Humans Haven’t Evolved For Shit

For all the Ross Gellers of the world, I want you to know that I’m not some idiot that thinks the world is only 2021 years old. I understand the basics that we are completely different to what we were like billions of years ago, but my god surely there could have been more interesting features we could have evolved to have. Opposable thumbs? Pfft, who needs them. A brain that is one of the greatest things on the planet? I suppose. But that shit gets boring. I want to be able to literally regenerate a limb if it, for some reason, gets chopped off. I want to be able to see all spectrums of colour and hear all the wavelengths, but no, that’ll just kill me *eye roll*

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I have to admit that all of the things I said above could have been completely inaccurate in terms of the right terminology but oh my days if you are really that into this type of science then this post is just wasting your brain cells, but I do know that there are things our eyes can’t process or that we can’t hear so that was what I was trying to get across to you. Isn’t that crazy though? There are things that we can’t see or hear and it could literally be the answer to everything… well maybe not. I’m really making myself seem dumb but let me live a little. What are the things we can’t see? And how come after so many years we haven’t evolved to see them even a little bit. Crazy times I suppose but it would also make me 10 times more distracted than I usually am so maybe that’s a good thing.

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Back to my point, I want you to think of how long we have been on the planet, roughly… a fucking long time, so we have had plenty of time to evolve to do cool shit and survive all types of crazy crap, right? Yeah, well, you’d be sadly mistaken because we can barely survive a scrape on the knee. One infection and boom it’s chopped off. See that’s why we need to be able to grow another leg! But anyway, if we look at ourselves, a human, and then at a fucking chameleon, who is 10 times cooler? A chameleon obviously. Them hoes can change colour and just DIY themselves into whatever the fuck they want. How does that even happen by evolution? Were they just created like that? And they got crazy fucking eyes that just roll around and they can just eat a fucking fly with their long-ass tongue. They haven’t got a care in the world. I was also wondering if they change colour naturally or is it kind of another thing they do kind of like moving a thumb. You don’t have to think about it but it’s still you who controls it? I don’t know and I sure as hell know I’m not gonna search for it.

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So obviously we have evolved which is great and all but leads me to question what we were like ages ago. I would guess we were fragile fucks because even now we die from everything. Like millions of years ago would we trip and literally shatter our whole leg? That sounds dumb as fuck because they were literal cavemen who would go out hunting for their food, but did globalisation really make us turn out like the needy people we are today? I suppose we are definitely better than the cavemen and we have come very far. I know that for a fact, and I realise that when people say dumb shit like “I don’t need the vaccine, the cavemen survived without it”. Like how the fuck do you know Karen? When did you last talk to one? And last time I checked they basically had the lifespan of a fly. So they survived but also died within a second. So on second thought, we have improved a lot but also in a very boring way. If I could pick between living long and being able to literally camouflage into everything, I think it’s obvious what I’d choose.

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Talking about what I would prefer to have evolved into, I want to talk about some things that I think would be amazing to adapt to. Firstly, surviving high falls. Wouldn’t it be literal comedy gold if we could just fall off a cliff and fucking bellyflop on that hoe and then we’d be kinda bounced back onto our feet and continue walking? Like what the fuck. Even if we could float down like a leaf hahahahah imagine that. You literally flat Stanley that shit and get whipped around in the air until you reach the ground.

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Something else that quite literally would be cool is being able to hold our breath for ages. I am not saying to breathe underwater because pfft that’s just soooo unrealistic, but like surely through survival of the fittest there would be an increase in the number of people who can hold their breath for longer because, well I don’t know, people had to get fish for food and then the people with weak lungs would die and the ones with strong longs would live. I don’t know! I literally dropped all y sciences and gave up in life so I don’t know what the fuck I’m even talking about so don’t just me. But a lot of other living things can do it and even some that fucking live in the sea (tbh that’s kinda embarrassing for them to not be able to breathe underwater lol). They’ve just gotta hold their breath and hope for the best. Fair enough like, I am literally 16 years old and lose my breath walking up the stairs, but I’m gonna blame that on the covid for now.

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Despite the fact I just dissed the entire planet in one post, I think it is fair to say that we aren’t the worst in terms of how we have evolved. At least we can respect what we have become and created. What species am I talking about? The wolves. They really had a glow down for the most part. Don’t get me wrong they are hella cute and I love them but oh my days they have lost all their dignity. They should have stayed away from humans all those years ago for their own sake. But tell me how my dog came from a long line of strong, fearless wolves that would have to hunt and live outside when she fucking cries if she has to walk on the tile floor and barks at you if you don’t give her 100% attention? Make it make sense.

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Yeah, so that’s all for me now guys. But I want to leave you with one question? What will we look like in the next 20 billion years? Wanna hear my guess? Dead. Comment down below what you have to say about how we have evolved and how we might in the future and don’t forget to like and follow for more. It also really helps me out to know that you enjoy this content and it’s free so what’s the harm? Wow, I really hate how I sounded there. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Why Does Nobody Appreciate A Bargain?

POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop… Continue Reading →

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The Most Common US Misconceptions About The UK

This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn… Continue Reading →

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How To Describe My Blog

Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also… Continue Reading →

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Do You Know What’s Weird? We Control Everything

In this post, I was originally going to talk about how the hour change is such a weird thing but then when I was thinking about what to talk about I just got into a spiral of how us humans basically run and control the world. Not as in like there is a control panel to change the direction the earth turns or some shit but as in we literally control everything in it. Like it is so fucking weird if you think about it and that is what we are going to do today. Also, I’m not gonna get into politics shit or anything like that because I know people are gonna be like “you’re right we need our freedom” and all that shit but I am just genuinely interested and amazed by this realisation of mine.

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A planet doesn’t come with a user manual. Like there isn’t a massive book of earth management that we look at to see how to settle arguments or have a fucking safe society. We had to just figure that out. Like we had to create a solid foundation and create fucking rules and schedules for shit. Time didn’t exist in a sense. It was a thing I suppose, but only when we came up with seconds, minutes, hours and all that crap. Like that was something made up. They just needed structure and control so we were like fuck it and just created a clock. It isn’t something that came with earth.

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And we just change that shit up twice a year. I am not really sure what countries do this, but we do in the UK, where we turn back the clock an hour or forward an hour depending on the time of year. Literally no joke. And it is literally because of fucking farmers. Like it makes sense because they want more light in the morning but who knew they could hold so much power. I can just imagine a bunch of culchies coming down with their cows and being like “you need to change the time for this whole country so that I can work in the light” and the bloody “time worker” person just looking at them like what the fuck why don’t you just wake up later or just work your timetable around the darkness and then them just being there like “Nah but like I still want the times to be the same you know. I don’t want to wake up or go to bed 1 hour earlier or later each year”. What the fuck do you think you are gonna miss? A cuppa tea. Like we literally change the time like it is nothing. The whole concept of time is just chucked out the window.

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I think a good way to describe what I am thinking about is almost as if the earth is just a big fucking TV show. Like I could imagine it as either the show that has 10 teens/kids living in a house by themselves for a week or like some sort of reality TV show that goes to shit. We just have no clue how to function or keep any form of control and we are just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. They are dividing into groups, starting fights, destroying everything and getting pissed when they can’t fix it again. We are just a bunch of people given free rein to do anything. There are no goals, rules or anything and we are just trying to figure out our next move.

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It’s so weird to think of it like that though and I could so easily go into thinking “what is the point of humans” and that can get messy real quick, but it also amazes me because we just choose to ignore that fact. We are tiny spots of matter floating in nothingness with no real aim and we can really just control whatever the fuck we do next because there isn’t any expectation or form of monitoring. We, as a whole, can make the world be whatever the hell we want it to be. What about we all live in bloody treehouses and have literal tigers as pets? What if we create a time of day where everyone is legally allowed a nap hour? We can do that shit. It isn’t like some overlord is gonna open up the sky and be like “that’s against the rule 14358”. Literally, everything created in this world, whether it is a social construct, concept or physical item has just been made up to create some sort of order and reason for existence.

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We have literally done dot to dot in the night sky and then named that shit. People really thought they were doing something when they were like “that looks like a fucking lion”. I mean where they off their heads or something because that looks like literally nothing at all. I mean clouds I guess but stars?! That’s pushing it a bit. We could have no homelessness or hunger in the world but they are like “it is so expensive” but like that isn’t a real excuse because we made money. We don’t NEED it in a sense. Like why can’t we just do it? Build more houses, improve the environment and teach people how to farm and stuff. Why can’t we agree as a planet that this is important and we can all join in together to do it? It isn’t that hard. And I know we need to pay for labour and shit but I am sure we could work something out. Like if you help us build these houses then we will give you one for free or something like that.

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I suppose it got a bit controversial at the end but I just wanted to get across the idea that the world doesn’t have rules and we have just created it because we think it helps. Not everything is a solid fact or necessity but we have just been taught to accept it. But we are just humans flying through nothingness and it really just isn’t that deep. I hope you found that interesting and that you like, follow and comment on what you think about this topic. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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I Don’t Get The Guinness Book Of World Records

Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess… Continue Reading →

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Let’s Discuss It | Pronouns

Can people please just get over it and wise up because it just isn’t that hard bitch. Firstly I’d like to say that my pronouns are she/her and I’m straight so I can’t really speak of experience but I want to talk from the perspective of just an accepting human being which is literally the… Continue Reading →

The Stupidity In An Educated Guess

I was in one of my weird patches the other day and I was scrolling through my social media (as is normal during a breakdown) and I saw some things that kinda maybe didn’t help me at all, but it got me thinking about how we can guess things with a pretty solid argument for… Continue Reading →

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