So it’s the middle of the 2nd day of the year and I’d say it’s been interesting, to say the least. I mean, not 2 hours ago I quite literally melted my glasses.
Call me blonde, but I wore them into a sauna. In my defense, I have done that before when I had a spa day and was in and out of saunas for hours without any melting specs. So surely it shouldn’t be that much different for other saunas. And there wasn’t even a sign warning you when you got into the sauna, or at least I couldn’t tell because I put them on top of my head because I thought they would get steamed up anyways so there is no point having them on.
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The thing is I actually have quite shitty eyesight (thanks Mum) so I kinda needed to bring them with me so I didn’t, you know, accidentally walk into the door or sit on someone. Then again I really can’t blame anyone apart from myself because obviously plastic can’t really deal with the heat.
I’ll tell you what though, it was the weirdest feeling ever. I had just said to my sister that it was probably time to leave and was heading toward the door. Obviously, with my lack of vision, I reached for my glasses on top of my head. When I grabbed the leg it just started to droop. I mean I thought I was fragile but this hoe was next level. And I kinda was just like “what the fuck” and got it off my head to where I could see it and the nose bit in the middle was looking like a slinky just bending in all sorts of ways.
My glasses were curvier than me!
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That’s when I was flabbergasted and just told my sister to open the door. Luckily she listened because, while I’m blinded, I will echolocate this hoe into the ground. Anyways, when I got out I ran over to a bench like I was about to perform life-saving surgery and try to mold it back to its previous form. Then I poured cold water over it so it would hopefully harden quicker.
Safe to say, it did fuck all and while they are still usable, they feel really weird on my face because the nose bit stretched so won’t stay on my face which, for those who don’t wear glasses, is kind of important.
So now, both figuratively and literally, I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I’m ashamed of my actions and I hope I can spread awareness through this post to save the life of other glasses. May they rest in peace 😦
Right now I’m wearing contacts so thank god they aren’t bloody expensive (me when I lie)
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But apart from that and my party popper not popping after the countdown, this year isn’t too bad. I mean it’s better than the past 2-3 already. What about you? How is your year going? I’ve actually got quite a busy one coming up with it being my last year of school. Or at least it will get busy when I figure out what I want to do. Oh well, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
P.S. My Mum just texted me that I do not in fact have insurance for my glasses :,)
Introduction Since the 5th of July, 1948, the UK has been blessed with free healthcare through the NHS, helping to provide critical treatment and medicine for UK citizens. Included in the NHS are the mental health service with psychologists, mental health nurses and many more specialised workers who work to improve the lives of others…
Here for the second instalment of Discount and Deals we have TopCashBack. Not gonna lie to you, I’ve heard about this for a while and never bothered to get it because it’s one of those things where it’s “too good to be true”. I mean how the hell are you gonna tell me I can…
Hey everyone. Just for a time frame our current prime minister is Rishi Sunak so that means this post is accurate for at least a couple of weeks, give or take. I’m not gonna get much more political than that because I know you are all sick of hearing what crap is going on in…
The queen’s health has become a great topic during the last few months, especially after her jubilee when she could not attend various events due to medical reasons. But I mean, who can blame her? She is literally 96 years old! I’m 1/5th of her age and I’m sick of this shit already.
And I’m not even a celebrity! I can go out of my house without millions of people shocked that I can, in fact, open my own car door. However, the queen has got to literally plan a whole mission just to go to the toilet (Honestly I don’t actually know for sure because, shockingly, I am not part of the royal family).
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People also freak the fuck out whenever she breathes around her grandchildren. Like on the balcony she was talking with her youngest grandchild and people praised her for being so “down to earth” and “the world’s best granny”. That is not slagging her off at all, I’m just trying to highlight how hectic her life is.
Back to the point, there are a lot of conspiracy theories about the queen and her death and I have to say some are pretty hilarious:
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Conspiracy theories about the Queen
1. E-lizard-beth
I saw this on a meme the other day and it is literally so funny. People think she is a lizard (or a shape-shifting, extraterrestrial reptile). Honestly, I don’t know what their thinking behind that is, I think people say that is why she wears gloves, but I’ll give it to them, they were creative with the name
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2. Already dead
I don’t want to sound like some sort of crazy gal that believes all the conspiracy theories because some of them are just so stupid, but I don’t know I just feel like out of them all this is more believable. I don’t really think she died in 2016 and was replaced, but I don’t know, I think she just been quiet lately. Then again she might just be living her life, as she should.
I mean why would they be waiting until after Brexit? As if people are gonna be like, “oh shit, the queen is dead, let’s not go to Tesco’s anymore.” I mean I guess things may close for a while, but then again not everyone is that into the queen’s life
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3. Cannibal
How absolutely raging would you be if you reached 96 years old and instead of people being amazed by her they just look at her and go “You must be a cannibal. You must be eating kids”. Like what the fuck? It’s funny don’t get me wrong but also where is the sense in that. I mean she can afford entire countries, so I think she may have a pretty good skincare routine. She hasn’t done a “get ready with me” TikTok in a while so I can’t say for sure, but it ain’t hard to connect the dots.
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The Latest Conspiracy Theory
She Is Petty
OK now hear me out for a second! Just listen to what I gotta say. This isn’t even the most crazy conspiracy theory to believe.
Now, I don’t know the queen personally so I can’t say for sure, but I think that she is hanging on just to spite us. I mean, she must always hear us talking about getting 2 weeks off when she dies and I don’t know about your family but mine always make jokes like “oh I can’t wait to get 2 weeks off. I hope it happens this week because I have a geography test”. And it really is fucked up to talk about, but I think that she doesn’t want to give us the satisfaction of her death.
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I feel like she is up in one of her several bedrooms and just reads the memes about getting “mourning time” and she’s just like “*fancy queen accent* these cheeky fucks think they are going to benefit from my death. I’ll show those mother fuckers!” and now just does everything possible to live forever. I wouldn’t be surprised if she came close to become a cannibal just to live longer.
And I respect that honestly. She has achieved the title of queen of England and queen of pettiness. My prediction is that she is either going to hold on until during summer time, so we won’t actually miss any school, or just outlive us all. I bet that in 110 years or so, once everyone currently alive dies, she will happily “sleep for eternity” or go into her gold-coated cryochamber where she will awaken once again when her other extraterrestrial reptile friends come to earth. Just a thought.
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Anyways, I dare you to prove me wrong. I even bet that in the next few days someone will be running around the palace to find the queen and then they burst through her door dramatically and be like “look what we found! Your secret is out!” and she’ll whip around in her chair (or get someone to swivle her around for her) and be like “*fancy queen voice* my lord, who?” and they’ll be showing this very post on their laptop.
If so, hey queen!
Conclusion
You have to admit, I made a pretty convincing argument right there. I mean who wouldn’t do the same if people all secretly waited for your death? You would be raging. I know she gonna haunt the fuck out of us all. She never rests. She gets the job done one way or another. But yeah, it really is amazing how she has lived that long. Surely despite all her money and people doing everything for her she would have a stressful life and not live so long, but she must love her job.
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Or maybe we all secretly manifest it when we say “long live the queen” and everytime she hears that she just chuckles as her battery charges up a little more. Oh well, thank you for reading this. What do you think is the queen’s secret? I mean, I’m sure she has great healthcare. On another note, please do like, follow, comment and share because that will help to keep this blog alive as old as the queen! Well, maybe not that long but as long as possible. Thank you so much and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
So it’s the middle of the 2nd day of the year and I’d say it’s been interesting, to say the least. I mean, not 2 hours ago I quite literally melted my glasses. Call me blonde, but I wore them into a sauna. In my defense, I have done that before when I had a…
I myself am not someone with massive fashion sense. I tend to be late to the trends because I am never confident enough to fully commit to them as if I everyone would turn and point and start laughing at me like “I can’t believe she actually fell for it”. Don’t ask why, but that’s…
Personally, I totally get why in a lot of places you have to be 18 to vote. People my age can barely decide on what fillings they want in subway. But I think another way to see it is that we are the ones that are going to have to live through the consequences of…
This post might make me seem like the most boring person ever, or just completely weird, and I respect that tbh. It is what it is. But I wanted to make a post about it because there is always so much stuff going on during summer that I see on social media and I feel… I don’t think bad is the right word but like I feel uncomfy and as though I missed out on something by not being there and I think it’s important to address it for your own sake I guess.
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What Is FOMO?
Fear Of Missing Out
I’m sure a majority of you knew this, but in case you didn’t, FOMO just stands for “fear of missing out”. Actually the first time I heard it was in a vine and it really confused me because I had never heard it and didn’t realise it was just short for something else so I literally was so confused. I tried to find the video for you but literally couldn’t find it and I wasn’t about to start looking through all the vine compilations, but if that is something you are wanting to do, the vine person was called TooTurntTina. It also is not necessary for this post whatsoever so do with that information what you will.
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Basically, it is feeling as though you are going to/have missed out on something. For me, I just feel left out and even if I were to miss a day of school or have to go in late, I would be kinda worried that I was going to miss something and then in the end I would have no friends.
And that’s quite the big jump you know, but that’s just how my brain works lol
How Has It Affected Me?
That heading makes it sound like I have some sort of condition but literally, it isn’t that deep. It is pretty annoying though, I’ll tell you that because I could really not be arsed to do something, but then all of a sudden I think that something completely ground-breaking will happen, so if I don’t go I’m gonna miss it.
As I said before, I feel as though missing something will result in me just having no friends. But I’m guessing a lot of you will be like “this girl has got to chill the fuck out” and you are right. I 100% agree, but you know me, I love to challenge myself. Never let them know your next thought. Missing a day of school? Seems like eternal loneliness to me!
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So, apart from keeping me on my toes, what does this quirky way of thinking do to my everyday life? First off, it’s useful to establish what type of person I am. I’m not gonna lie, I’m generally an anxious person. I love a little spontaneity, but I love sticking to a schedule and planning in advance. I like to be at home and comfy by myself, but if I’m not around people for more than half a day, we’ll just say it gets a bit dark up in the ol’ noggin.
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Now we have that established, it’s easy to understand that it can get a little confusing, or stressful when I am put in the situation of choosing between whether to do something or not. There are a lot of things that I have to think about within a short space of time before making a decision. You may say I’m indecisive but the fact is I know what I want to do. More likely than not I want to just stay at home or just not do what they are suggesting but then I also gotta think of what I could be missing out on. They could start forming a closer bond and I would end up just being an accessory to the group or maybe they could end up meeting someone famous. Honestly, though it doesn’t make sense because who the fuck are you gonna meet in a Mcdonald’s in Northern Ireland? Fucking Ronald McDonald?
A lot of people just have the attitude of just saying yes to everything because you won’t regret going, you’ll only regret not going. And usually, that is the way it ends up, especially as my twin always goes to everything and obviously if she goes then I can’t make up an excuse to not go, so I usually don’t have much of an option, but a lot of the time it is just draining and in reality, I just want to be in my fucking bed.
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The weirdest part about it is when I’m scared of missing school. Who the fuck doesn’t want to miss a day of school? I used to like it in primary school because the only thing you would miss is what the fox said but you can catch up on that later. But with high school, if you miss a day or a period, the next time you come in either the whole building will be in ashes or you’ll have finished a whole topic which just happens to be the longest and most complicated of the entire year and now you’ve got a pile of homework and you need to teach yourself the whole subject for the next lesson.
I could be seeing the light but I’ll be thinking about how much I am going to miss in school. Honestly, I don’t know if that says more about me or the schooling system but something ain’t right. I feel so ashamed or I feel like a fraud. Unless I have literally broken all my bones I can just tell the teachers are looking at me like “that he just wanted to miss maths” or “that dumb bitch doesn’t even know how to find the area of an oval” as if I even do maths/need it for my future.
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It is crazy how much you can miss in one day and sometimes that fear can help you to do some amazing things like maybe skydiving, trying new foods or literally just having some special bonding time with your friends, but at some point, it becomes more of a burden. It feels as if you are forced to be there which just makes everything worse I don’t really know how to stop that yet and it may take some time but I hope that sometime in the future I can be as secure with myself and my friendships as to not feel terrified by the thought of missing out. It just spoils so much and in reality, I should just focus on myself.
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I mean, so what if I don’t get invited to every single party or go out every single night with a bunch of different people. That isn’t me and if I went out and did that I would most likely be miserable. It gives me the energy to do the things that I want to do and just because I am not that social of a person, doesn’t make me any less interesting or worthy. It doesn’t make me weird, it just makes me happier.
And not everybody is out every day and night doing everything imaginable. You only think that way because only people like that post their entire life. There are probably a handful of people who actually live like that because who the fuck is gonna post a photo of themselves having some quiet time or just hanging out by themselves? There are probably so many other people who feel the same as you do but they just don’t post about it so therefore you only see those that have done so much. In all honestly, they have probably just posted photos from a while ago or they literally took a photo of them having a great time when in reality it was a shit show.
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I guess what I want you to take away from this post is that you shouldn’t worry about missing out and you should take life less seriously. Who gives a fuck if you miss out on a teacher having a mental breakdown? You can talk about it later if you want but in the end, it will hardly go down in history. And if you don’t end up hanging out with your friends on the weekend, that’s fine. If they are any type of good person they will understand and not judge you.
Most likely the things that feel so big and important now you won’t even remember in the future. It’s about doing things when you want to so you can get the full experience and joy of doing it. So I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Lately, the NEWS about the invasion of Ukraine by Russia has been minimal despite the growing threat of another world war. So I think it’s time to bring up a new revelation that I have discovered amidst hundreds of other repetitive NEWS reports. It’s time we check in again and refocus on what could become…
Not to sound like a pick-me girl, but I’m not like other girls. I like to wear comfy baggy clothes, but a lot of the time the good stuff is in the men’s section. Is it ok that I shop there?
To be completely honest with you, I didn’t have any high hopes for the movie when I heard it was coming out. I thought it would be another one of the “Bohemian Rhapsody” types of movies, which I did like, but was getting kinda bored of. I also didn’t know much about Elvis himself, or…
This title isn’t some sort of click-bate type of shit. I literally can not believe that this concert happened. And the thing is when I try to explain it to my friends they just think I’m some obsessed fan girl but I just can’t put what I feel into words. So I don’t know how this post is going to turn out but you can let me know if you feel the same way.
The Best Support Act
First of all, let’s start with her support act. Jessie Reyez. If you don’t know her, I’ll catch you up. We love her. She was amazing! The confidence and her energy were just everything! And she whipped out a fact that kinda shook me and I was like damnnnnn. Do you know the song “One touch” with Dua Lipa and Calvin Harris? SHE WROTE IT! And she has actually been in songs with so many other big people like Eminem and Lewis Capaldi and I just never realised.
Her story was crazy too. She got really deep with us for a whole second and she was saying that when she was starting to try and get into the singing industry (if that’s what it’s called) she had the opportunity to sing in front of this big producer which would be amazing for her career. So she sang to him and obviously, she was amazing and the producer agreed, but guess what the fuck this man said. He said, “you can sing well, but if you want to make it in this industry you’ve got to suck d!(k”. Flabergasted! That’s all I can say. I was completely knocked off my feet. But look at her now! She made it anyway! I hope she does a concert of her own in Belfast soon because I wanna go.
Billie! Billie! Billie!
Anyways, now onto Billie Eilish! Let’s start with the queue outside. Now, I was sitting so I got there an hour before the doors opened, but I know people who were there for 6 hours! FACTS! And I get it because they were standing and I would have done the same but it just seems so mental. They literally got there before she did, I’m guessing. The vibes must have been crazy though. Even when I was waiting in line I was looking at the literal fucking wall like “this gorl is on the other side of this wall right now”.
I felt unworthy of breathing the same air as her. I felt blessed to be in the same room as her and to be able to see the same things as her. I kid you not, Belfast feels different to me now that I know THE Billie Eilish has been there. And I know that I sound like a psycho and Billie’s bodyguards are trying to hunt me down now, but I can explain. I swear!
Actually, I can’t really explain because I don’t have a way with words. I’ll most likely dig myself into a bigger hole but let’s try anyway. Billie is the most amazing, inspiring, comforting, down-to-earth human being that I’ve ever known. I don’t know her personally but I just get that vibe from her. She’s got a story as well and while that was hard for her, she is proof that you can get better and we all need that. I like how she is so open about it and she just being in the same room as she makes you feel like everything is going to be ok, no matter what.
Let me tell you, this girl puts on one fucking good show. Like at the start it was all smoky and flashing lights and increasingly fast music and I was literally like “oh shit where is she” because I swear these singers be coming out of every fucking crevis nowadays, but then she just flew out of the ground. And when I say flew, I mean this miss Billie did not skip leg day. She jumped high though and I was KNOCKED off my feet. I really wasn’t ready for it despite the fact I had been waiting since Christmas day.
You know the way people say you shouldn’t meet your hero? They can go fuck themselves because I met mine and it was fucking amazing. She literally went onto a wee crane thing at one point and just swung around the stadium on her platform like the queen she is. It defo inspired Queen E to get up on her balcony the next day for her jubilee. Like it was so uncalled for because she was singing a song and then we were like “umm hello” because she was just GONE, she had left. But then all of a sudden she’s a runner, she’s a track star because she was at the other side and getting onto this crane situation.
