The School Newspaper (The Biggest Joke)

I don’t know if the american’s are taking over our school or what, but they decided to do a wee school newspaper. I thought that sounded cool and I was interested in reading it, but on the front cover, there were a few things that got me thinking ya know. Just a few points I would have changed completely, just to bring the truth back you know. But yeah, lets get started,

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At the bottom of the cover it said ‘we wanted to give the pupils an outlet to express their opinions, interests and passions’. I just wanted to ask, who put the gun to that writers head because that was a pile of shit. Also don’t worry, we haven’t been fully converted to the american ways so I was talking about a metaphorical gun. Just so you guys know. Anyways, lets get back on track. From my many years of experience, school really has done fuck all for our interests and passions, and don’t even get me started on our opinions. You should see their bloody face whenever we give our opinion on something. It is literally a scene from a horror movie. Even in English class whenever your analysis is basically 100% made up and what you think it is, there is still a right and a wrong answer. They could literally write a movie about how someone gave a separate opinion in English and then the teacher killed them with her stare. They seem so offended, but like you don’t even know what the fucking answer is because they teach you fuck all. That isn’t even a joke. My English teachers literally always say “this has to be pupil lead, ok. I can’t teach you this, you need to do it yourself”… Why the fuck are you here then? Seriously? Because for the past 30 minutes I have been travelling into the darkest areas of my brain, just to figure out why the fuck they put a “and” in the middle of the sentence. The amount of shit I come up with really is worrying, but they expect us to know everything about the text, despite the fact we don’t give a fuck. And that is the truth. My teacher was literally like “why does the host sing” and we were like, I don’t know, and she was like “well obviously because he was part of a choir in the 1960’s. That is so obvious guys, because it says in the book ‘hello’. You really need to try guys”. I don’t even know what to say anymore because shit is flying everywhere, but there is not a fuck in sight. Do the teachers actually believe what is coming out of their mouth or is it a universal joke, because if it is, it isn’t funny anymore. Why can’t I enjoy a book of a movie without having to think of the word placement!

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The title of the school newspaper is also called “the student voice” but like we aren’t even talking about our opinions really and it is only a one off thing. They really said, “smile for the camera” and then throw us back in the bin afterwards. Like I 100% know that at the next open morning they will have a fucking field day talking about how they really wanted to hear our opinions and that they are such an accepting school, and all the parents are going to die for it. Then there is just us at the back, not taking any of the crap they are saying. It kinda makes me laugh though because we literally have no voice in anything. Yes they are good at asking us, but it goes in one ear and out the other and you can tell on their face that they don’t give a crap what you have to say. You could be crying like “school is so stressful and I feel like it needs to be more organised with homework and tests and over all support with mental health” and they will give you the creepy smile and say “ok. Who is next?” as though we are a fucking McDonalds drive through.

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I do have to admit though, my school (which shall not be named~Voldemort :0) is quite good to us. Most of the teachers are nice, once you get past 3rd year of course, and it isn’t too bad in terms of school life. It isn’t perfect but it is the systems fault and they don’t have a lot of control over that part. They are fairly inclusive I have to admit and I am glad to go there… Why the fuck did this just turn into an ad for my school. Watch me read this on opening day lol. But yeah anyways, I just thought the newspaper was a bit of a massive lie which is a tad bit funny. I think if I were to write something in the newspaper I would write about something like “what do you do when you run out of fucks to give” or “how to dodge the bullshit”. Those sound like self-help books that I wanna read to be honest lol, but I don’t think my school would allow the inappropriate language. So sorry about that loves. They literally die over 2 earrings or if you have one strand of dyed hair, so maybe my taste in content is a tad too much for them at the moment.

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Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this content because I feel this was quite the relatable one. Wish me luck also because I have my Chemistry and Spanish test today and I am supposed to be studying that right now, but if you read yesterdays post, you will know that I am right on schedule. Believe it or not, this blog is my way of trying to escape school so maybe I can make money from this instead, but we will have to see. It is fun anyways, so if I end up at a 9-5 office job I can just do this on the computer instead of actual work. Please like, comment and subscribe if you like this content and I will see you tomorrow with even more. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT


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The Biggest Jokes In The World

Trust me guys, these ones are gonna get you only the floor because these are so hilarious. Get your gran’s oxygen tank because you won’t be able to breath after this.

The weekend

Why the hell do I blink my eyes and the weekend is gone. I waited 5 bloody days just to get to Saturday but then you just leave so quickly. You left faster than Donald Trump did on inauguration day. The truth is, Sunday isn’t even a real weekend because all I do is get mentally prepared for the week ahead. If the weekend was a human they would be a man because they have the bloody audacity…

‘Nice’ Teachers

If a teacher talks to the class and goes ‘I am gonna be nice and not give you any homework for over the weekend’, they act as though they just saved us all from bloody global warming. I mean I am just here like ‘Ok miss bare minimum’. That is literally what is expected of you. You want to be the fun teacher or just the down-to-earth teacher because they aren’t gonna tell us the story of how ‘I was once a teen too’ while they smile obnoxiously because I see what you are tryna do there hun and it is appreciated but like, a lot has changed since your time. Do you want me to show you the graph of mental illnesses for you?

Ripped Jeans

The funniest thing you could EVER say to a teen is ‘do you want me to fix those for you’ when they come down wearing ripped jeans. Trust me they will appreciate that so much. Did you see what I did there? It’s a scam. LOL literally never say that because I trust you we have heard that 1000 times before and it got old the first time you said it. It is called fashion Mr has worn the same shirt for 15 years. So yeah, just sit your ass down and mind ya business. Thank you.

We Are Here

Who else’s patterns thought they were literally Michael McIntyre whenever you were on a road trip and you would ask ‘are we here’ and they would do that massive smile as they look behind them and say ‘YES, we are here. But we aren’t there’. Bitch, I be looking out the windows to find the need. Why do you literally piss yourself after that. You know what I mean but you just gotta rub it in. I don’t really want a grammar lesson after 4 hours of driving and 5 applegreen stops.

This World

Please someone explain why the News has turned into a comedy program. I literally get that wee message on my phone and I am like this bitch is crazy. Everything that happens sounds so ridiculous. A pandemic? Yeah right. Global warming about to literally kill us? Sure. KFC ran out of chicken? OH SHIT.

Pockets

To be more specific, women’s pockets. This is one of the things you know a man made. These pockets are so non-existent that they may as well be called the ‘flat earth’. Grandpa in my pocket would even be suctioned into the pockets (if you are a cultured child you would know what that is referencing). If I can be a bit stereotypical for a second, women are the ones who bring EVERYTHING with them, apart from a coat but that’s beside the point, so why the hell give us pockets that can barely hold an atom. And then guys are over here like a snail because they can fit their whole house in those pockets. Whenever I put on absolutely anything and it has pockets, you will know about it because that is the best thing ever. Normalise giving girls actual pockets and not just those ones that are made by the devil himself because they look like pockets but you literally cannot put anything in them.

Thank you so much for reading. Please like, follow and comment if you liked this post because this is one of the most relatable things lol. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT