To any foetus child out there who is like what the fuck are genes, basically they are the characteristics that we get from our parents and they make up who we are and what we look like. For example, I inherited my dad’s white ass Irish skin which burns like a bitch whenever a bloody tea light goes within 1 mile of it. So it’s not ideal. I also inherited his lack of eyebrows which shocked me, but you couldn’t tell because you couldn’t see my eyebrows expressions. I slightly blame my twin for that because, although it is probably scientifically impossible, I believe she robbed them from me in the womb. Unfortunately that doesn’t stand well in court so I never got back what is rightfully mine smh
I do have blonde hair which really is the only thing going for me but it is going darker and I resent that but it is what it is. Oh and I forgot to mention, I swear my twin stole my teeth because I have two missing and she’s a bit sus if you ask me. She isn’t little miss perfect after all. When she dies I swear I’ll find a long note releasing the truth. I don’t know why she would do it but like it meant that for 13 years of my life I looked like your crazy young cousin whose only personality trate is losing their teeth. And now I have fake teeth that I sometimes think will fall out. IM FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD YET I’LL LITERALLY HAVE FAKE TEETH DRILLED IN MY MOUTH AT 18. I remember one time when I had to put my fake teeth in my retainers and one day I forgot them for some dumb fucking reason and I was like dad we need to turn back and he was like no. The trauma this man caused right then was astronomical but he didn’t give a shit. I kid you not, I had to spend that whole day trying not to smile with my teeth or talk to anyone but then in one of my classes I forgot and smiled at someone and they looked at me like what the fuck and then was like “where have your teeth gone”. Keep in mind I was 13-14 so all my teeth should have fallen out and grown back so it was weird. I also regret this moment because I could have pranked them so easily by acting scared and going “oh my god where the hell did they go” but no I had to really say “I forgot them at home”. I FORGOT THEM AT HOME! What the actual fuck. No teen should have to say that they left their teeth at home. I am still recovering from that chat.
But back to what I wanted to talk about today. My pale ass skin. I kid you not, I only have two different options. White as fuck or red as fuck. Yesterday I thought I would switch it up a bit so I got burnt to a crisp. I regret it. Why do I never learn. I literally thought I could wish my way into going tan but instead I look like a fucking stop sign. It was dumb how it happened though because I must have forgotten to put suncream on like half of my legs and I didn’t realize. Like I knew my attention span was shit but I thought I could at least pay attention to this. So I had work after and I was basically cooking the meals on my legs cause they were burning so much and then when I took them off later I thought I was turning into Elmo because those bitches were RED. I basically bathed them in aloe Vera and cried because I am now currently on the way to a beach where the general public are and they can see my bright ass legs. Everyone also seems to have to point them out. Like just when I stop thinking about it someone needs to pop out from the sky and go “OH MY GOD” literally like Janice from friends “YOU ARE GLOWING” and I look at them like no shit Sherlock. I didn’t realize that my legs could double as a flare to attract planes and a heater to toast our sandwiches. Leave me and my burns alone. And of course my twin fans. That cheeky bitch. How did I get the pale skin, invisible eyebrows, missing teeth AND the mental illness 😮
Anyways that is the post and I’m glad to get that off my chest. Please feel free to comment some things you inherited from your parents or whether you relate to some of the things I have. Have fun in the sun and don’t forget suncream bitches. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
So I was just watching the opening ceremony or the Olympics and I’m sorry but like how awkward would that be. Especially for the people that work there and just wave as they walk down and have to act as though people are watching them but like really nobody is. And then the actual athletes … Continue reading The Olympics: Awkwardness Unlocked
Bitch, I don’t know much about this movie. I mean I’ve watched it and I know the general plot but like the only thing that sticks with me to this day and the phrase that every organism is aware of is when he says “mama says life is like a box a chocolates, you neve’ … Continue reading Who Else Is Pissed At Forrest Gump’s Mum?
You see, I have been to Florida, California, Turkey, Spain and some other places and they have all been really warm. Like obviously they were roasting places, but not one of them (well, maybe Florida) roasted or toasted me like the UK does. It’s as if the sun piled up all it’s heat that is … Continue reading Summer In The UK Is No Fucking Joke
I feel like a common theme with my content and the titles is that they all seem like I am about to go into some political talk as though I am about to rant about taxes or other Karen shit, but like it really isn’t, so I don’t know if I attract the wrong audience with it. I can imagine a bunch of middle aged women getting their hair pumped up at the back, like the typical Karen’s do, and getting ready to take notes on the topic so they too can complain about public transport or some shit. And if that does happen to be you, you are gonna be disappointed because it is just my opinion and for a bit of a laugh. I do honestly think public transport is great because of global warming and all that, but like that is the most political thing I am gonna be saying in this post so like I’m sorry to disappoint I suppose lol. I’m gonna go through each form 1 by 1 just because… well I don’t know why but I just am and I don’t know why I am telling you but lets just roll with it.
