I Have No Concept of Time At All

This is no joke guys. I have run into many awkward encounters because I have lost all concept of time. You know, I would have thought this was normal if we were in the middle of our first lockdown, but that ship sailed ages ago and I am back to a strict schedule and yet I don’t know what fucking year it is. I suppose November has always been a weird transition month but the thing is, it isn’t only the time of day or the day of the week that I get mixed upon, it is quite literally my entire past and present memories that are all jumbled up. It’s like I had been carefully compiling all my memories in an orderly fashion but then my brain got fed up and just threw everything everywhere so now I have no clue what the fuck is going on. Let me tell you a few stories to help you understand.

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I like to call this story “The Pantomime”, and here is why. So it was my best friends birthday last month and I knew it was coming up. I have always been crap with birthdays but this time I was so proud of myself and I was so ready, I had it in my mind that her party was not very long before her birthday so I was prepared. Then a few days before the party we went bowling and there was a wee arcade bit. So OBVIOUSLY we had to go on the tiny car racing games. This one was actually tiny, not the normal big ones, so I was laughing at my friend like “I’m 16 and you are almost 17 and look what we are playing lol what is life” and she deadass went “I am 17”. If that was a real car I would have gone straight into a wall because I was not ready for that answer. I was just like “but your birthday’s on the 26th” and she was like “yeah, it’s the 30th” so here I am holding my worst friend of the year award while being completely mind boggled about what day it was. Like it was as if someone just said I was in 2050 or some shit because I suddenly had no concept of time. Oh, and I called it the pantomime because it was behind me. It is a shite name in hinsight but just accept it.

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Anyways, the next story I am going to call “age is just a number”. So I was playing football, or soccer for the americans, in PE, as one does. But I overheard my sister talking to one of our friends and they were just having a wee bit of banter as per usual. She is actually a year younger than us but still in our year because she moved over from England and there is just a whole thing that doesn’t matter, but yeah she is younger than us. And I heard my sister go like “damn must be embarrassing to look 13” and I was kinda tripped out like “you scared me a bit there because I swore she was 14” because at that point I was bad at stuff like birthdays and ages anyways so like I was just glad I didn’t think she was 13 in real life. But then my sister and her starting confused laughing and I’m like what? And they go on to say “she literally isn’t 14, she’s literally 15” and I was like “what! since when were you the same age as us that is so fucking mad” and they must not have heard me because then a day or so later I was kinda still thinking about it and then I was like “shit, I’m 16”. How dumb is that! Like I would work out her age by the fact she is one year younger than us and I genuinely believed I was 15 and my world just changed.

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Why is that though because I swear if I wasn’t really close with those people my friend’s would be dropping like flies. It really just is not ok. Maybe it’s because I had been thinking about these things so much and for so long that I never realised that it passed and I still had the feeling of it coming up even when it had come and gone. It could also just be classic ‘rona making every day mush into the same. I always seem to get that feeling at night when I am washing my face. Kinda like a coming of age movie where there is a clip of his morning routine played multiple times in increasing speeds to show how boring his life was in school. That basically is how I feel every night and it is quite depressing I have to admit but I guess it is what it is.

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I think we all get those times where it feels like a Friday but it’s really a Tuesday and your whole schedule gets messed up and you literally nearly miss everything you had to do because you barely remember that you must breathe at least once every 2 minutes or you will quite literally die. And that’s a fact. Is it bad that there have been times where I’ve been like “when was the last tme I took a breathe”. Like deadass not even breathing through my nose or anything. There is just no time for that silly business. I should probably work on that to be honest. But it has never really been a problem for me. Pre-covid I was organised and got all my homeworks done the day I got them (which is actually more deep than it sounds cause that really fucked me up lol). But now things just sneak up on me. I don’t even procrastinate that much either. Sure I’ll watch the odd extra tiktok but that is the maximum procrastination for me… I think. I’m not even busy or one of those people who are like active and social as fuck and are just like “I just don’t know where the time goes lol” and away they are for their midnight 10k run.

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This past year really has just gone so down hill in every single way and I actually can’t even be bothered trying to stop it. I’m just sitting back and watching the edge of the cliff get closer and closer. If it stops, it stops. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. And I live by that to be honest. As long as people know that I do genuinely care about their birthdays and making them feel special then hopefully they won’t think I’m that much of a bitch and we’ll be fine.

