Humans Haven’t Evolved For Shit

Humans Haven’t Evolved For Shit

For all the Ross Gellers of the world, I want you to know that I’m not some idiot that thinks the world is only 2021 years old. I understand the basics that we are completely different to what we were like billions of years ago, but my god surely there could have been more interesting features we could have evolved to have. Opposable thumbs? Pfft, who needs them. A brain that is one of the greatest things on the planet? I suppose. But that shit gets boring. I want to be able to literally regenerate a limb if it, for some reason, gets chopped off. I want to be able to see all spectrums of colour and hear all the wavelengths, but no, that’ll just kill me *eye roll*

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I have to admit that all of the things I said above could have been completely inaccurate in terms of the right terminology but oh my days if you are really that into this type of science then this post is just wasting your brain cells, but I do know that there are things our eyes can’t process or that we can’t hear so that was what I was trying to get across to you. Isn’t that crazy though? There are things that we can’t see or hear and it could literally be the answer to everything… well maybe not. I’m really making myself seem dumb but let me live a little. What are the things we can’t see? And how come after so many years we haven’t evolved to see them even a little bit. Crazy times I suppose but it would also make me 10 times more distracted than I usually am so maybe that’s a good thing.

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Back to my point, I want you to think of how long we have been on the planet, roughly… a fucking long time, so we have had plenty of time to evolve to do cool shit and survive all types of crazy crap, right? Yeah, well, you’d be sadly mistaken because we can barely survive a scrape on the knee. One infection and boom it’s chopped off. See that’s why we need to be able to grow another leg! But anyway, if we look at ourselves, a human, and then at a fucking chameleon, who is 10 times cooler? A chameleon obviously. Them hoes can change colour and just DIY themselves into whatever the fuck they want. How does that even happen by evolution? Were they just created like that? And they got crazy fucking eyes that just roll around and they can just eat a fucking fly with their long-ass tongue. They haven’t got a care in the world. I was also wondering if they change colour naturally or is it kind of another thing they do kind of like moving a thumb. You don’t have to think about it but it’s still you who controls it? I don’t know and I sure as hell know I’m not gonna search for it.

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So obviously we have evolved which is great and all but leads me to question what we were like ages ago. I would guess we were fragile fucks because even now we die from everything. Like millions of years ago would we trip and literally shatter our whole leg? That sounds dumb as fuck because they were literal cavemen who would go out hunting for their food, but did globalisation really make us turn out like the needy people we are today? I suppose we are definitely better than the cavemen and we have come very far. I know that for a fact, and I realise that when people say dumb shit like “I don’t need the vaccine, the cavemen survived without it”. Like how the fuck do you know Karen? When did you last talk to one? And last time I checked they basically had the lifespan of a fly. So they survived but also died within a second. So on second thought, we have improved a lot but also in a very boring way. If I could pick between living long and being able to literally camouflage into everything, I think it’s obvious what I’d choose.

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Talking about what I would prefer to have evolved into, I want to talk about some things that I think would be amazing to adapt to. Firstly, surviving high falls. Wouldn’t it be literal comedy gold if we could just fall off a cliff and fucking bellyflop on that hoe and then we’d be kinda bounced back onto our feet and continue walking? Like what the fuck. Even if we could float down like a leaf hahahahah imagine that. You literally flat Stanley that shit and get whipped around in the air until you reach the ground.

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Something else that quite literally would be cool is being able to hold our breath for ages. I am not saying to breathe underwater because pfft that’s just soooo unrealistic, but like surely through survival of the fittest there would be an increase in the number of people who can hold their breath for longer because, well I don’t know, people had to get fish for food and then the people with weak lungs would die and the ones with strong longs would live. I don’t know! I literally dropped all y sciences and gave up in life so I don’t know what the fuck I’m even talking about so don’t just me. But a lot of other living things can do it and even some that fucking live in the sea (tbh that’s kinda embarrassing for them to not be able to breathe underwater lol). They’ve just gotta hold their breath and hope for the best. Fair enough like, I am literally 16 years old and lose my breath walking up the stairs, but I’m gonna blame that on the covid for now.

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Despite the fact I just dissed the entire planet in one post, I think it is fair to say that we aren’t the worst in terms of how we have evolved. At least we can respect what we have become and created. What species am I talking about? The wolves. They really had a glow down for the most part. Don’t get me wrong they are hella cute and I love them but oh my days they have lost all their dignity. They should have stayed away from humans all those years ago for their own sake. But tell me how my dog came from a long line of strong, fearless wolves that would have to hunt and live outside when she fucking cries if she has to walk on the tile floor and barks at you if you don’t give her 100% attention? Make it make sense.

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Yeah, so that’s all for me now guys. But I want to leave you with one question? What will we look like in the next 20 billion years? Wanna hear my guess? Dead. Comment down below what you have to say about how we have evolved and how we might in the future and don’t forget to like and follow for more. It also really helps me out to know that you enjoy this content and it’s free so what’s the harm? Wow, I really hate how I sounded there. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Superpowers You Get Living With Your Family

Don’t be expecting some type of soppy shit like “the ability to love” or “empathy” because this is not it bitch. This is the honest shit and it is especially relatable if you have siblings but maybe you do still understand. For context, I have an older sister and a twin sister and I live with my mum and dad, so yeah I can’t really speak for those with younger siblings or those with brothers. Also, if you aren’t a twin, you may learn somethings about what life as a twin is like but I mean you probably don’t give a shit so I suppose we will just get into it lol.

