Social Media If They Were People pt.1

Bare with me on this one guys because I know the title makes it sound dumb as fuck, but we need to address this shit. I will literally make everything make sense to you because I know you know this but you don’t know that you know it yet, if that makes sense. Basically, you are gonna agree with me and realise that I am describing each social media platform perfectly. I came up with this content idea because I just saw that youtube came out with a new section called “shorts” and I suddenly got a flashback to 2015-2016 when the whole bloody “snapchat copying Instagram” uproar came around. That really was a simpler time. But anyways, let’s get into it because we do need to say a number of things.

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Facebook

This is like a mum. More specifically, an older mum, but like not ancient, but her kids are nearly finished highschool or something. I think this because obviously this is what all the older generations worship and it really hasn’t changed that much. It doesn’t really copy everything that all the other social platforms are doing and if they do, they are absolutely crap at it. Facebook would also be a mum because they always keep track of everywhere you are, everyone you are with and every breathe you take. It also is always listening and you never realise until they start talking about it so much and outing you on what you were discussing in private. Facebook would defo be a mum because it tells everyone absolutely everything. It shows a post that your 3rd cousin was tagged in and you discover when anyone has any type of situation. It just contains all the information in the world whether you like it or not and now everyone you know and don’t know, are aware of the fact you got your period or some shit. If you disagree with my decision of who Facebook would be, you are wrong. But you also got to give Facebook credit because they are still going strong. They are keeping up, kind of, with everything that is happening and is known all around the world. They are a comfort for most and don’t give up, even when they are exposed by everyone and the generation that use Facebook are now dying out, so like fair play I guess.

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Instagram

Regina George. Just this one person. I guess it could be any person that is a blonde bitch, thinks she is loved by everyone, but in reality everyone hates her and is bullied by her and if anyone were to say anything bad about her, they would be banished from society despite the fact they all feel the same way. Like I really don’t see any way that Instagram wouldn’t be that bitch because she has the aesthetics, she has the followers, she has everything and although she steals other people’s trends, nobody says anything about it. Like Instagram literally has reels which is so crap because it is literally tiktok videos downloaded onto Instagram because the name is so big that they need to be on it but literally who the fuck is watching reels. If anybody watches them it is because they are trying to stay off tiktok for a while so they don’t feel too guilty. But yeah, I don’t get good vibes from Instagram and if I were to see her in the hallway, I would be scared. I don’t like her very much but again, if I said that in public I would be beaten to a pulp.

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Twitter

Twitter is quite difficult to describe because there are just so many layers. But what I think, and bare with me on this one, is that twitter is that really nice person who seems to be friends with everyone but is still kind of quiet and doesn’t cause any trouble, but she knows everyone’s secrets because they all trust her. So she is kind of the one you go to for the tea and everything going on everywhere and nobody really has hate against her, she is just there and doesn’t cause drama. Like we do need to give twitter a round of applause because she hasn’t changed for no bitch. Like maybe she has cleaned up her image and matured, as we all do, but she hasn’t done any type of tiktok rip off and she is comforting. Like there is no pressure of looks or expectations and you find everything you need. I just know that twitter would be smart, funny, just perfect and always acts herself which is why everyone loves her. They are an OG if you will.

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Snapchat

I do have to say that I do like snapchat you know, but the way I am describing it is exactly what I think snapchat would be, so don’t fight me about it. Snapchat is 100% the really loud, blonde girl who can never be quiet. But like they aren’t rude or annoying, they just have a wee bit of ADHD that makes her really crazy. She is always doing new things and copies other people’s trends but still doesn’t make it a big deal. Like I only found out yesterday that it has a fake tiktok thing but we kind of move past it because it’s fine. Snapchat as a person would be hectic and up to date with everything and is the person you always find yourself running into for no reason and also has some sort of borderline personality disorder because she is always changing her personality. I also feel like, despite the fact she always seems happy and hyper, she also has a dark side where she can like hack into anything and get you anything you need. Where is Michael? Oh, well he is right here. OH MY and he is with your best friend Samantha and she didn’t tell you anything about it! Like that is defo who snapchat is. She loves to cause drama and just watch the world burn and somehow she never gets dragged into the mess.

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Anyways, that is all for today guys because I just got another shift at work, but I mean I’m getting bank so it’s fine kind of but like it’s still minimum wage and the hours I work may or may not be illegal but like it’s fine… But yeah I’ll see you again tomorrow maybe and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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I’m not above a fight

See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate … Continue reading I’m not above a fight

Train wreck of thought

I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me … Continue reading Train wreck of thought

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Weekly Reminder

Hi guys. This post is quite late but I am sure none of you really care about that. The truth is though, this week has been tough and I don’t want to hide that from you all because despite the fact I usually upload positive content and jokes etc. my life is not perfect. Not one single bit. I just wanted to be honest with you guys because it is ok to have a hard time with things and you aren’t weird for feeling that way. I am not quite sure what to write in the rest of this and I am going to keep it short because, well, long story short, I am very exhausted in more ways than one.

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I guess I just wanted to remind you all that social media is the fakest thing on this earth. More fake than that ‘pick me’ girl in the back of your class. Like the pictures you see of men with rock hard abs or girls with the ‘perfect body’ are all utter bullshit. They are put into the perfect position where the lighting is great and the makeup is on point, and then for the imperfections that are inevitable, they are photoshopped. I know you all know this anyway, but it can be so bloody easy to remember. I could look through one person’s Instagram and see how they have the perfect life with a bunch of friends, a massive house, a massive yacht, going all over the world, and at that moment it is as if everything I have ever been told doesn’t count them in it. Every other photo on Instagram is fake, except this one right here. But how? When you say it out loud it makes no fucking sense but when you look at a post, it seems like the truth. And then you scroll on and the same thing happens, and again and again and again. But what we need to ask ourselves is “have we ever seen a picture of someone in their bedroom crying, or someone feeling lonely and lost and depressed?”. That answer is most likely no. And why is that? Well, because that doesn’t get views. It may at one point but it could ruin their whole presence on social media for the rest of their life. If you saw a video of someone complaining about how miserable they were while on a sunny beach in Greece, would you subscribe to them and adore them? Or would you scoff at them and call them entitled. It’s ok if you do scoff at them. It is completely human nature because from the outside they look like pricks. And that is my point. They are fake because they have to, and despite the fact we support those who are open and honest, their career gets shot down when they do.

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So don’t get the impression that I am trying to put the blame onto society for being hypocritical or something like that, but I just wanted to remind you that people don’t like to put the sad moments of their life where everyone can see them and they only put the moments online that look like they are having the best day in the world. Even if they are happy in that moment, the next day they could be unable to get out of bed, and so they won’t post anything, and you won’t see that. So no matter how someone looks in terms of their body or their emotion, that isn’t the whole picture. We aren’t shown the whole picture and we may never know, but we need to believe that there is one and that, just like normal human beings, they aren’t perfect and neither is their life so we can’t compare ourselves to that one tiny moment of their lives. You are brilliant, you are much more than anyone knows, nobody should ever underestimate your strength, and you need to understand that everyone is blessed to have you in their life. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


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Makeup and Me

First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue? … Continue reading Makeup and Me

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