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My question is, how did they cope with this in the fucking dark-ages or whatever because they didn’t have bloody google calendar sending you a fuck load of notifactions about what you had on that day as though it was a ticking time bomb. You’d have to know by the direction of the fucking sun and that is no use in the UK. And I couldn’t tell myself to work events backwards in my mind to figure out what day it is because I literally can’t tell the difference between what I did yesterday, or the week before, to today. Am I literally going out of my mind or is this type of behaviour actually normal? Should I be calling a doctor lol? Here’s me calling just like “hey so like what the fucking is my problem” and they just like “you ust a shitty person” and I’m like “ah ok thanks”. Thank god for free healthcare am I right 😮

Anyways, that was just my wee update I suppose. Please like, follow, and comment down below what things have happened to in regards to your messed up sense of time, or are you a human calendar that is like “damn do you remember on the 16th January 2006 when we literally saw that one blade of grass…” and you just have you shit together? Comment below I guess. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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Do You Know What’s Weird? Time

I would just like to say sorry for any existential crisis that might come from this post, so I warned you I guess. This one can go pretty deep if I do say so myself, but I am going to get started before it all goes through my head, but none of it actually on the screen, so yeah. Enjoy my mental breakdown.

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It’s funny how time is literally a social construct that somebody just made up one day. Like it must have been millions of years ago that a cave man was like “sdofhakganakljwfj” oh wait, let me translate that for you “hey bro, I kinda feel like we should measure the days” and the other one was like “why?” and then he was like “well, I dunno *kicks the ground awkwardly*. I just kinda think that making plans would be easier instead of just saying to meet at the dinosaur bones whenever this burning light in the sky is at the right hand side of the blue air. Every time I check I just go blind again”. And then boom, they just made time. But the thing is, time isn’t a real thing. Yes we know the definition but like time was made up. Seconds, minutes, hours, were just made by someone to make our lives more convenient. It is a bloody construct that the whole bloody world lives by and yet I have so many questions.

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First of all, how can some people think that time has gone by really quickly, while others think it moved so slowly. The same amount of time passed, but for some it was as if it was sped up, but in that same moment while someone thinks everything is going so fast, someone thinks it is going really slow, as if it was in slow-mo. And both happen at the same time. I don’t really know how to explain it in words, but like time is whatever we perceive it to be, yet there is only one set time. And I don’t know why I find it weird, but when I say something like “uh this week has gone so slowly” and they are like “it’s actually been quite quick for me”, it just sends me into a spiral and I am like “what is this world” and then I go on and on like what the actual fuck is time anyways. It is literally nothing, it is made up, yet it makes up everything, we use it for everything. We blame it for so much, like death, yet it isn’t even a thing. Time can’t kill you, but we say it does. Time isn’t anything.

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And in reality, we can’t say “time travel is impossible” because time isn’t even a thing. How can you travel in something made up? We could magically tell the world to put their clocks forward 4 hours and that is technically time travel because we moved the time forward, the thing we made for the world to live by. But the time travel that we talk about is actually just wanting to go to more developed particles. We want to see what everything looks like when particles have changed and moved. So it isn’t time we want to travel, but movement. And when they released something on the news the other day saying “scientists have found a dimension that is moving back in time”, what it really means is that it moves in a different way. I know I sound absolutely mental, but I just don’t really know how to word it but please comment below if you understand what I mean.

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But like, we say we can’t control time, yet we made it. In reality we can change time, but we can’t change the movement of the earth. We can’t speed up the development of everything around us. It is just weird to think about how this thing we all plan our day around, was made up. It’s a concept. It’s not like gravity where the world would fall apart if we didn’t have it, or that it was always there we just hadn’t named it. If time ‘disappeared’, everything would carry on. Nobody would die from it, the earth wouldn’t be blasted into a million pieces. We don’t need it to survive. Yes it’s very convenient, but imagine what life would be like if we didn’t have it. What would change? But genuinely, that is a question. So much would change, yet nothing at all would change. Maybe we would all still be judging it off of shadows or the position of the sun in the sky. Maybe society would fall apart because we can’t organise things and be ‘on time’ to things. It’s freaky how something made up, makes up everything.

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There are so many other things that I think about time. So many thins that I literally can’t describe, but hopefully somebody read this and was like “this is exactly what I think too” and it is so crazy and confusing, that it kind of makes sense. It is so complex, but so simple. It is so scary, yet so reliable. Ok, I definitely think I have gone insane, but I hope you guys are looking forward to this new series “Do you know what’s crazy” because there are so many things that we have normalised that, in reality, makes no fucking sense. Anyways, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT

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