In all honesty, I love a good train. I think it is my favorite form because it is more relaxed kind of but still not very relaxed. I don’t know why though but they stress the shit out of me and I actually do know why so let me explain. I hope I don’t sound insane, but I also feel the same way about roller coasters which is that I kinda forget that a human controls them and they aren’t just on a time limit. And what I mean by that is that when I go on a roller coaster I get really stressed that the people aren’t going to get to me quick enough so they won’t be able to check my harness, when in reality, they control it and only start it when everyone is on. It isn’t like they have to get it all done in 5 minutes and if somebody isn’t strapped in right then that’s too bad. I feel the same way about the train too, so I feel that if the people getting in first take too long, they will just shut the doors and leave but like people control it so they wouldn’t do that unless they were like bunged up. So that is kinda stressful I suppose.
These are good though because they are quick and usually not too disgusting and they are quick too. Kinda nice vibes as well ad make you feel kinda grown up but like I wouldn’t be wanting to go on at night because, as a woman, I don’t think that would end well for me but like oh well. I think I made another post not long ago talking about how the train conductors are also really scary usually and act as though they have been pissed off since the day they were born, but like you just ignore them I guess and you are fine. Sometimes you can get lucky where they don’t get to you in time so you don’t have to pay and that is an added bonus like. Another thing I also get stressed about is getting onto the train and also just the train platform. I remember the first time I went on the train alone and my mum was waiting at the platform until the train left and she was in front of the yellow line and I was so panicked even when the train wasn’t moving. I was acting as though she was about to get sucked under the train just because she was close to it. I still kinda get scared of that. And when you get onto the train and have to walk over the gap to get in, I always feel as though, somehow, my phone or whatever I am holding, is going to fall in and then I will never get it back. I don’t always feel like I will fall in, but like I have to hold onto everything for dear life because I think it is somehow going to propel itself under the train. How embarrassing would that be if I did though. I always feel like I left something on the train too even when I literally didn’t bring anything onto it lol.
This is hands down my least favourite public transport. Like what the actual fuck I hate it so much. It is stressful enough when I have to get on it to go to school because I feel like I will get on the wrong one and end up in Russia or some shit. And the time table, like I just don’t trust it. You have to make sure that you get on the right one and when you do there are barely any seats so you have to end up sitting or standing next to the druggy who smells like actual shit. And even if you do get a seat they are always so dirty and infested with like 100 different viruses. It is so stressful as well when you get on and they just start moving the bus when you are still paying or just getting to your seat and you are literally flailing everywhere. It’s as though your drunk or something and they always suddenly stop and send you flying into someone. I always get scared that they will not stop at my stop for some reason.
My school bus for going home is literally shit. There are no seats, there are first years running around and shouting everywhere and you can’t even tell them to shut the fuck up, the drivers have anger issues and they sometimes put up the wrong fucking number so they drive a different way and you are like am I getting kidnapped lol. And if they do take the right way at the start, they fucking miss the last stop and we are like “umm where are you going” and they act as though they don’t know shit and are like “where was I supposed to go” and then take a bloody one hour detour just to turn around. It is so stressful and packed and they never have the heaters on in winter but in summer they seem to work and the air conditioning is broken. I hate buses with a passion and I always will
I don’t really know if they are included in the public transport category but they need mentioned anyways. They aren’t too bad like but why does it have to be so awkward and expensive and also kinda embarrassing when you have to take one because you were late to school. When you get one you have to sit there awkwardly or just engage in small talk that makes you want to pull your eyeballs out. The people driving are usually quite nice though and the actual car is nice and clean which is a good touch. I don’t live in New York so like these aren’t any crappy yellow ones. You have to call the company to send someone over and they are nice and all so that isn’t the bad part but why the fuck are they so bloody expensive. Like I guess you have to pay for gas and it is more private but like for fuck sake. You just look at the meter going up every second and you get a fucking heart attack. Sitting in traffic wondering if you can afford to get home. Like what if you don’t have enough money to pay for it all because it is more than expected? Do you just walk away or what
I remember in primary school we went in taxis to go to things like swimming and school trips and we thought we were the bees knees. Especially if the teacher didn’t go in your car and it was just your mates and the driver. There was this one time though when it was just me, my friends and the driver and we got in and the teachers were taking role or whatever and then our driver just drove straight away because the car was full and we were like what the fuck because nobody else had left. The guy was really nice but like on the edge of scary but like he did get us to the place but then 10 minutes after, our teacher finally got there and was like what the fuck because she though we were getting kidnapped or some shit because she didn’t tell the driver to go yet. Kinda fun times I suppose. You would have to be dumb to kidnap someone in a taxi though, pretty obvious like.
I do love a good plane, don’t get me wrong. I mean I love the vibes, it is quiet and you can relax. It is quick and you get the best shows in the world, the safety briefing. But what the fuck is up with the food. Who pissed off the cooks to make them prepare this. I don’t mind the snacks and stuff like the muffins or tea because those are fine, but like I remember I was flying over to america from Northern Ireland and I had pasta or something and it was absolutely awful. Just the texture was so bad. It was all one texture and that was slimy. The chicken was literally rank, the pasta was near dripping and I got off the plane feeling like shit. The people on the plane were kinda cheeky and stuck up though but it might just be because it as a long flight or there were annoying customers, but even at the start you could tell they wanted to throw you out the plane. The first movie is always the most exciting because you are like “ooh, I’m watching a movie in the air on the way to holiday, how fun” but after you are all cramped, you are bored, always interrupted, you need to pee but don’t want to go past anyone and you still have hours left. So while I do prefer a plane to a boat, they can get a bit old very quickly. They are more relaxed though especially when at the airport because you have you plain time called every hour, there is a clear sign about it, there are shops that are way over priced but good for looking around and it is honestly a vibe. I love people watching, not in a creepy way, so it is cool to see how people are literally going everywhere in the world. And if you just sit at the seats near your terminal, you will be sure to never miss your plane, so good times all around.
I remember the first time that I went on a plane without my parents and it was just me and my twin going over to England. The flight over was totally fine and kinda fun, but on the way back I was near in tears because, as you may know, I am quite the anxious person and we had gotten to our terminal with pretty much no bother and when we got there we sat for a bit and this guy was coming around checking the size of peoples bags. Ours had gotten through before so we were like we’ll be fine. Spoiler alert, we weren’t. It was the same airline, the same bags, the same stuff in it and the bag wouldn’t go in by like 1 mm. And I was like, we are never gonna get on this plane, we are going to be stranded here, I am never going to see my family again and the worker was talking about how it was too big and I was like but it got in before and he was like “not it didn’t” and I was like “bitch yes the fuck it did” and then he started talking about having to pay £30 to get it on the plane and I was like “we don’t have that much money with us” because we had just finished our trip and hadn’t brought much in the first place. And by that point I was panicking a lot inside and could only hear more about having to pay and i kept just saying “we can’t do that. We can’t afford that” and apparently by that point he was explaining that is what you normally had to do but he would let us off, so I defo looked like I was hiding something when in reality I was literally dying inside. That has traumatised me a wee bit, but as long as I just go with someone else for the rest of my life, I should be fine.
Anyways, I would talk a bit about boats but like, in summary, they are boring and scary, so there you go. I also feel like I have gone on long enough and I am boring myself. But please comment down below if you liked this and whether you feel the same way or have had another bad experience to tell. Don’t forget to like and follow for even more content like this and to check out my other posts. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
To any foetus child out there who is like what the fuck are genes, basically they are the characteristics that we get from our parents and they make up who we are and what we look like. For example, I inherited my dad’s white ass Irish skin which burns like a bitch whenever a bloody … Continue reading I Hate Genes
Now, I ain’t tryna rub this in anyone’s face or nothing but like, I have a small group of really close friends and despite the fact it took me a while to get over myself and make friends, it was totally worth it because we are so close. We have never had fights like everyone … Continue reading The Best Part About Having Great Friends
You know, this title may seem harsh but like if you haven’t watched these I really do have to question your mental well-being and ask how long you have been living under a rock. Like, these shows are so elite that I had that empty feeling when it finished. You know when you get so … Continue reading If You Haven’t Seen These Shows, Don’t Talk To Me
Damn, my English teacher would be proud of me for that title. That is definitely the biggest word I know. Anyways, as a teen, I always here my parents talking about stuff and I am like ‘is that a lot or is that small’ and I just have to go off the tone of their voice. I don’t know if others feel this way as well or if I’m just dumb. Lets find out.
When I was in primary school, one of the tasks we always did was to plan a holiday with a given amount of money to spend. Obviously fake money, I mean I didn’t go to private school. But one time I was like ‘mum I booked a plane ticket and it was only £99’ and I thought that was great but then my mum was like ‘that is awful, I would never pay that much’. Let me just say I was crushed. I thought I got a proper bargain. And when my mum comes home from Tescos or something, she could say something like ‘the bananas cost £1 all together today’ and to me £1 sounds so cheap but my mum would be raging and then my parents would go into a talk about the economy or something while I am here buzzing because I could buy 6 bananas for only £1. I mean I know a bargain when I see one but then again that is when I see the difference between poundland or home bargains. You gotta love a bargain but like I couldn’t really say what is a good price for food. And then with people’s salary. I mean when I am looking up jobs they always come up with the salary, obviously, and to me any money is a lot but I don’t know. And this is gonna make me sound posh, which I am not, but I thought that £1000 wasn’t that much for adults but then on game shows they are like ‘well done you got a grand’ and they think they’re the bees knees. Don’t get me wrong I’d be happy to win the money but like I don’t know, I just get mixed up. The worst thing is when people are like ‘guess how much this was’ and I have no bloody clue, I’m just like ‘I am gonna guess somewhere between £1 and £300’. I have to say I am always right.
Why is it that when someone asks my mum or dad ‘How far away is this?’, they just be like ‘to 2 or 3 decimal places?’ and I’m like, I barely know where that is. But seriously I just can’t comprehend because one metre is 100 centimetres, right? And that seems like a lot but then a metre doesn’t actually look that big when you see it. And a centimetre is actually really small. Then when people say what height they are I just get messed up because I always thought that 6 feet was a normal height for people because my dad is like 6.2 feet or something. But then later on in life when people were like oh my he is 6 foot, I would be like ‘OOOooKKKkkkk?’ What about it? I also don’t understand when someone is small. Obviously when I see them I can tell but like I either dramatize their smallness, making them too tall, or just not know at all. I don’t understand how people can just understand lengths and distances.
Look, I can read the time, I can read a clock, I know that an hour long drive is long. But what I mean is, well, I’ll just give you an example. Yesterday my mum was like ‘so I heard that *person’s name* works 30 hours now’ and I just looked at her blankly like ;1 what do you expect me to do with that. I didn’t know if that was long or short. And also when people are like, he ran a half-marathon in 4 hours and I would be like, I know a professional has run it in 2 hours, but like, is that good for someone else. Like I don’t really understand. And sometimes when I am watching something or doing something else, even when it isn’t boring, I feel like 15 minutes has gone by but then only 5 mins have gone buy and I’m like, excuse me? Time isn’t the worst thing for me I suppose although it is just confusing and I feel like I am always wrong at guessing an estimate of time. I guess it probably just has to do with boredom. I feel as though adults have a built in clock as well because if I was to ask how long it would take to get somewhere they would be like ‘well, approximately 2 hours 37 minutes and 24 seconds, depending on traffic’ and I am here like, do you just learn this from experience or is this some sort of rain man crap?
This one is kind of different to the others but like this is just something I can’t get into my head. As someone who can’t drive yet, I could only tell you what street I live on which, for the purpose of my safety, I will not tell you. But I know it, I swear. I always hear my sister and my mum talking about what route they take as if they are a bloody atlas. One time this woman was like ‘does this lane take you down to *blahbalh* road?’. I looked behind me and was like ‘where the fuck is *blahblah* road?’, turned back around and was like ‘I don’t know’. She looked at me as though I was dumb, well, I don’t blame her. In my defense though, we called the road she was talking about something is, we called it *hhkjki* road, you know. I swear that when I learn how to drive, I will be relying on google maps, I mean if I were to ever ask directs, for one, I wouldn’t know what the hell they are talking about, and two, I would forget every word they just said. The thing is though, when people go the wrong way or the road is blocked, they always happen to know which way to go. Like it is crazy. It could be somewhere I have never been before yet my dad would find a way. And it is always the weirdest way too. At one point I swear I saw my will to live, but I never saw it again.
Thank you so much for reading. If you liked this, make sure to like, follow and maybe donate a bit of cash, whatever is a reasonable amount in your eyes I suppose. Oh and also I have awesome codes so you can get more money of things, because sometimes prices are just too high, but really too high. Go check them out. See ya later, and remember, just because you don’t know some things, it doesn’t mean you are dumb. It just means you make space for the important things in life PERIODT.
There are so many things that we do and at some point in our lives we find out that some aren’t normal. Whether that is what you think or what you do there is at least one things that is slightly different so I wanted to share a few of mine and you can comment if you think the same
How The Hell Do You Be An Adult
OK, so obviously you are an adult once you turn 18 but like what I mean is like how do you buy houses, how to you pay for bills, how do you start a business or do an interview. Like the list could go on and it is just stuff that adults do on the regular. I mean I can hardly order a pizza never mind buy a house. Do you just learn that at some point or will I be on the phone with my mum 24/7 because at this rate I’ll be like ‘um so I just chopped my fingers off, do I need to book an appointment or what, like LOL this is going to be so embarrassing’. I don’t know if that is the lack of confidence talking but like I need to know when this knowledge is given to me.
OK look. Once you have all of your exams over, whether that is your GCSEs, A levels, a degree, whatever, but like what happens next. Do I just go home as though everything is normal. I mean yeah people do be celebrating abroad but like after that what the hell do I do. I would feel so young to be going out and getting a job, like will they take me seriously because I am going to be looking like a literal foetus in front of everyone else and I am gonna be honest, I am not up for that. I want to be a police officer so imagine me, a wee girl coming in for an interview and being like ‘umm hey’ and they’ll be like ‘oh the school is at the other side of the street sweaty’. Bitch knowing me I would be like ‘oh OK sorry’ and starting back at school. I ain’t ready for that. Oh and by the way, how the hell do I make a resume for that. Just be like ‘I want to be a police woman – past experience = McDonald employee’. I mean how pathetic does that sound.
Lets set the scene. I am a teen, the youngest in my family, and to not give away too much of my personal stuff I will give you a hint. My age starts with fifth and ends with teenth. So anyways, all my siblings are older than but then again I only have two and one of them is only one minute older than me. My twin, if you didn’t catch on. Anyways so yeah we still go all out on Christmas. Of course we know the secret, Santa prefers mince pies to cookies, and at first I was a bit shocked because, you know, I had been giving him cookies for years, but like I got back into doing the whole thing. I set up a plate with mince pies and a glass of milk. We also leave out reindeer food and carrots of course. We all also read this Christmas book that we have done for years. Even after the news I still go all out for Christmas and to be honest there is no shame.
Singin’ In The Shower
OK, now this one is kind of embarrassing for me. To be fair I don’t do it as much anymore because I have realised that not everyone does this. But like I have had a few concerts in my life. In the shower of course. Can I sing? Hell no. Did I do it anyway? Obviously yes or why would I be talking about it. It wasn’t until my twin was like ‘could you shut the hell up’ that I realised that it wasn’t all that normal at a public swimming pool. Ha, jokes it was at my home. But like you see in all the movies that they are like great singers and they are having a blast. Singing always sounds so much better in the shower. Well for the person singing anyways. But I am quite embarrassed to do it even in the comfort of my own home. It is a tough world guys.
Shaving You Arms
OK this is getting a bit weird now but I just have to know. Is it normal to shave your arms? Like I thought it was a normal thing until I tried to do it and ended up cutting my elbow and my mum was disappointed. OK so maybe she did tell me I didn’t need to because nobody does and I am blonde but I mean I guess I was just a ~rebellious teen~ you know :1. The thing is though I hate the look of my arms and I was like, this isn’t normal. Well it is and I found out that literally nobody shaves their arms. I mean I understand now because literally nobody can see them but hey, it was a learning curve I suppose.
Now I am not about to go into a whole depressing topic but I just wanted to ask, does anybody else get that moment where everything is fine but then in a split second you are like wow this is real life, this isn’t a movie, this is real, that is real, I am living, this is true, I am a human living in a house with everything readily available. Just things like that. It was as if you feel really fake for a second and your like what the hell I am a living person and this is my life. No it is not a whole euphoric thing, more like a recap of life if you get me ahhaha. Like that is definitely from a movie where they are like ‘oh my god. I need to stop the wedding, she is my destiny’ or ‘I can do anything’. It is kind of just like a weird dizzy feeling and then I am like damn, back to work.
Everyone is definitely going to think I am crazy with this one but does anyone else remember just being like 2 or 3 and just ‘waking up’ in your living room and then that was the beginning of your life. Like it is so weird, I can’t really describe it but I remember it so vividly. I can’t remember anything before that, it was just dark or nothing but then I just opened my eyes and I was on the floor and then ran into the kitchen but I kind of stopped and looked back as if I was like ‘what the fuck just happened’. I sound so crazy but that was just the beginning of my life and I remember it so clearly and it was weird. I didn’t have like the brain of a 2 year old where I was like ‘oogly boogly’ you know, it was kind of like it is now but immature and just, the mind of a child I suppose but not. I really can’t describe it but I hope someone else can say this has happened to them and that I am not just crazy.
Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed. Hopefully you related to some of them and felt a bit less crazy because of them hahah. Follow my blog to keep updated when I post and read some more of my blog while your at it I guess. Keep safe, and don’t worry because it will all work out in the end, I promise, it’s all just part of the process PERIODT.