somewhat interesting to talk about. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the… Continue Reading →
Merry Christmas to everyone!… except those who say happy Christmas. You can go to hell. I don’t really know what it is that possesses people to say “happy” Christmas but I don’t want it. Like it makes me shrivel up and die inside. I can actually hear the elves and Santa cry from the north… Continue Reading →
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for the lols I am going to tell you my personal opinion.
I had been working at a restaurant for ages and like it was good and stuff but like also fucking horrible because I was paid fuck all, I was treated like shit but customers and other staff and I was literally working very illegal hours. Like I worked 11 and half an hour shifts one time. And at the end of that shift I was scared that this drunk couple were about to jump me or something. I did love the drama to be honest, but like that was only every once in a while. Tips were alright like but I also don’t think that is the main reason I quit because I mean I feel bad for expecting tips. But I mean even fucking 10p to show your appreciation would be great. But no, I hated the job after a few months of working there and my manager was doing my fucking head in so I just quit. Let me explain some things more for you though to show you why I quit and then I’ll sum up my feelings and regrets.
Where the fuck do I even start. Well, I guess I’ll say that the other waiters and waitresses where all lovely and it was my bad for not speaking to them much because I am quite as fuck, but like I do kinda miss that side of it. But there was this one chef who thought he was Gordon fucking Ramsey and would shout at everything you did. He would switch it up sometimes though and would actually be nice but then I would know that in the moment because I was scared that if I laughed or smiled he would dice me up and put me in a stew. So he definitely did my head in and made work a living hell. The thing is that he wasn’t even head chef and would shout at you for nothing. My manager would be like that too. Like they were bipolar as fuck I swear to god. At the start I thought that my manager was really nice and that I just wasn’t good at my job/she was trying to hold in her judgements. But then a few days before I quit, me and the other people working were talking about how fucking annoying she is. Like the best way to explain it is if a Karen did a sneaky twist and actually became the manager. No joke. She had that “school receptionist/nurse” walk and just would stare at me with her eyes wide opening if I even breathed in her direction.
There was one time when it was really busy and I was like what the fuck is even going on and I thought I had just got everything under control and she came over and was like “why didn’t you ring these on?” and then I realised I forgot to ring on some drinks so I was like oh sorry but she was obviously pissed which I guess is understandable but also simmer down. And then later on I forgot again because I was just busy and it went out of my head, and then in front of the fucking customers (who were actually very nice) she went right up in my face and was like “why did you do that again? You can’t do that. That’s really bad. Why are you doing that? This is so bad for the business!” And here I am nearly in tears while she acts like I just bombed the place and the customers are right there and I am just smiling and apologising awkwardly. But I wish I could have said something and walked out because that would have been a bomb moment.
And the thing is, and I realise it now, is that I don’t get paid to give a fuck. I really don’t care if a fucking drink isn’t put on the bill. Maybe tell me again in another £5 pay raise and then we can talk, but like I am the one doing you a favour. I could quite easily get some police down and they would have a field day finding evidence that it is a sketchy fucking employment system, but no, I am going to try my best and if it doesn’t work out then fuck off.
So I am in 6th year, which basically means my last 2 year before I go to uni, so it’s stressful and a lot of work, but then I would have to end up doing a work shift after all that as well. Obviously that isn’t there fault because it was my choice, but that was a me problem. The weekend hours and the lack of breaks was what did it for me. So I said before that I did a 11 and a half hour shift, and that wasn’t my first one. I had done 2 other 11 hour shifts before and there was a time where I worked 6 days in a row. I mean I got the money and stuff but here is the catch. Firstly, that is illegal to even offer my age group those types of hours, and secondly, if your shift was over 5 hours, you were only given a 20 minute break. And it doesn’t mean that you get another 20 minutes after 10 hours. No. No matter how long your shift is, as long as it is over 5 hours you only get 20 minutes. It was paid to be fair but like here I am on an 11 hour shift and only 20 minutes break. I would gladly take an unpaid break because I was exhausted at the end. That basically from open to close and having to cope with all the lunch and dinner waves of people. Have to admit I was near in tears all of those times. And this was all on a minimum wage job which is like £4.62 per hour, so I wouldn’t even come home with enough to make it worth it. I would come home with some change and fucking back problem.
Do I even need to elaborate on this one? NO. But I will anyways. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many really nice customers that literally make your day and it doesn’t even take much to be in that category. Just a thank you and smiling and not ignoring them. Also, if they’ve made a mistake they have probably had a rough day so just be kind and act like it isn’t a problem. Now that we have cleared that up, lets talk about the Karen’s that you meet.
To be fair, I don’t think I have met them all because I only worked for a few months, but like I have seen more than enough. I have had people be like “this coke is flat” 10 minutes after I gave it to them. Like obviously it’s gonna go flat if you leave it for ages. I have had people swear at me, make me feel uncomfortable *cough*men*cough* and people that are just done right fucking rude. And I can’t do shit about it. There was this one time where this guy was like “can I call you honey” and here is me, 16 years old, just wanting to get his order and finish my fucking shift and just like “ha…” like what the fuck do I say. He literally could have been my granda but like… the audacity of this hoe.
There are also some guys that just wink at you, but I think that a majority of the time it is just what they do because they are literally with their girlfriend. So here I am literally “is that everything” and the guy is just here 😉 winking away and I’m like, charming tbh, but also what the fuck. It is funny though to be honest, especially when they pronounce things weird (although tbh I don’t know how to pronounce some of them) and there are times where people are like “what should I get” but as a literal question and I’m here like “I really don’t fucking know or care. Like I literally have 5 other tables and I don’t give a fuck” and here I am “umm people really like the crispy chilli chicken” and they go for something completely different like “oh right, I’ll go for the fish pie then please” and I’m just there like what the fuck. So 10/10 don’t recommend you do that to anyone.
So I think I am going to wrap it up there but also I have to tell you whether or not I regret quitting and whether or not it was a mistake. I have 2 words for you, FUCK NO. Best decision of my life. I mean I was depressed before my job but during it, that was shit. Like I now have a bit of time to myself, I don’t have to stress our about everything or whether or not table 6 got their bloody bbq sauce. Maybe it just wasn’t for me, but waitressing is not my thing and I respect those who do that as a full time job because I could not be coping. But yeah, that’s me all done and I hope you found this amusing or eye-opening in some sort of way. So if you take anything from this post, let it be this. You are the one doing your boss the favour, not the other way around, so leave that hoe. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your… Continue Reading →
Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about… Continue Reading →
I know, I know, this sounds so bloody stupid but I swear that by the end of this post you will completely agree. Selfishness is comforting when you look at it in a particular way. And I’m almost certain that if you are someone who has hit rock bottom and ended up looking at motivational… Continue Reading →
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate to fight.
No this isn’t coming out of the blue guys, but something I did yesterday kinda got my blood boiling if you get me. Anyways, here I was at my friend’s house for moral support because I was about to call my work and be like “hey girl so for medical and educational reasons I’m not gonna be able to work more than 8 hours a week but obviously I can work more on holidays thanks”, and here my manager does the longest sigh ever, literally I could almost smell her stinking breathe it was that loud, and I was like shit what is about to happen. Then this bitch really stops the sigh and goes “that’s not really helpful for us”
😮 Did I ask?! No I think the fuck I didn’t so why the hell did you have to say that. Would you prefer I didn’t work any hours? Do you want me to quit because I’ll be more than happy to get out of this bitch. Like I actually don’t even like work. When I tell you I was shocked, I mean I was back-from-war-tazer-in-the-back shocked. I still am at the moment tbh.
But anyways, after that, I paused because I was in denial at that stage or something and then I was just like “Ummm well… It’s for medical reasons as well” because my doctor told me to say that so she legally couldn’t fire me for it (I also wouldn’t care if she did because then id use and never have to work again, I’m not too proud to miss that opportunity bitch) and here she was acting all nice again, miss cheeky bitch tryna get on my good side again. Like I actually have to go to work with her today and if she comes up to me and starts talking shit, I will happily throw hands. I mean I’m terrified of her too, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but she barely knows me and doesn’t know how hard I can hit. BTW this is a joke don’t be calling the police
Anyways yeah that happened and it really made me realise how much I HATE, despise, loath, work. Do I get paid minimum wages to only get a 20 min break during illegal hours?! I think the fuck not. Like I have enough money saved to get my ass out of that hoe and I only stay cause I want my parents to be proud of me lol. But you have to admit what she said was petty uncalled for. Like it was not necessary. I actually despise the working world and it sucks the little bit of life and dignity inside of me.
So what do you guys reckon I should do? Quit or just realise that this is life. Also if anyone is like a law person, is there any way I could use for doing illegal hours with only a 20 minute break. I mean that would be ideal lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Hey guys, today I just wanted to talk about something very random and for no particular reason because why not. I was just on a walk one day and I was kinda just thinking about how fucking mental life is as a woman. I’m pretty sure I was actually getting a bit scared because I… Continue Reading →
You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like… Continue Reading →
This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do… Continue Reading →
To any foetus child out there who is like what the fuck are genes, basically they are the characteristics that we get from our parents and they make up who we are and what we look like. For example, I inherited my dad’s white ass Irish skin which burns like a bitch whenever a bloody tea light goes within 1 mile of it. So it’s not ideal. I also inherited his lack of eyebrows which shocked me, but you couldn’t tell because you couldn’t see my eyebrows expressions. I slightly blame my twin for that because, although it is probably scientifically impossible, I believe she robbed them from me in the womb. Unfortunately that doesn’t stand well in court so I never got back what is rightfully mine smh
I do have blonde hair which really is the only thing going for me but it is going darker and I resent that but it is what it is. Oh and I forgot to mention, I swear my twin stole my teeth because I have two missing and she’s a bit sus if you ask me. She isn’t little miss perfect after all. When she dies I swear I’ll find a long note releasing the truth. I don’t know why she would do it but like it meant that for 13 years of my life I looked like your crazy young cousin whose only personality trate is losing their teeth. And now I have fake teeth that I sometimes think will fall out. IM FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD YET I’LL LITERALLY HAVE FAKE TEETH DRILLED IN MY MOUTH AT 18. I remember one time when I had to put my fake teeth in my retainers and one day I forgot them for some dumb fucking reason and I was like dad we need to turn back and he was like no. The trauma this man caused right then was astronomical but he didn’t give a shit. I kid you not, I had to spend that whole day trying not to smile with my teeth or talk to anyone but then in one of my classes I forgot and smiled at someone and they looked at me like what the fuck and then was like “where have your teeth gone”. Keep in mind I was 13-14 so all my teeth should have fallen out and grown back so it was weird. I also regret this moment because I could have pranked them so easily by acting scared and going “oh my god where the hell did they go” but no I had to really say “I forgot them at home”. I FORGOT THEM AT HOME! What the actual fuck. No teen should have to say that they left their teeth at home. I am still recovering from that chat.
But back to what I wanted to talk about today. My pale ass skin. I kid you not, I only have two different options. White as fuck or red as fuck. Yesterday I thought I would switch it up a bit so I got burnt to a crisp. I regret it. Why do I never learn. I literally thought I could wish my way into going tan but instead I look like a fucking stop sign. It was dumb how it happened though because I must have forgotten to put suncream on like half of my legs and I didn’t realize. Like I knew my attention span was shit but I thought I could at least pay attention to this. So I had work after and I was basically cooking the meals on my legs cause they were burning so much and then when I took them off later I thought I was turning into Elmo because those bitches were RED. I basically bathed them in aloe Vera and cried because I am now currently on the way to a beach where the general public are and they can see my bright ass legs. Everyone also seems to have to point them out. Like just when I stop thinking about it someone needs to pop out from the sky and go “OH MY GOD” literally like Janice from friends “YOU ARE GLOWING” and I look at them like no shit Sherlock. I didn’t realize that my legs could double as a flare to attract planes and a heater to toast our sandwiches. Leave me and my burns alone. And of course my twin fans. That cheeky bitch. How did I get the pale skin, invisible eyebrows, missing teeth AND the mental illness 😮
Anyways that is the post and I’m glad to get that off my chest. Please feel free to comment some things you inherited from your parents or whether you relate to some of the things I have. Have fun in the sun and don’t forget suncream bitches. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
It’s a bit ironic to have a literal kid (who has no kids) talking about parenting, but like I was just on a walk and it was kind of an existential kind of day and I was just thinking about how fucked up that shit is and how scary that must bloody be. Like it… Continue Reading →
This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet… Continue Reading →
I think we all gotta learn from Arial’s mistakes. No, not ‘don’t brush your hair with a fork’ but something else a lot deeper (pun not intended) that all the ladies out there gotta hear about. Btw this is in no way me tryna be a Karen and ‘cancel’ Disney, it’s just a good example… Continue Reading →
You see, I have been to Florida, California, Turkey, Spain and some other places and they have all been really warm. Like obviously they were roasting places, but not one of them (well, maybe Florida) roasted or toasted me like the UK does. It’s as if the sun piled up all it’s heat that is supposed to hit the UK during the year and then fucking dumps it on us for a couple of days each year. One day I’ll be in my winter quilt absolutely freezing my tits off and the other I will be sleeping in my own sweat, basically being air fried. Write now, no joke, I am sweating my ass off. Like my ass is down the street and probably in Turkey right now because I’m sweating so much. It really ain’t fun. And the fact is, we aren’t prepared for this type of weather. It only happens once every three hundred billion cups of tea. So we have no air conditioners or shit like that. No, we just fester and complain about it.
It kinda goes like this. For 360 days of the year, we complain about how cold it is and how it always rains and is fucking miserable, but then for the other 5 days of the year, when it is absolutely boiling, we complain about it being too hot. But you better fucking believe with will complain while having a great time. The day drinking will be at an all time high, which I didn’t think could get any higher in the UK, the beaches will be packed, the pasty legs will come out and we will burn and tan until our skin falls off. We will complain, but we also won’t waste it. To be fair though, at the moment I am inside on my computer, but my windows are open so that’s something. It is pretty quiet outside though but I’m guessing everyone is at the beach or doing some crazy shit because when it is sunny in the UK, nothing matters anymore. I am just happy we don’t have school at the moment because usually the sun is released as soon as our exam papers are set on our desk. That isn’t even exaggerating, like it really is like that and everyone else can back me up. Maybe the world is a bit guilty for the whole pandemic thing and is giving us some sort of … what’s the word? Hap.. Happne… oh, happiness. I almost forgot the word there lol.
The thing with me when it comes to sunny weather is that my twin sister robbed me off the ability to tan, and my eyebrows, so I literally won’t tan. I do get a few freckles tbh but like I will burn like a bitch if I get one singular ray of sun touching my skin and I instantly start pealing. What I do have though is blonde hair, so I will sacrifice everything else just to get my hair in the sun so it can go lighter. During the rest of the year, I near cry cause I think I’m going brunette (no offense I just like my blonde hair) and then in summer, like a fucking mood ring or some shit, my hair goes blonde again and we do the whole “should I put lemon in my hair to speed up the process”, which I never actual do because I don’t want to be so sticky and stuff like that. The thing is though, if you are around me on a sunny day, be prepared to have me mention how I want my hair to get lighter because of the sun as though it is some sort of medical mystery and I’m one of a kind. Literally it will go like this
THEM – “my nan just died” ME – “well I’m gonna die if the sun doesn’t fucking lighten up my hair
THEM – “what even is life? Like how the fuck did we come to exist” ME – “Exactly! Like how come my hair can change colour and soon it will become luxuriously blonde. It’s just crazy”
THEM – “me and your dad are getting a divorce” ME – “It’s because my hair is browner now, isn’t it, but I swear when I go in the sun it will go blonde again, just wait a few days”
It’s a crazy life bro. But I’m gonna wrap it up here because, if you haven’t caught on, it is boiling outside and I haven’t got much time left to complain about it, burn and get my hair lighter again. Feel free to comment below if you found this relatable or if there are any other things people need to know about summer in the UK. It is crazy tbh. Don’t forget to like, follow and comment for more and I will see you again tomorrow for more. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
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If you are like me, an overthinker, you will most likely understand this question immediately. And no, the answer is a little more complicated than 22. I swear if I get a comment like that I will literally erase my existence. Anyways, for those who don’t really get what I mean, let me tell you…. Continue Reading →
What do I mean when I say “Emotion comes in shades”? No, I don’t associate colours with certain feelings, what I mean is that emotions aren’t so black and white. There are layers, different forms of emotions. It’s more deep than just sad, happy or confused. And I think that is what people find difficult… Continue Reading →
Being frustrated is a vicious cycle because frustration pretty much feeds off frustration. Like when you wake up and you are annoyed by the way the bed covers feel, you get frustrated cause you just like “fuck” and you know it’s gonna be a bad day. And there literally isn’t any way to control it… Continue Reading →
So, with making this blog I wanted to make sure I was completely honest with you guys. I know that makes it sound really scary as though I’m gonna be like “I am Michael Jackson, I in fact did not die” but it isn’t that deep. It’s just a thing that most of us go through but nobody talks about which makes it seem like more of a weird thing. You’ll understand more when I get into this post but lets get started with a quick story time of what I did yesterday that kinda gave me this and you will probably be able to guess where I am going with this.