It was funny seeing everyone in the standing section all scuttle over to the other side like she was a magnet or something. Then after a few amazing songs, she ran around again to the front and I’m pretty sure that is when she was singing “getting older” and she had videos from when she was little which was so cute. Tell me why I was crying though? Like they were not my childhood photos but I was really like “shit, we’ve come so far”.
I want to mention that I haven’t been able to listen to any of her songs since the concert because every time I do I die inside a little and literally cry and I’ll tell you why. It reminds me that I am no longer in said concert and that I am not in fact besties with Billie Eilish and she doesn’t even know who I am. Don’t ask me why I went into the concert with the feeling that I would walk out of there as her new bestie. All I can say is that I just always set myself up for failure lol.
Dublin’s Disaster
One last thing that I wanted to talk about which isn’t related to the Belfast concert, but still has to do with Billie is her Dublin concert. She had 2 I think and I’m not sure which one it was, but what I heard actually bugged me. Don’t quote me on this because I wasn’t there, but I heard that people were literally throwing stuff onto the stage. I don’t think it was to hurt her but probably they wanted her to sign their clothes or some shit, but then somebody threw a SHOE at her, at THE Billie Eilish, and she stopped to ask that they don’t do that because some people have got really hurt and she doesn’t mind if people give her a shirt respectively, AS SHE SHOULD. But then apparently some people started to boo at her! How dare they! I hope Billie was ok though because she had every right to ask people to literally not hit her with shit.
And now, as a Northern Ireland citizen, I’m kinda conflicted. I don’t want to be associated with the certain dickheads you find in England (not all of you though x) but I also don’t want to be associated with the Irish who are now disrespectful idiots (not all of you though x). Like for real, are we gonna have even more troubles because we’ve already done that shit. We completed it, for real.
So now that you all think I am a crazy fan girl and that Billie has probably filed a restraining order against me, I just wanted to end this by just making sure everyone knows that I just really respected and admire Billie and I love her so much because she is such a nice, down-to-earth gal. I would never do something like throwing a shoe at her just so I get her attention, and I would never do the crazy stalker shit that you see some people do, I just want her to know how much she means to so many people.
I also hope that someone else feels that way and that she enjoys the rest of her tour because I know I fucking loved the concert and I don’t really know how she could top our crowd. For real, we were so loud that I could barely hear her at times lol. Shout outs to Billie Eilish and I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
For those who may not watch TikTok, there has been a sort of trend going around lately of a man that keeps dancing to George Ezra’s song “green, green grass”. Personally, it has ruined the song for me forever and I think many others will agree. I would add a video to this post, however,…
Summary of The Queen The queen’s health has become a great topic during the last few months, especially after her jubilee when she could not attend various events due to medical reasons. But I mean, who can blame her? She is literally 96 years old! I’m 1/5th of her age and I’m sick of this…
A lot of the time I feel like an outsider or at least a weirdo for not being social 24/7. I even feel crap missing school! But what even is that? Why do I feel this way?
Let me set the scene for you real quick. It’s 4.30am. You’re at the airport. You’re at the back of a long line for a service that hasn’t even opened yet. An hour ago you were asleep or at least just woken up by your alarm so you kinda feel like you’re in some sort of dream or parallel universe, but you still brought your eyebrow pencil to try and not scare everyone around you and to look half alive at least. Overall, you’re just uncomfy, and tired, and your back is aching from the carry on bag that you are using to hold all the useless crap that didn’t fit in your suitcase. So what do you do? Start complaining. You start to say “why is this flight so early?” and “why aren’t we even moving, I just want to go to bed!”.
Not a pretty sight, am I right? Well, I’m sure you can guess this was me last April on my way to Spain for the week. It was the first foreign trip I had taken since COVID and I was really excited, but, despite the fact I would say I’m a morning person, I’m not a crazy 3.30am wake-up type of gal, so we’ll say that morning wasn’t the most enjoyable. Funnily enough though, as I had one eyebrow completed, my friend’s mum and boyfriend came into the airport too. It was a nice surprise and they were on their way to go to Portugal. The line still hadn’t started to move so we chatted for a while, or, the mum’s chatted. They got onto how it was so early and how the airport hasn’t even opened yet, and then the boyfriend said something that kinda stuck with me.
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I don’t know if it was the fact I was practically sleepwalking or what, but what he said kinda “opened my eyes”. It wasn’t revolutionary, I knew exactly what he meant, but just in that situation it really changed my mood. I hope I’m not hyping this up too much though for real, but I’ll tell you what he said. In the middle of us talking about how fed up we were standing in this line and being up so early and already having made a mistake (forgetting to pre-pay for parking) he said…
“First world problems, am I right?”
Typing that out sounds less impactful but at that moment it really made me question why the fuck I was complaining. Really I was complaining about how I had to go and travel to a luxurious, warm country where I would be sunbathing and making great memories. I was literally complaining about how hard my life is having to wake up at 3.30am to go on a fucking holiday. When you think about it, I had no right to complain.
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And I apply that to so much in my life now. If my phone doesn’t work or I maybe have to wait another 5 minutes for my mum to pick me up from school, or if I’m slightly cold in my safe and secure home, I think about how lucky much worse it could be.
Sometimes when I say that I wonder if people assume that I’m dismissing all of their feelings because we can still have problems. Maybe they aren’t the same as everyone else’s, but we still have problems and we shouldn’t feel guilty for being sad in the life we have. Even with celebrities we look at them and think they have it all so when they feel lonely or sad then a bunch of us judge them and think they are ungrateful and ignorant, but in reality they are human and life isn’t easy even for the people who seem to have it all.
So I just want to make sure that what I mean by this post is that you should always look at the bigger picture, not to make yourself feel like a bad person, but to help you think through your problems and realise that it’s all going to be ok. It helps me to put a more positive light onto situations and then it just makes situations better for me. It isn’t just to keep you “woke” but it benefits your life because you take in every second of every horribly beautiful moment.
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I hope that made sense because it’s always hard to convey what you mean into text. That’s why I hated doing English in school because I would be able to understand and I got what they meant pretty much, but I either couldn’t put it into words, or I couldn’t put it into the words they wanted. So that’s great that I have a blog where communication is key *thumbs up*.
So yeah, I am gonna go now but I just want to give a heads up that VERY SOON I am going to release a post about 2 nights ago when I went to the concert of my FAVOURITE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD and when I say I cried after, it is no joke. I have that post-concert crisis/depression at the moment and it’s hitting real hard this time. So look forward to that ok! I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
ReactionsThere is no excuseHistory is destroyedDo you know what makes it even more hypocritical?Conclusion Reactions These are the people’s reactions after the US supreme court overturned the Roe v. Wade decision that gave women the right to an abortion. In other words, on the 24th of June 2022, the USA destroyed 50 years of advancement…
The Best Support ActBillie! Billie! Billie!Dublin’s Disaster This title isn’t some sort of click-bate type of shit. I literally can not believe that this concert happened. And the thing is when I try to explain it to my friends they just think I’m some obsessed fan girl but I just can’t put what I feel…
I know a lot of my posts are usually just for the shits and giggles and I try to make light of situations going on because that’s how I express my thoughts, but there is no way this could ever be flipped into some sort of joke. There is not one thing about this that can or should be taken lightly because it’s a fucked up and avoidable situation.
I don’t know if you have heard the news in the past few days, but let me catch you up. On 24th May 2022, there was a school shooting in an elementary school in Texas causing the death of 19 children. You also may not have heard that this is the 27th elementary school shooting of this year. In the first 5 months, there have been 27 shootings. And these kids were 8-10 years old.
Do you know what should be happening at this age? Forming life long friendships, playing imaginary make-believe games where they live in a magical world or figuring out what they want to do in the future, and how they want to change the world someday. But, now we have not only lost 19 children and 2 adults, but we have also lost the innocence of so many more. This moment will be scarred into the brains of hundreds if not thousands of kids who don’t feel safe in a place where they are supposed to learn and play and grow. Sure school isn’t everyone’s favourite place, but it was a place that we feel or should feel, safe in.
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And I could go into detail about how the 18-year-old shooter was a psychopath or a fucking awful, horrific human being, but that doesn’t make what he did less of a tragedy. Whether he was drunk or sober, insane or mentally stable, he was able to buy 2 guns and end the life of so many people. He was able to damage so many families and cause so much misery. So for whoever is reading this that doesn’t see the problem here, how the fuck can you justify the right to bear arms? How the fuck can you not recognise that the common denominator is guns and how easily you can access them.
Oh, and just so you know, I do know what I’m talking about. Yes, I didn’t grow up in America, but I did do some research and it didn’t take long to find out that between January 2009 and March 2018, the USA has had the most school shooting events. Before I tell you the exact figure, I want to point out that this is within a 9-year time span and doesn’t even include the countless others that have been all over the news in the past couple of years. I’ll leave a link to the resource that showed these statistics here, but what it showed was that within this time period there were 288 school shootings in the USA. The second highest was in Mexico. They had 8 school shootings.
There is a 280 difference between the first and second place of the most school shootings. No person in their right mind could ignore that figure. How many more shootings are needed before action is taken? How many more lives have to end before you recognise that the problem is the rules about guns? You say it is part of your right and that the USA is a free country, yet your ‘free country’ refuses people the right to feel safe and to live a long life in the way that they want to. How can someone feel free when there are people pointing guns at every corner. How do guns represent freedom?
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As someone who doesn’t live in the USA, it is absolutely mind-boggling how people can react so calmly to these situations. It’s actually terrifying to hear what changes they do make because it is never the right one. Instead of banning guns or even just making them harder to get, they teach kids how to hide or defend themselves against a shooter. Over 95% of schools in the USA have school-shooting drills. That means over 95% of people in school are vulnerable to a school shooting with no actual protection.
Let’s look at it in a different way, just for the people who still don’t get it. The Coronavirus. How did we decrease the number of people getting ill from it/dying from it? We didn’t just tell people what to do when they get it. No, what we did was we stopped people getting it in the first place. That did take the USA a little longer to figure out and to achieve, but I’m pretty sure they figured it out eventually. And it’s the same thing for guns. How do we decrease the number of school shootings/ people dying due to guns? We don’t just tell people what to do in a school shooting. No, what we do is we stop people from getting guns in the first place.
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I could go on all day about why there needs to be a ban on guns and weapons like it but I assume you get what I’m talking about. So to end this off I just want to add that I am so sorry to all the people affected by the shooting on the 24th of May 2022 and to all the people affected by many other shootings. I can’t even begin to believe how that must feel and to those in school, I hope for your sake that the government listen to what is happening and actually take action because your memories of school shouldn’t be of shooting drills or jumping at every loud noise. It’s unfair and should never have gone this far, but I know someday this will change for the better. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Let me set the scene for you real quick. It’s 4.30am. You’re at the airport. You’re at the back of a long line for a service that hasn’t even opened yet. An hour ago you were asleep or at least just woken up by your alarm so you kinda feel like you’re in some sort…
It comes as no shock that there is currently a trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Just to clear things up, Amber Heard is an actor… mostly. But for real I have never seen or heard of her ever before. I’m pretty sure Johnny said she was on Aquaman or something. All you need…
I don’t know what to call this feeling, but you know when you get a sudden realisation that this is in fact real life. Like you aren’t gonna start into a new season or a new episode of a show. You are just gonna start the next day with the same problems, the same things…
I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m with. Tbh I think we all do that a little, but then people are always on social media like “be yourself” and “don’t follow the crowd” but honestly I’m kinda thinking that if there’s a crowd it must be something good.
I’m no motivational speaker, I mean I literally don’t have an ounce of motivation in me *manic smile* but like I don’t get if I’m basic. It’s just so much easier because life is stressful enough having to figure out literally every fucking thing about the entire universe… or at least that’s how in feel. I was also kinda destined to be a basic bitch because I’m blonde so it have no other choice really. Literally if you were to get the essence of what basic is, it would be me. A blonde bitch who likes Starbucks iced lattes. I’m not even ashamed about the Starbucks though. It is popular for a reason.
Basic clothes are kinda fun though… or maybe not fun but like easy. I can put on a fucking hoodie and leggings and call it a day. And it’s also comfy as hell. Sure I care about how people look at me and I do think that they think I’m such a boring and ugly bitch, but if I were to wear something a bit “different” those thoughts would be even worse.
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Do you know what? I’m a saver. If there is a fear of spending money, it’s me for real. I don’t know what it is, but it works because basic clothes are usually less expensive than trendy ones. Call me weird or… cheap, but things look better when they’re an absolute bargain. You know imma go around to everyone saying “Guess how much my socks cost?!” Or some shit like that. Don’t get me wrong if someone were to gift me a fancy wee top or something nice, I wouldn’t turn it away. Call me bloody bargain hunter, I don’t care because imma be the one who just saved 25% on a top 😏
I think the point I was wanting to get at here is that I think people have too much pressure to be someone different and to find who they are as quick as possible so they can stand out and while I think that’s all good and you definitely should be yourself, I don’t think there should be such an urgency. I always hear people my age being like “I barely know who I am!” Not in a mentally ill, kinda ‘I should find you help’ kinda way but like they don’t know what to do in the future and they feel like they should but bitch take a breathe and realize that we’ve got fucking time. For real though. Maybe you didn’t choose the right uni course for what you want to do or maybe you are near retirement and your like “I wish I did this instead” then you can still go and do it.
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Sometimes it’s easier to go with the flow and let people decide some things for you. I know at the moment I prefer not to stand out too much and kinda see where things take me because I have no clue what else to do. How am I supposed to navigate my way through life without any guidance from others. I kinda just hope that eventually the flow will go through something that I find interesting or more like me. I never thought being myself would be so difficult and life is difficult enough already so imma be basic for a second and you can do whatever it is you want.
Think of it as being neutral. I’m not going into anything with a set opinion or expectation, so I’ll just see what I come out with. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
I know a lot of my posts are usually just for the shits and giggles and I try to make light of situations going on because that’s how I express my thoughts, but there is no way this could ever be flipped into some sort of joke. There is not one thing about this that…
I’ve been off this blog for a while now so I thought I’d keep you updated on what I’ve been doing. Fuck all, to be honest, but one of the things that have wasted my time was watching Netflix, or more specifically, that one with the fucking long name called “the woman in the house…
Please let me tell you that I am in fact a girl! I am not some man that is about to start slabbering about how women are supposed to make everyone a fucking sandwich and look after their kids while the man is at war. I also want to say that this is light-hearted and…
I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a fucking high school drama where someones always gotta go through some sort of shit. Honestly though what the fucking is going on? Just as we didn’t need to wear one type of face mask, we gonna start to need a whole other one. At this point, I’m ready for it. Do your worst I guess… ok I take that back but honestly, I’m not even phased. But let’s do a wee catch up for all the people who have tried to stay off the News. So, sorry, but it isn’t good news.
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London Bridge is Falling Down
I heard that this is what they are supposed to say when the queen dies as their secret word or something (even though it obviously isn’t so secret at the moment) but before you panic I swear she isn’t dead or I haven’t heard so yet, but I just mean the queen is literally on her last leg. Fair play though because she’s probably sick of this shit. She’s probably like “war? Not this shit again” like honestly she has seen a lot of stuff I’ll tell you that for sure.
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She literally had to use like a walking stick or something that probably cost as much as money as it would to end hunger in Africa. And obviously walking stick doesn’t equal literal death but I mean I wouldn’t be surprised honestly. And here she is with literal ‘rona. Whose head is about to be cut off though? That’s what I wanna know. I mean I’m sure she’s not out in the town on a Saturday night so someone had to bring it to her.
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‘Rona’s Running Away
I don’t want to jinx it but I think we are coming out the other side! Like rona is kinda irrelevant now and I love that for us. Sure I still wear a face mask but honestly it doesn’t even bother me at this point. If anything I feel weird not having it because if I don’t then I feel like I’m missing something. That and I also feel like I don’t know what to do with my face anymore. Like kinda when you don’t know where to put your hands.
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Actually though I heard from my sister that her friends friend was wearing a mask on the day that masks weren’t mandatory and this woman dead ass went up to her and was like “why are you wearing a mask! You don’t need to wear one!” bitch get the fuck outta my face though for real. Literally how weird. I mean if someone said that to me I don’t really know what I would do? Like maybe mind your own fucking business. If anything I’m glad to wear my mask so I can’t smell the shit coming out of your mouth. How funny is that though lol
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Rona is definitely fading though and we can all start to remenise on what the hell actually happened. Literally though we just walked around as if this shit was normal but it isn’t. There was legit a shortage of toilet paper! What?! Literally mental. Can’t wait to dramatize it to my grandkids
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Novak Djokobitch
The whole drama with Djokovic was actually a wee while ago but honestly I’m still kinda pissed for real. Like what is this idiocracy?! I mean you think you know someone then they turn out to be an idiot. Like these scientists work their asses off to fight this literal PANDEMIC and you sit there like “nah I don’t trust it though”! I’m not tryna be rude but you play fucking tennis for a living. I’m pretty sure they know what they are doing. Unless you have been living under a rock, I think it is quite obvious why we need the vaccine.
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So yeah, all in all he didn’t get to play in his tennis match and I think he is kinda shunned from Australia or wherever he was when it happened. For real though you think a public figure would have a bit of sense to do the right thing. If it was more actual medical reasons that would be another story. Maybe it’s some sort of chemical imbalance in his head?
