Alexa | Let’s Discuss It

You know. I’m not going to start slabbering about this hoe about the fact she might be listening to us, although I have a few creepy stories about that, or the fact she might be taking our personal information, because I mean why the fuck would anyone want to know that. Today I’m gonna talk about the dumb blonde bitch energy that she radiates. Now, I’m blonde so I feel like I can say that without adhering to the stereotype, but even if I wasn’t, we would have to give it a pass because of the accuracy. So yeah, let’s discuss alexa for a minute

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Literally any time that I ask her anything, I am waiting either for the “sorry I don’t know that one” or just complete silence. Like if you ask her any more than “what time is it” she panics. And she trys to be slick with it too. She just don’t speak and act like she didn’t hear you, but you can see that blue light moving around and then just go away. I mean what the hell. And I also can’t cope whenever I ask her something like “set a 5 minute timer” for dying my eyebrows or something and then she keeps going like “do you want to name it? Do you want me to wake you up with calming sea noises? Shall I set five other unnecessary timers just incase?” and by the time she’s done with all the questions, it’s been like 10 minutes. So I’m sitting here with my now slug-looking eyebrows and the bitch just sit there like “5 minute timer, starting now”. But don’t even speak to me if I go to cancel it and she’s like “there are no timers” like shut the fuck up, there really just is.

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I’m convinced that just me typing the word alexa is gonna get her telling me random crap because she only hears her name whenever you don’t want her to but when you literally scream at her, she goes deaf. I mean I know you in there. I see that blue light of yours and I ain’t having it. But like really it scares the shit out of me especially on tiktok because people say alexa a lot and they never ask anything normal, so all of a sudden my alexa rises from the dead like “playing WAP by Cardi B” while my parents are in the room below me like what the fuck. It ain’t too useful.

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I remember when she was literally the best thing though and everyone was proper loving it, but I think that built up her ego and now she can’t live up to that standard so has just given up completely. But then out of nowhere she pulls out a weird feature. Now my mum can “drop” into my room through the alexa without any warning. The first time it happened I nearly shat myself because I just heard this little fairy music and all of a sudden my Mum’s voice like “helloooo”. Here was me looking around the room like fuck this shit, where the fuck are you. I mean privacy is non-existent now. And to elaborate further for those who didn’t know about this feature, it’s is basically like getting a call but it instantly gets you through. They don’t ask you shit about whether you want to answer and you have no clue who it is until their voice shoots out, but the truth is that you can barely hear them. Now, my parents are usually hard to hear anyways, but like it isn’t any better when you hear this crackly, far-away, laggy fucking speaker.

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And you know, in all honestly, what were we expecting? Value for our money? Nah, Jeff Bezos isn’t about that lifestyle. He is make cheap and sell expensive. I’m sure he isn’t the only one but he sure as hell is the only one getting away with it. I’m also a bit bored of this convo now and will sign off, but I am also planning on posting more because I’m gonna quite my dumb fucking job, and I have so many stories to tell about that so don’t forget to follow and comment below what you think happened. I’ll give you one hint, illegal. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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