So yesterday, I started my first day of work EVER. Like literally my first day of work, and it was in a restaurant, so it was safe to say I was shitting myself. But anyways, I went in absolutely shaking, so much so that they probably thought I was of those air bag people at car sales places that just flap around in the wind, but like during a hurricane. That was kind of a weird description but you get it, right. Anyways, I was nervous and sweaty and in a complete mess. But I tried to keep my composed. Luckily it was just a 3 hour shift. The people there were nice but like you know when you feel like people are being nice because they have to and in reality they don’t want you there. That was my thoughts. And I swear all my hearing went out the door because people would talk to me and, maybe it’s just the masks, but I couldn’t hear shit so would have to ask them to repeat and I would still not understand. I shadowed someone most of the time but when she went on break I felt so out of place and I barely talked to anyone else because I was the youngest and also scared I would do something awkward like be myself 😮
If I made one mistake I would literally die inside and be like “I canny work a till what the fuck”. I also seem really dumb because I just don’t notice the obvious. Like the one time I spoke to another person was when I was like “is this the large and then the other one is the pint” because the actual large was actual at the back of the shelf and I didn’t really see it. And he was like “that is the regular, the large is this one” and he showed me so I went to try and find it and realised the glasses where fucking labelled so I looked like an idiot because I didn’t see them there. I looked like a dumb blonde in that moment. Also, whenever the forks ran out I was like where are the other forks and she pointed to a bucket of clean forks that was literally right beside me. I really don’t know how I wasn’t fired on the spot for incompetence. Also, I was so shaky that when I had to write down the orders, you could hardly read it and my handwriting is bad on a normal day but this was looking like fucking Latin or some shit because it made no sense at all
But let’s get onto the main point of this post. From the moment my shift started to 2 pm the next day, I have been feeling so weird. Like I felt sick to my stomache and all the things I did wrong stuck in my head and I was so embarrassed and terrified for my next shift. I was literally still shaking and tense hours after it finished. It took me ages to get to bed that night because no matter what, I would always go back to thinking about how I was rubbish. And you know, I think a lot of people go through that especially at their first job, but in the moment you feel as though you are never gonna be able to work again. I have 3 shifts next week and I am actually so scared and I feel kind of like an impostor or some shit, but I am still gonna go and hopefully it only gets better from here. I mean I’m pretty sure this is as bad as it can get, but knowing me, I can go a lot lower than this, it’s a specialty of mine. lol jokes, but like I hope this is helpful to someone going through something similar or just scary in general and I hope that you have a way to express those feelings. If you don’t, please leave a comment or contact me directly and we can talk about whatever it is and if you are interested you could upload a post on this blog so that others can share their thoughts. It can be anonymous as well obviously.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post and found it somewhat useful because I know a lot of people can feel this amount of stress and anxiety after some situations, and know that’s ok as long as you share that with someone. But I will see you later for another post, don’t forget to like, share, comment and follow if you enjoyed this content. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
In this post, I was originally going to talk about how the hour change is such a weird thing but then when I was thinking about what to talk about I just got into a spiral of how us humans basically run and control the world. Not as in like there is a control panel… Continue Reading →
What is the butterfly effect? It is the theory that even a tiny event, like a butterfly flapping its wings, can have a large impact in the future, like a hurricane. A lot of people also call it “the domino effect” because, as you know, when you hit one domino down, it hits them all… Continue Reading →
I know this isn’t something you like to hear but it is true, your parents were 99.9% right. Not about everything, definitely not, but they were about this one thing that they told you when you were literally a foetus sized human being. And what is that? Well, do you remember when they would say… Continue Reading →
You guys need to settle something for me today because just this morning I was confronted by a crazy, telly-tubby lookin’ ass bitch on my walk and she really angered me, I will tell the story in a sec, but when I told my mum she seemed unfazed. So today, with your opinion, I will discover if I have anger issues or my mum is also a Karen 😮 This is a big one guys. Maybe you just had to be there but I really did feel like kung-fu panda-ing the shit out of her. Also, disclaimer, no Karen’s were hurt in the following story (unfortunately)
So here I was, minding my own business as one does on their usual morning walk with their tiny cute dog following behind. I kept walking and checking up on el perro and saw there was a woman walking up behind me with one dog that was on a leash and another German Shepard that wasn’t on a leash. I didn’t think anything of it because my dog is good and doesn’t like attack or any of that shit, but she is dramatic as fuck. Anyways, I let the woman go ahead because my dog was being slow and sniffing the dog that was OFF THE LEASH and may I add, the dog was 10 times the size of mine. Anyways, she went one way and I went to go another way and my dog was following the dog that was off the leash. The lady just laughed and did the generic “hahaha guess she is coming with me” (no this is not a kidnapping story) and so of course I did the whole “lol you are such a comedian” bullshit.
But then my dog unleashed the dramatic bitch inside her and started doing a whole high pitched yelp at the dog that was OFF THE LEASH and maybe put her paws on the German Shepard’s face but like not with force. And then the owner got like crazy eyes and I was like “sorry about that, she is really dramatic” because she does that sometimes even though nobody got hurt or anything and it is all laughs, but then when I went to grab my dog she was like “get your dog right now!” But like in a really strict, scary way and I didn’t realise at first because she seemed nice but then I realised when was walking away and I’m just like what an actual cheeky fuck. Like no dogs were hurt, I made a joke saying she is just dramatic, the dog on the leash that I am assuming is angry, was nowhere near them and her dog was bigger than mine so was not going to get attacked by mine. And she just turned so rude and was giving me a dirty look. I was near ready to fight but I only processed it after we walked away from each other.
So now I want you guys to comment and tell me if I misinterpreted it, but she sounded pretty fucking rude to me and nothing even happened. My dog just yelped and that was it and she is literally a miniature Schnauzer. I swear though… “get your dog right now!” Get your shit together right now you crazy lady. I wish I had realised and gave her a dirty look or just been like “right calm down it was just a yelp” or something like “sorry can you say that again, I forgot to act like I cared”. Can you tell I’ve been thinking about this a lot? Usually I don’t overreact. Like I seem like a very calm person but I also can take things the wrong way. She didn’t sound worried though so wasn’t scared her dog would do something but she sounded cheeky which meant I thought she was rude, obviously, and maybe she was having a bad day but it was literally bloody 10 am so like what could have happened in that time… like seriously. It’s just things like that though that really annoy me because I know that if I was to like say something or like defend myself, she would be fuming because I’m a teen and then I would be backing up the idea that teens are entitled fuckers who are always angry. Like people think that all the time even though we are just sticking up for ourselves. Don’t me wrong, some of us are like that but a majority of us are respectful but also know what we deserve.
Anyways, that was quite the random post I have to admit but please do comment on your thoughts because I want to know if I am overthinking this. But I will see you again tomorrow for more and hopefully I won’t see that woman again because I might have a few words to say to her. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m not someone who is overly confident, or confident in any sense of the word to be honest, but I have found that there is something that people say when I first talk to them that instantly makes me want to get to know them and be best friends. I have also only really recognised… Continue Reading →
I know that title makes me sound like I’m fucking ancient or some shit but like I am only 16. To be fair though this is me nearly becoming an adult and like is one of the biggest changes in life so I suppose I can talk about growing up. The difference between me now… Continue Reading →
I’m in lower 6th and yes I have only been so for about 3 months but the thing is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to that hell-hole. The only reason I did go was because I didn’t know what else to fucking do and I have FOMO so I… Continue Reading →
Let’s play a quick game of never have I ever. Never. Have I ever needed to hear that. Never have I ever wanted to hear that. Never have I ever felt good after hearing that. Never have I ever gone to someone’s house and they didn’t say this. Never have I ever been more offended. But literally why do people think that it would be a good thing to say to a teenage girl that they look just like an old, balding, wrinkly, angry, sore backed man. Like seriously what the fuck made you say that. There was actually one time I went to my sisters boyfriends house for some reason and I had never seen his parents before but I kid you not, the first thing they said to me was “you look just like your dad”… what dumb fuckery is that because I didn’t even know he had seen them. Like what the hell. Needless to say, I never saw them again. Highly unappreciated to be honest with you.
The saddest thing is though is that I can see it. Like they aren’t wrong. Did they need to point that out though? No. But they aren’t wrong. One time at New Years there was this thing where you had to guess who was who from their childhood photos. Don’t ask why. But we just did. And I was looking around when my sister called me over and was like “look at this” and so I did. She covered the hair of my dads picture and was like “look”. This bitch really called me out because it literally looked exactly like me. Great start to the new year am I right. Like why the actual fuck did I have to inherit his non-existent eyebrows and his literal 5 head. Not appreciated father.
But yeah, I never get compared to as my Mum but like I guess looking like my dad, while embarrassing, let’s me know I am not adopted because as a child I would be like “Oh mY GoD iM aDoPteD” just because I the only one in my whole family that has blonde hair. What do you guys get compared to. Is there anything other than your parents you get compared to or maybe even a celebrity! The only celebrity I’ve been compared to is the bloody monster from the goonies. He is such a babe though I guess.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post and make sure to like and comment below if you have anything else to add. I’ll see you tomorrow for more hopefully and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
It stands for neuro-linguistic programming and it’s like someone had taken the best out of all forms of psychotherapy, threw them in a blender and created NLP.
If you don’t get what I’m saying, NLP is two things.
First, it is a way of thinking. It’s a framework for how to approach your life to be more effective. It’s like a philosophy of life based on understanding how your brain functions.
Second, it is a psycho-therapy tool. It’s used to treat phobias and to change beliefs in patients. Some consider it as effective as CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) and most say it’s a lot faster than the Freudian school of thought.
Because at the core of NLP lies hypno-therapy. To be more specific, the “behavioral changing” part of NLP is built on the teachings of Milton Erickson, one if not the most famous hypnotherapists of all times. And you know what hypno-therapy does?
It’s an access, a hack, to your subconscious mind
Let me give you this analogy. Imagine your mind being like a computer. Your conscious mind is accessing programs, turning it on and off and so on. Normal user access. Your subconscious mind is like going into the settings, installing applications, deleting them, adding new users and so on.
It’s the “engine” or the “back room” that controls everything.
Well, NLP is like a hacker that can break the password of your subconscious mind and change there. It allows you to change beliefs and to change who you are, as a person, to your core. It goes to those deep thoughts and ideas you don’t even know you have and makes you act differently by tweaking your basic concepts of self.
It hijacks your subconscious mind, and it does it very well.
And with the use of NLP you can eliminate phobias, you can change basic preferences (as not liking chocolate anymore) or you can even cure wounds from the past, as those from childhood. It’s effective. It works well, and it’s endorsed by some of the best-known authors in the world. Tony Robbins built his career and success on NLP and if you run a survey amongst successful people, you’ll see that many of them are NLP practitioners or masters.
If NLP is like a hacker that tweaks your subconscious mind so you can become the person you want to be, if NLP is like a design tool that allows you to redesign who you are, then brainwave entrainment is a tool that makes it faster and easier.
If NLP is the thief that breaks the lock-pick, then the use of brainwave entrainment with it is like having the best lock-pick in the world, making the process effortlessly.
And what does this mean for you?
Use them both. Use the amazing power of NLP to change beliefs and self-identity concepts and use the power of brainwave entrainment to help your subconscious mind be receptive and open. Open the door with brainwave syncing and change the furniture with NLP.
A simple way to understand this is music.
Think about it and how easy it has the power to change you. You listen to a song and you’re not even paying attention to the lyrics. And yet, if it’s a sad song, you become sad. If it’s a lively song, it boosts your energy. If you listen it many times, you end up thinking like in the song.
Music is a great example of a tool that accesses your subconscious mind without even realizing. You turn on YouTube and through repetition and emotion, you end up being one with the music.
Have you tried reading a book you had no interest in reading? Maybe for college or work?
You read the words; they are verbalized in your mind but you end up forgetting everything. They “enter one year and exit another”. This is because your subconscious mind is as closed as it gets and learning can not happen in your conscious dimension.
Brainwave entrainment is amazing for helping your mind operate at that higher frequency. They’re like Vitamin C for your life, making everything better. And if you use brainwave entrainment, this is enough to attract, to manifest good things in your life because you’ll be operating at a higher level.
True, lasting change comes not by attracting things in our lives but by changing who we are so those things become a natural order. It’s when we change our beliefs and ideas so we transform into people for whom success and happiness are two natural things.
And this is where NLP works so well. It works for everything from curing phobias of spiders to getting past PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) to program you to be more confident in front of a crowd or to be more assertive with your coworkers.
This is because while short-term wins are great – if you want a successful life, you must become the person who is naturally successful. And the only difference between you and a successful person is that the other one developed the beliefs and identity of such a person. If you develop them too, there’s nothing stopping you from doing just.
Each audio contains hidden embedded commands that reprogram your subconscious mind. Like a good hacker, brainwave syncing is opening the path to your subconscious mind while NLP commands are transforming who you are into the best version you could ever be.
These are called “NLP patterns” and they’re designed to be as easy to receive by the subconscious mind as possible. I do this through a combination of pacing, intonation and wording so your mind can accept them as commands, as truth, without getting defensive. It’s like music, just so much more powerful.
Basically, an NLP pattern is what a hypno-therapist would tell you to put you into a trance. It is highly suggestive language that bypasses your rational filters to reach where it matters most, your subconscious mind.
NLP plus brainwave entrainment is like having a hacker change your mind. NLP alone can access your subconscious thoughts but when paired with brainwave entrainment, the results are mind blowing. You can see a real change in days when all other methods you’ve tried for a long time like therapy failed.
This is why it works. It works because instead of just using brainwave entrainment to help you operate at a higher frequency, at a higher vibration, it also changes who you are at your core. The result is a total personal transformation into the person you’ve always wanted to be but never known how.
Click on the link below to discover more about how “Manifestation Magic” can help you.
If anybody doesn’t know what cancel culture is, let me explain it to you. Technically, it is just this thing were people ‘cancel’ (or make them unfamous) people because of something bad they said in their lifetime. And you might be saying “well I mean that doesn’t sound too bad” but let me tell you a bit more. The types of things they use as evidence to cancel said person would literally be from when they were literally kids. So if, somehow, a video got out of them pronouncing the word “gay” wrong when they were first learning to talk, they would take that and be like “cancel this hoe, she doesn’t respect the LGBTQIA+ community” and then their whole career goes down the drain. Basically the people who support cancel culture are the so called “snow flake” generation. And that I agree with. The only cancelling I will agree with is cancelling cancel culture.
What is so aggravating about it is that the person could have completely changed from what they had been like 10 years ago and they would still be cancelled. I could be cancelled for this post because of the fact I think cancelling people for what they said years back is bad, but like people change bitch. Unless they said it the other day and don’t actually regret it, get over it because we all make mistakes. The things I have seen people have to apologize for are actually ridiculous. There was this one hilarious video I had watched, I forget what it was about, but it was so funny. It was by Spencerwuah I think, and it was the tiniest thing about literally nothing and people in the comments were like “oh my god I can’t believe you just said that” “address it” “oh my god some people are just so awful” and there are points where you actually think it’s a joke but it isn’t and your like who the fuck hurt you to be so sensitive.
People’s whole career’s get ruined for it too. Like when we are kids our parent’s tell us things and we believe them because we don’t know what else to think, like we haven’t made our own opinions yet. And then later on in life people learn that maybe their opinion isn’t right and so they change who they used to be, but people don’t like to see that. No matter how much they apologize, their career that they once loved has just disappeared. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some things that aren’t ok such as recent discoveries about James Charles and Shane Dawson being actual pedophiles, but like that is a literal crime and absolutely disgusting and it is recent with actual evidence that they did it. But like for other times, people really do just twist words. And they also just don’t give them a chance to defend themselves or correct themselves. Kind of like if one time they misgender someone and then they are like “Oh sorry, what are your pronouns?”, all the cancel culture bitches will be like “don’t try to make yourself look like the victim you are so close minded” when in reality they just made a mistake.
So just to finish I suppose, cancel culture needs to be cancelled because people change and some of the evidence you use to prove your point is ridiculous. But don’t get me wrong, if there are pedophilia charges or rape charges, those people don’t deserve to have freedom, but if it is something from 10 million years ago, they have probably changed so get your dramatic, pasty Karen ass out of here because we don’t wanna hear it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself (unless you are a pedophile or rapist) PERIODT
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for… Continue Reading →
You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk… Continue Reading →
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate… Continue Reading →
Hi guys, so as some of you will already know, I have my first ever interview tomorrow. And I am shitting it to say the least. It has caused me to have many a breakdown and freaking out about what I should say about the generic questions and whether or not I would end up completely fucking it up because I accidentally tell the truth. I mean you do kinda have to make white lies in an interview or to slightly bend the truth, but to get all the thoughts about saying something wrong our of my head, I am gonna spill them here and if the interview guy is reading this, it is all a joke
Tell me about yourself
I’m a chronically awkward bitch who likes to people please and in the event of a customer or staff members slight change in tone, I will have a breakdown. But that doesn’t mean I won’t throw hands if a Karen act’s up. I can remember stuff kind of well but if there is a silence for even 1 millisecond, my face will light up bright red. I can get overwhelmed but that isn’t knew to me. I have a twin and an older sister, one of which I am pretty sure has anger issues and the other is alright I guess but I am always the peace maker between them and that means I have to sit in the middle of the car. I would count that as one of my trauma’s. I can either be very energetic, or I won’t be able to move a muscle. If you hire me, I may or may not be the most awkward person you will meet until you get to know me. Then you will realise I am a ‘unique’ person.
Why do you want this job?
