Whenever you grow up and someone says they have a “face only a mother could love”, that person is, one, a bitch, but two, speaking facts because, after the first time she sees her new-born baby, there is no way it can get any worse, so no matter what they look like when they grow up they will look better than when they were born. And that is what I wanted to talk about today because I feel like it really just has been ignored. Yeah, we could focus on the miracle of life, but I’m done with that shit, it’s time to talk about the truth. Why the hell do people think babies who have just departed from the womb are cuties? No! Stop. Just… stop.

Maybe its because I’m not a mum and that would make sense but I’ve seen enough youtube vlogger families who show way to much of their life to know that, and I’m sorry to all the babies out there, that they are absolutely mingin’. I know they just came out from inside of you (trust me you can tell) but why they gotta look like that. Then they gotta shove it in the mum’s face as though she hasn’t been through enough already. Leave her alone! For me, I would want to see my baby after they had a full-blown bath and was all clean and shit because, preferably, I don’t want my baby to smell like my literal uterus when I see them first. Just me?

But I do have to admit I find it ridiculous in movies where they don’t have the baby looking like it just came back from the war because it’s just more accurate. Some movies are just crazy because they make babies look like they come out of you with a hat, a blanket, and fucking diploma. Even though it may not look the nicest on the screen, you gotta be accurate because if that was all we knew then some parents would be pretty fucking scared when they have their first kid. How do movies make babies look like new-borns, maybe some are fake but then the need to b crying so they’ll probs need a real baby or do they literally cover it in fake blood with some extra shit on it? That’s gonna keep me up at night.

It’s so funny though whenever she has just popped a baby out and then the person with them is like “He has your eyes”. Hands down the most offensive thing because I can barely tell his ass from his face right now. I’d just start crying and going “why would you even say that to me *sniff* who the fuck even gave me this baby, it’s sticky”. Maybe my reactions are a bit dramatised but it just shocks me how weird they look yet the parent’s always think it is the cutest thing in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I bet that when I have kids I’ll completely disagree with everything that I just said in this post, but for the record I just want say that babies look freaking weird.

You gotta give it to me, they do look like potatoes… slimey potatoes… bloody slimey potatoes. I’m sure they’ll look cute after a wash but only then. It can be motiving to you as well because when you look at yourself in the mirror you can say to yourself with no word of a lie that your looks have improved. Take that as you will I suppose because maybe your thinking I’m just one big piece of shit who is a baby hater, but I’m not. I just don’t think we should lie any longer by saying that every day-old or two day-old baby is cute. They will be, so call me back after a few days, but for now I’ll keep my distance.

You know what, I bet you that after the trauma of child birth anything would look good. Like at that point nothing could be worse than what you just went through so your baby probably looks like Jesus or something so I guess that’s fun. I guess I’ll have to find out but if it’s alright with you I’m gonna wait another while because I gotta find me cute first because if you can’t love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Don’t forget to like, comment what you think, and follow for more content like this. I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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