POV: it’s Saturday. You are with a friend on the train and because we are so spontaneous we say “hey, why don’t we go to Botanic instead?”. You feel crazy because you are now getting off one stop later, what a rush. You go around and live the quirky life you desired as you shop in charity shops. Then bam, in one of the last shops you go to you find the biggest bargain ever (or at least that I’ve ever seen). It’s a literal Panasonic Lumix digital camera for £20 and it’s pretty much brand new! Who am I, Bargain Hunter?

But then guess what? You go home completely buzzing, ready to show this win because my mum loves a bargain too (or so I thought). Then when I walk in the house like the retro bitch I am, I shove the camera in their face and go like “guess how much this was?” and they’re like “Ummm-” but they takin’ too long so I gotta but in like “£20!”. *crickets* In fact, there weren’t even any crickets. They were too busy going and wasting all their money instead of appreciating my find. What is up with these people?

And tell me why the fuck they turn to me and say “don’t you have a phone?” They really said that, deadass. Bitch where is this whole “when I was your age all I had was my imagination” type shit? You should appreciate me becoming a retro gal and finding enjoyment that isn’t on my phone. And anyway, did you not hear what price it was??? Like… get your ears checked girl. You know what? I’ll just take a picture of your ear with my NEW camera, so you’re welcome _bitch.

And you never know, this could be my calling. I could become the next big photographer but they don’t give a shit. Do I have any interest in doing that? No, but I could. Maybe if they were motivational or nice then I would become a photographer gorl. But never mind, I guess this is good for my autobiography “that bargain bitch: the price you pay for appreciation”. Don’t think I’m not taking notes bitch

Sometimes, though, I have to admit that at some points all these discounts are making me pay more overall because I will buy that shit just because it’s cheap. Like I was near about to buy this wireless apple watch charger (that was probably non-functional) when I don’t even have an apple watch, all because it was like £2.50. And I was also about to buy a really small tripod that was so crusty musty that I felt sick to my stomach, only because it was 50p. To be fair, I never actually bought those things, but you better bet that I have bought some random crap. I can’t remember them all but I will list a few

1. A ping-pong net: To be fair, we do actually have stuff for ping-pong/table tennis (whatever the difference is) so I could kind of justify it, but then again I haven’t played it since a really dark time in the third quarantine and I don’t know if I’m ready to go back there. But it’s the one that is pretty snazzy and clips onto the side of your table and you can pull the net out to whatever length you want. And guess how much it cost me? £1.50! No joke. I was loving it. Will I ever use it? Who fucking knows but now I have a great convo starter for every single time it is in my presence

2. A 10 pack of A5 booklets: Don’t even ask me what the fuck was going on here because I just want to leave that behind me. But let me tell you anyways. I was going through one of those phases where you panic because you don’t know shit about how to revise well. Then one day I was shopping, as one does, and I was in easons (RIP) and there was this 10 pack of A5 booklets. I wouldn’t have given a shit if I hadn’t seen the bright yellow sticker that said £3. I don’t even know if that is fucking worth it because I tried it for one subject and it just really stressed me out. The pages were thin as fuck and I couldn’t get it to look nice. So now, as a result, I am £3 down and have 10 useless booklets taking up room on my bookshelf. Do not recommend tbh.

3. Lastly, because I rarely regret a good bargain, I’m gonna talk about a broad topic which is buying stuff that you already have just because it’s cheaper and you never know, maybe there could be a zombie apocalypse and the only thing that stops them is another lip balm. Don’t come looking for me when you can’t find another burts bees anywhere, I’ll be living freely. It does get out of hand as some point though because it’s such a fucking waste. I have so many body lotions and face masks that are so out of date I could probably get them sent out to be used for a science experiment.

I know everyone in the comments is gonna be going on about how it’s a whole marketing tactic and that you can’t believe that I would actually fall for that, but bravo to the bitch who came up with the tactic because it is hella smart. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I will fall for it again and again and I want it to continue that way. No matter what the product is, if I see a mega discount, you better know I’m gonna go get it and then go home and brag about it to everyone. Honestly, they do get sick of it, but who is the one who can handle their money well? Maybe I’ll spend £50 on 67 random pieces of crap, but at least I won’t spend that much on fucking jeans.

Lol, yeah I guess that is all I have to say about bargains at the moment. Honestly, though, who all loves a bargain because I know I do but I feel like nobody really respects it. It never gets old. You get such a sense of pride that you somehow found something at such an amazing price and probably nobody else will get it, especially if it’s in a charity shop which is something I’ve really gotten into lately. I find it so fun to compare prices because I’ll deadass go into a shop like Pull and Bear or Stradevarious and go around point at clothes like “can you believe I literally got a top that is EXACTLY like that for £2, and they are selling it here for £39.99?! I could never” and then I’d continue that with every item of clothing until they kick me out.

And what about it? Fight me. Anyways, I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT.

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