I don’t. To tell you the truth like. I mean I will get paid though won’t I? That is literally the only reason I am here right now but even if I get hired, I might just leave because I think everyone hates me. I guess I also want tips, as in cash, not like training or anything like that. Although if you have any tips on how to enjoy life, that would be great. I also kinda need this job because it is the socially acceptable age to get a job like this and if I don’t get one I will be broke and also judged, so not too different from now, but like I want to keep it at the same level
What is your biggest weakness?
ahhaha, I think the easier question would be “what isn’t your biggest weakness” because we could be here for days. But let’s see… hmm… oooh this ones my favorite. You see, I do this thing where I feel as though I don’t belong here and that everyone hates me and wishes I wasn’t there. Also, I sometimes speak really fast or slur my words and I also can’t write that fast or that well, so the cooks might have a bit of a problem with that. I also don’t take criticism well so if I do something wrong, I may or may not cry or never speak ever again. I also have a tendency to not make friends because I think they all hate me, think I am weird, don’t want me there and I also am very much awful at small talk. Do you want anymore?
Why should we pick you?
I have no clue bitch, but if you need a reason not to pick me, ask my ex because he seemed to have a lot of reasons to treat me like shit. Also, if you do pick me, I will think that you did that by accident and that the other people who didn’t get it now hate me. Also I will panic a lot and although I will work very hard, I will be shaking so much that I don’t think I could carry out any plates or drinks. I also can’t do math all that well if I don’t have a calculator. And if you don’t hire me, I don’t think I can ever go back here again because I will be highly embarrassed so you would loose a customer as well
Tell me about a time you have been in astressful situation?
Oh, so my life story? Ok, well it all started the day I was born… 5 hours later… and here I am pissing myself because I realised that I just told you every single memory I have and you guys have actually left I just realised so now I am talking to a wall. Oh, and the lights just turned off so I guess I am the last one here. Why am I still talking to myself?
Do you have any questions you would like to ask us?
Yes actually. What am I applying for again?
Anyways, thank you guys for reading this post, I hope you enjoyed it. It was kind of a piss take but like that is honestly what I would say. Wish me luck for my interview and hopefully I don’t say anything like I just did above. Tell me about what your first interview was like. Did you make any mistakes, or panic or any more bad experiences? Write them in the comment section below. I can’t wait to read them. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
Make a one-time donation so I can escape my work life that hasn’t even started yet
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I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me… Continue Reading →
Now, I can’t really talk for the guys on this topic because, being a girl, I have never been to a guys sleepover and no matter how old I am, my mother will never ever let me go to one. So if this is different for guys, if you even play sleepover games, do please… Continue Reading →
First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue?… Continue Reading →
This is not a drill guys! I was called yesterday by a manager of a restaurant I applied for and he booked me in for an interview on Monday. Bitch when I tell you I am shitting myself, I am quite literally shitting it. I mean did I apply for it? Yes. But it is all too real now. They are all gonna judge me and be like what is this bitch doing. And if I even get the job, I won’t be able to make friends with the other staff cause I can’t even socialize! Like I am going to be so out of place and I literally won’t be able to get everyone’s food on time or hold all the plates or talk or write down quickly. I hope they got tablets for us because I don’t think anyone could understand my writing. I have a literal doctor’s handwriting after a 24 hour shift and 200 pages signed. Like it really is that bad.
I don’t know why I am freaking out already though because I haven’t even got the job and it isn’t until Monday that I have the interview, but this is my first ever one. I don’t know what to wear and like what if I dress up too much or too little. What if I can’t hear what they are saying and I have to do that awkward shit where you ask them to say that again for the 5th time. Or what if they ask me a stupid fucking question that I didn’t prepare for and it is just me staring at them awkwardly like “oh shit”. I don’t think I am cut out to be a waitress in all honesty. I had always been excited to start a job and earn some money, but now that there is a chance that could happen, I don’t want it anymore. I am happy to just live on the streets. I’ll sneak onto a cruise and go across the world. Or maybe I will make friends with some rich old man who will let me live on his boat and when he dies I can just sail away and never have to work. To be fair though, I am looking forward to tips though, and also if there are Karen’s I can actually say something, to an extent I guess. Because when you hear them in a restaurant you literally want to shout over to them and say “watch your mouth bitch. It isn’t their fault that they don’t serve your great grandma’s famous cheese sauce”. I won’t be able to say that but like I can say something a bit passive aggressive and slabber about it later.
What I also can’t stand the thought of is being the new girl. Like what if they call me newbie for the rest of my life or if I make a mistake they will call me something like… I don’t know a nickname for that but you get what I mean. I am not ready for that. They will all have their friends already too so I will just be that awkward girl who is sweating profusely and being really quiet. I don’t want that. They could all be chavs too or like really annoying and it would be so awkward if it was just me and one other person just staring like “hey” with that awkward white person smile. I think that if I wasn’t hired, I could never go back to that restaurant ever again because that would be embarrassing as fuck, like imagine me going in and then everyone is like “look at that actual idiot that couldn’t even get into a crusty restaurant. It is a nice restaurant though but just for the purpose of this post let’s say it is crusty. It is also gonna be so awkward because when I go in I will have to be like “hey, I am here to like take your job” and then they will have to lead me to the room.
Also when I was on the call, the man sounded nice and all but he cut out for a minute and then I did understand him but like I was panicking about what he could have said and then he said what time to come down and now that I look back at it I am scared in case I got it wrong. Like what if I go in and say “hey I am here for an interview” and they are like “bitch that isn’t for another week” or “you stupid bitch, that was 2 days ago”. Like I can’t handle the embarrassment. And what if I go “hey I am here for an interview” and then they look at me like “ok? the fuck you want me to do?”. I would walk right out to be honest. After the manager had called I literally sent a fucking documentary of a rant to my friends, pretty much like this, and because I am the first one to do this, they did fuck all and I was here like wow, so much help guys thanks. And some were like “oh my I’d be shitting myself”. Yeah no shit. I also told them to apply for it and I don’t know if they have yet, but like that would be so much better. It would be bloody awkward though if they got it and I didn’t and now they are the ones alone and I am just standing awkwardly like “so… was it that scary”. I also don’t cope well under that much stress and people concentrating on me and it always shows as well. Like my face goes so red that it looks like it is about to explode and I sweat like a bitch. I slur my words and literally get sweaty ass hands, so if they go to shake it, they gonna be getting one unpleasant surprise.
So, if you haven’t noticed yet, I am terrified. If any of you guys have any tips with interviews or being a waitress, that would be really helpful to hear in the comments. And maybe if you have any of your own stories or how you felt getting your first interview that would be great. Hopefully on Monday I tell you a success story, and not an embarrassing one because I may have to just leave this planet forever. Everyone always says to “just be yourself” but I don’t like myself so why would anyone else?! I have the worst sense of humor so if I attempt a joke and they just stare at me, I am running out, or at least trying to with wobbly legs. Anyways, please send in any tips or stories, whether that is embarrassing, fun or just normal. I hope you guys have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
The answer is no, but it is also a bit more complicated than that. Do I like the first day of school where everything is new, you get the new time tables, new classes, new teachers? Yes, you could say that. But in general, I really could not be arsed to go back. Lately when… Continue Reading →
Because I am SUCH an expert in this field, I am going to talk about all aspects. That directly translates to, I think about this shit a lot and think it would be weird to have “eyebrows, eyelashes, eyes and under eyes” in the title. So I guess we’ll get into it, but first I’m… Continue Reading →
Now, if your looking for some sort of “12% of children going into their first year of secondary school with anxiety brought on my the change of school” then you are out of luck bitch bitch there is one thing and one thing only that I will talk about in this post. And what is… Continue Reading →
We need to stop misusing our privilege, but we need to start using it effectively
I saw a tiktok yesterday. It was a black girl who was talking about the time she was at a peaceful protest for BLM. She said that all the white people there would be throwing rocks and water bottles at the police, but the thing is, they were all at the back. And thanks to racist police, they would attack those at the front, the people of colour. She talked about how she had to shout for the white people to get to the front because they were the ones angering the police, but it wasn’t them who were getting tackled down and arrested. And it really made me open my eyes. I mean, it was great that they had people of all races at the protest but what they do is what makes it all go to shit. So instead of just hiding behind the people who will get much worse consequences for something they didn’t actually do, we need to up at the front, using our white privilege as a shield. This is really important.
Also, can I ask you guys something. I have heard kind of mixed answers from this before, however all of them have actually come from white people. Is it offensive to say black woman, or black man etc. because I know that saying white people is fine, but then again our situations are so much different. So could someone please tell me if it is ok to say that or if there is something else I should say instead. That would be greatly appreciated guys!
We need to stop ignoring others, but we need to start accepting and growing
This also came from a tiktok video. It was this guy who had a stutter. I actually talked about this yesterday, but he was saying how it is offensive for people to say “did I stutter?” because it makes it seem that stutters make you less smart or valid than others. And I am going to admit, when I first watched it, I was thinking “but that isn’t what I mean, maybe he just misunderstand it. I am not ablest”. Then I caught myself. I realised that by saying that, I was being so ignorant. If someone with a certain disability or difference says that something is offensive or insulting, they are right. Every. Single. Time. Me, a person with no speech impediment has no fucking right say that someones opinion is invalid because I have no fucking clue what they go through or how they feel. We need to stop defending ourselves and saying “but I’m not ablest” or “I’m not racist so that’s not racist”, or anything like that. Just because we may see ourselves in a certain way, doesn’t mean we necessarily are. The people we talk to have just lived a lifestyle where they will get into trouble if they speak out against it. So if you really “aren’t racist” or “aren’t ablest”, then admit your were wrong, apologize, learn, and grow from this.