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Coming Soon: World War III
Sorry but why is this becoming a series? like honestly where is the need. I know that you will all have heard about Russia invading the Ukraine and now the rest of the world is like “shit” because they probably need to get involved now. Honestly this is is a serious situation and if I try to make it sound any less serious than it is then I want you to know that it’s because I try to make jokes when I’m uncomfortable or actually feeling stuff, but I really do appreciate the danger of what is happening at the moment and I’m sorry if you are affected by it at the moment and hope it will all end soon.
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Anyways, yeah, we’ve kinda jumped from one danger to the next honestly. Putin had too much time to think (or not think) in lockdown and that’s no lie. Like I really don’t get why wars happen. Obviously it’s a bit more difficult for literally countries to “talk it out” but like I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have to lead to the end of the world. And the fact the russian guy actually came out and said something like “if you try to stop me I will do something that you have never seen in history before”. Just what?! You’ve got me flipping though my history books tryna figure out what the fucking you gonna do but surely it can’t be a nuclear war? But nah that is what he means.
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So you are telling me you got a secret bunker that will let you survive a nuclear bomb? But at what cost though? So you have control of the whole world which is literally just a few microorganisms? Like if you gonna whipe us all out at least tell me what you plan to do. Don’t villains usually have a whole monologue before they kill the person?
There have been a lot of “scares” about a world war 3 in the past years but that’s been from the most insignificant shit like Bo Jo’s hair was actually shaped like a w for 3 seconds or some English GCSE type crap.
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But as a woman, I’m not sure if I should run to the battle field or to the kitchen. Like… it’s a conflict of interest honestly. I mean I’m willing to vote and do that stuff I am grateful for, but I’m not sure if they will appreciate my mental quirks on the battle field honestly. And legally I’m American but that doesn’t mean I want to use a gun you know?
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Summary
I’m not sure if this type of shit happens every 100 years, but we gotta look at the facts honestly because they went through a whole ton of shit during the roaring 20’s. I wonder what they will call us? Maybe nothing because we’ll all be literally deceased. Who knows? So just to summarise, for all those who kinda just want to skip to the end… it’s every man to themselves at this point and may the odds be ever in your favour. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I don’t know if this is the social anxiety coming out of me right now but like for real I just let others decide who I am for real. Like it’s not that I’m fake, I’m just moldable? That sounds weird as fuck but like I will change my personality to suit the person I’m…
From the perspective of a 16-year-old girl, I would have to say yes, texts are a ticking time bomb. Call me old fashioned, but honestly, I don’t trust that shit. They are so unpredictable. Now I could lie to you and say that is the reason I don’t text people much, but the plain truth…
This could possibly be my most dumb fucking post because I know I’m about to sound like I’m some sort of old bitch who just discovered the internet, but honestly, I just think of a lot of random crap and I like to share it, whether you like it or not. I mean, if you…
From the perspective of a 16-year-old girl, I would have to say yes, texts are a ticking time bomb. Call me old fashioned, but honestly, I don’t trust that shit. They are so unpredictable. Now I could lie to you and say that is the reason I don’t text people much, but the plain truth is that my social battery is like a fucking iPhone battery, that shit goes down quick. But I predict that I have dodged a few dramas by not texting that much. Then again, I predicted that Covid would at least wipe out Donald Trump (we still got time I guess).
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That last statement was literally so unnecessary, but you know I love a good Donal Trump hate comment. But yeah, texting can go wrong pretty easily. Even a few of my posts might go in the wrong direction based on this one thing that I want to talk to you about today. My problem? Well, sometimes I feel like everyone hates- OH, SHIT you mean my problem with texts? My problem with THAT is you can’t convey the right tone in texts.
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Family Fights
One time I found myself in a messy situation because of miscommunication was 2 years ago when I was in school. My sister could drive at that time and texted me, later on, to tell me that I had left a bit of my lunch in the boot of her car and asked where I was so she could give it to me. I said I was in the assembly hall and my sister was like “oh, well you can just get it from the 6th form centre because I can’t be bothered to go down there” and I was like, fair enough, but then I asked her what class she was in next and she said Chemistry.
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You don’t know my school, but you walk past the assembly hall to get to Chemistry, so I said “why don’t you give it to me on your way to Chemistry then?” That was a genuine question because I thought it would be easier for us both, but then I get a reply and, although this isn’t the word for word, she was like “DON’T BE SO FUCKING RUDE! THIS ISN’T EVEN MY JOB! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN FORGET YOUR FUCKING LUNCH YOU DUMB SHIT”. So obviously there was a bit of a mix up in tone and ended up with her screaming at me from the other side of the corridor with people just staring at me and the drama even though I had no clue what the fuck was going on 🙂
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Stamdard School Situation
My teacher would be loving all this alliteration, but anyways, another way I got myself kinda in the middle of something was last year (a.k.a 2 months ago) and we were doing some sort of school thing where only 17 of us were in it. Honestly, the red flags were flapping in the wind like it was the 12th of July in NI but I still chose to stay in the group. Let’s just say, the first red flag is that there is this one really strong-headed person who thinks they are the best and that everyone loves them when in reality everyone slabbers about them and just dislikes them passionately.
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To sum it up, we had to decide on a product to make for a business. It took forever and being just below him in terms of ranking, I decided that after weeks and weeks of deliberation, today was gonna be the day where we would just do a vote and bish bash bosh, democracy is where it’s at. The header, who obviously thought his idea was the best, was like “ok” and we did the whole going around the room hands up business. And guess what? His idea was lost by quite a lot I must admit. It was basically just his 3 goons who voted for him.
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So, while I boss-bitched that situation, he goes off slabbering about me and the idea and being just a fucking prick and saying the shittest stuff and then would text into the group chat the dumbest, rudest shite. And while I can have some risky words in this blog, I really had to hold back in the texts. It was just whenever he would start attacking random people or start being fucking rude that I couldn’t just watch. Now I know you probably think I am trying to make myself the hero, but I must admit I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved, but what’s done is done and it needed to be said.
Texting while you are angry is a mess and a half because you send it without thinking and bam there is no going back. And it may take you a while to regret it, like a high school relationship, but it usually does happen.
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Too Far
You see, I have a particular sense of humour. And I mean very particular. Bordering on a niche. Bordering on monopoly. So sometimes I make a joke that I find fucking hilarious, but with further thought, I kinda think it is suitable. Kinda like when you laugh at some kid that just fell. I’ll go to hell for it for sure but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
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So the thing is, with texts you have even less time to think in my opinion. Your fingers have typed and sent it before you even finished the joke in your head. Usually, this happens to me by making jokes about my dad’s age. The thing is he literally isn’t that old. I’ll not tell you exactly, but he just left his mid-life crisis. So take what you want from that. But anyway, I realised I had literally been making so many jokes about his age within the past few days and was like “oh shit I hope he doesn’t get hurt by that” and then, as a result, I am here trying to be the nicest person ever.
Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck but he could and now he has a whole line of texts with me making jokes about his age. They are hella funny, but we can’t talk about that right now.
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Anyways, yeah, while my English teacher may think otherwise, you can’t represent your emotions very well by just words. Like if you are someone who is naturally anxious, you may read their text in a different way than they intended. So it’s a dangerous thing to do. And that is why I don’t social 🙂 I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m sorry, but between my last post and this one, we have literally gone through a war. That’s not even a joke sadly enough. Corona is kinda fading away (except the Queen has joined the Corona Club) but then we gotta keep the drama alive so we start into world war 3! Sounds like a…
Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which…
POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop…
Now please don’t think I’m some sort of alien conspiracy bitch, like I understand that plants are a living thing because I went to school (not in the USA) and did biology (again, not in the USA) so I would say I know a thing or two. I also think about things too much which usually gets regurgitated into a blog post and that is exactly what this is. But what got me thinking about this random shit? Well, my dad, an avid David Attenborough fan, was watching green planet, or whatever one was out recently, and was raving about this one plant that was weird as hell. Yes, I know, we have the best conversations. But let’s talk about it today.
Evolution hit them like a ton of bricks, literally no lie. Obviously, like humans, some didn’t get hit so hard (*cough*daisies*cough*literal grass*cough*), but fuck me there is a good handful of them that literally changed like there was no tomorrow. The one that my dad showed me, and I won’t tell you the name yet because I’m leaving that for the next sub-topic, was so freaking advanced that it may as well be the Elon Musk of the plant kingdom. Just always one step ahead of everyone. Also like Elon, I have a suspicion it’s some sort of robot.
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Tell me why this plant literally slithers around to find this plant and grows fucking bladders so that it can steal the water and also the little bugs that for some reason are created in this plant. They deadass just steal the plant’s food and fuck off before they can do anything about it. How raging would you be? Like you got your rainwater and little dead animals all ready to eat, but then this greedy bitch comes, grows fucking bladders, and the next second it’s all gone! The audacity.
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Honestly, though, it’s so weird how plants have evolved to do such weird things. Like it’s unbelievable. They are resilient as fuck because they can grow anywhere and just thrive in harsh conditions. And what do we do? Fucking cry if they gave us the wrong 12″ pizza? Goddamn. It must have taken so long though and I still don’t even know how they learned what they need to do because they don’t have a mind. I get the whole “survival of the fittest” type shit, but how do they know to go to this plant and grow these separate organs and then grow hairs that detect when they need to chomp on a little bug.
I mean I was shocked when I found out sunflowers turn their head to face the sun, but that means nothing to me now.
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2. Ironic Names
I think it’s absolutely hilarious how people name plants. They must be top comedians because the amount of shit they come up with is so funny. From the plant I described above, what would you think it’s called? Some sort of heroic name or just something that sounds pretty classy, like maybe… right well I don’t know, but something cool that’s for sure. And now guess what they called it. If you said “bladder wart”, you are, firstly a cheater, but also a winner.
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It’s the height of disrespect honestly. It’s like calling superman, just “man”, or calling the hulk, “booger wart”. Like it isn’t right. Did a child name it? That’s the only way I could excuse it because when I hear the word bladder wart, I would be thinking of driving that person to the hospital for a check-up cause that sounds nasty. It is ironic, and maybe poetic, to hear such an amazingly adapted plant be called such a dumb fucking name.
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There are also some names that are kinda perfect because the flower is so irrelevant and insignificant that they didn’t even give their names the time of day. Like a sunflower, I mean what the fuck is that? I can guarantee you the decision went like this:
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person 1: ahh, I’ve found another plant, it’s amazing person 2: meh, it’s kinda shit really person 1: yeah you’re right actually… We’ve still gotta name it though person 2: awk for fuck sake *sigh* just call it… a fuckin’… a sunflower I fucking hatemy job
Somebody go check the history books because I’m pretty sure that was spot on
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3. They Got A Whole Ass Personality
No joke they’ve got more of a personality than half the people in my school. These hoes don’t stop for nobody. They give me very much “motivational talker who tells you to not give a fuck about anyone but yourself” kinda vibe. And I respect that. However, they also give me “two-faced snake” vibes. Sure they look pretty but underneath they’ve got this whole network of roots. I never thought anything of it until my mum and dad were talking about how they were worried the tree outside was getting too big (yep, I’m an eco bitch) and I was like “why is that bad?” and they deadass went on to say it could destroy our house. I’m sorry but what the fuck? I’d love to see that honestly.
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I suppose they do go through a lot so we can’t blame their attitude. We will literally turn them into a fucking treehouse, chop them down, make them into a literal bookcase filled with pages that are also made out of themselves, and climb all over them like it’s nobody’s business.
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4. How Are They Not Concious Beings?
It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact they have evolved to do such amazing things, but it’s even crazier to think that they aren’t really conscious beings like we are. Sure they are classified as a living thing but they don’t have a brain or any thoughts (that we know of :o) and yet they still just do this shit because of cells and science shit.
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You can’t tell me it there isn’t any “Inside Out” business going on in there because I could imagine a little plant anger or a little plant joy. They are quite literally smarter than some of the guys in my year. I’m no David Attenborough but I sure as hell would prefer the company of a literal plant than other people.
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It is just amazing and crazy though when you think about it. Like they’ll find an obstacle and be like “oh shit ok let’s go this way instead” or, in terms of a venus flytrap, they have pretty much a built in timer that helps them figure out the difference between a bug and everything else. No joke, venus flytraps have this thing where they only shut if they sense something within 20 seconds of each other so that it doesn’t just close on a raindrop or something. There is also this other plant that looks so pretty but literally has this gel like thing on the spikes that makes any insects that go on it stick and it will deadass curl them up and the gel will literally digest them. Imagine seeing that happen! Imagine being that fly!
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5. Some are Omnivores
Plants really switched it up on this one because on the food chain we see plants as literally the primary producers, so they convert the sunlight into energy and then an animal comes, eats them and then get’s that energy. But in some cases that bitch is a fucking consumer. They really pulled it out of the bag with that one and honestly I respect that. Like it’s a two way system and if one doesn’t like being eaten then the got to work something out.
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They really do be getting their revenge like they are fucking Bruce Wayne. They snack on a whole fly and then carry on as a pretty piece of nature. Do you know how many plants just murdered something right before they were put on camera in a photo or TV show. Like that is some crazy shit. LOL don’t think I’m crazy, it’s a joke, but I find it hilarious how nobody appreciates that plants, quite literally not a conscious being, eats a fucking living, conscious thing. Well, I don’t really know if insects have thought tbh? Wow that’s gonna keep me up at night
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6. House Plants
And lastly, it’s important to touch on the real warriors of the planet, house plants. You think you got it rough? Pfft, try being dehydrated and forgotten for weeks. These hoes are like the depressed middle child. Miserable, forgotten, but always loved. So shoutout to all the plants that died of dehydration! You are a real one. You really light up the room. You made us all feel better about ourselves and made us feel like we could accomplish something in life. Sorry that we forgot you, but you shall always be remembered… not really.
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I actually am growing plants at the moment. Bonsai trees to be exact. Like I literally got it for Christmas and I’m quite excited. The thing is only one has actually started to grow and it’s been 2 weeks, but it says it could be 3 weeks so we’ll not panic yet. I feel like I’ll have to name them but I’ll do that later once I’ve gotten to see them. The on I have at the moment is kinda crazy on the top like a palm tree, so I’m either gonna call it Pam or Sideshow Bob. What do you think?
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And there we have it. To all those people who were thinking “how the fuck could someone write a whole fucking post about how plants are weird?” I just did it bitch. And now I’ve got you equally as freaked out by plants. Thank you so much for reading this though and I would love if you could like, comment, give a cheeky little donation so I can keep posting and follow for more content like this every other day (or at least I try). I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
This post is gonna come off as fucking cheeky and kind of playing with American stereotypes, but I want to make it clear to you now that I 100% mean it. So, sorry I guess but it has to be done. To be fair though, when was there ever a need for you to learn…
Sometimes when I am writing a new post I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck I’m even talking about. What genre is this? I would say comedy but then again I don’t want to seem cocky and I don’t even know if people understand my humour. I would also…
Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess…
POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop in charity shops. Then bam, in one of the last shops you go to you find the biggest bargain ever (or at least that I’ve ever seen). It’s a literal Panasonic Lumix digital camera for £20 and it’s pretty much brand new! Who am I, Bargain Hunter?
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But then guess what? You go home completely buzzing, ready to show this win because my mum loves a bargain too (or so I thought). Then when I walk in the house like the retro bitch I am, I shove the camera in their face and go like “guess how much this was?” and they’re like “Ummm-” but they takin’ too long so I gotta but in like “£20!”. *crickets* In fact, there weren’t even any crickets. They were too busy going and wasting all their money instead of appreciating my find. What is up with these people?
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And tell me why the fuck they turn to me and say “don’t you have a phone?” They really said that, deadass. Bitch where is this whole “when I was your age all I had was my imagination” type shit? You should appreciate me becoming a retro gal and finding enjoyment that isn’t on my phone. And anyway, did you not hear what price it was??? Like… get your ears checked girl. You know what? I’ll just take a picture of your ear with my NEW camera, so you’re welcome bitch.
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And you never know, this could be my calling. I could become the next big photographer but they don’t give a shit. Do I have any interest in doing that? No, but I could. Maybe if they were motivational or nice then I would become a photographer gorl. But never mind, I guess this is good for my autobiography “that bargain bitch: the price you pay for appreciation”. Don’t think I’m not taking notes bitch
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Sometimes, though, I have to admit that at some points all these discounts are making me pay more overall because I will buy that shit just because it’s cheap. Like I was near about to buy this wireless apple watch charger (that was probably non-functional) when I don’t even have an apple watch, all because it was like £2.50. And I was also about to buy a really small tripod that was so crusty musty that I felt sick to my stomach, only because it was 50p. To be fair, I never actually bought those things, but you better bet that I have bought some random crap. I can’t remember them all but I will list a few
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A ping-pong net: To be fair, we do actually have stuff for ping-pong/table tennis (whatever the difference is) so I could kind of justify it, but then again I haven’t played it since a really dark time in the third quarantine and I don’t know if I’m ready to go back there. But it’s the one that is pretty snazzy and clips onto the side of your table and you can pull the net out to whatever length you want. And guess how much it cost me? £1.50! No joke. I was loving it. Will I ever use it? Who fucking knows but now I have a great convo starter for every single time it is in my presence
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2. A 10 pack of A5 booklets: Don’t even ask me what the fuck was going on here because I just want to leave that behind me. But let me tell you anyways. I was going through one of those phases where you panic because you don’t know shit about how to revise well. Then one day I was shopping, as one does, and I was in easons (RIP) and there was this 10 pack of A5 booklets. I wouldn’t have given a shit if I hadn’t seen the bright yellow sticker that said £3. I don’t even know if that is fucking worth it because I tried it for one subject and it just really stressed me out. The pages were thin as fuck and I couldn’t get it to look nice. So now, as a result, I am £3 down and have 10 useless booklets taking up room on my bookshelf. Do not recommend tbh.
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3. Lastly, because I rarely regret a good bargain, I’m gonna talk about a broad topic which is buying stuff that you already have just because it’s cheaper and you never know, maybe there could be a zombie apocalypse and the only thing that stops them is another lip balm. Don’t come looking for me when you can’t find another burts bees anywhere, I’ll be living freely. It does get out of hand as some point though because it’s such a fucking waste. I have so many body lotions and face masks that are so out of date I could probably get them sent out to be used for a science experiment.
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I know everyone in the comments is gonna be going on about how it’s a whole marketing tactic and that you can’t believe that I would actually fall for that, but bravo to the bitch who came up with the tactic because it is hella smart. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I will fall for it again and again and I want it to continue that way. No matter what the product is, if I see a mega discount, you better know I’m gonna go get it and then go home and brag about it to everyone. Honestly, they do get sick of it, but who is the one who can handle their money well? Maybe I’ll spend £50 on 67 random pieces of crap, but at least I won’t spend that much on fucking jeans.
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Lol, yeah I guess that is all I have to say about bargains at the moment. Honestly, though, who all loves a bargain because I know I do but I feel like nobody really respects it. It never gets old. You get such a sense of pride that you somehow found something at such an amazing price and probably nobody else will get it, especially if it’s in a charity shop which is something I’ve really gotten into lately. I find it so fun to compare prices because I’ll deadass go into a shop like Pull and Bear or Stradevarious and go around point at clothes like “can you believe I literally got a top that is EXACTLY like that for £2, and they are selling it here for £39.99?! I could never” and then I’d continue that with every item of clothing until they kick me out.
And what about it? Fight me. Anyways, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Can people please just get over it and wise up because it just isn’t that hard bitch. Firstly I’d like to say that my pronouns are she/her and I’m straight so I can’t really speak of experience but I want to talk from the perspective of just an accepting human being which is literally the…
I’m not really an angry person if I’m gonna be honest and although this doesn’t really make me that angry, it gets me in that manic laughing phase which is kinda fucking scary. Like you know that point where you just look at someone who just said something to you and you don’t have any…
Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck…
Maybe it’s because I have no skills of my own but like I don’t understand the hype of the Guinness book of world records because the only thing it did was make me confused at why the drink my dad loves is making a book? Like… make it make sense. It’s kinda cool I guess but when was the last time you actually bought one? Probably never because, well, they are kinda fucking expensive, and secondly who gives a shit? The only reason I have one is that my granda had one and it was shiny so I did that thing where you acted obsessed with one thing so that your grandparents would let you keep it. Is that just me? Ok… well that’s awkward. But anyway, I have a couple of questions and problems to do with this book and hopefully, someone can relate to or answer me.
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1. Does it get you anywhere in life?
I suppose not everything in life needs to be for a reason but what does it even bring to the table? How would you even bring that up in a social situation because it just seems unnatural and sometimes, depending on what you did, a bit worrying? Sometimes I imagine this…
Record Holder: So yeah, I also got into the Guinness book of world records for shoving a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass! Person 2: Record holder: Person 2: *stands up* I don’t really think you’re who Candyland is looking for
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Depending on what it is you did though it would be cool because you get the people who can speak the most languages or read the fastest and I respect that and think it’s awesome. But then you get the ones who can eat a jam doughnut without licking their lips the quickest (sorry Oli White) or can fit the most clothes pegs on their face. Who hurt you? And also, how the fuck did you find this out?
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2. How does one even get the opportunity?
Genuinely, I am interested in how you can become an official world record holder because, while I don’t really plan to get one any time soon because… I have no talents, I just always wonder what you would have to do to get one of their people to come over in their fancy suits and watch attempt the record. Surely it costs money? And what if you don’t get it? Surely that’s a wee bit awkward because you’ll probably be sweating or have like 100 straws in your mouth and be like “so… do you want a cup of tea”. I’ve already got social anxiety but I could only imagine what that would be like.
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Wait, I literally just searched it up, which I probably should have done before but literally stop attacking me, and I found out that you don’t have to have an official go to you and all you have to do is submit a video (that is obviously up to standard and has a bunch of other stuff that I can’t be arsed to type) and they will send you over a certificate if you did win it. You can get an adjudicator though but I feel that’s more for YouTubers and shit. Not gonna lie that would be a fun job. I don’t know how much that would cost but I don’t even think I wanna know. If you are wanting to read more about it this is their website btw.
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3. What happens when someone else beats you?
Obviously, at some point in your life someone will break your world record and you’ll probably be fucking raging but it is what it is, you gotta pass on the torch, but what actually happens? To be honest, I don’t really know what I am expecting as an answer. A SWAT team raids your house and takes the certificate, removing any traces it ever existed, or nothing happens and you find out you were beaten because their mum posted it on Facebook? Logically it probably just says the year you got it in and what your results/record was so when someone else beats you they have proper updated evidence, but like that isn’t that fun to think about. I mean I’ve gotta get some good content out there FOR FUCK SAKE.
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4. Can you just make one up and then say you are the best?
When I hear some of the records people achieve I kinda lose hope that I’ll ever become mentally stable again because all of these people are just crazy. They have done the most random crap and now have a world record. How does that even work though? Could I make up some random crap and be like “This is my attempt at giving the least shits for the longest time ever” and then boom, the next day I’m getting my photos taken. I feel like I have heard somewhere that the Guinness people will review it (obviously) and then make the minimum target that you have to get to win the award, but surely if you don’t reach the target but are still the only person to have ever done it you are technically the record holder? Is there someone who has the world record for making up the most world records? Surely there is… *runs off to make new records*
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5. Ok, but at what cost?
Don’t get me wrong guys, I respect the fuck out of anyone who has a world record and honestly I would run at any chance I got to get a world record even if it was the dumbest shit. It is quite the flex, but sometimes I stay up at night worrying about how stretched out the ears of the world’s strongest ears person must be. They are pulling fucking lorries and it scares me for so many reasons, one being how the fuck did they realise they had strong ears and for why? Like honestly I don’t even want to talk about it. Does the certificate make up for it? Can that guy get the bag of jelly beans out again? I wish you luck.
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Anyways, I suppose that is my post over now and I don’t know why but that last paragraph got me kinda worried. What does happen to all those people after they win? Do they just gotta train for a new one or go back to normal life with a random party trick. If you have a world record please do comment down below because I think that’s so interesting. Surely that boosts the fuck out of your ego because I know I would be wearing that shit around my neck like “oh, this old thing?! How embarrassing, it’s just my world record certificate. No big deal” like the main character I am. But yeah, please do like, comment and follow for more because that means more to me than any certificate ever could. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Merry Christmas guys! I want to keep this post short and sweet because honestly who the fuck wants to read this on Christmas but if you are then I respect you and you a real one. But anyway lol I know this year has been kinda very shite but it’s nearly over and we made…
Humans haven’t evolved for shit, well not in the way I would like. I would warn all the Ross Gellers, or people who actually understand this topic, to beware because this may cost you a few brain cells, but I do want to add I am not a Karen and I do believe in evolution,…
Talk about a merry fucking Christmas because I just found out something that has blown me away. It has been released before Christmas but I am only getting around to talking about this now because I wanted to spread out the happiness across this December. So without further ado, let’s talk about what the fuck is happening with Jennifer Lawerence and what I, and most of you, are thinking about it.
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Jennifer Lawerence, THE Jennifer Lawerence, Katniss Everdeen, funniest most down to earth person you will ever meet, is pregnant! No joke. To be honest she kinda gave me favourite auntie vibes, kinda like the auntie who you only see at special holidays who always has a glass of wine and travels around the world so has great stories to tell but is also fucking crazy, in a good way, and would stand up for you in front of your mum. Do you get me? I suppose she can still be that but just with a kid.
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I am not really 100% sure who her husband is but he must be a great fucking guy to deserve her and he better watch his back because her fans are intense and will most likely flatten him with one mistake, no pressure though. I kinda love how he isn’t some big actor person who is always in front of the screen and acting like someone else because that makes it more genuine. I also had no clue that Jennifer Lawerence was even seeing someone and that makes it even better if you ask me. I looked up a few photos for “research” (aka I’m nosey as fuck) and I’ll leave some below, but they look so happy and cute. He is one lucky guy and they gonna have a cute baby.
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I’m not really sure what episode of life I missed to have her being this single woman who loved a wee cocktail and being with her friends, to her being a married woman who loves this guy and has a literal family started. Time flys I guess but fuck me, I’ve missed a bunch. Like you blink and everyone’s got ‘rona, plus the queens on her last leg and now THIS queen is literally married with a baby on the way. Like wow… slow down a little. Let me catch my breath for a second, the fuck.
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I’m happy for her though and I literally respect her so much. I think she will literally be the best mum and they’ll have such an amazing kid. Hopefully, they get a great sense of humour and are just as down to earth as their parents because that’s one of the most admirable features they have. I wish them luck and I do hope she stays in acting for a while because I literally adore her and find her so comforting which sounds really creepy but I mean that she just makes you feel safe… right that sounds fucking weird but you get what I mean.
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Obviously, that is up to her and we are behind her no matter what so yeah, have fun being pregnant and I’m sure we’ll get to see the baby soon enough because celebrities seem to pop them out quicker than Borris Johnson can fuck something else up. Like it is crazy because one second you are recovering from hearing they are gonna have a baby, then the next day they are at their graduation and you get messed up in the head. Oh well.
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I suppose that is it for today guys and I’m sorry it’s a bit late but I’m sure nobody even realised or cared at all so yeah. This was kind of a fun wee post and I’ve had it in my drafts for a bit but I think it’s really interesting how there are celebrities who do keep their lives private and every so often drop a bomb on us and I love that to be honest. Kinda shows they are actual humans too and they have an actual life outside of the TV screen. Who knew she wasn’t actually a blue alien?! Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more and if you are feeling generous then I would really appreciate a small donation to help me keep this going, if not then please leave some feedback (which is free to do) because to be honest, words are priceless and I would love to hear how I’m doing or if you want anything new. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Whenever you grow up and someone says they have a “face only a mother could love”, that person is, one, a bitch, but two, speaking facts because, after the first time she sees her new-born baby, there is no way it can get any worse, so no matter what they look like when they grow…
Whoever said Christmas is about giving, not receiving is fucking right because bitch do I GIVE! Now I ain’t tryna brag and be like oh my days I’m so unlucky that I have to/can spend money to get stuff for my family, but like I’m just saying that I am acting as though I’ve got…
12 days ’til Christmas and my true love gave to me, a big fucking mess. I mean what the actual hell. Here I am with a bit of a sore head and a stuffy nose and then I take a wee lateral flow test before I go out to Ju-Jitsu but then the 2nd line…
Merry Christmas guys! I want to keep this post short and sweet because honestly who the fuck wants to read this on Christmas but if you are then I respect you and you a real one. But anyway lol I know this year has been kinda very shite but it’s nearly over and we made it through so well done! I also hope you all still have a great Christmas even though I know a lot of us haven’t really felt very Christmasy lately which I don’t really know why and is kind of a shame but like oh well. Hopefully, we’ll fit the vibe check on the day.
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I’m not gonna say all the “it’s about giving not receiving” but like enjoying getting the gifts you deserve and earned. Don’t feel bad because you should be treated like royalty. Obviously, we all need to stay humble and be so grateful for what we get in life but know that as long as you react in the right way and focus on what is important, you can have nice things.
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I also predict that a lot of you will be reading this at the end of the night when you have your annual Christmas cry and I want you to know that it’s ok and you aren’t a weirdo. Christmas most likely went perfectly and for whatever reason, you are crying for at the moment, it will pass and everyone is ok. Usually, for me, it’s kinda like your emotions catch up with you because you are just non-stop all day, or you have hyped it up so much in your head that you are sad that it’s gone and you have to go back to normal life. There is also the fact that you feel as though you may not have been perky all night and you kind of overthink about what you did or said. I have found we all get this crying surge at the end of Christmas and you are just standing there like “ok what the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why am I crying on Christmas?” But honestly, it’s normal and you’ll get through it eventually.
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So I suppose I won’t keep you for much longer, but I hope you have an amazing day doing whatever it is you do on Christmas. Hopefully, it is all pretty much back to normal for you all and you get to enjoy something semi-normal this year. Let yourself enjoy this day and go out and have fun. Also here is a quick reminder for people who get really stressed out about presents and feeling bad because you don’t think you spent as much on them or gave as much as them, just know that they appreciate you so much and anything that shows you thought of them for even 1 second is probably so thrilled no matter what you give them. Don’t be so hard on yourself and I’m expecting to hear how your day went. I hope you have a great Christmas, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Before you start calling child protection services, let me just clear something up. No, I am not the gingerbread man and no I am not in some weird family where instead of a naughty step I get the literal oven. What I’m referring to is the lack of basic features that I kinda feel were…
I know what you are thinking, “what the fuck does your dog look like”. But it isn’t because of that. She is literally the cutest thing you will ever see, well… apart from at the moment because she just got a haircut that made her hella ugly, but it’s fine it’ll grow back. The thing…
Now I’m not someone who gets political, not even when it comes to Brexit taking our magic stars, but this phenomenon has to be mentioned. It is absolutely mental how this one thing has united the countries within the UK more than anything else. I feel we have actually joined as a team to create…
People who have read my blog before (are absolute legends) will know that I really kinda hate growing up not because I want to be a rebellious teen (like I am right now for sure) forever but because I don’t want to be responsible for myself and to work and do adult shit. It seems pretty stressful if you ask me, but I’ll not get too into that because you can read literally any of my other posts to find out. Today I want to switch it up a bit by telling you, and you can guess from the title, why it is good to grow up. Btw I’m literally still a teen so I don’t know why I’m acting so wise, I just want to talk about some of the things I believed as a kid that I’m glad I now know. And yeah I was very gullible so don’t judge me, I swear I’ve changed my ways.
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First things first, I didn’t understand what it meant to be colourblind. So as a quick background check I need to say that my Dad is colour blind and… well that’s it. OH and I’m an idiot. So now you are all caught up let’s get back into the story. I think I was still in primary school, maybe I was 8, and I was very inquisitive, well at least on that day I was, and I randomly asked my dad what colours he was colour blind with (I don’t know if that is how you would say that but you get the point) and he was like “red and pink” and it might also be green but I’m not sure. Anyways, it was definitely red. So I sat back and was like “huh, pretty weird”, and being the bright child I was I looked at the red car in front of us and asked “so can you only see a floating number plate in front of us?” NO JOKE I SAID THAT and my dad being a dad he deadass said “yup” but then he started to laugh so I caught on but how fucking dumb am I! He should have just dropped me off at the side of the road and drove away because there must have been something wrong with me.
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This next story also links back to my dad which kind of gives me rust issues because this man raised me to be one big joke. And he succeeded in that I suppose. This story starts in LA and I was probably 10 or a bit older. We went to get a wee drink for a cute boba place that was supposed to be good. I never had it before and didn’t get one because I was a bit sceptical. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because when I asked my dad what boba was he tells me that it is frogspawn. Yup, he told me that boba is literal frog spawn and from the point forward I was kind of traumatized. I now know that it is not true but I have yet to try it. I haven’t had boba despite the fact I know he was lying because that will always be in the back of my head and I don’t think I could cope with that. So while this is mostly from my dad, I think my immaturity made me more gulable. Thanks, dad
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I have one last story that also links to things my dad made me believe and then I’m not gonna attack him for the rest of this post, but tbh this is on him. There is this photo of my mum and dad that they keep in their room which is them at a restaurant and I asked my dad where it was from. He told me it was from their honeymoon and I was like “cute” and moved on with my day. Then I think it was a few days later and I had been thinking about it, and with my absolutely wonderful imagination I came up with so many things that a honeymoon could be. So I asked my dad “is a honeymoon on an actual moon?” because that obviously makes a whole tonne of sense, and my dad said “yes”. But then I was like “well why does it say honey in the name?” and I kinda forget what he said but I’m sure it was something stupid. I just say that I did believe it for a while. Not years or anything but like for a week or two until I asked my mum and she told me the truth. I 100% believed my dad and I just thought that was where you went after you got married. To the literal honeymoon. I was very excited to go there one day when I was younger.
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Another reason I’m glad to have moved on with life is the eyebrows. I could leave it there but I don’t want you to think I’m THAT self-centred blonde bitch who has nothing else to think about except makeup. I just want you to know that I was a whole different person when I had no eyebrows and I see a glimpse of said person every time I wake up. Thank god for needing glasses though am I right, so at least I can’t really see myself when I get up in the morning, at least not well. I know that I mention my love for eyebrows a lot (literally to the point this could become a beauty blog) but being able to date pictures and videos as BE (before eyebrows) and AE (after eyebrows) is not as fun as it seems. I wish I could be blessed with flawless eyebrows as soon as I wake up, but life isn’t fair sometimes.
