So, with making this blog I wanted to make sure I was completely honest with you guys. I know that makes it sound really scary as though I’m gonna be like “I am Michael Jackson, I in fact did not die” but it isn’t that deep. It’s just a thing that most of us go through but nobody talks about which makes it seem like more of a weird thing. You’ll understand more when I get into this post but lets get started with a quick story time of what I did yesterday that kinda gave me this and you will probably be able to guess where I am going with this.
So yesterday, I started my first day of work EVER. Like literally my first day of work, and it was in a restaurant, so it was safe to say I was shitting myself. But anyways, I went in absolutely shaking, so much so that they probably thought I was of those air bag people at car sales places that just flap around in the wind, but like during a hurricane. That was kind of a weird description but you get it, right. Anyways, I was nervous and sweaty and in a complete mess. But I tried to keep my composed. Luckily it was just a 3 hour shift. The people there were nice but like you know when you feel like people are being nice because they have to and in reality they don’t want you there. That was my thoughts. And I swear all my hearing went out the door because people would talk to me and, maybe it’s just the masks, but I couldn’t hear shit so would have to ask them to repeat and I would still not understand. I shadowed someone most of the time but when she went on break I felt so out of place and I barely talked to anyone else because I was the youngest and also scared I would do something awkward like be myself 😮
If I made one mistake I would literally die inside and be like “I canny work a till what the fuck”. I also seem really dumb because I just don’t notice the obvious. Like the one time I spoke to another person was when I was like “is this the large and then the other one is the pint” because the actual large was actual at the back of the shelf and I didn’t really see it. And he was like “that is the regular, the large is this one” and he showed me so I went to try and find it and realised the glasses where fucking labelled so I looked like an idiot because I didn’t see them there. I looked like a dumb blonde in that moment. Also, whenever the forks ran out I was like where are the other forks and she pointed to a bucket of clean forks that was literally right beside me. I really don’t know how I wasn’t fired on the spot for incompetence. Also, I was so shaky that when I had to write down the orders, you could hardly read it and my handwriting is bad on a normal day but this was looking like fucking Latin or some shit because it made no sense at all
But let’s get onto the main point of this post. From the moment my shift started to 2 pm the next day, I have been feeling so weird. Like I felt sick to my stomache and all the things I did wrong stuck in my head and I was so embarrassed and terrified for my next shift. I was literally still shaking and tense hours after it finished. It took me ages to get to bed that night because no matter what, I would always go back to thinking about how I was rubbish. And you know, I think a lot of people go through that especially at their first job, but in the moment you feel as though you are never gonna be able to work again. I have 3 shifts next week and I am actually so scared and I feel kind of like an impostor or some shit, but I am still gonna go and hopefully it only gets better from here. I mean I’m pretty sure this is as bad as it can get, but knowing me, I can go a lot lower than this, it’s a specialty of mine. lol jokes, but like I hope this is helpful to someone going through something similar or just scary in general and I hope that you have a way to express those feelings. If you don’t, please leave a comment or contact me directly and we can talk about whatever it is and if you are interested you could upload a post on this blog so that others can share their thoughts. It can be anonymous as well obviously.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post and found it somewhat useful because I know a lot of people can feel this amount of stress and anxiety after some situations, and know that’s ok as long as you share that with someone. But I will see you later for another post, don’t forget to like, share, comment and follow if you enjoyed this content. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
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Did you know that we are all born with only 2 fears? The fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. So what does that mean? It means that the fears we have now were learned. And when you think of your fears you actually begin to realise that it actually makes sense. I remember that one time I went on a picnic with my granny and my younger cousins. Of course, there just had to be bees and I am not one of those ones who stick around, and I am not ashamed to say it. So here me and my sisters were, literally getting attacked my Barry B Benson and his mates. Obviously, we were swatting them away and freaking out just a little bit. Ok, maybe more than a bit. FINE, we were panicking a lot. But then my granny was like ‘literally stop being a bitch’, ok, maybe that wasn’t her exact words, but then she was like ‘you are gonna make them think bees are scary’. I am happy to say they now have a healthy dose of fear. They don’t just sit and do nothing although they aren’t as scared as I am. I think that I am the one who has stopped them from being stung soooooo. But yeah, let’s get into the fears that I think most teens have, that society has given us.
F Is For Failing Your Family
Lol, so maybe that title was a bit over the top but I mean it kind of is true. We are taught that failing is bad. I know for me, no matter how easy a test is, I will be shaking when I get the results back. The thing is it happens for the most ridiculous. I was probably in primary school freaking out about what I got on my colouring page. I mean it ain’t that serious. But we have been taught from literally day 1 to not fail or we will literally fail in life. I hate that fact because no test on osmosis or poetry will ever prepare me for life. Like in school if someone is like ‘this is really hard’, the teacher will be like ‘welcome to the real world’… bitch where? I can’t see any real-world here. It is ridiculous I have to admit.
I don’t really mean disappointing strangers, but like disappointing the people you care about. This may not be true for everyone but I literally have nightmares of doing anything to disappoint anyone. I am pretty sure I had a nightmare one time that I didn’t cook the carrots right or something. I mean my dad isn’t bloody Gordon Ramsey. They aren’t even mean to me. I have no clue why I had a nightmare about that. But yeah I would say that a majority of the time, I only do things so I don’t disappoint anyone
Ok, so I do realise that these are getting sad very quickly but it is true. It doesn’t mean we are always trying to find ‘the one’, but what I mean by that is that we are scared of not making friends, or losing friends and family. We aren’t all selfish people and a lot of the time people can seem really mean and selfish just so they can stay friends with the people in their group and they are just really scared to be left out. I suppose the FOMO also falls into this category, although I do know that not everyone really has this fear. I do though. Literally, whenever I see anyone having the tiniest bit of fun I am like ‘why am I not having fun’ and I feel so left out. Is that just me?
Parents Searching Our Room Or Our Phone
I have no bloody clue why I get so scared when my mum comes into my room for a second or if I want to show her a pic and she takes my phone to look. There is literally nothing I have to hide yet I am like “what if she looks back to my text from last year on Instagram when I had an argument with a complete stranger”, or “what if she comes into my room and finds a bag of drugs even though I have never done drugs in my life. I could imagine that is what it feels like when a police car is behind you or when you are going through the metal detector at the airport.
I should have left a TW sign for that title because this is the biggest one left. Nothing in this world compares to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, optician appointments, or anything else within that region. I swear to god I have no clue what the hell I will do when I grow up. My mum is coming with me no matter what. I swear to god though, my kids better not be wanting me to talk because I ain’t speaking. It’s gonna be a family trip by that point because I am going to have to bring my mum to my child’s appointments. No matter if I literally have my legging falling off, if they ask me what is wrong or what happened, I will not be answering that. But seriously though why is it so hard. They ask me my name, I panic and think “what if my mum lied to me all these years and I don’t know what my real name is”, then they be like what is your date of birth and I think “what the fuck is it? Was I even born? Am I even living right now?” and then when I remember I say “what if I was wrong? Would they arrest me and lock me up forever? I AM TOO AWKWARD FOR THAT!”. But then again, maybe I am overreacting, I don’t know.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and comment down below what you are scared of. Did you actually know that there is a fear that somewhere in the world a duck is looking at you? Let me know if you are one of those people because I did not know about that until last year. Please like and follow for more content like this. Hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT