This is the phrase that I get told every single time that I talk about not wanting to get back to school. I complain and to try and comfort me they say, it is only 5 weeks and then you can have summer off. Yeah, that is easy to say when you aren’t in it. But it isn’t JUST 5 weeks because what is in those weeks that is so fucking scary and I don’t know how they will go.
So as most of you will know, I am in my GCSE years, meaning that all order and security has just jumped out the window, and soon I will be following if they don’t figure this shit out. Let me tell you what are in the next 5 weeks. The first week. This one will be fine I guess. I only have 1 test but the thing I am not looking forward to is the multiple teachers shouting at me for not doing my homework because I literally have given up, or in other words, I don’t give a fuck. So that week will be riveting I guess you could say. Now we go to week 2. Where should I fucking start? Maybe with the fact that on Monday I have 3 tests. I swear they said that wasn’t allowed, but we move. Except they are literally all one after the other. I also have three more that week which is not ideal. I mean I guess it would be fine if I was prepared but… well… I am not. Do you know what else? I don’t even care. Wow I sound like such a rebellious teen, but in a less fun way, I have desensitized myself from caring because I feel like it is still going to be cancelled or, by some miracle, I will pass the exams. Please tell me I am not the only one that feels like no matter what, I will fail, so why try and put effort into it because it will only hurt more. So yeah that is the plan currently
Right, I am not going to go and list all the weeks now because you kinda get the gist don’t ya. Over all, saying that it is only 5 weeks angers me to the max because there is so much more to it. I already know that my mental health will get even worse, somehow. And then, just like everyday, we won’t be recognized for it and we will have to go through our day like normal, with the judgement of teachers as they see you don’t know shit. I have to say, I am lucky enough to have some genuinely nice teachers, but they still don’t understand us fully. They only understand the hardship of zoom classes, to an extent, but they are over now. They seem to have literally forgotten that our life isn’t all about school. I know that it is my fault for not starting revision, but I swear to god, if they ask “who has been revising” and everyone puts their hand up, I will be crying, so get ready.
And then, when all the tests are done and over with, I still have to spend the next weeks panicking about how I am gonna fail and end up on the streets and being shunned from society. Those 5 weeks are just the start of it and those 5 weeks determine my whole future, how I turn out, what I become, my mental health, everything. So excuse me if I complain about this a bit because I have tried my best to stay calm through this whole global panini, but now I am getting stressed, I don’t know what to do, how to start, what to learn, anything. And I am getting no answers no matter how much I ask and look for the solution. Trust me, if it was as easy as sitting down for an hour and reading, I would do it… maybe. But the point is that whenever I say something is bothering me, it mostly likely means it is eating me inside because I don’t always like to complain. Our whole generation has been too quiet for too long so don’t ignore us if we are scared for something because it can mean so much for us that you will never understand. I am shitting myself for these 5 weeks and there is so much more to it that I can’t explain it, but just try to be nice to the teens in your life because I know for A FACT that they aren’t having a good time at the moment. Whether there is a lot to do, or we blow things out of proportion, it is equally as stressful and just saying to “relax” and “it is only 5 weeks” will not help. Please try to be more sympathetic to all of us and give us time to deal with this. Our future rides on this and yet we don’t have the strength to try. It is frustrating, I will tell you that for free, but we aren’t robots and we need to do things our own way.
So yeah, that was a tad bit of a rant to be honest, but over all, I am terrified and I have no words to describe it. I have played so many outcomes in my mind and none of them are good. Although I am trying my best, my best isn’t very good at the moment. We don’t want to let you down either. But yeah, if you are an adult out there, just be a bit kinder and sympathetic. And if you are a teen, you aren’t alone, take as much time as you need to get through this and try to take one day at a time. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.