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Oh, and lastly before I leave, I’m glad I have matured and kinda become a new person (aka traumatized by life) because from 10BE to 1AE I was a deranged little shit. I was very crazy and outgoing and overly confident in some situations. I was acting like someone else to impress a boy and that isn’t even half of it. I was respectable and stuff, like I wasn’t rude, but I was pretending in order for some guy to like me. But now, in 5AE, I am single and socially awkward, mentally ill and tired of this shit…
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Ok so maybe I don’t want to grow up. Maybe it’s overrated. Nah, I’m just joking, it’ll get better and it’ll work out in the end. Life is fucking crazy with, you know, the whole pandemic but it will go away eventually, I think (update: I am also now out of my 10 day quarantine yay!). If you liked this post then don’t forget to follow, like and comment on what you think about growing up. What do you like about it? What do you hate? Spill the tea because I love to hear it. It would also be great if you could leave a review because I want to know if I’m on the right path with my content and it would mean a lot to me. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the…
Merry Christmas to everyone!… except those who say happy Christmas. You can go to hell. I don’t really know what it is that possesses people to say “happy” Christmas but I don’t want it. Like it makes me shrivel up and die inside. I can actually hear the elves and Santa cry from the north…
12 days ’til Christmas and my true love gave to me, a big fucking mess. I mean what the actual hell. Here I am with a bit of a sore head and a stuffy nose and then I take a wee lateral flow test before I go out to Ju-Jitsu but then the 2nd line pops up faster than Borris Johnson can answer a simple question. And I just looked at it like “oh shit” (the test that is, not Borris) and I was praying that it would just be the one line at the T so that means that it was just a faulty test so I waited and eventually the line came up next to the C and then I really panicked. I have never seen the T line come up so much quicker than the C line. What a fucking joke because I was second guess what I was actually looking at. But no that bitch was setting up camp and was not gonna leave any time soon. So I took another one and the exact same thing happened. The lines were not playing today.
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The covid must have been bouncing off the fucking walls because it came up positive so fast. I was kind of planning to get positive school results but the fucking coronavirus… that’s just unnecessary. And to be honest I had never really been nervous about it before but when I got the positive result I was so scared. Not for me to be honest like I’ll get over it but just for literally ruining Christmas. I will get out of quarantine before then but we just had so many plans with family and stuff and now I am making everyone miss it. How crap is that?! If it was any other time of year, apart from summer, it would be fine but of course, it never is.
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I do sound like an ungrateful bitch because this is probably not even half as bad as it could be and I do realise that I am very lucky but I’m the first in the family that we know of so it’s just a bit scary you know and I feel bad too. I thought that being the unsocial human being I am that I would be fine, but no. So like where the fuck did I get it from? I don’t even know. I only went to school and I went babysitting for one day but the kid was asleep so I wasn’t near him and his mum was away/not near me when I was at their house. I was also at my close friend’s house on Sunday but they are all negative and I’m guessing I had it then, but like that’s lucky if none of them gets it. Here is me literally like “hOw DiD I GeT cOvId? I dIdN’t EvEn Go OuT” but then continues to list the busiest week I have had this year. That is sad for me to admit but that just shows I was never really out and about with people before.
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I have just gotten a PCR test this morning so these will have the official results and hopefully will tell me what strand it is. I don’t know why I’m so dumb, but I’m still thinking there is a chance it comes back negative. THANK FUCK if it is but literally I took 2 lateral flows and they both came back positive within seconds. I just don’t want it anymore. I want to go back for the last week of school!! I mean put me on camera and call me annaxsitar because I don’t want it.
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So yeah, I don’t really know what to do anymore and I guess I’ll keep you updated on the results but it just feels so weird how I am gonna be part of the statistics now. I have never got it or been friends with someone who got it before so it’s really different and I just wish this was just a really bad dream and that I would wake up and be like “thank fuck” because I just regret everything. I don’t even know what to regret though because I don’t know where I got it. So I guess make sure that you take regular tests and be safe. I mean I’ll be fine but just think about the others who aren’t gonna be as lucky if they get it.
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I hope you enjoy this post and please do comment below if you or anyone you know has/had covid because I’m sure there are a lot but I’m not really sure what to do at the moment. I’m lucky that I’m young and healthy so please don’t think I am being ungrateful and attention-seeking, it’s just a bit confusing at the moment but thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your…
Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about…
I know, I know, this sounds so bloody stupid but I swear that by the end of this post you will completely agree. Selfishness is comforting when you look at it in a particular way. And I’m almost certain that if you are someone who has hit rock bottom and ended up looking at motivational…
I know what you are thinking, “what the fuck does your dog look like”. But it isn’t because of that. She is literally the cutest thing you will ever see, well… apart from at the moment because she just got a haircut that made her hella ugly, but it’s fine it’ll grow back. The thing is that she literally has the personality of everything BUT a dog. Like she is just so confusing in terms of literally every part of her and we love it and wouldn’t change her for the world but I also kinda feel like we picked up the wrong pet. I don’t know what happened but this bitch does not match the product description. I’ll keep her but like what? Anyways, I am sure you are all very confused by what I am talking about so I’m just gonna get into it. Don’t forget to comment down below what you think is wrong with my ‘dog’ or if your dog is just as weird.
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Cow
I ain’t tryna be rude or anything but this bitch is just a small cow. I’ll let her outside and one second later she’ll be tearing up the grass like it’s a fucking dance floor. It’s scary to be honest because she is so tiny but the amount of energy and movement and creepy noises that she lets out is honestly demonic, which funnily enough is one of her other personalities I’m going to mention later. It does be kinda funny though because my dad gets so pissed. He’ll have just perfectly cut every blade of grass separately so they are the exact same height and this hoe will fly out and eat that shit like popcorn, so before you know it there are just patches in our garden and in the corner there is just this tiny dog with green grass stains on her beard (she is a miniature schnauzer btw).
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It is quite the sight I must admit and I suppose it’s a talent. Like no joke I think she has worked out that it can help her to stop and turn whenever she is going really fast. No joke she will run like a mad thing and then if she wants to pull a wee sneaky turn, she’ll munch the grass so that her body will swing around and she can turn without having to stop or slow down. It’s so funny and I can’t even describe it which frustrates me, but just imagine this dog is running at full speed and just full-on head buts the ground and goes spinning into a completely different direction and then just runs into the night. It is honestly confusing. She seems to like it too. Sometimes if we are just standing around and she gets a bit bored she will deadass just sit on the grass and nibble on it like it’s a fucking chicken wing.
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Deer
To be fair, this part of her is so cute and actually makes me die inside with the amount of joy I feel. So anyway, there used to be this field near our house that we called ‘the long grass field’ (wow how original, how thought-provoking) and we loved to go there because my dog would just run around and would have to leap everywhere just so she could see where she was going. Literally, sometimes we would be like “oh shit where did she go” and then we would have to wait until she leapt up again. And let me tell you, that bitch can jump. Not just like on her back legs but she does it straight from standing so she is just like a fucking deer that is prancing around and shit. It’s so funny because you can just tell she is an absolutely loving life. I wonder what that feels like
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Cat
Not only do I see her in this way as she is a scaredy-cat, but also because she can be such a bitch sometimes. She can give one hell of a side-eye and make you get flashbacks from high school when these bitches would be slabbering (which I suppose is my present lol) but it is literally so funny because you could just be sitting there and you would breathe weirdly and you can just feel the judgement radiating off her. Like what the fuck did I do to you? The level of disrespect is astronomical. She just sits there and judges you as if she didn’t just literally lick her ass in the middle of the living room. She has got some nerve.
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She is also slinky as fuck at some points. Usually whenever she is lying down and comfy, or like she’s just in a mood where she can’t be arsed to do anything. So you just try to pick her up and she won’t try to stop you but she won’t try to help you either. Like you know when you try to pick up a cat and it just seems like they are just stretching because you can lift up their belly as much as you want but they are still gonna have 4 paws on the ground. You could be flinging that bitch around but no matter what they still gonna be standing. Well, that is basically my dog and, to be honest, it’s a vibe.
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Statue
This pretty much just goes against everything I said in my last post, but as we are establishing in this post, she can shapeshift real quick. One moment she is a liquid, the next she’s a bloody ancient statue. It is so weird though because for such a small dog she has so much strength. Like I just know she got some abs or some shit. I swear I’ll come downstairs someday and she’ll be on the weights and singing “it’s about drive it’s about power, we stay hungry we devour. Put in the work, put in the hours and take what’s ours”. Literally no joke.
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Honestly, I think the perfect way to describe my dog is oobleck. Like I just realised that and honestly, it is the only way to fully understand what she is like. If you are just tryna pick her up gently, she’ll just turn to liquid, but if you fucking PUNCH HER IN THE FA… Nah, I’m just joking lol. But if you are walking her on the leash and she just stops, you better know that you’ll be wiped out like a cillet bang commercial “bang and the dirt is gone”. Genuinely it confuses me because she will not move at all. I get scared that someday she will genuinely break her neck because I never really walk that fast but the level of force she gives off when she just stops out of nowhere could literally break the leash.
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She also gets like that when you put a coat on her or literally any sort of clothing that isn’t her collar. That kinda is sad though because she would look hella cute if she wore a Halloween costume or a little raincoat. Like it is just too adorable, but then when you do she’ll do the side-eye glare and literally stand in that one spot until you take it off her. No joke, one time I put her towel over her and then left the room and then my mum said when she came down an hour or so after, she was still standing in the same spot with the towel over her. That’s stubborn as fuck but I respect that.
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Person
I don’t really know how to explain this very well because it is more of an energy that she gives off. Like you just look at her and how she moves and interacts and she is just a human. She likes to sit up with us at the dinner table (although my dad will never allow her cheeky fuck) and although this is basic for all dogs, when you say her name and start talking to her she will keep looking at you as though she is understanding what we say. Don’t get me wrong there is literally nothing going on behind those eyes, but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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She also loves to be around people and I know that is just a basic thing for dogs, but it isn’t always for the attention. Don’t get me wrong she is a bit of an attention seeker but after a while, she will just sit down somewhere, usually on the armchair, and just be another person who is listening to all the convos going on. To be honest, though all these examples are a bit of a stretch, but I can’t really think of a way to show you what I mean. She just has so much emotion that you are kinda like “you were a whole ass human in another life”. If she barks and you ignore her, you better know damn well that she’ll jump up next to you and full-on smack you in the face. That isn’t even a joke though. Like it is good that I wear glasses because that bitch comes out of nowhere and just fly kicks you in the face. It’s cute though I guess.
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Demon
Kind of adding onto the last thing I said, she can be rude as fuck. She will get what she wants and she will do whatever it takes to get it. It is cute at the start but then you are just like “would you literally stop hitting me with your sharp ass nails bitch”. She also gives demon vibes whenever she gets really energetic and gets the zoomies or whatever the fuck that is called. You know when they just go mental and run around everywhere and bark at nothing? Yeah well, that’s it. But you can see it build up. She kinda leans back and goes really close to the floor and her ears are literally plastered t the back of her head. Then her eyes got really wide and her mouth slowly opens and then she just goes ballistic.
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It’s so funny though because I’ll be walking and then all of a sudden this happens and she is basically spinning around as though she’s about to fucking take off. And sometimes she just can’t stop herself because she is so fast and then literally runs right into a wall or a fence and she’ll get humbled real quick. I just laugh, to be honest, but then she gets started again. And it’s embarrassing when people walk by and you’re trying to convince them that you aren’t stealing this dog and they are in fact a good girl. She is a cutie though and she would never hurt a fly, or rather she could never hurt a fly. That bitch small as fuck.
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Elephant
I compare my dog to an elephant not only because she has massive ears and is literally so cute, but also because her nose is fucking powerful. Not even joking, there was this one time that I went to pick her up from her wee doggy daycare thing and when I got there I knocked and was waiting for someone to answer and I heard something really weird. I genuinely got scared for a moment because I thought there was a hurricane or some shit starting up. Genuinely it went on for like a minute and my heart was beating but then it stopped and I looked in the door and it was my fucking dog. She deadass was sniffing the hell out of the door. I nearly started pissing myself because I had never heard anything like it. She was tryna smell if it was me but she nearly sucked me in at the strength she was sniffing at. You look at her and think she is the most harmless thing ever but the things that come out of that wee body is frightening.
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Soap
This one is completely different to all the other things but if I’m gonna be honest with you, this is hands down the most accurate. Tell me why Miss girl turns into fucking Bambi whenever she walks on anything that isn’t carpet? Like that isn’t a joke. It’s as though bloody Frozone swooped in just when she goes to walk. And she genuinely is scared though and it’s so stupid because she will put herself into an awkward situation. She will deadass jump out of her bed and walk into the kitchen, which has tiled floors, then the next second she’s barking like she’s got a problem with us. But tell me why she can waddle into the kitchen just fine, but when it’s time to head back, she ain’t never walked before. Like, make it make sense bitch!
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I do have to admit that when she walks she can literally wipe herself onto the ground. I have expected a referee to come out and confirm a knockout because she hits the floor like a brick. Other times she just runs like a cartoon where she is moving her legs so fast but doesn’t get anywhere. It’s so funny because you can see she is trying to be so careful but then all of a sudden she just blasts off but literally doesn’t go anywhere for a solid 5 seconds. It is so funny. But do you want to hear her solution? Walking backwards. That isn’t even a joke. Hands down that are what she does. She will turn her ass around and back it up like a fucking truck. But it works so I guess that’s fair enough.
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Anyways, I kinda feel bad about slabbering about my dog for a hot minute but it’s all the truth, to be honest. Maybe that’s why she glares at me… oh well. Please comment down below if your dog does any of these things and if you are a professional please tell me what the hell is up with her. Whether or not she is a dog I don’t care because she is still the cutest thing you’ll ever see and I’d fight you on it. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Hey guys, today I just wanted to talk about something very random and for no particular reason because why not. I was just on a walk one day and I was kinda just thinking about how fucking mental life is as a woman. I’m pretty sure I was actually getting a bit scared because I…
You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like…
This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do…
I think that to start this post we need to figure out what the word “humour” really means. I’m no Oxford dictionary but in my opinion, it is the things we find funny and that we enjoy making/hearing jokes about. Nothing fancy just a basic bitch definition. I guess now that is out of the way, we can start to get into it. I will also mention some of the ones that I would fit myself into which I suppose is multiple but we can all relate at some points. Don’t forget to tell us in the comment section what sense of humour you have.
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Dark Humour
We are all familiar with what dark humour is, but for all the idio- people out there I will explain. It’s basically when you find things that are supposed to be serious, and are quite morbid, to be funny. It can also be quite smart and well thought through despite the fact it was off the cuff and that makes it a bit worrying because you may find it funny but you also like “oh shit is this person ok” or “oh shit is this person going to kill me”. But at that point, it is a judgement call and in my experience, it’s just a coping mechanism.
I will now give you all a few examples which I actually am scared might offend someone in some way. Not as in they are gonna be offensive but like I don’t want people to be like “that was really disrespectful” or some shit. But THAT IS DARK HUMOUR and you better get over yourself bitch!
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Where did sally go when the bomb went off? everywhere.
This is just a general statement, but like if someone were to hurt themselves then someone with a dark sense of humour would laugh. Like it do be funny though. Kids be falling and tripping for no god damn reason
This example isn’t a phrase either but it’s from a video and literally makes me piss myself because it’s so funny but there is this video of this blind girl who is talking with this news presenter and they are talking about everything the girl has achieved in her life and the presenter goes “is there anything you can’t do” just because she is so amazing and the girl dead ass says “see”
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Sarcastic Humour
This humour is my cuppa tea but it’s also a wee bit risky if I say so myself. Like you gotta be careful who you say this too. It can sometimes come with a little bit of truth and may actually expose yourself a wee bit too but the added risk is fun I suppose. But what is it? It’s basically just saying something but not really meaning it. I guess you know what sarcasm is and it’s basically that but making it. It’s an art form, to be honest (that was kind of an example of sarcasm but like it’s also hard to get across in text so it takes a bit of expression and tone as well. Don’t ask me why I am developing this shit so much). This is my go-to when it comes to joking with friends and to be honest it makes up my whole personality trait to the point that it isn’t humour anymore, it’s just down-right sad.
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Yeah but enough of that I suppose. Let’s get into a few wee examples. To be honest, they make up the majority of my posts because I just find everything a joke, for example, my life, and this can also slot into another sense of humour that I mention later. These are also kinda one-liners and a bit situational so like you kinda had to be there so like if you don’t find them funny please don’t attack me because I will in fact cry 🙂
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Friend “can you help me with something” Me “no…” *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys*
Me “do you know what I literally so much?” Friend “what?” Me “you” *stare at each other awkwardly like the 2 spidermen guys* again
I’m so fucking lucky my friends get my humour or else I’d literally have nobody in my life right now lol. Like I sound like such a bitch but I swear it is all in good taste
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Actual Humour
To be fair, what is actual humour? Like I guess it’s the classics like knock-knock jokes (despite the fact they’re shite) but like people might not find that humour. Well, I actually don’t really give a fuck and don’t want to talk about that so let’s get into it. This is the basic bitch, default setup, awkward laugh combo platter and if this is your main sense of humour you are either lying or a granny who has been desensitised by the crap jokes they put on the kids shows you are basically forced to watch all day.
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So I guess I’ll give a few but you already know what they are gonna be basically. You don’t have to be a genius to know these and it takes literally one brain cell to understand – knock knock who’s there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- MOOOOOOOO – Knock knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? Well, there is no need to cry about it!
It’s literally so obnoxious ad stupid. It’s literally so unfunny and painful to listen to that you have nothing else to do by laughing. It is just pain
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Self-Depricating Humour
Watch out for these people because behind every self-deprecating joke is some truth. Like you can laugh but also keep an eye out for them lol. I do admit this is another go-to for me and is always easy to do when you hate yourself 😮 (Pulled a wee sneaky one on you). Sadly enough though a lot of people find it funny and use it often. Like we all laugh at something and make the same joke but then all just look around awkwardly like “we really are fucked up aren’t we”. It’s a bonding experience though, also a coping mechanism, but bonding nonetheless. It’s so simple too like it’s sad that we can literally make anything into a self-deprecating joke.
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So now for examples, but I feel like I should also address those bitches who use it for attention. Like they will just out of the blue be like “uh I’m so ugly today lol” and then act sad until someone says “awk no you’re beautiful”. NO! I literally hate that and there is a pretty fucking obvious difference so don’t even try to get yourself out of it if you do that sometimes.
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*in some random video an ogre walks down the street (not Shrek though, obviously he’s a babe)* Me “ok but who took that video of me?”
This next example is literally me the other day and I’m kinda mad about the actual situation but it was a pretty good self-deprecating joke: *me literally gets hit in the head by a bottle the idiots in our school are throwing* Me – what the actual fuck! Concussed question mark? (yes I say question mark) * me also goes on to tell people about how I’ve literally had so many head injuries in my lifetime* Me – maybe that’s why I’ve got a big ass forehead?!
Me – *does one thing wrong* also me – I literally hate myself so much
Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, ya know? Sacrifice your life for Pakistan GRAPE!
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Teacher Humour
This is an exclusive package that you actually get when you become a teacher. Like that bitch is limited edition and we all gotta respect that as soon as we go into their classroom. Surely they are aware that they can’t make a joke like I can’t make sense of their class. Surely they know that we aren’t over here pissing ourselves and barely being able to breathe because their joke was funny. We just tryna get outta doing work/don’t want to get shouted at. Like I barely heard what you said but if I see the slightest smirk on your face I’m gonna laugh like you just turned into fucking Kevin Hart. You better know I’ll be rolling on the floor.
But seriously though, teachers laugh at everything and joke about everything so we out here getting abs with all the fake laughing we gotta do. Just look at some of these examples:
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In my chemistry class my teacher was telling us how to remember the difference between Cations and anions and to be fair they were pretty helpful tips but she thought she was absolutely hilarious. She was like “cations has cat in it and cats are paw-sitive lol, and then anions are like onions and they make you cry, so they are negative” and we just looking at her like ha yeah.
Just any time they mention anything about how they would leave their job if not for something else. Like you are literally kind of a bit hurt because they be like “I wish I could just run away and live on a beach where I would never have to work here again haha” or “I would love to do *some other job* but I guess i’m just here lol”. Like damn what the fuck. So we just gotta laugh here to bring the mood back up. Like god damn just teach us some maths so we can get the fuck out of here.
They always gotta do the demonic laugh as well where they like chuckle but like you can see in their eyes that they are crying out for help and literally hate everything. They have good intentions though and for me, it’s usually just a pity laugh.
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Anti-Joke Humour
This is quite similar to sarcastic humour but, if you are an expert like me, you will know the difference. Basically, the difference is that sarcastic humour is kinda more chillaxed and off the cuff, but with anti-joke humour, it’s probably more planned out and thought about. It might have a bit of a delayed laugh as well because obviously, you are expecting a joke but then it’s pretty much just a fact. Oh and yeah that reminds me, an anti-joke is basically setting something up as you would a joke and then the punchline is just matter-of-fact. I’ll give examples obviously but that’s what it is. And if I’m gonna be honest with you, the people who have this as the humour they come up with a lot are probably going through some shit. Like I find it funny and a lot of others do but can never really come up with one and say it in the right way unless I’m in one of my “low patches”. No attack on anyone by the way. I suppose another form of anti-joke is just one that wasn’t intended to be funny but then the way you said it or the way you timed it was just perfect and I respect that tbh.
I’m gonna go into examples now obviously, I mean why do I find the need to say that every fucking time I’m pretty sure that you have got that already. But yeah the first one that I am gonna say is something kinda shocking and I only found out about it a few days ago and it kinda fucked my mind a wee bit.
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat
What’s white and can’t climb a tree? A fridge
Like they are so fucking stupid and like so fucking random but I don’t know why that literally cracks me up. I think it’s just so funny because it literally isn’t funny whatsoever and you kinda just end up looking at the other person in the eyes as you both question how your life led up to this one moment.
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“Too Far” Humour
This humour actually bugs me and I feel as though it can also be called “that one popular kid who sits in the back of the class and try to make everyone laugh but really he is a dick and people are just scared of him/want to impress him” humour but that’s a wee bit too long. What I find hilarious about it though is whenever you grow up and so does everyone else but they are the same idiot they were 4 years ago so now when they make a joke literally nobody gives a shit and just looks at them in disgust and you feel embarrassed for them. There is a group of people in my school like that and I just don’t think they’ve got rid of that god-complex yet and they haven’t accepted the fact that literally, nobody likes them lol. But back to talking about the “too far” humour. This is basically where they make jokes about things that aren’t meant to be joked about. Not like dark humour where it is still innocent and doesn’t hurt anyone, but when they joke about stuff that is literally offensive and disrespectful.
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Me – *plays football/breathes* idiot man – ShOuLdN’t YoU bE iN tHe KiTcHeN?! ahahahah Go MaKe Me A sAnDwIcH (this applies to literally any ‘joke’ like that)
Just joking around with your friends and then they go too far and talk about something actually personal to you and is a sensitive topic. Like I have heard guys in the back of our class talking and then they would be like “well at least I know my dad” or sometimes they would be straight up racist. Like maybe that’s a ‘guy thing’ but still that sounds fucked up.
These are the kinda jokes that make other generations think we are snowflakes but literally we are just respectful and more of an understanding person. Like they say it isn’t that deep but it kinda is. Just because it might not have offended anyone in this room, doesn’t mean it isn’t offensive.
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Gas-Lighting Humour
I actually had one of my friends tell me a story the other day about how she was literally gas-lighted by her parents, but like in a funny innocent way, and it really just cracked me up tbh. Obviously, in some cases, it isn’t funny but just whenever someone is so gullible that they fall for shit so easily makes me actually die. I’m quite a gullible bitch myself and I have another friend who is as well and the fact it is so easy to trick them is just priceless. They never learn and you kinda make fun of them after which is the gas-lighting part but ah well lol. Do I feel like a shitty person afterwards? Yup. Do I do it to everyone? Fuck no. Do I use too many rhetorical questions? Hell yeah.
Before I give these examples I just want to say that they may sound like the dumbest shite ever but it was just an “at the moment” type thing so don’t even be judging me.
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So the story with my friend and her parents was that she was asking to go to a party and they were like “fine but you will have to take a breathalizer when you get home”. They had like police friends and all that shit so he had easy access. So she was like “fine” and then went to the party. She was proper raging and to be fair she did still drink and was willing to face the consequences when they came. So she got back home and her parents were like “right then, how much did you drink” and she was like “I only had 2 cups” and they were like “ok, bye”. She was proper fuming like what the hell was happening. They just let her go yet she was freaking out about it for ages and trying to figure out how to trick the system or some shit and tgen they just started laughing at her because they couldn’t believe she actually believed it. Like her whole family were pissing themselves because she thought she was actually about to be breathalized. Kinda funny I must admit
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This next story is one where I was the person being laughed at and my sister literally brings it up every fucking second of the day even 6 years after it happened. So we had juts got a puppy (a miniature schnauzer to be exact) and we loved that hoe. We were already wanting to get another and my mum who had not even liked dogs that much (what a fucking weirdo) actually loved our dog. So then one day when I was going home from some sort of club type thing, my older sister was really excited and she was like “we got another puppy!” and I was like “actually fuck off do you really expect me to believe that” and she kept going on about the fact it was the truth. That bitch deserved an oscar because I started to believe her. I knew in the back of my head that it was obviously a lie but I wanted it to be true so bad that I believed it. Then we got home and was like I’m catch this hoe red handed. There is definitely no fucking dog in this house. Then she ran outside to our dog’s bit of the garden and then came back with this minature schnauzer in her hands and it was really small so I went up to see it. Tell me why this bitch was holding a fucking statue? I really started to pet a fucking piece of clay. She really did me dirty there.
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Intricate Humour
I can never really get this type of humour down but I find it really funny whenever it fails and works. Intricate humour is when someone makes a joke and it is kind of factual, or it just has so many layers to it. Like your friend might be building it up like a fucking house and then they drop the wrecking ball and, if timed right, it is hilarious. Sometimes you kinda zone out and wake up once they are laughing at their own joke, but if you manage to listen, it is usually actually good. Another type of intricate joke is one that takes you a second to think about, but like not to the point where it is just dumb and you do a pity laugh. I never really have the brains or the effort to do that shit but sometimes it comes easy to you and you can’t miss that opportunity. There might have been something you and your friend heard or witnessed one week and then one or two weeks later you bring that into the joke it just makes it fucking hilarious.
It always makes me do that silent laugh aka my favourite type of laugh. I swear there have been times where I have been silent laughing for so long that I actually got really scared because I physically could not breathe.
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There was this one that I remember so vividly from my first year in high school and I was in my geography class. I sat at the back next to this guy and his friend sat in front of me so they would always be talking about the most random shit. I would usually zone out but there was a faze where they just insulsted each other in the weirdest ways. I am pretty sure they actually didn’t like each other lol. Anyways, one of the insults I heard was one of the most stupid and most unfunny thing ever but literally cracks me up. He says “I hope you turn into a fish and swim backwards” and as if that wasn’t bad enough, he goes on to explain why that’s a bad thing. Btw it’s because the water will go into their gills and like kil them or some shit like that. I just remember how I was so disappointed in that joke and everything about it that I found it hilarious.
Tbh I don’t really have any other examples because they are usually more inside jokes and like you had to be in a certain situation to get them and actually find them funny, but if you guys have any examples please do comment them down below.
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Insomniac Humour
We can’t deny that we all have this type of humour. I suppose it kinda fits under all of these other types of humour, but to be more specific it is the jokes you make that flop really bad or you instantly regret and for the rest of your life you will be reminded of it every single time you try to sleep. I suppose it also includes stuff that you just find embarrassing but people still make fun of you for. Some may call that bullying but just don’t be like that lol. That shit stings though and literally catches you so off guard that it really isn’t necessary. It is literally painful and to be fair my whole life is one big insomniac joke. Like I just replay that shit in my head from the day I was birthed to that very moment. Like it really just is not necessary and I know that nobody remembers that it happened but I know that it did and it was not ok.
And just as soon as you either forget about it or convince yourself that nobody even remembers it somebody gotta ruin the mood and bring it up again so you are never able to get over that trauma. But now to bring it up again myself… I’m gonna have to talk to my therapist about this aren’t I?
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I hopped that this information would get locked up somewhere for the rest of my life, but since none of you really know who I am I guess I’ll just relate it to, oh I don’t know, THE WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET. So anyways, I used to go to ballet. Yup, I was a little ballet bitch. But that didn’t work out for me andy you will find out why. I was quite young when this happened. Maybe 5 or 6? But me and the rest of the class had just been misbehaving or like wasting too much time so our teacher was getting pissed off. The thing was I desperatily needed the toilet, but seeing her anger and being the anxious little girl I was, I just stayed quiet. I was like nope, not today bitch. So I just held it. That was, of course, until I couldn’t. Yep, you guessed it, I pissed myself in front of my whole entire class and I actually hate myself. And then my teacher was like “why didn’t you just ask to go”. Girl, you know why! Now clean up my piss. My twin still bullies me to this day.
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My first year of high school I was ready to be a whole new person. I was ready to be everyones friend and just the best person ever. So any opportunity I found to get out there I would take. Well there was only one time and I never tried again, but you’ll understand why. So I tried to run for the class president (1st downfall) or whatever the fuck it’s called and that meant I had to go up to the front of the class and tell everyone why they should vote for me. I had a whole plan in my head, no script or prep at all, but I had a goal. So I went up to the front of the class thinking I was gonna be the class clown and everyone would want to be my friend. Mind blank. Complete fucking mind blank. But I remembered one thing after blabbering about the dumbest shit ever and it was something that I thought was really good. Then I say it. Deadass it was the dumbest shit that has ever come out of my mouth. I hate myself so much for it and I swear that was the source of my social anxiety. From that moment onwards I would no longer communicate with anyone outside of my small bubble (aka my family). It is obvious to say I didn’t not get class president.
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Inuendo Humour
For those that doesn’t know, inuendo is basically when one thing sounds or means the same thing as another thing, but like somebody intends the play on words for comedic use. I always find this hilarious especially whenever it wasn’t intended and when the person who said it doesn’t even realise that makes it even more hilarious. I have one friend who is either too mature or we are just immature so she tends to say a lot of things that sound like something else. Usually quite inappropriate stuff but it is so funny because it’s just unexpected and you can tell they didn’t mean it to sound like it did. It’s also the look on the persons face whenever they have possessed it in their head and the look of disappointment is just so funny. To be fair I have never really heard of a person whose go to jokes were inuendos unless it’s some sort of creepy old guy wth a beer belly. Sorry if that is your sense of humour but that’s just been my experience. I also feel like if it was intended then it isn’t funny because they just try too hard but that’s honestly true with all jokes kind of
I’m gonna try and give a few examples but at the moment I can only think of inappropriate ones and Im not sure what type of demographic I’m working with here but to be fair if they are still reading y this point it is a wee bit late. I think I’ll just try to find ones that are more of just a pun
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Dad Jokes
I had to break the rhythm of the titles because I just couldn’t bring myself to call it dad humour. I guess I could have called it desperate humour but I’ll not be rude. Honestly though is there much I can say about this? It’s just a classic bad joke with like the worst timing. To be honest there is never a good time for a dad joke. They just make me laugh so much because it’s clever but also so unnecessary. It’s seeing your dads face afterwards as well because they are so proud of themselves and you feel bad for not laughing so you just laugh disappointedly. I have to admit though that whenever I come up with one myself I am really proud of myself. Like I don’t know why it’s just so rewarding cause it isn’t always easy. It’s really just an at the moment type situation.
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Some people have trouble sleeping… but I can do it with my eyes closed
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. He said “dad can’t you just use a sponge?”
Did you know Bruce lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee
It’s a bit ironic to have a literal kid (who has no kids) talking about parenting, but like I was just on a walk and it was kind of an existential kind of day and I was just thinking about how fucked up that shit is and how scary that must bloody be. Like it…
This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet…
I think we all gotta learn from Arial’s mistakes. No, not ‘don’t brush your hair with a fork’ but something else a lot deeper (pun not intended) that all the ladies out there gotta hear about. Btw this is in no way me tryna be a Karen and ‘cancel’ Disney, it’s just a good example…
If your dad is like mine in any way at all, they refuse to put the heating on, or at least not high enough to actually feel the effects. So I am nowhere to give you some tips for staying warm in your house and don’t forget to share this with the rest of your family just as a wee tip because they will really appreciate it. But let’s just get right into it. Oh and that reminds me, make sure to read the text underneath each tip for more explanation and how to do it for optimum warmth.
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1. Turn On The Heating
Now I know that sounds like a bit of a stretch, but the easiest way for you to stay warm inside in every room of your house is to turn on the heating. Surprisingly enough it isn’t that hard to do so and can work quickly. I know some people may complain about the money but the truth is you would rather be warm and spend a bit more money or be literally dead with more cash that you can’t even use. So definitely this is a great one to think about
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2. Put On a Jumper
Make sure to read this explanation because it is important. What you want to do is look in your wardrobe and pick out a nice thick jumper. This will really help to keep you warm when you go downstairs to turn on the heating. So while that is 2 steps, it is very effective and one of my favourites
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3. Put On Slippers
I highly recommend this for those who have wooden or tiled floors because it is scientifically proven that cold feet will make the rest of you cold. Surprising isn’t it! So it’s important you have something on your feet for going downstairs to turn on the heating to your house
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4. Go Into A Smaller Room
The science behind this is that smaller rooms stay warmer because the heat is less dispersed. That is why I go to my utility room which is the smallest in my house and conveniently also where my heating controls are. So I go into the small room until the heating is on for long enough and then go back to my nice toasty bedroom.
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5. Stay Close To People
So I suppose this isn’t the best during ‘rona and also isn’t great for people who don’t really like… people. But this is great because of body heat and shit. Like penguins do it. So how to start with that is just whenever you have to go do something no, do it with someone else. This could be going to the toilet, going to watch tv, or in this circumstance, going to switch on the heating. So yeah that is a great way to stay warm
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6. Stay Active
I know that a lot of you will see this and be like “umm the fuck? I’m not doing that” and then swipe but it doesn’t actually last that long and you can do it in your house, so depending on how big your house is, this could take somewhere from 1 minute to 3 minutes. So here it is and listens closely because it is quite tricky, go down the stairs (making sure to take deep breathes) which is great for cardio. Then go and click the button to turn on the heating (don’t pull a muscle pls) which is great for muscle strength and then go back up the stairs but slowly so that you can cool down a bit and then by the time you have cooled down from the exercise the heating will keep you at a comfortable temperature
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7. Speak To Others
Communication is key and we need to recognize how it can also help us achieve some stuff that we need. You might be wondering how speaking can help you to warm up, and it is really simple actually. All you have to do is take a deep breath, and at the top of your lungs you shout “can some turn on the heating?!” The only fault is that sometimes parents won’t want to do that so it could mean that you have to resort to some of the options that are above, but if you get the right tone and volume, then this is definitely a good option to go for.