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Hearing

Do you guys get it as well where like you can tell who is coming by the sound of their footsteps and how they walk down stairs and like open doors or something like that because it really is a talent. It’s pretty handy though because you know that if it is your mum or dad or an adult of some sort, you just gotta get ready for either a deep convo, shouting, or your dad coming to fix something. But then there are also the times where they just come up and say hi and stand in your room for a second and then just leave WITHOUT CLOSING THE DOOR and then you ask them to close it and they go running down the stairs like there sore back has suddenly fucking healed itself. And you just lying in bed like what the actual fuck. And it is extra random because my bedroom is on the third floor and they never come up unless they have too, but they just get a burst of energy to go up and move everything around. And then, if it is your sisters, you just getting ready to scare them or fight them, or laugh uncontrollably, or throw them out of the room. It really is a wild card to be honest but all of the choices are a lot of fun. It is weird though how you can tell people by their footsteps but I guess it is cool too

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Thinking On Your Feet

You see, the thing is, when you have siblings you always want to get the last word, even if it doesn’t even make any sense, but it has to make enough sense to not get laughed at. It is quite the skill but can get really aggravating after a while because how can you end something that nobody wants to finish? It is quite the puzzle but the things you come up with are absolute comedy gold, at some times anyways. But like it kinda gets to playground come backs where you are just like “no your the idiot” or like you mumble it under your breath so they think they won but really you did, and you also do this when walking away. This kinda ties into the super hearing as well because I could be upstairs and they would be downstairs and whisper “idiot” and I would hear them. Then you have the choice of whispering it back or screaming down the stairs “I HEARD THE YOU BITCH”. The great thing about it all is that they never take offense to what you say. You could tell them they look like Donald Trump or some shit and then we would literally be on the floor laughing. The emotions change very quickly lmao

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Reading Minds

The closest that you can come to relating to this if you don’t have siblings is when you can look at your best fried from across the room and you just know what they are thinking. Like if the teacher is talking absolute shit and you just look over at your friend and they look back, it is pretty much that. An example of when this happened was when my dad was telling this absolute random story that sounded as though it was going to have a big shock factor at the end but it just was such a pointless story and then I was like “great story dad” and then he looked at me like I just insulted his mother and I just looked at my twin and we just started pissing ourselves it was so funny. I guess humor has changed a lot or something because he was not impressed. But like nowadays that is just how you talk to your friends. Sarcastically. So me and my twin were dying at how he found it offensive. Does anyone else do it where you walk into a room and your sister is there and you just stare at them straight in the eyes with a straight face for like a couple of seconds and then either just walk away or go like “boo” or scream or some crap. I feel like I am the only one that does that and it is a real bonding moment if you get me. Highly recommend.

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Vigilance

I swear to god I literally gotta be James Bond in this hoe because you are never safe walking into another room. You never know when someone is gonna jump out at you and you gotta scan the perimeter as tough we were escorting a celebrity (I was going to say president but…) Like I literally check the crack through the door and I analyse every shadow and reflection. The biggest success is when you realise they are going to jump out so you scare them first. How the turns table. I get scared when I go out of the bathroom because that is the most vulnerable place to be in my opinion. And also you gotta be prepared for something else. This is mostly when you go in their room and usually only happens when you are younger, but you gotta look out for booby traps. I remember that when me and my twin were like 6 or something, my twin went into my sisters room to tell her dinner was ready and then a fucking encyclopedia fell from the ceiling and hit her on the head lmao. It is those moments that would make me a bad parent because I would actually be crying because it is so funny. Like absolute genius move. You can’t take things too serious in this job. This job being a sibling. That was quite the funny moment though, but I have never had it happen to me. Maybe it is more of an american thing or something. I might have to give it a try. But surely it’s a bit obvious like, if you were talking to someones door and there is just a pile of books and you can see your sister looking evil and about to laugh, I don’t think it will work anymore. Guess we gotta find out. IT WORKED LMAO

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Loyalty

That isn’t really a superpower but I didn’t really know how to word it. Basically what I mean is that you know when to pick your battles and you can change your objectives in a second. For example, I could be talking shit right in front of them, but if I hear anyone say the littlest thing, they will be body slammed by me. Like no matter who they are or what they say, I will be coming for them you know. Like the confidence comes from nowhere it’s literally crazy. I myself am a socially awkward bitch, but you know I’m about to cause a scene if needs be. Can’t nobody treat my sister with anything less than love. Don’t test me bitches because it may seem like I hate them but in reality they mean the world to me and I will do what it takes for her to get the respect she deserves. So yeah, whatever superpower that is. Is it shape shifting? Or like a hulk thing where you just get all the power in the world? Who knows? Who cares?

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Anyways, these are just a few of the powers you get when you are a sister. They can vary from family to family I suppose but these are the most relatable ones that I know. If there are any things you and your siblings do, or your family in general, go ahead and comment down below, I would love to see what you guys do and I might mention them in my next post. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.


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