when I don’t like someone’s behaviour

Let’s say a friend did something that you think is a little out of order. For example, when my friends and I (grammar slay) went to the club the other day, she got a bit upset at a guy and when she went to storm off she grabbed his arm and shouted one last thing at him.

First of all, this was all a big misunderstanding so wasn’t necessary in the first place, but secondly I don’t think it was ok that she grabbed his arm. For me I am always conscious of like role-reversal. So like if that were to happen where a guy grabbed a girls arm it would be a big fucking deal and I’m not saying that it means everyone should be able to grab everyones arms and shout at them but that nobody should grab anybody because no matter what it’s threatening and unnecessary.

But did I say anything, nope.

Defending others in a complicated situation

This is getting technical with it, but to put it in it’s simplest terms I shall attempt to give a pretty basic scenario. Walk with me here…

Let’s say there is someone called… Olive who made a mistake. Maybe she forgot to do something or did something in the wrong way. Maybe she has a particular personality that not everyone gets.

Then there is this other person called… Garlic (yes, I’m in my chef era) and they talk to me about how Olive is so annoying because she messed up or because she’s a bitch and she didn’t saying “good morning” when they first saw each other.

In my eyes, Olive could have been having a bad day or literally just made a mistake like we all tend to do. Maybe I know that Olive was having a bad day and isn’t a morning person.

But would I say that to Garlic to defend Olive? Nope. Why? Good fucking question. Because who am I to challenge someone’s opinion. What if I made Garlic feel bad or belittled?

being an activist

The other day I was talking with a friend about handing in all our spare shopping bags so they could be recycled and she said “do you get paid for it?” (entrepreneurial queen) and I said “no” and she said “why would I bother then” and I said “to save the environment lol” (environmental queen) and she said “who cares. We are all gonna die anyways”.

And what did I do? Well, I replied with “what? lol” and then she left the room and I was there in shock really because I’d never really met someone who didn’t take the environment seriously at all and because, well, I struggle to voice my opinions.

But then I sat there and really looked at myself like who the fuck do I think I am? Like I can’t call myself an activist or supporter if I can’t even say something like “but what about the people in the future who have to live here” or “what about the animals”.

The reason behind it

So why don’t I say anything? It’s not like I was lured by two eels to an octopus lady who then stole my voice.

feeling inconvenient/defensive

One reason is that I feel as though any time I speak up or challenge someone’s views I am being difficult or looking for a fight. I feel as though saying my views is an inconvenience and being defensive. Therefore I would be disliked or talked badly about which is a big fear of mine.

Want everyone to like me

Doesn’t that sound pathetic? I don’t speak up about important global issues because I want everyone to like me. What the fuck is up with that?

prevent arguements

The way I see myself is wanting peace between everyone and just getting on with people.

I don’t want conflict so if I can avoid even the smallest disagreement, or back-and-forth, then I will do it. What does that say about me? Should I change it?

I’m not smart enough

One of my biggest fears is talking back to someone or just giving my opinion but then not knowing what to say. Like, respect to people who have stats hidden up their sleeves and actually know what they are on about because most of my arguements are just stuff like “well, it’s kinda obvious” or “it just is”.

That’s not gonna back up my point. That’s gonna get me viral on tiktok for being “the girl who couldn’t support her opinion #fake #flatearther #cancelled”

covering my ass

Sometimes I just do it to cover my own ass. Like when I don’t defend someone in a complicated situation. I get worried that if I defend them or try to see it from their point of view but it turns out that they actually were in the wrong that it would fall back on me and I would be judged in the same way. So therefore I kinda just sit back and remain neutral. But then again if I defended them and they were in the right I could be like “told you so”. But I don’t want to take that risk of potentially being wrong.

WHY THE FUCK IS THAT? What sort of messed up perfectionism am I cursed with? And in reality that perfectionism seems to make me feel like I’m a fake and therefor imperfect so how does it make sense?

I see the best in people

This reason has a bit of a hypocritical theory behind it. Because the reason it stops me saying what I’m thinking is that in the moment I might be like “that was annoying” or “damn why would they do that” or some better example of judgement but in my head I’m like “but that doesn’t reflect anything on them like I’m sure they are an amazing person”. But like if I say that stuff out loud I feel like an idiot. So therefore I don’t say it to others.

So when I want to see the best in people, why am I not able to defend the person that is being spoken about. Why do I feel like I’m being rude by saying something like “yeah I see what you mean but I still think that they are a good person and they are kind”. I feel like that would turn into the type of person who never agrees with anybody else

I am not able to say it to their face

Let me tell you this. I am not a confrontational bitch (if you couldn’t tell already) so I know that if I were to say something and that person was like “I heard you said this about me”, I wouldn’t be able to confidently say it to their face. I feel like that’s fair enough though but in a way I still feel fake because I feel one way about somebody but I don’t voice it out loud. Is that being a kind person or am I fake?

I don’t want others to speak that way about me

For some reason it makes it sound like I’m calling everyone a “dumb fucking bitch who can’t do shit” or some terrible thing but I mean that I don’t want anyone to speak badly about me so I can’t go around saying bad things about others. Like if you can dish it out you have to be able to take it as well. I can’t so I don’t.

Like if I called someone a bitch and they called me a bitch back, I’d be over here crying. Like my eyes would be watering and I’d be like “wow, that was harsh *sniffle* but ok”. But how could I react like that if I just said the exact same thing. Maybe I’m just an empath. Maybe I’m oversensitive.

That seems fair but again, is that actually being fake

Conclusion

So finely, what do I actually think about this whole situation? Is it inauthentic or “fake” to not voice your opinion.

I don’t think so.

Maybe it is seen as the cowards way out. Maybe we should try to speak out a little bit more especially when it’s about important matters, but at the end of the day, as long as you aren’t saying things that you aren’t thinking, it’s not really being fake. As long as you stick to your opinions and values, whether internally or externally, you are still being authentic to yourself.

What do you think about it? Do you agree or are you calling me a bitch because therefore refer back a few paragraphs as I will be crying. But no, in this case please do let me know your opinion and even if it is negative I won’t feel that way about you lol 🙂

I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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