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8. Shower/Bath
This one is actually no joke a good one but the thing is you will be warm during it and then when you get out it will be even worse than before so I guess you just gotta weigh up the pros and cons at that point. And for me, baths are boring as fuck but I like the sound of them so when I have one I basically have to just bring my whole bedroom in with me so I have something to do. It’s also hard to get the right balance between boiling hot and sweating your ass off and being absolutely freezing. So I usually go for the classic shower, not that you give a fuck.
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9. Use Single-Use Plastic
This may be confusing for some but if we keep using plastic the way we have done for a while, our whole entire earth will warm up. I’m pretty sure it’s called global warming or some shit but yeah although it may take a year or so, we could soon have natural heating. It could kill us all but then again at least we would die warm. Every cloud has a silver lining. *pls understand this is a joke because I don’t want David Attenborough and Greta Thunberg running after me*
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10. Listen To Anti-Vaxxers
This may seem hard to be able to achieve but it actually isn’t. There are surprisingly a lot of idio- I mean people who don’t want the vaccine. You can find them in the streets, but other hotspots include the Managers office of your closest restaurant or supermarket. There is also many reported to be near your local town hall and can be recognized by their chants “we want freedom” or something along the lines of that. If they by chance don’t have a sign then just look out for the usual Karen haircut. The reason this will keep you warm is because it will make your blood boil. You will try not to punch them so bad and try to speak with them reasonably but that takes a lot of energy to do. So it will both distract from the pain of the cold, and redirect it to the pain that is society. I would even say that you can speak your mind to them because it can help to create heat by movement. So I guess just take your pic!
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Anyways, that is me all done for today and I hope this did really help you guys. Also please don’t destroy the planet that would be greatly appreciated actually. But yeah no stay warm and I hope you have an amazing winter and that Santa treats you well. It’s already bloody stormy where I live so really getting in that winter mood I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
If you are like me, an overthinker, you will most likely understand this question immediately. And no, the answer is a little more complicated than 22. I swear if I get a comment like that I will literally erase my existence. Anyways, for those who don’t really get what I mean, let me tell you.…
What do I mean when I say “Emotion comes in shades”? No, I don’t associate colours with certain feelings, what I mean is that emotions aren’t so black and white. There are layers, different forms of emotions. It’s more deep than just sad, happy or confused. And I think that is what people find difficult…
Being frustrated is a vicious cycle because frustration pretty much feeds off frustration. Like when you wake up and you are annoyed by the way the bed covers feel, you get frustrated cause you just like “fuck” and you know it’s gonna be a bad day. And there literally isn’t any way to control it…
Up until last month, I used to think that Corona was the worst thing that happened to us but fuck me this is 10 times worse. I mean I know the pandemic was tough but this has ruined my whole entire life and all of my memories. It makes me physically ill to talk about so be blessed you get to read this post. So prepare yourself guys because I’m about to reveal what is going on. The problem is… the pringles logo😱
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I’m sorry but they really did him dirty. Like what the actual hell were they thinking. He looks literally depressed or as though he just saw something he shouldn’t have. The guy has been absolutely ROBBED of his hair. Did he have kids? Is he papa Pringle now? There better be a good fucking reason because this is not my Pringle man. Literally, where did these eyebrows come from? Maybe he looked in the mirror because he got the same reaction as us. It really hurts my soul that this innocent man has been literally been taken advantage of like this. Don’t fix something that isn’t broken.
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But the thing is their excuse for this monstrosity. I kid you not they were saying it’s because they want to appeal to Gen Zs by being more minimalistic. Don’t put the blame on me bitch. I don’t claim any of this. Like why fix something that isn’t broken? It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe we like a minimalist house or designer shit but we love a good classic. Our generation is so anxiety-ridden that we love to see the same old shit as normal. That’s why we rewatch friends and the office. We like to be comforted by the things we already know and have known all our life.
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Oh but don’t think that this is only pringles. Nah, I’m gonna expose all these hoes. Let’s start with our old friend Doritos who have sadly been through an identity crisis and now think they are the YouTube play button
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I’m sorry you had to see that but you must be aware of the truth. You can’t excuse that. That’s basically a crime against humanity and when I see my therapist I am going to show him this photo and I won’t have to say anything else. It’s like he grew up and lost all personality. Get Doritos on some counselling now because that’s not healthy. I don’t recognize this brand. It was so full of life and Gad hopes for the future. It gave me hope but now it gives me “what is the point of anything if we all die eventually”.
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Guys, I just searched up new and old logos and I genuinely feel like I need to hide out in a bunker until this madness passes. Look at what Burger King is doing
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Who can I call to sue Burger King for this? Like… it was a joke up until now. What were they on when they were coming up with this? The only reason this would make sense is if they had an intern who was freaking out when they asked him to come up with a new logo or if they were high off their heads and going through some sort of mid-life crisis. I would love to see what their sales are like now because I’m ready to boycott them no joke. It’s actually becoming a global crisis and it needs to be stopped. They can’t take our childhood away from us because that was a good time in my life. I want my kids to live with the original Mr Pringle because they may not see a fucking polar bear or some shot so at least give them the OG packaging. Get your priorities straight bitch.
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This actually does sadden me and it doesn’t stop so I’m going to go and cry now. So yeah I’ll leave you with that and if you can get in touch with any of the people guilty of this crime then do send them this. Comment down below what you guys think and if you actually like them. If you do I would get that checked out, to be honest. But yeah don’t forget to like and subscribe also. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
You know those situations that keep you up at night? Not the stuff that happened in the past, but the holes you have dug yourself that make your life a living hell. The moments that you wish you could wake up from. Yeah well, I am in one again and I’m terrified. I feel like it can so easily just collapse in on me and I will literally die. So that’s what I want to talk about today so I can at least get it off my chest and you guys will hopefully relate. I might also talk about the worst ones I have ever had to deal with because to be fair, my whole life is one big hole, but I know there are some extra ones lying around
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Firstly, let’s talk about the one I am in at the moment. So, nearly every day I walk my dog in this nature park thing near my house and it’s good fun cause she can go off the leash and get a runaround. But she also tends to torture every living thing that is within 500 metres of her, so she makes a lot of human friends. But there is this one group of people who we see the most and they are so lovely and kind and they absolutely adore my dog. However, the first time we met them, they asked what my dog’s name was obviously and I said what it was (I am actually not going to say the real name just in case they somehow read this and literally realise what has been happening after all this time). The first time, they didn’t hear so I repeated it, then the second time they said the wrong name and I told them what it was again. The third time they tried to get her name right, I didn’t really hear what they said but it kinda sounded right and it was gonna be fucking awkward if I had to correct them again so I was just like ‘yep’ and then went on with my life. I never thought I would see them again but now I basically see them every time I walk around there and they call her the wrong name.
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Why is this a bad thing? Surely it’s just a misunderstanding, right? NO! It is absolutely nerve-racking because that is the only good place to walk my dog that is near my house, so I always go there. They are also the loveliest people and absolutely love my dog so they would probably feel bad for calling her the wrong thing the whole time, or they would be kinda pissed at me and think I’m a brat. What also scares me is that my dog is an annoying bitch and she runs off, so obviously I have to call her back with her ACTUAL name, so I am scared that they are gonna hear this and then realise who it is I am calling and then be like what the actual fuck. I actually did that one time where I was talking with them and when I said bye I called my dog to come as well by calling her name and when I tell you my heart dropped, it was on the fucking floor. I don’t think they noticed though but it was a close one.
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I also get so scared that someone in my family will take her on a walk there without me and then they will bump into those people and they will be calling her the wrong name and then my family will be like ‘umm that isn’t her name bitch’ and then when I see them next then they will think I’m some sort of idiot. Or maybe if someday they happen to look at her collar and because it will be right in front of me, they’ll just slowly look up and be like “is that your dog’s name?” and I’ll just be like ‘yeah, is that not what you’ve been calling her the whole time? I swear that’s what you call her’.
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I’ll just have to be so slick with it if it comes to it. Genuinely I would make up some bullshit excuse like “I have a really bad hearing in one ear” or even something like “yeah well we kind of call her both names in our house because we could never settle on a name”. I actually had thought of saying that if worst came to the worst and I could just imagine me thinking I got away with it whereas they would be going home to plan the new walk they would take every day to avoid me. I’m really fucking scared though for the day that they find out because surely they will at some point and then they will probably bring it up every single time we see them again. At this point, I have known them for nearly a year and I would have to just move planets to get over it. Who’s for Mars?
So that’s the problem I’m in at the moment, but let’s take a wee glance back at some other awkward situations I’ve gotten myself into and have most likely contributed to my anxiety 🙂
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The Family Tree
I have actually mentioned this one before I think but I’ll say it again for those who haven’t heard it yet. So one day I met my mum’s cousin and we were talking about life. I had kinda just gotten comfortable talking with her at that point and she then went to ask me what my teachers are like. I always get a kick out of slabbering about this one teacher who is really strict and kinda has a reputation of being really scary, so I was talking about her. Then afterwards she kinda looked at my mum and was like “is that THE teacher’s name?” and she was like “yeah” and I come to find out that the teacher I had just been slabbering about was her step-mum! I just died inside and was like “but she is really nice though and we all thinks she’s funny and different”. I suppose what I said wasn’t awful but I don’t know if she remembers what I said and now every time that I meet her I am so uncomfortable and can’t forget that moment. Like I am always panicking that she secretly resents me and will shout at me for it. LOL
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Forgettaboutit
This story literally isn’t even serious and it was short-lived but in that one hour, I was stuck in that situation I had pretty much 10 heart attacks. Picture this, it’s first year, you are hated by every teacher but at the moment you are with a particularly scary one. You sit down and you to get your books but SHIT you forgot them! You can’t tell the teacher because she’ll eat your head off but if she finds out some other way then she’ll to the exact same thing! So what do I do? I risk it for a biscuit. I spent the whole class sweating my ass off trying to cover the fact I had no books. Even when she was walking around the room I was on stealth mode with my arms huddled and my back hunched over to cover the table. I would try to act really interested but also not attract too much attention to myself and then the worst thing happened. She was walking around again and I had kinda thought I got away with it at that point but then she walks a bit past me and goes “I know you don’t have your books” in the most PETTY BOSS BITCH tone that there has every been. Basically I thought in was slick but in reality I was just a fucking weirdo. So to my demise, she gave me a bad ping which is something we do in our school if we are bad or some shit and if we get three then we get a detention. So obviously being the first year I was I literally hated the life I had led as though I was convicted of murder. Like it really isn’t that deep but I’ll never forget the trauma. The teacher always knows. But the funny thing was I thought I was so slick about it. Like whenever she said that o me I was like “yup” and acted like I was just tired and unbothered but fuck me I was near crying lol
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Fake It ‘Til Ya Make It
I have had one relationship in my life and it lasted over 2 years. That seems like a pretty deep hole already but the other thing was I would try to be someone else just so he would like me. It would be acting like I loved superhero shit and Dr Who but like in reality I could not give a fuck for the life of me. But yeah so that meant a lot of convos where he was like “between someone and someone who do you think would win?” And I would be here putting on the show of my life like “hmmm well that’s quite a tough one because it depends on a lot of things. On one hand superman is indeed super but then again Thor does have quite a large hammer” and just make up basic shit until he was like nah it is defo this person. Then I would agree and carry on shitting myself because I don’t know half the people he was on about.
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I kinda guess that was unfair for the both of us but I was so scared that he would leave me despite the fact the relationship should have ended way earlier because it really was quite emotionally shite. But anyways I always acted like I loved what he loved and I actually watched Dr Who for a while even though I really did not like it but I wanted to be able to talk about something with him. If he were to read this and realize it was me I would literally have to admit that I had no clue what the fuck he was talking about the whole time. That’s dedication though but also do not recommend at all. I would literally stay up at night trying to remember who was in Marcel and who was in the avengers and I would feel so scared that I would expose myself by mixing them up. It’s sounds so fucking stupid now that I say it but like it was a real fear of mine. I swear I lost all sense of self when I was with him but it is what it is I suppose. That hole was pretty deep because we were friends for literally our whole life and if I were to turn around and be like “hey literally I hate everything we talk about” then he would think I was such a fake bitch which would be accurate but I would prefer he didn’t know that. Highly recommend just being yourself and not changing for nobody
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Lol I really just exposed myself there but even if he did read that he probably wouldn’t realize it was me because he never bothered to listen to shit that I said anyways lol. Yes that was an attack. But yeah I’m going to leave it here with one final question. What holes have you dug yourself into? Are you still in them because I could help give you some advice on how to get out. But don’t get me involved in some grave digging crime shit ok! 😦 Anyways, don’t forget to like and subscribe for more content like this and read my other posts that are down below. That was the most cringey youtube shit I have ever said. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m not someone who is overly confident, or confident in any sense of the word to be honest, but I have found that there is something that people say when I first talk to them that instantly makes me want to get to know them and be best friends. I have also only really recognised…
I know that title makes me sound like I’m fucking ancient or some shit but like I am only 16. To be fair though this is me nearly becoming an adult and like is one of the biggest changes in life so I suppose I can talk about growing up. The difference between me now…
I’m in lower 6th and yes I have only been so for about 3 months but the thing is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to that hell-hole. The only reason I did go was because I didn’t know what else to fucking do and I have FOMO so I…
This is quite literally an actual question because lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who go back on themselves and completely make themselves look like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments where I’ve been unfair by telling people they can’t do something and then I go do it myself but that is why I come to you with this question. Are we born hypocrites?
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Think about it. Everybody seems to be one and if you say you aren’t then you are either lying or a robot. Our parents did, and still do, it all the time with things like “I don’t care if you don’t like the food, just eat it” but then they will never go near or even look at the food they don’t like. Another example is adults in general who say you must “stand up for yourself and not let anyone get you down” but as soon as you speak your mind and go against what someone says they go absolutely mental saying it’s disrespectful even though they are also arguing with you and now we must go to our room. This leads to the next point where they want us to get out of our room. So it goes from “go to your room!” to “get out of your room and have a life” and then to “stop spending so much time with your friends” and then you tell them how they aren’t being reasonable and the cycle starts again.
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But to be fair, I don’t think we can blame them. Our views change and so do our actions. For example, at the moment there are things that I would say I am never going to do to my kids like hit or scream at them. I also don’t want them to have no imagination by going on their tablet all the time. But will that be the case in the future? So here is me acting like the worlds best parent coach and being like “you shouldn’t do that” or “you need to be nicer and then they’ll listen” but I assume kids can get bloody frustrating and exhausting so the only thing you can do is give them their iPad or something. To be fair I will never hit my kid but like you get what I’m saying.
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You could have a strong argument that we are born hypocrites because it helps to keep us safe. It is an instinct that we have gotten built into us in the past thousands of years. We see it as a way to protect others and while we may not recognise it as hypocrisy, it is. And it bloody sucks when people don’t recognise this because then it happens more often and can lead to a manipulative person It can grow to many things so while hypocrisy may not be a bad thing, it is bloody dangerous and we need to recognise it.
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I wouldn’t say we are born hypocrites, but we are taught it from a very young age. Even from the little stuff like “don’t touch that” and then we immediately touch it or “don’t interrupt me” and then we lately completely interrupt them because we think we are allowed to. It’s just part of human life and isn’t really something you can avoid. You can try but it won’t work out because someday you might not look both ways when crossing the road or “just relax” whenever something bugs us.
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Overall, hypocrites annoy the living daylight out of me. Obviously, I don’t mean everyone in the whole world, but the people who are so clearly doing it but don’t understand it themselves. It’s people like the politics who are raving every day about staying inside and staying in a bubble but then flying off to a holiday home on the other side of the world. And it’s when you have a disagreement with a parent and they get annoyed at you only because they aren’t used to having their own child, who they raised to be confident and opinionated, come and challenge their opinions. It’s also when you walk near your sister’s room or tell her something important and she literally screams your ear off and actually makes you fear for your life, but then they kick your door open and rummage around your stuff as though they own the place and when you ask them to leave they just laugh and continue messing around.
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Sure it can just be messing around and harmless, but sometimes I get scared that someone I love will get so accustomed to it that they don’t even understand that what people are doing to them is wrong. Like in a relationship they may have a manipulative partner and they don’t find out it’s toxic before it’s too late. They don’t understand that you are allowed to give your opinion and argue about what you think is right or wrong. And we should be able to do that without being told off afterwards. If we keep getting mixed signals we won’t know what’s right or wrong so we just choose to do nothing. Just stay quiet and hope for the best because at least then any bad reactions won’t be your fault. And that my friends are how low self-esteem and lack of confidence can grow.
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I know that sounded deep as fuck, but I think what I really wanted to get across is that it is human nature to be hypocritical, which doesn’t excuse some people’s behaviours, but shows that you can’t please everyone. You sometimes have to go with your gut and what you know is right because people’s opinions and actions can change fucking quickly and you should speak up if you feel someone is disrespectful or incorrect. You should shout, swear and put the middle finger up to the creepy old man that catcalls you when he drives past, and you fucking better be whoever and wear whatever, you want because you are unique and worth it. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for…
You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk…
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate…
This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet I don’t know what fucking year it is. I suppose November has always been a weird transition month but the thing is, it isn’t only the time of day or the day of the week that I get mixed upon, it is quite literally my entire past and present memories that are all jumbled up. It’s like I had been carefully compiling all my memories in an orderly fashion but then my brain got fed up and just threw everything everywhere so now I have no clue what the fuck is going on. Let me tell you a few stories to help you understand.