We need to stop saying, but we need to start doing
I find that I do this a lot. I always support BLM and equality and other stuff like that, but I say that. I don’t necessarily show it. And showing it is so much more important. Now I could sit here and write you a list of excuse, like the pandemic, or my mum can’t drive me to a protest, but that won’t get me, or anyone else, anywhere. A lot of privileged people, including me, make sure that everyone around them knows they are such an accepting person. They will have all over their Instagram BLM shout outs and pride flags, but you will never see them in the thick of it. It has become their personality trait. And I could imagine that when you guys, who need privileged people to help, hear this stuff, you just stare at them like “and?”. That does fuck all. So save your time creating hundreds of posts that everyone skips past, go out and do it. Stop saying and stop doing. I know this is something I need to work on too.
We need to stop assuming, but we need to start asking
In my school year, we aren’t really that diverse. Now, it isn’t a school that purposely does that, but I live in Northern Ireland which unfortunately isn’t really diverse over all. So that means that I don’t have any friends that are colored, or disabled, or other discriminated groups. The only groups I would ever be around are the LGBTQ+ community and people with mental health problems (if that even counts) or learning problems. This isn’t me trying to prove myself so lets move on. A lot of the things are here about what others go through are from online, from people who only have 60 seconds to explain, or people who are also just assuming and don’t actually know what others are going through. This is partly why I made that post yesterday asking you guys to leave a comment about what you go through and how you want us to help or what you want us to understand. Getting information from people who aren’t even affected by it can be so harmful because then we make the wrong assumption, put it into action, and mess everything up. As a socially awkward person, I am not good at talking to new people, especially if they aren’t in my school classes, but I have 200+ followers who, for some reason, like my content, and I want to ask you guys because I want to flush out all the fake information from my brain and fill it in with the truth.
I also want to ask something to you, if you go through discrimination in your life. Would it be ok for someone to go up to you and ask you questions about what you go through and how they can help. I mean, you probably wouldn’t be ok with a stranger, but even someone you are familiar with. Just so that my followers know and feel more confident asking others so hopefully this will allow us to become more informed about the situations in our home towns. And also, if you are comfortable, could you comment down below anything you want us to know. Whether that is stories, things you want us to know, or things you want us to do. Just so that people can read them and learn.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading this. Please feel free to tell me if there is something I left out or said that was offensive to you in any way. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Hi, if you don’t know me, I am a straight white teenage girl with no disabilities and just a mental health problem. What does that mean? That means that the only discrimination I have faced is being a woman. Now, there has been problems with sexism at the moment, but over all I have got it pretty easy. But I want to use that to help others too. And the only way I really know how to do that would be to use this platform to get people to listen.
That is where my next problem comes into play. How am I supposed to help when I know very little about what you guys go through and what YOU want me to do. Because I could write a whole essay about equality, but it would do fuck all because I don’t know what you guys really want us to do. So please, no matter what it is that you go through, whether it is a disability, race, sexuality, anything, can you please comment below something that you guys want us, the people who are can use your privilege to help, to do in order to help you guys or just be aware of certain things. You can leave a story about a time where you were discriminated against and say what you would have wanted someone to do to help, or just state anything. If you are comfortable of course.
I’m going to admit, I know very little about what others go through but I want that to change. I mean I am a sympathetic person but I also feel stuck on what to do and sometimes I can be a bit ignorant. On TikTok there was this guy with a stutter and was talking about how saying “did I stutter” was insulting. And I had said these before and didn’t think anything from it. So please educate me and everyone else on the internet because although we will never know what you go through and how you feel, I want to be able to do the most I can to make you feel safer or more included in the world.
So I am sorry if I sound like your basic bitch trying to get clout or something. This is not a trend, this is a real life problem and I would appreciate it so much if you guys could help spread awareness. But yeah, that is pretty much it. Just know that you are perfect just the way you are. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
So I am gonna leave some links for the products which I love to use so you don’t have to keep looking them up yourselves because I mean why tell you about it if I can’t help you out at the same time.
You know what, I am going to guess you guys already have this in your room, but, if you don’t, click here and you can get one now. Anyways, you may be like ‘how the hell are lights gonna make you relax’ and I would be like ‘bro… shut up’. To be honest, I don’t know why. I mean it isn’t the light, it is the colour of the light helps me. I mean it is like school. The building doesn’t make me hate life, the actual school part does. You know what I mean? But yeah, I usually like to turn off my main light and switch on the orange-yellow light which makes my room feel really nice and cosy. For me also, it just calms me because it makes you feel safe and at home. Then there are other colours, of course, like blue which help me to calm down. Actually, I am pretty sure that blue is supposed to make you feel more relaxed. Hmm? Maybe I will have to make everything in my life blue and all will be sorted. Well, at least I can do that with my lights. And you don’t have to be a sad bum like me to have these lights. I mean it just transform your room to whatever vibe you want it in. It is also great for at night when you are so comfy and you can’t be arsed to move, because BOOM, remote control. Yeah, your welcome.
These are an investment and a half. So I got one of these for Christmas and I was a bit skeptical. I was like, is this just a placebo affect or what? And for me I move a lot in my sleep so I was like is this gonna work for me. Let me tell you right now, I slept so well. And then I was talking to someone about it and they were like, therapists literally use these because they help to release certain chemicals or something like that and I was like damn. Truly is a life saver. Also, for a quick wee tip, you should buy a weight which is 1/10th of your body weight or something like that. It was weird though because I knew it was gonna be heavy obviously but like it blows your mind because you are looking at a comfy blanket, yet, it could take your head off it someone threw it at you. But yeah, click here anyways if you wanna get one and I definitely do recommend them for someone who gets really anxious, or if you just don’t sleep well, or if you just want one. I mean you do you.
I don’t want nobody on here to be embarrassed about doing this step. If you grew up being told that you should toughen up, I am sorry, but please try to realise that your feelings are valid and that writing them down is such a great way to lay them all out. You can do this in so many ways as well. I mean you can just have your basic, lined diary, which you can get by clicking here. What is also a great idea that is becoming more popular are bullet journals. I only started this at the beginning of the year and I didn’t really understand how it could help. But what I realised is that it help to have all of your negative thoughts out at the end of the day. You can link up some emotions with sleep or exercise patterns and you can just track or write whatever you want that will make your life easier. It do be fun to look through Pinterest at all the artsy work people do, try to recreate it, and fail horribly. But click here so you can get a bullet journal too. I also posted about how to write your bullet journal so go check that out too if you are stuck because it can be confusing.
I do have to admit, I only do this in desperate situations because I can get bored easily but when I do it really helps because it helps you to escape if you know what I mean. Especially during lock down, it transports you away from the walls you stay in everyday and takes you to wherever you want. It is truly special. I will link some of my favourite books but also a link to a kindle because I have found that they are better for me. You don’t have a clunky book in your hand, it is light, doesn’t take up a lot of room, and you can buy other books on it as well. The first book I recommend is Noughts and Crosses, this is actually a series of books but I will just link the first one for you so you can find out if you like it. I won’t spoil anything, and you can read about it on the description in the link, but it has everything you could want in a book. This one is actually a book that I couldn’t put down, and that is saying something. Another book I recommend is Opposite of Always. Now this one is a feel good book. I mean the plot is really sad but what I mean is that it shows true love. It shows what you want others to do for you. It shows so much emotion and I could read it over and over again. I 10 out of 10 do recommend. The last book I am gonna mention is The Freedom Writers. OK I am not gonna lie to you, I have not read the actual book yet BUT I have watched the movie (which I also highly recommend) which is about the story behind this book and I can’t wait for my mum to finish it so I can read it. This book contains real life stories of a classroom of kids who live really different and difficult lives. They each have an entry about their story and from the movie, I know that their stories will really open your eyes to the world of others which I think we all need so that we can be more knowledgeable about others lives and not just our own. Maybe you might even find someones story you relate to, but either way you are going to gain something from that book. Knowledge or reassurance that you aren’t alone. Right, and last but not least, here is the link for a kindle. I am not gonna lie to you guys. This is expensive, well depends on who you are obviously, but the good thing is that you can get books for cheaper on this instantly because you don’t need more paper, you don’t need it shipped. stuff like that that bring the cost down. You could also say it is better for the environment, but either way, kindle or not, you should try to read more. Escape more.
