This could possibly be my most dumb fucking post because I know I’m about to sound like I’m some sort of old bitch who just discovered the internet, but honestly, I just think of a lot of random crap and I like to share it, whether you like it or not. I mean, if you are gonna think about something, why not go all out and question every single little aspect of it? Go big or go home right?
So today I’m obviously talking about how apps have the power to literally switch things up so quickly. Like I don’t even think we realise at some points how freaky it really is. Let me give a few examples to get your brain up to speed. I have this tree app that grows a tree when I study but if I go on my phone the tree will die, so it helps to keep me motivated. But the thing is it MAKES me motivated. And it’s so weird because obviously they don’t plant actual trees (unless you earn enough coins to plant a real one, but they also could just be lying lol) but I feel as though if this tree dies, I am a failure.
That sounded like we were getting into some deep crap but Nah, it just actually works. All you old people can keep on talking about how you had to “use your imagination” when you were bored, or “have to spend your life savings to send a messenger pigeon just to say hi” but I’m gonna stick with the new way because it fucking works. If it means it runs my life, then so be it. I couldn’t give a fuck honestly.
But then there is one thing about them that doesn’t make their power so scary, but I’ll talk about that later in the post because I thought this intro is getting way too long and I’m bored of it honestly.
What Can They Do?
Honestly, It would be easier to say what they can’t do because these hoes will run your life like you’re a sims character (*conspiracy senses tingling*). There are apps out there that remind you to take water, tell you how long you sleep, give you a whole timetable for every little thing in your life and I bet there’s one that wipes your ass as well. It’s crazy but I suppose necessary because of the price we pay for the literal phone.
Don’t even get me started on the absolute scam of having to buy apps. Sure they are only 50p but back when I was younger (literally only 6 years ago) that would be my whole life savings. And for what? To be able to give Talking Tom a fucking bow tie? Like, that shit doesn’t even matter. I do have to admit that there are a few apps that I have bought but I swear I had my reasons, or at least I did at the time.
- Minecraft – That was £5 but that was a small price to pay to get priceless street-cred back in the day. It gave me power behind those metal bars (school). So honestly, that was a pretty valid purchase and I’m not afraid to tell you all about it. I know you’re just jealous
- Book Tracker – Ok so… I… I don’t even have an excuse for that one. I was going through a phase, OK! Get off my back for flip sake. I just wanted to be a quirky book gorl *Debbie ryan’s my hair behind my ear* Let’s just say that I’m never going to get that money back every again. I stopped reading because that shit wasn’t for me, but now thay my new year’s resolution is to read 10 books this year (which is 10 more than last year so don’t bully me) I had to motivate myself. And guess what? I literally just use “good reads” which does the exact same thing but for free. So yeah…
- Driving Theory – I just got this the other day and I’m going cute myself some slack because that’s a smart £4.99. That £4.99 is gonna get me a driving license (in some way) and a whole life of freedom, and it was kinda also my only choice so…
Isn’t it weird though how much we rely on apps? Like I literally need that app to be able to drive and to complete a legal requirement to do a driving theory test. It’s kinda mental but I also know there is someone else behind another computer just watching all this money roll into their account and honestly I respect that. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
What Can We Do?
Compared to apps, we can’t do shit. Not by ourselves at least. We literally rely on an app to tell us when everyone’s birthday is and to literally tell us where we are. Have you heard of “what3words”? It’s crazy. You could be in the middle of nowhere and you can be found. It does seem kinda funny though because imagine you were one of the 999 people and you got a call and they just said “pig lumpy butter” and then they just passed out or hung up. Like you would probably think you’d gone mad or it was a prank call when really there is a girl who was just murdered in the middle of the desert. You would end up picking up the phone and going:
999 operator: Hello, what is your emergency?
caller: CHIC… CHICKEN BRICK COAST… COASTER
999 operator: Right, I don’t know who the fuck you are but this is the 3rd time you’ve tried to call and if you call again I swear to god!
999 operator: *watching TV*
News presenter: Just in, a girl who was missing for 26 years was just found in England. We asked her where she was held all this time and she said, to be exact, “chicken brick coaster”. There you have it guys, this app is a life-saver.
Like you have to admit that sounds fucking hilarious.
One thing that I also wanted to mention, just to give humans a wee ego-boost after slamming us for being lazy shits, we still do have the power over apps. How? We can just delete that shit. No joke it’s kinda funny when you think about it because, unlike anything else in this world, if it’s bugging us or we just don’t like it, we can delete that shit. “Ugh, I can’t get past this level” DELETE. “Why does this say I need more sleep?” fucking delete it
I can’t trust myself with that much power. I wish you could do that in real life though. Just deadass delete any inconvenience. “wow, I failed geography!” deleted. *someone annoys me* deleted. Like it would make everything so much easier. I would wake up on a Monday and just hit delete, you know.
What Would I Like?
Call me a bitch, but it’s time to talk about me, or at least what I would like in an app. Woah, that sounds like a really shit online dating show. “What I would like in an app”, I CLAIM IT THOUGH so if you are gonna use it you gotta give me a cut, ok? I’m almost sure that’s legally binding?
Anyways, what I would love an app to do for me is literally plan everything for me. Now I’m not talking about fucking google calendar type shit, no, I want it to just make me a full schedule in an instant in the most efficient way possible. I don’t give a shit if it needs to hear me making plans, but it gotta just have it done because one part of making a schedule that I find scary is having to time it right. Like is that just me? I pretty much give myself an hour to wash my face in the morning just so I know I have enough time just in case I was too, oh, I don’t know, fucking die? It may seem like a bit of a push but I would appreciate it.
Then, if we could get that done, you could have a bonus package where the app will DO the things on your schedule and if you have any type of social interaction, someone that works with the app will personally call them and tell them we can’t attend, without making said person sad. I mean, hey, I’m just thinking out loud.
That one was kinda dumb, so give me another chance. I would love it if there was an app that could genuinely teach me stuff. Like I know that sounds dumb as fuck and you probably think I’m secretly your teacher trying to get everyone to do more work, but like I find learning things that I don’t need to learn fun. Like if there was an app that taught you about literal fucking mechanics or physics, but in the style of Duolingo, I think that would be so fun. But it would kinda literally be very difficult and would have to be the same quality as Duolingo because you could make it so shite. I don’t know if that would be possible but imagine if you could just learn sign language that way, or random shite like how a car works, or full-on topics like a certain time in history.
I just love to know really random, pointless, yet interesting facts because it makes me feel smart. It would be fun I must admit. But I don’t know if you would all agree with me, but jeez, get your own blog. Also, the app would have to be free. The foot is down on this one, guys.
And lastly, just to end things off, I have one last to add. It’s a question really, but what apps do you want to see? What do you need in your life that your phone can do for you. I mean it could literally be anything. It might not be possible but honestly, I couldn’t care less lol I just like to hear your ideas. Maybe one that can record/remember your dreams for you so that if you have the most amazing dream you will have it there with you forever and you can also check whether you were dreaming or if it was real life because that’s been happening to me lately and I am kinda really confused about what is real and what isn’t so yeah lol.
Anyways, that’s all for today. I guess I’ll say sorry for not posting in a while but literally I’ve been so exhausted and life has just happened you know. Like literally life is fucking crazy and I know you know that but I’ll try to keep up the motivation. Literally, dreading everything in life right now, but hey, these are the best years of my life, right? I hope you have a great day, stay safe and stay yourself PERIODT
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