You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk about the dumb blonde bitch energy that she radiates. Now, I’m blonde so I feel like I can say that without adhering to the stereotype, but even if I wasn’t, we would have to give it a pass because of the accuracy. So yeah, let’s discuss alexa for a minute
Literally any time that I ask her anything, I am waiting either for the “sorry I don’t know that one” or just complete silence. Like if you ask her any more than “what time is it” she panics. And she trys to be slick with it too. She just don’t speak and act like she didn’t hear you, but you can see that blue light moving around and then just go away. I mean what the hell. And I also can’t cope whenever I ask her something like “set a 5 minute timer” for dying my eyebrows or something and then she keeps going like “do you want to name it? Do you want me to wake you up with calming sea noises? Shall I set five other unnecessary timers just incase?” and by the time she’s done with all the questions, it’s been like 10 minutes. So I’m sitting here with my now slug-looking eyebrows and the bitch just sit there like “5 minute timer, starting now”. But don’t even speak to me if I go to cancel it and she’s like “there are no timers” like shut the fuck up, there really just is.
I’m convinced that just me typing the word alexa is gonna get her telling me random crap because she only hears her name whenever you don’t want her to but when you literally scream at her, she goes deaf. I mean I know you in there. I see that blue light of yours and I ain’t having it. But like really it scares the shit out of me especially on tiktok because people say alexa a lot and they never ask anything normal, so all of a sudden my alexa rises from the dead like “playing WAP by Cardi B” while my parents are in the room below me like what the fuck. It ain’t too useful.
I remember when she was literally the best thing though and everyone was proper loving it, but I think that built up her ego and now she can’t live up to that standard so has just given up completely. But then out of nowhere she pulls out a weird feature. Now my mum can “drop” into my room through the alexa without any warning. The first time it happened I nearly shat myself because I just heard this little fairy music and all of a sudden my Mum’s voice like “helloooo”. Here was me looking around the room like fuck this shit, where the fuck are you. I mean privacy is non-existent now. And to elaborate further for those who didn’t know about this feature, it’s is basically like getting a call but it instantly gets you through. They don’t ask you shit about whether you want to answer and you have no clue who it is until their voice shoots out, but the truth is that you can barely hear them. Now, my parents are usually hard to hear anyways, but like it isn’t any better when you hear this crackly, far-away, laggy fucking speaker.
And you know, in all honestly, what were we expecting? Value for our money? Nah, Jeff Bezos isn’t about that lifestyle. He is make cheap and sell expensive. I’m sure he isn’t the only one but he sure as hell is the only one getting away with it. I’m also a bit bored of this convo now and will sign off, but I am also planning on posting more because I’m gonna quite my dumb fucking job, and I have so many stories to tell about that so don’t forget to follow and comment below what you think happened. I’ll give you one hint, illegal. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
I’m in lower 6th and yes I have only been so for about 3 months but the thing is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to that hell-hole. The only reason I did go was because I didn’t know what else to fucking do and I have FOMO so I … Continue reading Is 6th Year Really Worth It?
So I would like to preface that I am a 16 year old who had a part-time job so obviously if you are like a mum of 5 or something and you are thinking about quitting, I would think it through a lot more than what I am going to mention but like just for … Continue reading I Quit…Was It A Big Mistake?
See, I don’t really like it when people are cheeky to me. I mean you can be upfront and shout at me and I’ll be fine with that. My sisters have conditioned me to that. But if you are being passive aggressive or cheeky in front of me or behind my back, I won’t hesitate … Continue reading I’m not above a fight
Literally right now I am waiting for a call from a careers advisor. My school set this up and they gave us all a time for when we will be called. Mine was supposed to be half an hour ago and my phone feels like a ticking time bomb.
I swear, phone calls are the worst thing, especially if you know they are going to happen. At the time the call was supposed to be, I was shaking like a leaf. NO, I was shacking like Bambi, on ice, wearing heals. I mean I don’t know if I put in the right number or what. I feel like this is somehow my fault, when it literally is not. Literally it feels as though the wee person could call at – LOL I just got called ahhaha. Anyways, I was talking about how I literally was scared of my phone. I was just staring it down and was jumping at every notification that I got. Because I mean you think about everything you have to say and then also about how your voice sounds over the phone. I mean my voice sounds so different when it is like recorded or anything so I have no clue what it sounds like and that literally gives me a heart attack every time I remember that. And you know the way sometimes you get that weird sound made by your throat? I always get scared that they’ll be like ‘did a dinosaur just enter your room’ or like if I swallow I always wonder if they can hear that. It is just a whole process I suppose.
The thing with calls is that, it basically a conversation where you can’t concentrate. You have all the stress of keeping the talking going but you also get distracted so you literally lose focus and then it is so awkward. Like there were times that I am like ‘ Yes I understand’ but in my head I am like what the fuck did they just say. Doesn’t it take so much energy to focus and you can’t really think about what they are saying. And then when you text someone, you have actual time to think about what you say and although it is harder to hear what they mean, I prefer to text. It doesn’t take time out of your day to text because you can answer it whenever but then you always get those people who talk about every aspect of their life. I mean I could say ‘so how was your day’ and then they would be like ‘well, it all started on the day I was born…’ and then you are there for hours, putting in sentence fillers every so often like ‘wow’, ‘serious’, ‘ahaha’ while you are literally dying inside.
It can get so awkward as well sometimes because phone calls can lag obviously. Sometimes I can’t figure out if they asked me a question or not and then they are quiet for a second so I answer something random even though they didn’t ask me something. It is funny sometimes when it lags at the exact moment you want to say something. So when you think they aren’t saying anything, you start to speak and so do they, so you stop and so do they, you start and so do they. It is so awkward. It is basically the talking version of trying to walk past someone but you keep turning to get past them but then you keep going the same way and it is so embarrassing. And the thing is, it is like that to the end. I mean why does everybody want to say goodbye first. I mean we all sound like a flock of pigeons like bye bye bye bye bye bye. And you feel rude for hanging up ahahha I just hate every aspect of it.
I guess I do have to give calls a pit of slack because they have saved me from some embarrassing moments. Like that time I spoke when I wasn’t supposed to. You can read about that in my past post here. I mean it do get you outta some sticky situations. And if you are careful you can make some prank calls on the sales people or other shops and stuff although to be honest I never really did that. Phone calls can be good, I suppose, for emergencies because I mean if you are literally dying and text me on snapchat or something, you may as well start digging your grave because I wont see it for the next 50-7 business days.
Over all, phone calls are a sin. You can get scammed. You can get pranked. You can get embarrassed. I mean the anxiety when you get one is so bad that I might just have to throw it out the window. I mean I have grown up with this technology basically all of my life, yet I hate them. I mean no matter who it is. Sometimes it could be someone I know but I would still be scared. I mean please just do a face time because my heart can’t take it any longer. Please tell me someone else feels this way too and that I am not a socially awkward freak.
Thank you for reading. Please follow, like and donate some change if you can so that I can keep all of my content free for everyone. Also go check out a great money app I found and some discount codes because I mean at least nice clothes will build up the confidence that the phone call stole from you. Have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.
Yooo here is the wee app I was on about. It does sound like a scam to be fair but it is actually a safe and secure app. I use it to make a wee bit of extra cash and you can too if you just click here