You may be thinking, ‘how the hell do earphones make you relaxed, this is ridiculous’, and to that I say, ‘sorry I can’t hear you, I have my earphones in’. The great thing about earphones is that they help to immerse you in the song or the show or whatever by blocking out more sounds from the real world. Sometimes if others are really loud or you just can’t take anymore of the world, putting in earphones can help to block that out more. I am not saying it is the cure but for me it helps me to focus on the words in the song or the different sounds in a show. It helps me to concentrate and focus on that moment. I will leave a link for wireless earphones and also non-wireless earphones just in case you prefer one to the other or have different price ranges. I mean this may not work for everyone but it sure is worth a try.
Thank you so much for reading this and I hope this helps you to relax a bit more. I do have other methods too but I will mention them at a later date. But for now, lay back, relax and try to transport yourself into a new world. Please like and follow if you want more content like this. I also have a few codes for money off on different brands of clothes which you should check out. Other than that, I hope you stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
So you know the way that literally most of the stuff in school will not benefit you at all in the future. Well, this is going to be the opposite of that, so here are some facts that are interesting and actually worth your time LOL.
If you ever think you are being followed, take the next 4 right turns
LOL, wait is this even a fact. Well it is now, if you turn right 4 times you will end back in the same spot and if the person also turns right 4 times, well… go to the nearest police station and never go to your home. So yeah, smart fact… or advice… or hacks, whatever that one is called
Water gives you superpowers… of some sort
You know when you stay in the bath, or any form of water for too long, your fingers go all wrinkly and feel so weird. Well, that is just evolution. It is supposed to give you more grip so you can be like aqua man or something. Of course the only fault is that, to be able to crawl around in the great depths of the sea, you need to be able to breathe, but you can’t, unless you have an oxygen tank. Then you are probably aware of this, so… why are you still reading this?
Only 2% of high school relationships last
So, depending on who you are, this number may be reassuring because I mean who cares if you aren’t in a relationship now because it probably wont even go anywhere. And for others you may be with someone and you are now like, well, what the fuck, that’s sad. All I have to say to you is yes, yes it is.
Bragging boosts your confidence
This is for all the people who constantly get told that they talk about themselves too much or that they always talk about that one time they won a hot dog eating contest. Well guess what, now you can just say you are trying to become more confident. ‘I don’t care what you think Karen, I’m a bad bitch and I know it’, something along the lines of that I guess. Brag all you want, it is just helping your self-progress
Only 98% of the sea has been explored
So look, if you think ‘oh my god everything is already discovered. I am never going to have a fish named after me’ blah blah blah. Well, maybe you will. It is kind of spooky though because we have already found some messed up crap. Like the wee ones with the literal light hanging out of them and like literal octopi that just punch fish for no reason. So unless you are scared of literal seaweed, which definitely 100% is not me, you should go and just find a new fish. Good luck. And if you find multiple ones could you maybe call one ‘PERIODT’ just as some extra marketing for me. Maybe even periodts.com to make it more obvious if ya know what I mean. Or maybe call one, like Bob, or Peter because imagine there was this massive shark or whale thing that just kills everything in its sight and is one of the most fascinatingly horrific things and then the news reporter is like ‘As we can see here, a wild animal has just wiped out an entire ecosystem in one second. We lost a camera man and 2 of my fingers. That, ladies and gentlemen, is Bob’. Like that would be quite ironic.
One of the best ways to save the environment is composting
Yo, why are we getting so environmental all of a sudden ahahah. But I mean it is true. So why you are in school learning about deforestation on mountains on paper, you can actually do something to help. I too am trying to start this although I never have the time thanks to bloody school and the sun which makes it too dark to early. I really do be using nature as an excuse for my laziness LOL.
Dogs think you can do no wrong
Listen, this is the most important fact on this page. Why? Because you need to know that if you accidentally step on their paw or step on them in the dark, they think you did that on purpose. SO RUN NOW AND SEE YOUR DOG! They need to know that you still love them and that the kick you gave them earlier was an accident… I hope.
This is great app to earn easy money
Lol, just a sneaky wee promo, although I am not sponsored and it is actually just good. It is passive income so all you need to do is click here and you can earn money while you sleep. This is a safe and legit website. I use it and it is great. I mean it ain’t gonna make you rich but it’ll make you richer than if you didn’t have it so…
The earth isn’t flat
LOL. The fact that this needs said
Vaccines aren’t a scam from the government
LOL that sounds like such a joke of a sentence but I mean it is true so like…
If you get stabbed, do not pull out the knife
Why do I sound like a doctor LOL. But yeah don’t do it. If we talk about this in terms of a bath, the knife is the plug, the bath is your body and the water is your blood. If you take the plug out, you just gonna empty the tub. Soon there will just be a bathtub. You will be unalive. Sorry I made that into a joke. Also I don’t know why I had to explain that because it was a pretty obvious idea. But anyways.
You don’t NEED toothpaste
Don’t attack me, I swear a dentist told me this. But he was like, technically toothpaste doesn’t help clean your teeth any better. It only adds fluorides and stuff like that. Of course he recommends using toothpaste but like just in case you don’t have toothpaste, you can still have healthy teeth, but with a stinky breath.
There is a higher chance that this is all a simulation than it not being a simulation
Sorry if that just gave someone like a panic attack but I mean if you think of it this way, why does it even matter? I mean life would just stay the same because we are already living in it. So the only thing that would change is that we know it is a simulation. For me I see it as a positive. I mean, we are never alone. Wait that sounds spoopy. What I mean is that everything that happens was made to happen and will be resolved eventually, we are just being tested. By the way this is all hypothetical, not that I am actually crazy by I’m just talking about what we could look at life like. I mean it would be cool and it reminds you that it doesn’t really matter what others think, but what you do to get attention from the wee people controlling us LOL.
Bonus fact – I need to stop saying LOL
Thank you for reading. Please like and follow to get more stuff like this. Also check out some of my promo codes because I mean if this is a simulation then you may as well look good while in it. Please donate some money also if you can so that I can keep all of my content free for everyone. Lots of love and hope you stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Damn, my English teacher would be proud of me for that title. That is definitely the biggest word I know. Anyways, as a teen, I always here my parents talking about stuff and I am like ‘is that a lot or is that small’ and I just have to go off the tone of their voice. I don’t know if others feel this way as well or if I’m just dumb. Lets find out.
When I was in primary school, one of the tasks we always did was to plan a holiday with a given amount of money to spend. Obviously fake money, I mean I didn’t go to private school. But one time I was like ‘mum I booked a plane ticket and it was only £99’ and I thought that was great but then my mum was like ‘that is awful, I would never pay that much’. Let me just say I was crushed. I thought I got a proper bargain. And when my mum comes home from Tescos or something, she could say something like ‘the bananas cost £1 all together today’ and to me £1 sounds so cheap but my mum would be raging and then my parents would go into a talk about the economy or something while I am here buzzing because I could buy 6 bananas for only £1. I mean I know a bargain when I see one but then again that is when I see the difference between poundland or home bargains. You gotta love a bargain but like I couldn’t really say what is a good price for food. And then with people’s salary. I mean when I am looking up jobs they always come up with the salary, obviously, and to me any money is a lot but I don’t know. And this is gonna make me sound posh, which I am not, but I thought that £1000 wasn’t that much for adults but then on game shows they are like ‘well done you got a grand’ and they think they’re the bees knees. Don’t get me wrong I’d be happy to win the money but like I don’t know, I just get mixed up. The worst thing is when people are like ‘guess how much this was’ and I have no bloody clue, I’m just like ‘I am gonna guess somewhere between £1 and £300’. I have to say I am always right.
Why is it that when someone asks my mum or dad ‘How far away is this?’, they just be like ‘to 2 or 3 decimal places?’ and I’m like, I barely know where that is. But seriously I just can’t comprehend because one metre is 100 centimetres, right? And that seems like a lot but then a metre doesn’t actually look that big when you see it. And a centimetre is actually really small. Then when people say what height they are I just get messed up because I always thought that 6 feet was a normal height for people because my dad is like 6.2 feet or something. But then later on in life when people were like oh my he is 6 foot, I would be like ‘OOOooKKKkkkk?’ What about it? I also don’t understand when someone is small. Obviously when I see them I can tell but like I either dramatize their smallness, making them too tall, or just not know at all. I don’t understand how people can just understand lengths and distances.
Look, I can read the time, I can read a clock, I know that an hour long drive is long. But what I mean is, well, I’ll just give you an example. Yesterday my mum was like ‘so I heard that *person’s name* works 30 hours now’ and I just looked at her blankly like ;1 what do you expect me to do with that. I didn’t know if that was long or short. And also when people are like, he ran a half-marathon in 4 hours and I would be like, I know a professional has run it in 2 hours, but like, is that good for someone else. Like I don’t really understand. And sometimes when I am watching something or doing something else, even when it isn’t boring, I feel like 15 minutes has gone by but then only 5 mins have gone buy and I’m like, excuse me? Time isn’t the worst thing for me I suppose although it is just confusing and I feel like I am always wrong at guessing an estimate of time. I guess it probably just has to do with boredom. I feel as though adults have a built in clock as well because if I was to ask how long it would take to get somewhere they would be like ‘well, approximately 2 hours 37 minutes and 24 seconds, depending on traffic’ and I am here like, do you just learn this from experience or is this some sort of rain man crap?