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I like to call this story “The Pantomime”, and here is why. So it was my best friends birthday last month and I knew it was coming up. I have always been crap with birthdays but this time I was so proud of myself and I was so ready, I had it in my mind that her party was not very long before her birthday so I was prepared. Then a few days before the party we went bowling and there was a wee arcade bit. So OBVIOUSLY we had to go on the tiny car racing games. This one was actually tiny, not the normal big ones, so I was laughing at my friend like “I’m 16 and you are almost 17 and look what we are playing lol what is life” and she deadass went “I am 17”. If that was a real car I would have gone straight into a wall because I was not ready for that answer. I was just like “but your birthday’s on the 26th” and she was like “yeah, it’s the 30th” so here I am holding my worst friend of the year award while being completely mind boggled about what day it was. Like it was as if someone just said I was in 2050 or some shit because I suddenly had no concept of time. Oh, and I called it the pantomime because it was behind me. It is a shite name in hinsight but just accept it.
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Anyways, the next story I am going to call “age is just a number”. So I was playing football, or soccer for the americans, in PE, as one does. But I overheard my sister talking to one of our friends and they were just having a wee bit of banter as per usual. She is actually a year younger than us but still in our year because she moved over from England and there is just a whole thing that doesn’t matter, but yeah she is younger than us. And I heard my sister go like “damn must be embarrassing to look 13” and I was kinda tripped out like “you scared me a bit there because I swore she was 14” because at that point I was bad at stuff like birthdays and ages anyways so like I was just glad I didn’t think she was 13 in real life. But then my sister and her starting confused laughing and I’m like what? And they go on to say “she literally isn’t 14, she’s literally 15” and I was like “what! since when were you the same age as us that is so fucking mad” and they must not have heard me because then a day or so later I was kinda still thinking about it and then I was like “shit, I’m 16”. How dumb is that! Like I would work out her age by the fact she is one year younger than us and I genuinely believed I was 15 and my world just changed.
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Why is that though because I swear if I wasn’t really close with those people my friend’s would be dropping like flies. It really just is not ok. Maybe it’s because I had been thinking about these things so much and for so long that I never realised that it passed and I still had the feeling of it coming up even when it had come and gone. It could also just be classic ‘rona making every day mush into the same. I always seem to get that feeling at night when I am washing my face. Kinda like a coming of age movie where there is a clip of his morning routine played multiple times in increasing speeds to show how boring his life was in school. That basically is how I feel every night and it is quite depressing I have to admit but I guess it is what it is.
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I think we all get those times where it feels like a Friday but it’s really a Tuesday and your whole schedule gets messed up and you literally nearly miss everything you had to do because you barely remember that you must breathe at least once every 2 minutes or you will quite literally die. And that’s a fact. Is it bad that there have been times where I’ve been like “when was the last tme I took a breathe”. Like deadass not even breathing through my nose or anything. There is just no time for that silly business. I should probably work on that to be honest. But it has never really been a problem for me. Pre-covid I was organised and got all my homeworks done the day I got them (which is actually more deep than it sounds cause that really fucked me up lol). But now things just sneak up on me. I don’t even procrastinate that much either. Sure I’ll watch the odd extra tiktok but that is the maximum procrastination for me… I think. I’m not even busy or one of those people who are like active and social as fuck and are just like “I just don’t know where the time goes lol” and away they are for their midnight 10k run.
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This past year really has just gone so down hill in every single way and I actually can’t even be bothered trying to stop it. I’m just sitting back and watching the edge of the cliff get closer and closer. If it stops, it stops. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. And I live by that to be honest. As long as people know that I do genuinely care about their birthdays and making them feel special then hopefully they won’t think I’m that much of a bitch and we’ll be fine.
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My question is, how did they cope with this in the fucking dark-ages or whatever because they didn’t have bloody google calendar sending you a fuck load of notifactions about what you had on that day as though it was a ticking time bomb. You’d have to know by the direction of the fucking sun and that is no use in the UK. And I couldn’t tell myself to work events backwards in my mind to figure out what day it is because I literally can’t tell the difference between what I did yesterday, or the week before, to today. Am I literally going out of my mind or is this type of behaviour actually normal? Should I be calling a doctor lol? Here’s me calling just like “hey so like what the fucking is my problem” and they just like “you ust a shitty person” and I’m like “ah ok thanks”. Thank god for free healthcare am I right 😮
Anyways, that was just my wee update I suppose. Please like, follow, and comment down below what things have happened to in regards to your messed up sense of time, or are you a human calendar that is like “damn do you remember on the 16th January 2006 when we literally saw that one blade of grass…” and you just have you shit together? Comment below I guess. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I haven’t posted in a while, obviously, and I ain’t gonna explain why because it’s more boring than you think. It’s not like I went on a fucking trip to the Bahamas despite the fact I hope to go there some day if corona ever goes away. But anyways, a lot has happened like me…
Now, I can’t really talk for the guys on this topic because, being a girl, I have never been to a guys sleepover and no matter how old I am, my mother will never ever let me go to one. So if this is different for guys, if you even play sleepover games, do please…
First of all, to the people who are in the comments right now saying “It’s makeup and I, not makeup and me” literally take you Hermione Granger ass outside or “I” will personally make Jeff Bezos land his fucking dick rocket on you. I mean would you slate Marley and Me for the grammar issue?…
Being frustrated is a vicious cycle because frustration pretty much feeds off frustration. Like when you wake up and you are annoyed by the way the bed covers feel, you get frustrated cause you just like “fuck” and you know it’s gonna be a bad day. And there literally isn’t any way to control it or just get over it. You just end up having a shitty day and know that so when you get frustrated at literally nothing, you are literally thinking to yourself “why am I even annoyed by this because it is literally no big deal”.
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Even when it is something you do every day, or something that happens regularly, it just is so much worse and you feel like actually crying. This was me the other day when I came up with this blog post. Like everything enraged me even though I am actually quite a chill person. All my friends would probably say that to be fair, but I kinda have to admit that I can be a bad bitch if I need to. Like I was saying to my mum how the police were in talking to our class today and I’m really excited to join the police now because there are so many opportunities. And here my mum goes on talking about that it is great because you’re not very intimidating or like loud or anything so there might be better jobs for you too. Here was me bloody flabbergasted. My mum doesn’t even know me. If the situation calls for it, I will pop off. I can shout, I can be intimidating. Don’t try me bitch because I can change it up in here real quick. I’ll flip that personality that a pancake before I let you shout at me.
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I got off on a bit of a tangent there but what I was trying to say was that I had a really frustrating day and normal things bugged me. Like if the teacher wasn’t making any sense that day, or the fact they are a very talkative person, I would nearly be in tears because I just want to shout. Let’s say the teacher wasn’t explaining it well even though there was such an easy way to explain it, or she would just keep repeating herself over and over again, I would literally be squirming in my seat. Because obviously I can’t say anything because that’s just fucking rude, but having to sit through that would irritate me so much. And usually, I would just zone out and not give 2 shits but some days it really hits different.
I have to admit it is quite a good indicator that I might be having my period within the next few days (not to enforce the stereotype). I guess that explains it and makes it feel a bit less like I’m just losing my fucking mind but I could do without it, to be honest.
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The worst thing that can happen when you are having a frustrating day is having to walk a dog that is literally sniffing every blade of grass that they walk past as if they somehow became sherlock holmes, so you can’t even walk undisturbed. WALKS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING like I walk to try and stop the frustration but then this cute, fluffy spawn of satan just does your head in. I swear I look like an insane, mentally unstable person because by the end of my walk I am doing the slow turn around with the face of anger. Like you know what I mean. When you are so fed up that you want to scream but like you can’t because they will probably take your dog from you and it also is just weird to shout in public. I mean I love my dog with my whole heart but I would be lying if I said I never felt like dropping her leash and just running off into the distance. She probably wouldn’t notice anyway because she’s TOO FUCKING BUSY LOOKING AT A PILE OF DIRT.
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But yeah, I suppose to sum it up, when you get frustrated once, you just gotta wait until you go to bed that night because there is no way to get rid of that bitch. Like it’s a tough road and it happens but at least for some, there is a more obvious reason. Just one of those things I suppose. Please don’t forget to comment down below what you think about frustration. Hopefully, you see my point about frustration being frustrating. Also, like and follow for more posts like this (it can get quite mental) and I’ll see you next time. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
The answer is no, but it is also a bit more complicated than that. Do I like the first day of school where everything is new, you get the new time tables, new classes, new teachers? Yes, you could say that. But in general, I really could not be arsed to go back. Lately when…
Because I am SUCH an expert in this field, I am going to talk about all aspects. That directly translates to, I think about this shit a lot and think it would be weird to have “eyebrows, eyelashes, eyes and under eyes” in the title. So I guess we’ll get into it, but first I’m…
Now, if your looking for some sort of “12% of children going into their first year of secondary school with anxiety brought on my the change of school” then you are out of luck bitch bitch there is one thing and one thing only that I will talk about in this post. And what is…
In this post, I was originally going to talk about how the hour change is such a weird thing but then when I was thinking about what to talk about I just got into a spiral of how us humans basically run and control the world. Not as in like there is a control panel to change the direction the earth turns or some shit but as in we literally control everything in it. Like it is so fucking weird if you think about it and that is what we are going to do today. Also, I’m not gonna get into politics shit or anything like that because I know people are gonna be like “you’re right we need our freedom” and all that shit but I am just genuinely interested and amazed by this realisation of mine.
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A planet doesn’t come with a user manual. Like there isn’t a massive book of earth management that we look at to see how to settle arguments or have a fucking safe society. We had to just figure that out. Like we had to create a solid foundation and create fucking rules and schedules for shit. Time didn’t exist in a sense. It was a thing I suppose, but only when we came up with seconds, minutes, hours and all that crap. Like that was something made up. They just needed structure and control so we were like fuck it and just created a clock. It isn’t something that came with earth.
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And we just change that shit up twice a year. I am not really sure what countries do this, but we do in the UK, where we turn back the clock an hour or forward an hour depending on the time of year. Literally no joke. And it is literally because of fucking farmers. Like it makes sense because they want more light in the morning but who knew they could hold so much power. I can just imagine a bunch of culchies coming down with their cows and being like “you need to change the time for this whole country so that I can work in the light” and the bloody “time worker” person just looking at them like what the fuck why don’t you just wake up later or just work your timetable around the darkness and then them just being there like “Nah but like I still want the times to be the same you know. I don’t want to wake up or go to bed 1 hour earlier or later each year”. What the fuck do you think you are gonna miss? A cuppa tea. Like we literally change the time like it is nothing. The whole concept of time is just chucked out the window.
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I think a good way to describe what I am thinking about is almost as if the earth is just a big fucking TV show. Like I could imagine it as either the show that has 10 teens/kids living in a house by themselves for a week or like some sort of reality TV show that goes to shit. We just have no clue how to function or keep any form of control and we are just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. They are dividing into groups, starting fights, destroying everything and getting pissed when they can’t fix it again. We are just a bunch of people given free rein to do anything. There are no goals, rules or anything and we are just trying to figure out our next move.
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It’s so weird to think of it like that though and I could so easily go into thinking “what is the point of humans” and that can get messy real quick, but it also amazes me because we just choose to ignore that fact. We are tiny spots of matter floating in nothingness with no real aim and we can really just control whatever the fuck we do next because there isn’t any expectation or form of monitoring. We, as a whole, can make the world be whatever the hell we want it to be. What about we all live in bloody treehouses and have literal tigers as pets? What if we create a time of day where everyone is legally allowed a nap hour? We can do that shit. It isn’t like some overlord is gonna open up the sky and be like “that’s against the rule 14358”. Literally, everything created in this world, whether it is a social construct, concept or physical item has just been made up to create some sort of order and reason for existence.
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We have literally done dot to dot in the night sky and then named that shit. People really thought they were doing something when they were like “that looks like a fucking lion”. I mean where they off their heads or something because that looks like literally nothing at all. I mean clouds I guess but stars?! That’s pushing it a bit. We could have no homelessness or hunger in the world but they are like “it is so expensive” but like that isn’t a real excuse because we made money. We don’t NEED it in a sense. Like why can’t we just do it? Build more houses, improve the environment and teach people how to farm and stuff. Why can’t we agree as a planet that this is important and we can all join in together to do it? It isn’t that hard. And I know we need to pay for labour and shit but I am sure we could work something out. Like if you help us build these houses then we will give you one for free or something like that.
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I suppose it got a bit controversial at the end but I just wanted to get across the idea that the world doesn’t have rules and we have just created it because we think it helps. Not everything is a solid fact or necessity but we have just been taught to accept it. But we are just humans flying through nothingness and it really just isn’t that deep. I hope you found that interesting and that you like, follow and comment on what you think about this topic. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I got my GCSE results yesterday and to be honest, I feel the same fucking way I felt last week. I mean there was no big sigh of relief or weight off my shoulders. I didn’t turn ecstatic, it was just another part of my day. Like it was literally just reading letters on a…
I’m just gonna get right into this hoe because I don’t really know what to say as an introduction. Sorry to all my English teachers but guess what? I don’t give a fuck, so I’m gonna get into it and tell you some things that I really want to see some day and I don’t…
Bare with me on this one guys because I know the title makes it sound dumb as fuck, but we need to address this shit. I will literally make everything make sense to you because I know you know this but you don’t know that you know it yet, if that makes sense. Basically, you…
I know this isn’t something you like to hear but it is true, your parents were 99.9% right. Not about everything, definitely not, but they were about this one thing that they told you when you were literally a foetus sized human being. And what is that? Well, do you remember when they would say “you can be whatever you want when you grow up”? That is what they are 99.9% right about. You can literally be whatever the fuck you want in this world and I can prove it to you. I didn’t intend this post to be so motivating but if it helps you in any way then I am happy.
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Why are they so right when they say we can be whatever we want to be when we are older? Did they secretly become psychic or just got lucky? Well, I can’t speak for all families I guess, but in my family, they were making an educated guess. Obviously, they couldn’t predict what I would be but they knew that if I tried hard enough then, with their support, I could be anything. But the motivation and family aspects aren’t really what I am here to talk about today. Not all families have a great support system and are willing and able to give their kids the life they deserve. I’m talking literally and I’m talking facts bitch.
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You can quite literally be whatever the fuck you wanna be. You can become famous for literally anything. Don’t believe me? You can join all the bloody “great British…” shit and earn a living if you win or just take part in any way. I’m sure there are equivalents depending on where you live but if we use this one alone the possibilities are endless. There is the Great British Bake Off, the Great British Sewing Bee, the Great British Gardening Show (I don’t know the exact name of that one but you get my point). All 3 of the shows I just listed are so fucking random and different from each other and there are probably other shows for everything in between. Cooking, surviving on a desert island, being sexy beside a pool, watching TV. All of the things that I just listed actually make people rich and famous. Maybe that isn’t the goal you intended but you can still make a bloody living from that shit.
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Maybe being on TV isn’t your thing. Maybe becoming famous isn’t your goal. That doesn’t even matter because we as humans are so bloody lazy and we are willing to pay others to do the things we can’t be arsed to do or learn how to do. You can wash people’s windows, wait in a line for them, be a bodyguard, deliver people’s food or drive them places. I mean that is only like 0.00001% of things out there that you can do and when you really think about what the aim of each job is, it sounds bloody ridiculous. Let’s say a photographer. Obviously, this job, and many other’s, require a lot of skill and practice, but essentially it is just taking photos of you which you could probably do yourself with a little time and money. Like you literally pay people to do something that you would do every day. Now I know that seems like I am discrediting the work that photographers put in but I didn’t really know how to put it. It’s just to show you how something as simple as taking photos can literally make you a living and give you the ability to meet great people and visit amazing places. As long as you put in the hard work and become great at what you love, you can make that your whole career.
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Do you like drawing? Career. Do you like tennis? Career. Do you like walking? Career. Do you like arguing? You guessed it, career. As long as you fucking believe in yourself and are willing to become the best at what you do, no matter how long that may take, then you can make that your career and you can live off what you love the most. Don’t listen to what other people have to say because they just haven’t figured it out yet. People will pay for any shit, whether it is you doing something for them, you teaching them how to do it, or just watching you do what you do best. So stop feeling fucking embarrassed or set on a bloody 9-5 job and get to work.
But what is the last 0.1%? Why aren’t our parents 100% right? Well, because you can’t become the fucking Hulk.
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Now that I have completely ruined the vibes, it is time for me to sign off. Oh and I am sticking to my promise of posting more, but I was just in Edinburgh for a few days for the lols. But yeah that was irrelevant. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
To quote the bible, “God said let there be light, and he created Billie Eilish”, or at least that is my interpretation. And with this light, the best songs, fan groups, vibes and album’s thrived. I know I am a bit late guys because her album came out around 4 days ago but these things…
I’m going to try and keep this post quite small, kind of like the size of the tips people give. Yup, that is what I am talking about today and I would like to preface that this is in the most respectful way possible. I don’t feel this way towards young teen or people struggling…