This one is kind of different to the others but like this is just something I can’t get into my head. As someone who can’t drive yet, I could only tell you what street I live on which, for the purpose of my safety, I will not tell you. But I know it, I swear. I always hear my sister and my mum talking about what route they take as if they are a bloody atlas. One time this woman was like ‘does this lane take you down to *blahbalh* road?’. I looked behind me and was like ‘where the fuck is *blahblah* road?’, turned back around and was like ‘I don’t know’. She looked at me as though I was dumb, well, I don’t blame her. In my defense though, we called the road she was talking about something is, we called it *hhkjki* road, you know. I swear that when I learn how to drive, I will be relying on google maps, I mean if I were to ever ask directs, for one, I wouldn’t know what the hell they are talking about, and two, I would forget every word they just said. The thing is though, when people go the wrong way or the road is blocked, they always happen to know which way to go. Like it is crazy. It could be somewhere I have never been before yet my dad would find a way. And it is always the weirdest way too. At one point I swear I saw my will to live, but I never saw it again.
Thank you so much for reading. If you liked this, make sure to like, follow and maybe donate a bit of cash, whatever is a reasonable amount in your eyes I suppose. Oh and also I have awesome codes so you can get more money of things, because sometimes prices are just too high, but really too high. Go check them out. See ya later, and remember, just because you don’t know some things, it doesn’t mean you are dumb. It just means you make space for the important things in life PERIODT.
Hopefully most people understand this but if you don’t, I am referring to, and may they rest in piece, vine. But that is completely off topic. However, I am referring to this queen as it is completely correct. As a teen girl who never gets listened to, anger can rise very quickly, but, as she says, sometimes all you gotta do is walk away. Wow, how impactful. Anyways, back on track. People can get on your nerves and to be polite you can’t do nothin’ about it. So I got a few tips and hopefully this will help others who feel unheard or who have a lot to say.
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid
Yup, a diary. Or if you want to seem like a macho man, a journal. I don’t see why it can’t just be called a diary but I mean you do you boo. So yeah you could set it out all properly and at the end of each day just turn all your thoughts and emotions into words, or you could bring a small notebook around with you and just write down whatever you need to at any point of the day. This could help you to organize your thoughts or just to let out the anger.
Control, Alt, Delete
I have gotta give a quick shout out to the mum who told me this idea and bitch I could make a trilogy out of the things I delete. So what you do is, if it is an email or online thing you are responding to, type out the thing you actually want to say to them. Go all out, all the words, and the shit you need said. Read it as many times as you need, scream it out. Then delete it. And I know that it sounds quite childish when I say this but then you kind of feel smug and you are like, you don’t even know a thing bitch. And then write a professional, kind response which will sound nice to them but you know that it is sarcastic as fuck
Save It For Later
So this is simple. Just let the person say what they need and you just stay respectful but when you go home or see someone next just have a full on slabber about what happened. Say this on snap chat, face time, say it to your dog, your cat, your teddy bear. Anyone or anything just say ‘I am going to talk for five minutes and I need you to be quiet and listen while I say this’. And just get it all off your chest. You will feel so much better and you can just say what you want and that person will never know.
So this one is an OG but I thought I would add it in for anyone who is unfamiliar. All you gotta do is get a pillow and scream into it. Of course let yourself breathe every so often. It is so good because you can let it all out and the pillow muffles the noise so your family or neighbors wont think you have just been murdered
Ha OK so you may be able to understand some of my posts now. Not all of them are for this reason as most are just to help people feel included in life. But trust me it helps. It’s also good because then you will find other people who will hype you up and agree with you. You can get a whole platform with your thoughts and use them for something useful and not for ignorant people who don’t want to know what anyone else thinks.
Cha Cha Real Smooth
This one is mandatory and will save you in the long run. It is going to be hard to do but it is essential. To be honest if it gets to the point where the person is being disrespectful or you can say your point calmly then by all means say what you need. But if you aren’t given that option or you need to be formal, just leave. Walk away from the situation because if you need help from them someday then they will help you unlike if you were to shout at them because they are annoying. But you need to wait it out and do some of the other tips so that your future isn’t affected because you never know when you may need that persons help with anything. Don’t let them get to you, it isn’t worth it. They don’t deserve to know what you think and you can use your beliefs for something great.
Thank you so much for reading this and I hope this helps you in the future. Sometimes when you hold things in it makes everything so much worse so please do give this a try. I hope you follow to read more helpful and relatable posts but in the mean time please enjoy my other posts.
I’m pretty sure most people have heard of this thing called a ‘bullet journal’. Well I have anyway. I have wanted one for a while and then I got one for Christmas and then I was like, ‘wait so what now’. I looked around so many places and I never found something that clicked with me. See I am not a remotely artsy person so that made it 10x harder. But I have figured it out now and I want to share it with everyone else who is struggling. Don’t worry, I got you.
The First Page
Ok so that sounds intimidating but it isn’t really. For this all you need to write is the year you are doing the bullet journal for. I’m starting it in the year 2021 (yes I am scared for it too) so I put the numbers 2021 at the front. You can do this in any font you like and wherever you want on the page. I put mine in the middle and did a few wee drawings around it but at this stage you don’t need to add any doodles, that is really for if you have the time later on.
The Yearly Page
This one isn’t really a necessity but if you like to have everything there and in the right order then please go ahead. This is yours after and there is not only one way to do it. For mine, I put a small calendar of all the months so then I can just highlight holidays or important events. Some other ideas that are good are goals for that year, trips you want to go on. Just plans you wish to do. Or I have also seen people with checklists of chores they need to do for work and around the house and they have said whether they need to do it every week or every month, things like that. Things you have to do but sometimes forget to do so you can stay organised.
That Time Of The Month
ha, no I’m not talking about that specifically so all you guys can come back and read on. This was only a transition to the next section. And if you guessed months then you are right. Before the start of the month you should draw out these pages just to be organised. Firstly have an opening page that has the month on it. Again you can make these quickly and then make it look nicer when you have the time. After the title page you can have a choice again. For me, I am wanting to save, so I put a page on the amount of money I have at the start of the month and at the end of the month. I also have room for putting in where I got money and where I spent money throughout the month. Another popular page for the months is a mood page. For this you can have a colour code and then do like a flower where you colour in your mood on a petal every day. There are so many things you can choose from. If you search on Pinterest or google you will get great ideas. For me, I am drawing hot air balloons and colouring them in once a day. And yes, if you are someone who suffers the pain of periods it would be good to have a tracking page of how you feel physically and emotionally with a tracker for your period. Other ideas could be,
plans for the month
but what you should not do EVER, unless advised by a medical professional, is make a calorie counter. Never ever do that. Please. It isn’t worth it and you are perfect just the way you are. If you were planning to do that, then instead do a page each month or week about what you like about yourself or a motivational quote like ‘if I can’t love myself, then how the hell am I supposed to love somebody else’.
Some people refer to this as the week’s page but you can say either one. This is the part where you add 7 boxes for the seven days of the week, if you want of course. And here you can write what you did that day, what you thought that day, a word a day, a sentence a day. Whatever you want really, but make sure it is something you won’t mind doing because, well, you do it every day. I think my sentence for the day would be ‘what the f!@k is going on’:) or maybe that would fit the whole year. But yeah that is kind of what you do there and of course just do what suits you best. If you forget stuff a lot, say what day you had a shower on, or what day you used a face mask. Just stuff like that which will make your lives easier.
I will say this one time more. You do you boo. This is your journal and chances are, nobody will look in it apart from you, so do the drawings you want, do the worst you can, do the best you can, try something, cut it to if you want, track personal things. You can literally track anything in your life so, if you want to, just do it. There is not just one way to do it because if there was this would be a step by step guide. But it isn’t, so redefine the bullet journal and do what you want. Maybe it won’t look as great as someone else’s but who cares, someone will always be better than you at some things so you might as well have fun and do what you like. Thank you so much for reading this and I hope it helped you a lot. for more visual help you should definitely look on Pinterest or google because they have so many beautiful ideas.
Help a broke bitch out today
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Welcome to my first blog post. I have no idea what to write in this so I guess I’ll just say what I want to send on this site. So I’m a teen and life is tough. You have so many new things to do and think about and sometimes you have nobody to ask ‘what the hell is going on?!’. So I kind of want to be here to not tell you what to do, but show you that you aren’t alone ya know. Don’t worry this won’t all be serious stuff. I’ll be adding stuff like Netflix shows to watch when you need a break and just other useless stuff to make living easier. Hopefully, you are looking forward to reading more of my posts because I’m looking forward to making them. But yeah see ya later 🙂
Help a broke bitch out today
I really want to keep all of my content free for everyone so click below to donate a little change to support my blog